Biden: Search For Classified Documents May Turn Up More Homes

 

President Biden conceded on Friday that the search for mishandled classified documents may turn up additional homes. After searches of his homes in both Wilmington and Rehoboth Beach, Delaware as well as his offices at the Penn Biden Center in Washington, Biden stated that he “can’t rule out the possibility” that more homes will be found.

When pressed by Fox News reporter Peter Doocy, Biden appeared to enter a fugue-like state, saying “Let’s see, there’s the mansion in Greenville I bought from the DuPonts – no joke… we called it The Station. Anyway, sources and methods pertaining to the Taliban might just turn up there… then we flipped The Station and bought the place in Wilmington, which has been searched top to bottom by my fixers, er, I mean officials from Justice Department… ditto my bachelor pad in Rehoboth…”

The President then appeared to nod off again before acknowledging that classified documents may in fact turn up at the five-bedroom property they rented in McClean, Virginia, where former first lady Jackie Kennedy grew up.

After 15-minute nap at the podium Biden appeared to regain his energy, stating “Then there’s my corner booth at Johnny’s Half Shell where between the cushions you might just find a list of CIA black op sites… best crab cakes in the country, Johnny’s… beneath my table at the Old Ebbitt Grill might just turn up some info about the Sandanistas that’ll blow your frickin’ mind… Jesus but that waitress at Old Ebbitts, she’s probably my age now… I also bet you two bits that in one of the toilet stalls at The Monocle you’ll find transcripts of phone conversations between Jimmy Carter and the Shah.”

At the time of this writing Biden was being escorted from the podium by a staffer in an Easter Bunny costume.

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There are 8 comments.

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  1. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    That bunny, I tell you, is not paid well enough…

    • #1
  2. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    I heard that the White House is seeking a proctologist with a security clearance …

    • #2
  3. DonG (CAGW is a Scam) Coolidge
    DonG (CAGW is a Scam)
    @DonG

    It is quite competition between the Biden’s and Clinton’s, when it comes to raping and pillaging.  I think the huge size of the CGI fraud tips the scale to the Clinton’s, but Joe’s abuse of kids could be a game changer.   These families have taken money from all our enemies (China, Ukraine, Russia, FTX,…) in exchange for favors that harmed national security.   I feel we need to take a fresh look at the history we’ve been told in light of the media treating good presidents as criminals and criminals as good presidents.  When did that start??  1796?

    • #3
  4. Gossamer Cat Coolidge
    Gossamer Cat
    @GossamerCat

    The headline made me laugh out loud.  Bravo!

    • #4
  5. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    How long before Hunter’s homes are part of this?

    • #5
  6. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    The bunny thing. Steve Martin used it to good effect. Then there’s the Easter Bunny. And Harvey. And David Lynch’s Rabbits, and r-selection in evolutionary biology (they’re rabbits, we’re wolves.) 

    David, this one’s really good. 

    • #6
  7. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    Biden wants us to know that he takes the greatest concern with security.  So much so, he takes personal responsibility for frisking every female visitor to the Biden residences.  

    • #7
  8. Eeyore Member
    Eeyore
    @Eeyore

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    Biden wants us to know that he takes the greatest concern with security. So much so, he takes personal responsibility for frisking every female visitor to the Biden residences.

    And sniffs them for explosives residue.

    • #8
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