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Former Energy Official Lands Job as Baggage Handler
Sam Brinton, the disgraced Department of Energy official fired for serial theft of luggage and not for being non-binary, has found new employment at Washington, D.C.’s Dulles International Airport. “At Dulles, diversity is our strength,” said the airport’s Operations Director, Mike Stewart.
Upon hiring Brinton, airport management and the Service Employees International Union quickly renegotiated their collective bargaining agreement, creating a carve-out for Brinton against rules that prohibit high heels and long dresses from being worn in the workplace. (The attire prohibitions still apply to cis-gendered female employees.)
According to Brinton, whose pronouns are they/them, he is enjoying his exciting new career path. “The pace can be frantic for sure,” he said, adding that “Sometimes I can hardly steal a moment for myself.”
The engaged Brinton arrives at his new job just as Dulles is experiencing a marked surge in missing luggage, bringing greater pressure to the job. “Secretary of Transportation Buttigieg is doing a tremendous job on that front, I can tell you” he said as he attempted to extricate the train of his wedding gown from the conveyer belt before it swallowed him alive while also endangering others.
According to shift forewoman Stephanie Grouser, “Sam has his sights set on becoming an airline pilot, where he’d bring a lot of diversity.” In the US, female pilots currently outnumber non-binary ones by a ratio of more than 29,000-to-zero.
Published in Humor
I would laugh more if this weren’t just so bloody creepy!
😂😂😂
Deeble, Deeble, Deeble! Fine job.
That made me laugh
Too funny! But what a creepy guy . . .
As of yesterday I’m no longer submitting to the Bee but I nstead have decided to “choose myself,” as the kids say. So I appreciate everybody’s support.
Do they really say that??
Jesus.
Outstanding, David!
I don’t know what that means.
I’m publishing my satire under my own name – here, at blog.daviddeeble.com and elsewhere instead of sending it to the Bee for them to publish under their banner.
Great! I’ll have to check it out.
Chantilly lace and a pretty face!
Pony tail hangin’ down. . .whoops. Maybe not.
Stop creepin’ me out already!
It’s not our fault. Did we say everyone should let their freak flags fly?