Surely, She Can Find Work in Biden’s Economy (and stop calling her Shirley)

 

You may have heard that the votes are in and Mayor Lori Lightfoot will soon no longer be the Boss of Chicago but sadly will continue to be Lori Lightfoot. She will be looking for work soon and it seems the kindhearted folks of Ricochet would like to help her with suggestions for her job hunt. Here’s my top five:

5) Mask Checker – There are still some stores with masking rules (vegan bakeries, modern art galleries, children’s drag shows, etc.) and someone needs to be at the door to make sure that mask isn’t sliding off the nose (or is, doesn’t matter, as long as cloth touches face)

4) Text Book Editor – This is essential for history books out there still have facts.

3) Chalk outliner – Sure, the new mayor could possibly bring down the murder rate, but it will be another Democrat so this job will still bring in the overtime hours. (It’s the Chicago way.)

2) Victoria’s Secret Model – Really, their new rule seems to be to avoid any hint of beauty

1) Beetlejuice II Stunt Double – The long-rumored sequel to that comedy classic is said to be in the works and Michael Keaton is a national treasure that can’t be risked.

What do you think? Don’t make Lori rely on Monster Jobs, even though it is so very appropriate.

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  1. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    It’s only minimal punishment that she has to remain Lori Lightfoot.

    She deserves far worse.

    • #1
  2. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    There’s always Starbucks.

    • #2
  3. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    She is a singularly unattractive person. 

    I wouldn’t even argue with her if she said she’s a man. I mean, who’s going to volunteer to do an inspection to find out??

    • #3
  4. SpencerLee Coolidge
    SpencerLee
    @SpencerLee

    Remarkably, she not only finished 4th – no small feat in and of itself for an incumbent – she managed to get beat out by that electoral juggernaut known as “Undecided.” [I stand corrected…I may have been looking at polls which had “Undecided” at 14% to Lightfoot’s 13%.  So fake news from me there – what’s not fake is Lightfoot was a disastrous mayor and richly deserved the boot]

    • #4
  5. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    But is there any evidence, or reason to believe, that her also-Dimocrat replacement, will do any better?  Or necessarily even any different?

    • #5
  6. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Oh, oh, I remembered another!  I don’t remember where it came from originally…

    “Check with the Vatican, maybe they could use another gargoyle?”

    • #6
  7. James Lileks Contributor
    James Lileks
    @jameslileks

    Her loss will be blamed not on progressive policies, but her inability to enact them with the scientific precision required. NBC lets you know what’s important here:

    Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot lost her bid for re-election Tuesday, ending her historic run as the city’s first Black woman and first openly gay person to serve in the position.

    In the end, for some strange reason inscrutable to all, that mattered less than competency. 

    It’s a bitter end to a tumultuous tenure for Lightfoot, who quickly developed an image as a national lightning rod for conservatives

    That’s not quite right. Conservatives regarded her as a rote Dem hack who just wasn’t very good at her job, and was one of many mayors who mouthed rote banalities while the city went sideways. It’s a one-party state; “conservatives” are irrelevant. If she’d been more charismatic,  better at rhetoric, and spent her time making impassioned speeches that off-loaded the blame on the usual villains, she might have made the cut. 

    • #7
  8. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    Mayor Pete may be leaving as I’ve heard he’s pregnant again. Make Lighrfoot the new Secretary of Transportation Disasters. Who s more qualified?

    • #8
  9. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    Ogre, troll, Gnome.  The first time I saw a picture of her I thought it was a photoshop, but she really is as incredibly ugly as her character.  

    There is nothing about her that is wholesome or even benign.  Only in a city as corrupt as Chicago could a human being such as her be elected to office.  

    That same political machine gave us President Obama as well, and his only difference is his physical appearance is not as ugly as his character.

    • #9
  10. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    She will end up in the Biden Administration 

    • #10
  11. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Is there a gender classification for ghoul?

    • #11
  12. Chowderhead Coolidge
    Chowderhead
    @Podunk

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Oh, oh, I remembered another! I don’t remember where it came from originally…

    “Check with the Vatican, maybe they could use another gargoyle?”

    She doesn’t have the stones

    • #12
  13. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    kedavis (View Comment):

    But is there any evidence, or reason to believe, that her also-Dimocrat replacement, will do any better? Or necessarily even any different?

    Nope.

    • #13
  14. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Is there a gender classification for ghoul?

    I am feeling that might be unworthy of me to say. But, boy, her public conduct has been terrible. 

    • #14
  15. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    GlennAmurgis (View Comment):

    She will end up in the Biden Administration

    DEI Secretary . . .

    • #15
  16. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    New VP option for Burisma Joe – she has more checkboxes on the Hierarchy of grievances.

     

    • #16
  17. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    James Lileks (View Comment):

    Her loss will be blamed not on progressive policies, but her inability to enact them with the scientific precision required. NBC lets you know what’s important here:

    Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot lost her bid for re-election Tuesday, ending her historic run as the city’s first Black woman and first openly gay person to serve in the position.

    In the end, for some strange reason inscrutable to all, that mattered less than competency.

    It’s a bitter end to a tumultuous tenure for Lightfoot, who quickly developed an image as a national lightning rod for conservatives

    That’s not quite right. Conservatives regarded her as a rote Dem hack who just wasn’t very good at her job, and was one of many mayors who mouthed rote banalities while the city went sideways. It’s a one-party state; “conservatives” are irrelevant. If she’d been more charismatic, better at rhetoric, and spent her time making impassioned speeches that off-loaded the blame on the usual villains, she might have made the cut.

    I didn’t watch the coverage last night. (Hey, Rocky III and IV were on AMC.) So this morning, I screwed my courage to the sticking place and surveyed the locals for their analysis.

    To sum up:

    1. No one liked her.
    2. No one has ever liked her, despite the high hopes that must have extended beyond the television news rooms who had such high hopes. She “made it hard to be her friend.”
    3. Now it is up to her friends and allies to band together to burnish her reputation by pointing to her accomplishments: the increased spending for mental health resources and the fact that at least 400 yards of the Magnificent Mile are indeed still Magnificent. Maybe 500. In addition, the Bears are moving to Arlington Park.

    Now the race is between Paul Vallas, former CEO of Chicago Public Schools (stop laughing) and Chicago municipal budget director (I mean it, stop laughing). He will be running against Brandon Johnson, champion of the proglodytes, favored of the teachers’ unions, and a vocal opponent of police.

    Let’s go, Brandon.

    • #17
  18. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

     

    Percival (View Comment):
    Now it is up to her friends and allies to band together to burnish her reputation by pointing to her accomplishments

    Maybe they will erect a statue to her

    • #18
  19. Misthiocracy has never Member
    Misthiocracy has never
    @Misthiocracy

    6) Senior and/or cabinet-level federal government administrator

    7) Federal judicial nominee

    • #19
  20. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Skyler (View Comment):
    That same political machine gave us President Obama as well, and his only difference is his physical appearance is not as ugly as his character.

    Ace of Spades had a twist on an old saying, “Michelle Obama is ugly where it counts. On the inside.”

    • #20
  21. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Rodin (View Comment):

     

    Percival (View Comment):
    Now it is up to her friends and allies to band together to burnish her reputation by pointing to her accomplishments

    Maybe they will erect a statue to her

    • #21
  22. WI Con Member
    WI Con
    @WICon

    Stad (View Comment):

    GlennAmurgis (View Comment):

    She will end up in the Biden Administration

    DEI Secretary . . .

    I realize we’re kidding (?) about the Biden Administration, but does anyone here  think they’d really be that stupid/tone-deaf? I could see them do this.

    • #22
  23. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Percival (View Comment):
    Now it is up to her friends and allies to band together to burnish her reputation by pointing to her accomplishments

    Maybe we’ll see this dream team:

    Chief Spread Eagle and Beetlejuice 2024 . . .

    • #23
  24. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Rodin (View Comment):

     

    Percival (View Comment):
    Now it is up to her friends and allies to band together to burnish her reputation by pointing to her accomplishments

    Maybe they will erect a statue to her

     

    Simple image form, for easy sharing:

     

    • #24
  25. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Rodin (View Comment):

     

    Percival (View Comment):
    Now it is up to her friends and allies to band together to burnish her reputation by pointing to her accomplishments

    Maybe they will erect a statue to her

    Or maybe, with a bit of rouge:

     

    • #25
  26. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    • #26
  27. thelonious Member
    thelonious
    @thelonious

    James Lileks (View Comment):

    Her loss will be blamed not on progressive policies, but her inability to enact them with the scientific precision required. NBC lets you know what’s important here:

    Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot lost her bid for re-election Tuesday, ending her historic run as the city’s first Black woman and first openly gay person to serve in the position.

    In the end, for some strange reason inscrutable to all, that mattered less than competency.

    It’s a bitter end to a tumultuous tenure for Lightfoot, who quickly developed an image as a national lightning rod for conservatives

    That’s not quite right. Conservatives regarded her as a rote Dem hack who just wasn’t very good at her job, and was one of many mayors who mouthed rote banalities while the city went sideways. It’s a one-party state; “conservatives” are irrelevant. If she’d been more charismatic, better at rhetoric, and spent her time making impassioned speeches that off-loaded the blame on the usual villains, she might have made the cut.

    I thought it was the “Trump” conservative who lynched Jussie Smollet that voted he out of office.

    • #27
  28. thelonious Member
    thelonious
    @thelonious

    I’d bet even money she becomes head of DEI at some large corporatation.

    • #28
  29. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    You people need to calm down. The forgotten ballot boxes will show up any minute now.

    • #29
  30. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Percival (View Comment):

    You people need to calm down. The forgotten ballot boxes will show up any minute now.

    That only applies when they’re going to lose to a Republican.

    • #30
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