Area Man Suspects He’s a Diversity Hire

 

The other day it occurred to me that I’m a diversity hire. I know what you’re thinking: a white male diversity hire? I decided to run it past my husband but Chasten doesn’t like to hear about my workaday concerns when he’s trying to breastfeed the twins.

It’s really nagging me. On what possible basis could I be a diversity hire? Is it because I’m Anglican? But wasn’t Nixon-appointee John Volpe an Anglican? That would be like putting a second glazed in an assortment of doughnuts: what’s the point? They don’t think I’m a person of color, do they? But it can’t be that for the same reason as above: William Thaddeus Coleman Jr. was a person of color.

Talk about racist bridges!

My suspicions have only increased after my repeated attempts to get fired have failed, like the time I requested paternity leave from the president. I even called it that: “paternity leave.” Instead of laughing he said, “Sure, why not?” as if I’d suggested the White House be bathed in the colors of the LGBTQ+ flag or something. The next thing I know I’m spending two of my first nine months as Transportation Secretary stuck at home with two babies and the ol’ ball and chain.

It’s really starting to bother me because it never occurred to me that I wasn’t tapped for the same reason Kamala was: competence

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  1. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Come on now. Pete just announced that NOTice to AirMen will henceforth be known as NOTice to Air Missions, thus striking a blow against systemic sexism. That’s some serious brainwork right there!

    (The system ought to be known as NOt Transmitting Any Messages.)

    • #1
  2. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    Pete would never use the dead term “breastfeed.”  Failure to use “chestfeed” could get you fired.  

    • #2
  3. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    I wasn’t aware that commercial airlines had “missions.”

    • #3
  4. DonG (CAGW is a Scam) Coolidge
    DonG (CAGW is a Scam)
    @DonG

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan.   I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond.   Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor.   I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    • #4
  5. Barfly Member
    Barfly
    @Barfly

    kedavis (View Comment):

    I wasn’t aware that commercial airlines had “missions.”

    Make a joke involving Pete Buttigieg Pete Bootyjudge Pete Butterjug Mayor Pete and electronic delivery of the new “mission” notices. Go ahead. I dare you.

    • #5
  6. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    The Republican Party in Michigan is in disarray.  

    • #6
  7. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    kedavis (View Comment):

    I wasn’t aware that commercial airlines had “missions.”

    It’s Pete. He jabbers. He went on and on about “racist” bridges and overpasses earlier.

    • #7
  8. 9thDistrictNeighbor Member
    9thDistrictNeighbor
    @9thDistrictNeighbor

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    Michigan?  South Bend is in Indiana.  I don’t think Michiganders would appreciate a carpetbagger.

    • #8
  9. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    Michigan? South Bend is in Indiana. I don’t think Michiganders would appreciate a carpetbagger.

    Well, if they’ll elect Jennifer Granholm, their standards can’t be very high.

    • #9
  10. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    Michigan? South Bend is in Indiana. I don’t think Michiganders would appreciate a carpetbagger.

    His house is in SW Michigan, near the lake. That puts him in close proximity to the second (or 3rd, 4th or 5th) homes of the Chicago elite.  

    • #10
  11. E. Kent Golding Member
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    The Republican Party in Michigan is in disarray.

    That is a very diplomatic way to put it.

    • #11
  12. E. Kent Golding Member
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    Wears a suite and tie;  no tats.   Yep,  a diversity hire.

    • #12
  13. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    E. Kent Golding (View Comment):

    Wears a suite and tie; no tats. Yep, a diversity hire.

    No visible tattoos.  

    • #13
  14. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    Black people don’t like Buttigieg because his name is a sideways pronunciation of Jigaboo.

    • #14
  15. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    • #15
  16. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    • #16
  17. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    He was Mayor first. Then gay shortly before his second run. 

    • #17
  18. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    Until you realize he’s been practicing talking like a politician in the mirror since he was 12.

    • #18
  19. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    He was Mayor first. Then gay shortly before his second run.

    Or he was gay first, but didn’t admit it if he thought it might cost him the mayoral election.

    • #19
  20. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    David Deeble (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    Until you realize he’s been practicing talking like a politician in the mirror since he was 12.

    Which is Spencer’s thought. By the time his work was coming to fruition, white males were not wanted. What box could he still check? Black is laughed at. Trans takes real commitment. Homosexuality is lauded by the side he wants to be on. 

    • #20
  21. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    kedavis (View Comment):

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    He was Mayor first. Then gay shortly before his second run.

    Or he was gay first, but didn’t admit it if he thought it might cost him the mayoral election.

    Pete was a shoo in to be elected in his first campaign.  The incombant mayor (a Democrat) was basically told he was done.  The Notre Dame crowd were (and still are) enthusiastic about him.   ALL the business Republican and Libertarian-leaning money supported him. 

    He “come out” during his re-election campaign.  The timing was well orchestrated; after the primary and before the general election.  The Republican opponent was not a credible candidate.  

    • #21
  22. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    He was Mayor first. Then gay shortly before his second run.

    Or he was gay first, but didn’t admit it if he thought it might cost him the mayoral election.

    Pete was a shoo in to be elected in his first campaign. The incombant mayor (a Democrat) was basically told he was done. The Notre Dame crowd were (and still are) enthusiastic about him. ALL the business Republican and Libertarian-leaning money supported him.

    He “come out” during his re-election campaign. The timing was well orchestrated; after the primary and before the general election. The Republican opponent was not a credible candidate.

    Doesn’t that mean pretending to be gay was unnecessary?

    • #22
  23. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    kedavis (View Comment):

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    kedavis (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Listen to Spencer Klavan’s theory that Pete is a fake gay, starting around 42:30.

    That’s a lot to give up just to be mayor of South Bend and then Secretary of Transportation.

    He was Mayor first. Then gay shortly before his second run.

    Or he was gay first, but didn’t admit it if he thought it might cost him the mayoral election.

    Pete was a shoo in to be elected in his first campaign. The incombant mayor (a Democrat) was basically told he was done. The Notre Dame crowd were (and still are) enthusiastic about him. ALL the business Republican and Libertarian-leaning money supported him.

    He “come out” during his re-election campaign. The timing was well orchestrated; after the primary and before the general election. The Republican opponent was not a credible candidate.

    Doesn’t that mean pretending to be gay was unnecessary?

    Or, if you are thinking about a path to the White House, how do you draw attention if you are just a plain vanilla Ivy League geek?  I think the young Klavan is on to something.  

    The longer Pete is in the spotlight, more will come out.  

     

    • #23
  24. Max Knots Member
    Max Knots
    @MaxKnots

    Good one Mr D.

    I heard somewhere the NOTAM system 1) failed due to a single corrupted data file and 2) that file contained all the name changes needed to eliminate “man” or “men” in the names of places.

    Example: “Chapmanville, WV” had to be changed to “Chappersonville”. Which was very confusing… Probably just a rumor but who knows with this crowd! I just hope they stay away from aviation flight terms. How would someone “personeuver” a plane to land!

     

    • #24
  25. DonG (CAGW is a Scam) Coolidge
    DonG (CAGW is a Scam)
    @DonG

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):

    Pete is going to run for Senator in Michigan. I am curious to see how black voters in Michigan respond. Pete has a bad reputation for “depopulating” South Bend of black families when he was mayor. I don’t think he can win, because black Twitter doesn’t forget.

    Michigan? South Bend is in Indiana. I don’t think Michiganders would appreciate a carpetbagger.

    Pete moved to Traverse City to be near his husband’s family.  

    Did you know that Pete’s father was a Marxist professor?  

    • #25
  26. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    DonG (CAGW is a Scam) (View Comment):
    Did you know that Pete’s father was a Marxist professor?  

    Just heard that last week. 

    • #26
  27. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    Pastor Pete is the “Peter Principle” personified. 

    • #27
  28. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    GlennAmurgis (View Comment):

    Pastor Pete is the “Peter Principle” personified.

    That  is near perfect.

    • #28
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