Making Better Humans

 

If you’ve never seen the work of Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, you’re missing a treat. Cesar is a man who has mastered teaching people how to manage their dogs in a way that I’ve never seen anyone else do. He does it with kindness, humor, and consistency:

According to Millan, a common pitfall for American dog owners is to give a great deal of affection with very little exercise and even less discipline. He encourages owners to understand the effect their own attitudes, internal emotions and physical postures have on a dog’s behavior, counseling owners to hold strong posture (i.e., shoulders high and chest forward) and to project energy that is calm-assertive. [Italics are mine.]

Millan’s TV programs are centered on the rehabilitation of dogs while Millan concurrently educates the dog owners in his dog-handling philosophy. Conversations with owners typically revolve around his philosophy: that healthy, balanced dogs require strong ‘pack leadership’ from their owners, while Millan demonstrates how owners can achieve and maintain a leadership role with their dogs.

The description I italicized above demonstrates how our own energy is transmitted to dogs—if we are tense, angry, stressed, frustrated, afraid—and the dog, based on his own temperament, will respond accordingly. Instead of feeling helpless in our relationship with a dog, we need to recognize that we are empowered, centering ourselves, standing strong, and projecting an assertive energy. While the dog is excited or tense, we must hold our ground and continue to be calm. Each time a dog owner lets go of their tension (and for some people, it takes great effort), the dog becomes calm.

While watching his show recently, I realized that the techniques that Millan was teaching applied to anyone, whether they have dogs or not. Too often, when people sense they have to put together some “self-improvement plan,” they’ll buy the latest self-help book and hope that, magically, they will be transformed. As Millan demonstrates over and over, we have to focus on certain actions and behaviors to make a change in our lives, and we have to be committed and consistent. No book will help you do that.

But when we are with people who make us uncomfortable, or who try to intimidate us, or who try to criticize us unjustly, we can take Millan’s advice: notice our energy, stand tall, breathe, and hold our position—calmly and assertively. The other person will sense your energy unconsciously and, at the very least, modify their intensity, and might very well back down.

*     *     *     *

Millan has also established a foundation for abandoned and mistreated dogs, has written books, and established a dog psychology center. So his mission continues. But as much as I admire Cesar Millan, I was disappointed to learn of his background. I knew he was from Mexico, but in researching this piece, I learned that he had slipped into the U.S. illegally in 1980 at the age of 21. Still, he became a permanent resident in 2001, and a U.S. Citizen in 2009.

He acknowledges what he did was illegal while Trump was President:

While not addressing President Trump directly, Cesar supports the influx of foreign workers insisting their goal is to generate wealth and not commit crimes or abuse the welfare state.

‘I’m one of those millions of cases that make the country move forward,’ he said proudly.

Cesar – who became a ‘poster boy’ for illegal immigrants seeking the American dream – admits that while he and others had ‘broken the law’ to cross the border – ‘we can’t stop the law of spirituality, karma, nature, and God,’ he said.

When you look at the stories of the people you admire and you know they have broken the law, or have acted unethically, does that compromise your admiration for them? Some people use Richard Wagner, the great composer and anti-Semite, as an example. What about rock-and-roll musicians who take drugs? What about Henry Ford or Charles Lindberg who were also anti-Semites? I’m challenged in my desire to hold an ethical and genuine attitude about people like these.

What about you?

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  1. Stina Inactive
    Stina
    @CM

    Raising dogs and raising kids is not appreciably different. Calm assertiveness with a solid mix of affection and consistent boundaries is the center of good parenting and good dog ownership.

    • #1
  2. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Comes down to what we might call a personal (interpersonal) doctrine of severability.  Can the offending part be held distinct from the laudable part?  It’s obviously one person, and you cannot send only the disagreeable part back over the border short of medieval actions. 

    I find that I don’t have to address the one part when dealing with the other, and that honesty with a willingness to *not talk about it* is key.  I can like a person who supports or exemplifies a policy which I do not support, on the grounds that a person is not a policy.  Some friendships are worth taking on baggage, while others are not.  I’m not saying that that topic is forbidden, but if the difference dominates the relationship, then you’re not actually friends anyway.

    Millan’s vapid (and self-justifying) take on “the law of spirituality, karma, nature, and God” is stupid and disappointing.  I appreciate his attempt to put some spine into floppy owners of the dogs they’ve driven insane.  I don’t appreciate his assumption and distribution of that which was not his to take, and and any rate is not now his to give.  He strikes me as a democrat in your quote above, which is fine — the dogs don’t seem to care.

    I threw out my Morrissey and Smiths CDs after his appalling remarks upon Thatcher’s death.  Huh huh, shoe is on the other foot now, as the English cultural and genetic heritage is being wiped out and suddenly he misses the old days.  Still love the music, and from time to time he has interesting things to say.  Still not buying.

    • #2
  3. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    Susan Quinn: When you look at the stories of the people you admire and you know they have broken the law, or have acted unethically, does that compromise your admiration for them?

    While we may admire the works, we must not idolize the person. We are all very fallible. 

    • #3
  4. Chris O Coolidge
    Chris O
    @ChrisO

    BDB (View Comment):
    Still love the music, and from time to time he has interesting things to say.  Still not buying.

    This doesn’t seem consistent with your severability doctrine. 

    Morrisey is an interesting example to bring up with Susan’s comment about maintaining energy in the face of criticism. Everyone is bailing on him, his management, record label, and other artists. 

    It’s difficult to be unflappable. Two colleagues were speaking about getting boosters and the latest recommendations and they asked me a particularly-worded question, “What do you hear, Chris?” I replied that the latest I’d heard was the New England Journal of Medicine published an editorial that recommended against the booster for everyone under 30.

    I was promptly shut out of that conversation. It took me five minutes or so to come back to where I was. It takes a heck of a lot of practice to not be affected by others. The 10k-hour expertise standard probably applies.

    • #4
  5. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    BDB (View Comment):
    Millan’s vapid (and self-justifying) take on “the law of spirituality, karma, nature, and God” is stupid and disappointing. 

    I have to agree with most of what you say, BDB. He just shows so much wisdom in terms of human behavior, but his “spirituality” is definitely progressive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    • #5
  6. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Chris O (View Comment):
    The 10k-hour expertise standard probably applies.

    I don’t know this one . . .

    • #6
  7. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Millan is an interesting case. Like @susanquinn I admired his work as a dog handler and educator for millions. Like Susan his backstory gave me pause — not for him, but in principle. The problem is not the fact of immigration — legal or illegal — but the who, how and when? I think it was Milton Friedman who said you could have a welfare state or unlimited immigration, but not both. America is not operating with free market efficiency. Too many factors — identity politics, “free lunch” disincentives for productivity, educating the young into disunity — make unfettered illegal immigration problematic for the preservation of a democratic republic built on free market principles. Even if MS-13, terrorists, other assorted criminals and welfare queens make up only 1% of the total undocumented migrants, their arrival will have an outsized impact. Does anyone remember the saying: “One awshit outweighs ten attaboys”? There is a reason for it. And we are living it.

    • #7
  8. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    Honestly, I’m not that impressed by Millan. He’s simply explaining to people the things professional dog handlers have known and done for generations: the human is the boss of the team, bond with the dog, don’t let the dog get away with anything. Corrections are to be made immediately; praise is immediately given when the dog performs correctly.

    He also uses a training lead that functions in the same manner as the much-maligned choke chain. It’s not made of metal links though, so no one questions it.

    He’s correct in that dogs can pick up and act on our emotions. This is no surprise, since dogs and humans essentially entered history side-by-side. 

    The rest of it, including his ridiculous “spirituality,” is marketing.

    • #8
  9. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Chris O (View Comment):
    The 10k-hour expertise standard probably applies.

    I don’t know this one . . .

    It comes from Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers. He claims that one needs 10,000 hours of practice at a task to become great. The authors of the study Gladwell relied on for this claim dispute Gladwell’s usage.

    • #9
  10. She Member
    She
    @She

    Delightful post, Susan!

    Susan Quinn: [Millan] encourages owners to understand the effect their own attitudes, internal emotions and physical postures have on a dog’s behavior, counseling owners to hold strong posture (i.e., shoulders high and chest forward) and to project energy that is calm-assertive.

    Behold, my early morning greeting from  Odo and Xuxa, in which the dogs demonstrate their own good behavior and  strong posture, shoulders high, chest forward, projecting (in this particular case) joyful energy.  I’ve gotten many things wrong in my life but the way I raise dogs doesn’t seem to be one of them:

    Maybe it’s just me, but it’s the rare (two-legged) friend who hasn’t something in his or her background which bothers, or even disturbs me a bit: We’re all human after all.  And I’m sure there are such things in my own background which have a similar effect on others.  I guess, as was said above, and when it comes to relationships, we have to decide if the book is worth the candle.  The past is another country, and sometimes it’s best to face up to it, and then just leave it there.  It’s when we can’t do so, that–IMHO–the troubles arise.

    • #10
  11. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):
    He’s correct in that dogs can pick up and act on our emotions. This is no surprise, since dogs and humans essentially entered history side-by-side. 

    I agree with most of your comment, MWD. But I think you might be underrating the impact of our energy on dogs and on others. The other handler instructions are similar, but this is where I think Millan stands out.

    • #11
  12. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):
    He’s correct in that dogs can pick up and act on our emotions. This is no surprise, since dogs and humans essentially entered history side-by-side.

    I agree with most of your comment, MWD. But I think you might be underrating the impact of our energy on dogs and on others. The other handler instructions are similar, but this is where I think Millan stands out.

    I handled military working dogs for a few years. I’m confident in my take on this.

    • #12
  13. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    She (View Comment):
    The past is another country, and sometimes it’s best to face up to it, and then just leave it there.

    Great wisdom, She. And thanks for the pix of the dogs!

    • #13
  14. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Susan Quinn:

    He acknowledges what he did was illegal while Trump was President:

     

    Are we talking about his illegal entry? Has that not been illegal since before that date and still. If a person without proper authority crosses American borders that’s illegal. Trump didn’t change anything in the law.

    • #14
  15. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    We are rearing many of our children today making the same mistakes he points out.

    • #15
  16. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn:

    He acknowledges what he did was illegal while Trump was President:

     

    Are we talking about his illegal entry? Has that not been illegal since before that date and still. If a person without proper authority crosses American borders that’s illegal. Trump didn’t change anything in the law.

    Yes, Bob, he came over illegally and that’s  fact. Someone might have wanted to know how recently he said that, so I mentioned it was during Trump’s tenure.

    • #16
  17. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn:

    He acknowledges what he did was illegal while Trump was President:

     

    Are we talking about his illegal entry? Has that not been illegal since before that date and still. If a person without proper authority crosses American borders that’s illegal. Trump didn’t change anything in the law.

    Yes, Bob, he came over illegally and that’s fact. Someone might have wanted to know how recently he said that, so I mentioned it was during Trump’s tenure.

    I didn’t get your meaning, sorry.

    • #17
  18. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    We are rearing many of our children today making the same mistakes he points out.

    I love to see him work with kids and their dogs. Most of them understand right away, and the lessons change their entire demeanor.

    Yes, I think many people today feel they have no power or agency, that anything that goes wrong is the fault of others, and there is nothing they can do about it. It’s a tragedy when people raise their kids to believe that.

    • #18
  19. She Member
    She
    @She

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):
    I handled military working dogs for a few years. I’m confident in my take on this.

    Would love to hear more about this.  (Spoiler alert: I still haven’t quite recovered from last week’s All Creatures Great and Small episode, which dealt–among other things–with Siegfried’s PTSD and the fact that so many (tens of thousands) of the invaluable British military horses in WWI were shot and left dead in Europe after the armistice.  My farming head tells me that this was actually a more humane alternative than leaving the service dogs behind in carriers at the Afghan airports, but my heart doesn’t want to think about either of those things.)

    I do, however, recommend the series.  The original 1970s one, starring Robert Hardy and Christopher Timothy, is iconic to me.  But this latest, now in its third season, does an excellent job of capturing the spirit, while extending substantially beyond the reach of the original.

    • #19
  20. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    She (View Comment):

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):
    I handled military working dogs for a few years. I’m confident in my take on this.

    Would love to hear more about this. 

    I may write a post about that time. One thing that makes me hesitate is the fact that I was in the military 35+ years ago, and I don’t know how the training of dogs/handlers has changed, if at all.

    • #20
  21. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    BDB (View Comment):
    Millan’s vapid (and self-justifying) take on “the law of spirituality, karma, nature, and God” is stupid and disappointing.

    I have to agree with most of what you say, BDB. He just shows so much wisdom in terms of human behavior, but his “spirituality” is definitely progressive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    Standard spiel of the “spiritual but not religious” crowd. It pretty much covers everyone from the positive thinkers to the dedicated crystal-rubbers.

    • #21
  22. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):
    I may write a post about that time. One thing that makes me hesitate is the fact that I was in the military 35+ years ago, and I don’t know how the training of dogs/handlers has changed, if at all.

    You could just add that as a caveat. I’d love to hear more about your story, too.

    • #22
  23. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Chris O (View Comment):

    BDB (View Comment):
    Still love the music, and from time to time he has interesting things to say.  Still not buying.

    This doesn’t seem consistent with your severability doctrine. 

    True.  I do still listen — got them mp3s.  And I praise him in music conversations with friends.  I just can’t move a dime his way.  Sticks in my throat.

    • #23
  24. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    The question then comes up, when do you decide you just can’t move past their past actions or decisions? How do you decide that someone has gone too far in their actions, or is too far off the mark, or doesn’t even consider their actions as inappropriate or unethical? Can you imagine a time when you decide that there’s too much bad history and you must move on? That must be difficult if you’ve developed a good relationship with that person. Or if you’ve admired him or her for a long time.

    • #24
  25. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    The question then comes up, when do you decide you just can’t move past their past actions or decisions? How do you decide that someone has gone too far in their actions, or is too far off the mark, or doesn’t even consider their actions as inappropriate or unethical? Can you imagine a time when you decide that there’s too much bad history and you must move on? That must be difficult if you’ve developed a good relationship with that person. Or if you’ve admired him or her for a long time.

    Is this not the treatment being accorded Trump by many NT’s?

    • #25
  26. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    The question then comes up, when do you decide you just can’t move past their past actions or decisions? How do you decide that someone has gone too far in their actions, or is too far off the mark, or doesn’t even consider their actions as inappropriate or unethical? Can you imagine a time when you decide that there’s too much bad history and you must move on? That must be difficult if you’ve developed a good relationship with that person. Or if you’ve admired him or her for a long time.

    Is this not the treatment being accorded Trump by many NT’s?

    To a degree, that is very true. But his “behaviors” continued into the present, for which they would not forgive him.

    • #26
  27. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Susan Quinn: Some people use Richard Wagner, the great composer and anti-Semite, as an example.

    David P. Goldman once wrote an essay arguing that Wagner deliberately violated all of Western music’s learning about musical beauty and goodness in order to make, I suppose I’d call it, perverse music by reversing chord order.

    https://pjmedia.com/spengler/2015/01/12/anti-semitism-in-wagners-music-explained-n131823#comments_controls

    “It can be put quite simply: Wagner is a neo-pagan, and paganism is self-worship. Neo-paganism is narcissism, the glorification of the impulse in place of obligation. In place of Beethoven’s celebrated epigraph to the Quartet Op. 135, “Es Muss Sein!” (It must be), Wagner insists that it can be whatever he wants. Music proceeds in time, and classical composition preceding Wagner uniquely achieved an ordering of time that bespeaks necessity: goal-oriented motion towards a desired conclusion. The journey to the goal may take detours, encounter surprises, and evoke suspense as well as humor, but it must reach its conclusion. Classical music was conceived to portray in sensuous terms the Christian journey to salvation. The great Ashkenazic Jewish cantors used the mechanism of Western music to evoke the reversal of time’s arrow, for redemption in Judaism looks backward as well as forward.

    “Wagner, by contrast, apotheosizes the moment, that is, the narcissistic impulse of the individual unbound by tradition, covenant, or obligation. What makes him an important composer is that he discovered means to make this narcissism sensuous. That is what sent his contemporaries into paroxysms of bliss; as I wrote in a 2009 essay for First Things: …”

    • #27
  28. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn: Some people use Richard Wagner, the great composer and anti-Semite, as an example.

    David P. Goldman once wrote an essay arguing that Wagner deliberately violated all of Western music’s learning about musical beauty and goodness in order to make, I suppose I’d call it, perverse music by reversing chord order.

    https://pjmedia.com/spengler/2015/01/12/anti-semitism-in-wagners-music-explained-n131823#comments_controls

    “It can be put quite simply: Wagner is a neo-pagan, and paganism is self-worship. Neo-paganism is narcissism, the glorification of the impulse in place of obligation. In place of Beethoven’s celebrated epigraph to the Quartet Op. 135, “Es Muss Sein!” (It must be), Wagner insists that it can be whatever he wants. Music proceeds in time, and classical composition preceding Wagner uniquely achieved an ordering of time that bespeaks necessity: goal-oriented motion towards a desired conclusion. The journey to the goal may take detours, encounter surprises, and evoke suspense as well as humor, but it must reach its conclusion. Classical music was conceived to portray in sensuous terms the Christian journey to salvation. The great Ashkenazic Jewish cantors used the mechanism of Western music to evoke the reversal of time’s arrow, for redemption in Judaism looks backward as well as forward.

    “Wagner, by contrast, apotheosizes the moment, that is, the narcissistic impulse of the individual unbound by tradition, covenant, or obligation. What makes him an important composer is that he discovered means to make this narcissism sensuous. That is what sent his contemporaries into paroxysms of bliss; as I wrote in a 2009 essay for First Things: …”

    Fascinating, Flicker! I’m not music aficionado, so the article was not entirely clear to me, but the theory is intriguing. Thanks!

    • #28
  29. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    MWD B612 "Dawg" (View Comment):
    He’s correct in that dogs can pick up and act on our emotions. This is no surprise, since dogs and humans essentially entered history side-by-side.

    I agree with most of your comment, MWD. But I think you might be underrating the impact of our energy on dogs and on others. The other handler instructions are similar, but this is where I think Millan stands out.

    I handled military working dogs for a few years. I’m confident in my take on this.

    One thing I just recalled: the Kennelmaster at Loring once said that if handlers (and by extension all men and women) related to their spouses like they relate to their dogs, there would be no need for a divorce. He was right.

    • #29
  30. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn: Some people use Richard Wagner, the great composer and anti-Semite, as an example.

    David P. Goldman once wrote an essay arguing that Wagner deliberately violated all of Western music’s learning about musical beauty and goodness in order to make, I suppose I’d call it, perverse music by reversing chord order.

    https://pjmedia.com/spengler/2015/01/12/anti-semitism-in-wagners-music-explained-n131823#comments_controls

    “It can be put quite simply: Wagner is a neo-pagan, and paganism is self-worship. Neo-paganism is narcissism, the glorification of the impulse in place of obligation. In place of Beethoven’s celebrated epigraph to the Quartet Op. 135, “Es Muss Sein!” (It must be), Wagner insists that it can be whatever he wants. Music proceeds in time, and classical composition preceding Wagner uniquely achieved an ordering of time that bespeaks necessity: goal-oriented motion towards a desired conclusion. The journey to the goal may take detours, encounter surprises, and evoke suspense as well as humor, but it must reach its conclusion. Classical music was conceived to portray in sensuous terms the Christian journey to salvation. The great Ashkenazic Jewish cantors used the mechanism of Western music to evoke the reversal of time’s arrow, for redemption in Judaism looks backward as well as forward.

    “Wagner, by contrast, apotheosizes the moment, that is, the narcissistic impulse of the individual unbound by tradition, covenant, or obligation. What makes him an important composer is that he discovered means to make this narcissism sensuous. That is what sent his contemporaries into paroxysms of bliss; as I wrote in a 2009 essay for First Things: …”

    Interesting. I never really cared much for Wagner’s music. I mean, I know The Ride of the Valkyries, the overture to Tannhäuser, and maybe one or two other pieces. But not much else. Just doesn’t appeal to me. If Goldman is correct, that may very well be why.

    • #30
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