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Literal Chest Pains … Parenting a Pandemic Kid
Oh, the good old days when I compartmentalized everything, shielding myself from emotional pain, disassociating from the political beat-downs I was hired as a proxy to suffer, and feeling free to fill my time with all kind of distractions for professional advancement. Those days are long gone … and good riddance.
Now, I’m old and retired. I began suffering chest pains a few weeks back. And, as many of you already know, I am Mom to a troubled kid. She’s 21. She lives with us. She works in a grocery store that attracts cranky customers; the kind that like to find a small person behind the counter, one who looks weak and meek, one who probably won’t fight back if they chose them as that day’s punching bag. That’s what it seems like. These angry and disillusioned customers come through the automated doors targeting small-in-stature clerks that they can verbally beat down at will with impunity because they’re pissed off about their life and the world, and they can’t help but spew their frustration and ugliness at the first vulnerable grocery clerk they find.
My daughter is that small person, who is not only tiny, but also, because of her serious mental health challenges, struggles to groom herself. You know, she forgets things … like taking a shower, brushing her teeth, washing her face, wearing clean black jeans to work, and making small attempts to comb her hair.
She is depressed. Someone once told me that depression is repressed anger. I believe that now more than ever before. She gets triggered. And it’s not fake. Her switch to Mr. Hyde is always instantaneous. Jerky, raging movements take over her arms and legs, and her face contorts into something otherworldly. She sometimes punches herself, often leaving her legs peppered with bruises.
We had an incident in the garage the day before yesterday. I started to say something about having a goal when you shop, and all hell broke loose. F-bombs started flying, cups of soda were thrown at the wall, and at one point she rushed me. I was on the elliptical. I didn’t stop to accommodate her tantrum, which went on for what felt like minutes but was probably about 30 seconds.
“You want to fight?” I said, looking her in the eye. She stopped, backed off. I growled at her. “What are you, a demon?” I said. Well, that was it. She raged, saying she doesn’t want to be here (meaning here on earth), that she doesn’t want eternal life, and that she’s going to die young.
I kept exercising.
You may think that’s cold. Yes, it is. But that coldness is not directed at her. That coldness … that indifference … is directed at the “spirit” harassing her and lying to her and keeping her trapped in a thought-storm of self-hatred.
I didn’t respond to her horrifying words; I leave those conversations to the Holy Spirit, who is the only Person able to work in the deepest areas of her mysterious soul-wounds.
She retreated to the far corner of the garage and stood there, quietly staring at the wall. I kept exercising.
Now, you might think I’m exaggerating. I’m not. There is much more to it, but you get the idea. She stood there, still quiet, for at least ten minutes while I continued to exercise. The entire space was absolutely quiet. Pin drop quiet. While keeping my heart rate up and absorbing the initial barrage of her rage, I had prayed, asking the Almighty to release her from her prison, begging that He would do it right then and there … pleading and pleading and pleading.
He had answered.
A few minutes went by. I looked over at her. She didn’t look back. “Are you waiting for me to say something?”
“No. I’m just trying to calm myself down,” she said.
A few seconds later, she went inside the house.
And a few minutes later I finished my workout, went inside, and stuck my head in her room.
She was sitting on her bed. She looked up. “I’m sorry. Something triggered me. I don’t know why I acted like that,” she said.
“I’m sorry too, sweetie.”
I’m her mom. I don’t know what she’s dealing with, but I know her better than anyone else. She needed relief.
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
She nodded. So we did.
You may be wondering what I’m saying about my daughter. I’ll be clear. I’m not saying that my daughter is possessed. Not in the “Jesus casts out the demons” way. But she is possessed. She’s possessed by a nihilistic worldview foisted upon her by social media’s distortion of reality and priority, and the absolute soul-crushing Marxist influence of higher education. Those two things, combined with her severe case of OCD and the pain of having been given away by her parents (her words), she is fighting for her life every moment of every day. She copes as best she can. I prefer she practice healthier ways, but when someone is suffering as she is, having breaks from an overwhelming despair and the ugly thought-storms in her head are necessary to keep her moving forward.
What to do? There is only one thing I can do (I gave up trying to fix the problem a long time ago). I wake up each morning, let my mind go through its catastrophizing, and then I realize the only answer, the same answer as the answer from the previous morning, is to take hold of Jesus and run after the Father.
Yes, this is personal. Very personal. But I think this is important to share. I’m one mom amongst millions who are seeing this kind of torment in their own children.
We are in a war.
The enemy is working overtime (with audacity) to rob our children of vision, of hope, of courage, a sense of safety, and a future that offers great possibility and promise. With COVID and the actions of the power hoarders, the kids have been hurt the most. There has been a sea-change in what they see when they look out into the future. Only a couple of years ago, our kids perceived a pretty clear path ahead. Now, nothing is clear. There is great uncertainty, and uncertainty brings great pressure to bear on the unbelieving soul. Without vision, the people perish. Without faith and hope and love, we move from frustration to anger to violence … and into nihilism. Look around – see the indifference, contempt, and murderous violence. Little did most parents know only a couple of years ago that the kids have been undergoing an indoctrination; a stealth effort to capture their minds and wills.
I’m sorry. I apologize for the dark picture, especially on New Year’s Eve.
But this is important.
We need to fight back, first on our knees, and second in our own families. Please pray for our kids. Pray that in 2023 they begin to come out from under the dark blanket of deception to a future and a hope that is good and life-giving.
2022 was a hellish year.
Let’s see what we can do with 2023 now that we know what’s really going on.
And yes, I’m going to the doctor about my chest pains … amongst other things. Getting old stinks.
Published in General
Get rid of MSG. Not easy to do, but depression lurks in each and every item in our food chain that is laced with it. (Her convenience store job exposes your daughter to MSG in 98% of all food items: sodas, bread, donuts, candy bars, and cookies. Lays potato chips executives had removed it – don’t know if they put it back in.)
I have yet to meet a marriage and counselor therapist, or a psychiatrist or psychologist who understands this.
The last time I had a bout of road rage descend on me was after getting a Big Mac and Coke at a McDonalds. Probably around 1997. I saw the connection instantly. There was something about fast food that helped me be instantly triggered.
I didn’t know what that something was. Some several years later, I was going to interview Dr Martini about aspartame. The subject of aspartame was her specialty. She brushed that topic aside the day she called.
“I think that most of the people who need to know about aspartame already know about it. But what is important to understand is how pervasive MSG is in our society.”
“Why is that important?”
“Because it causes overnight depression and if the food source with the MSG stays in someone’s diet, their depression will increase and be worse and worse.”
I have detailed in other posts how coincidental her insistence on discussing this with me happened to be. Just that week, I was experiencing a sudden onset bout of depression. I had gone within 5 short days from happy and pleased with life to no longer seeing the point of being alive.
And the dietary trigger was right inside the breaded fish fillets I had been eating almost daily. After all, fish is healthy, right?
MSG is no longer called that on food labels. It is called modified food starch, modified potato starch, modified tapioca starch. Any modified anything starch is MSG.
It’s also called spice or spices, or natural flavoring. It is in breads, cookies, cakes, candy, many canned items, gravies, breaded foods, etc.
End of Part One
Part Two
There was an epidemic of depression in the USA in the 1990’s, so extreme that “Psychology Today” dedicated part of one issue to it. It was afflicting the upper incomed people the most. Of course that group of people also eats out a lot, and restaurant food contains so much MSG it is pathetic. Even a healthy salad with organic veggies will end up having a salad dressing containing it. Often the person afflicted with the all consuming depression had access to the best doctors and clinicians. But they were killing themselves in record numbers.
Around the time of my interviewing Dr Martini, a childhood friend was afflicted with depression. He was in the hospital. When he got out, he killed himself. He had been making a 6 figure salary, and was on the way to making a million. He ate out all the time. But he couldn’t beat back his depression.
His family couldn’t understand it. He had just bought a beautiful home. He could travel and have the best of everything. He loved his job, and if he hadn’t, he had the ability to cash out stocks and take time out. But he was in too much pain to go the only way but one…
I felt so bad as if only I had known of his plight sooner… Maybe? I will never know.
In terms of my depression: I gave up MSG and my depression cleared within a week.
My first prayer for the new year turns out to be for you and your daughter. You seem to me to be saints who’ve been given big jobs and the powerful souls needed to accomplish them.
Well, now you’ve gone and done it. How am I going to get anything out of this cat documentary with tears rolling down my face?
Thank you Mark. I am deeply moved and so grateful. Much love to you for today and the year ahead. We feel your prayers.
YW!
https://www.catholicexorcism.org
Monsignor Rossetti has deliverance prayers on this website that might be helpful. Not an exorcism, but a way to specifically target the demons that may be robbing your daughter of light and joy. Depression is so unpredictable, may have a myriad of causes both physical and spiritual, and you just tire of the fight. Jesus is right there with you always, feeling the pain with you. May the Holy Spirit bring you strength and comfort. You and your daughter will be in my prayers.
Thank you so very much Juliana. From the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how meaningful this is to me (to explain would be too much here). May The Almighty richly bless you. Love to you and yours.
Poor girl. She deserves credit for enduring that awful job though, particularly with her mental health difficulties. It can’t be helping the situation if she’s bracing herself to receive abuse all day.
I am all too familiar with the phenomena you described in your post. Our oldest adopted daughter went off the rails as a late teenager. She too had questions about why she had been given up for adoption. But once she got answers to those questions in her early 20’s, having the opportunity to meet her birth mother, it resulted in no improvement – things actually got worse.
I think adopted kids who have pathological inclinations latch onto their personal histories as sort of a dodge sometimes. Not that my daughter didn’t think her own questioning was sincere, but ultimately she was looking for a way to explain her behavioral choices as being imposed upon her by her circumstances, rather than freely chosen by her. (The debilitating notion that our behavior is an artifact of our environment, rather than born out of true moral agency, is in the very air we breathe.) Coming to grips with, and accepting, one’s own moral agency is a no-kidding, life-or-death struggle for some people.
Your comment “I gave up trying to fix the problem a long time ago” is wise — no one can change another person. You can help her in limited ways, but even then only after she decides she truly wants to be helped.
You are in my prayers.
The two thoughts that I had after reading your amazing testimony are already offered above.
First, you are an amazingly strong soul and you are given big tasks because of that. Perhaps a curse as much as a blessing? Your adopted daughter is so lucky to have you in her life and she knows that deep down.
Second, don’t discount demon possession out of hand. Your daughter’s rage and outbursts seem extraordinary. As Juliana states, exorcism is a real thing and the Church has equipped certain priests with this particular mission. I know you are in CA, so here is a Los Angeles-based evangelist with direct connections to local priests who have performed exorcisms. https://jesseromero.com/
God bless you GLW.
Of all the things that the left has done, robbing our children of hope has been the cruelest. And that robbery includes telling them that having children at all is wrong.
It must be counteracted at all costs. I would love for conservatives to give up the gloom and doom- which I myself fall into on a regular basis – and emphasize a positive, hopeful message.
Biochemistry is a determining factor in mental health. When it’s out of whack, temporary fluctuations in our mood–anger, peevishness, irritability–become exaggerated and sometimes beyond our easy control. And the spikes take us by surprise. Which makes it hard to control. And we surprise ourselves. Then we double down: “There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s all you!” :)
I took care of a mentally person for thirty years. One time, I said to the psychiatrist, “She’s getting very depressed.”
He asked me, “Has anything changed in her life?”
I said, “No, not really.”
Then he said, “Then we need to look for something internal.”
It seems obvious to follow those mental diagnostic steps, but it’s not. We very much want to listen and learn from the external cues we see and hear.
Good luck with your daughter. It’s so hard for parents to sort things out. The person I took care of was not my child, and I always thought that was a huge advantage in my being able to help her. I’m also a parent, so I know how confusing problems with our kids can be. When those problems are really serious, it can be exasperating to sort out what we’re seeing.
It sounds to me like you are handling your situation well. It will take time though. Many adopted kids have similar issues. Trauma and separation at an early, even pre-verbal, age just seem to be among the most difficult things to overcome.
GLW, you and your daughter are in my prayers – I’m adding you both to my ever-lengthening list of people who are in need of prayer.
Has your daughter ever gone on a church-sponsored mission trip? I mention this because I remember when a friend’s young son was in the throes of adolescent angst. My friend sent him on a mission trip to Mexico with a church group, and he came back changed – more grateful, less self-absorbed, and much happier. I hesitate to mention this as your situation is quite different, and perhaps too it’s not helpful for anyone to make suggestions, but it did come to mind.
@juliana
@MarjorieReynolds
@keithlowery
@columbo
@gossamercat
@marcin
@painterjean
@psmith
You all bless me with your time and prayers for my daughter and me. We know that the saints calling upon the power of the Almighty leads to victory and cannot be defeated.
Juliana, thank you for the link to the prayers and resources. I found two and began praying this morning. I’m not Catholic, but as a Christian who respects the wisdom of the Catholic faith, I felt that my modifications to the prayers were appropriate.
Marjorie – Yes, thank you for recognizing her challenges at the store. She has become very guarded at work, sometimes prompting customer complaints … but she is only protecting herself. She is looking for a new job.
Keith – So, you know of what this is like. Thank you for your empathy and your prayers. It means a great deal as I would expect your prayers to be informed by your own experience and suffering. Blessings to you.
Lt. Columbo – I am not so strong. And thankfully, I don’t have to be. It is scary to be going through this right now, not only for my daughter, but also for me. I am under constant attack, most recently bad memories coming to mind and accusing me .. the enemy’s tactic. The Almighty reassures me that “He’s got me”, but the attacks do take a toll. And on your second point, I have sensed this for a very long time. Cautiously watching … He’s given me a little more courage than is typical for me.
Gossamer – I agree. Hope is the buoy that holds us up in the darkest times. The kids and young people are looking for something real. I feel the heaviness of their hearts … and find so little from the church that inspires them. This is the perfect role for the church – to fuel the airwaves with messages of hope. As for the conservatives … if you’re talking about the politicians, I’m not so sure that they haven’t been infected by Stockholm syndrome – establishment mindset. I suspect they’re out of touch – too distracted by the minutiae of their worlds rather than larger spiritual realities.
Marci – I do think that biochemistry is a big part of it. Getting her to eat is tough- she struggles with intrusive thoughts that tell her not to eat. We’re trying.
P Smith – You are kind to say that. Adoption is a big and complex issue. I read Primal Wound – good insights.
Painter Jean – Thank you for your prayers. And no, she is not open to anything regarding church. She tells me she has Religion OCD – possibly due to a bad experience at a previous Church. We attended church on Christmas Day and she came along with us. Given there was a substitute speaker and the message was quite bland, her extreme reaction to having been there tells me there’s more going on. Extreme raging reaction.
Love you all – Bless you in the New Year
GLW, thank you for your post. I could’ve written it; wouldn’t have been so eloquent. I thank God for your insight, because I really needed it. You and your daughter are in my prayers; please pray for my daughter and me.
Every single response spoke to me as well – especially CarolJoy’s warning about MSG. My daughter (turned 21 yesterday) eats very little unprocessed food and we both know it can’t be good for her but I hadn’t heard about the depression connection.
Elizabeth, you and your daughter are in my prayers. I encourage you to pray St. Patrick’s Breastplate out loud and like a boss. It will help. Also check out the link @Juliana post. There is a parenting prayer and a deliverance prayer in the list. I found both to be encouraging in these difficult circumstances.
Love to you and your daughter.
Be strong and courageous. He is with you. Both of you.
Lucifer said that he doesn’t intervene in mortal affairs. It is random chance and biochemistry that your child was born with such difficulties.
Hello lovelies … I am compelled to provide an update.
We all began praying three or four days ago. I have also been praying the Prayer of Deliverance and the Prayer of a Parent from the resource that @Juliana recommended.
I believe, in faith, fighting against the temptation to doubt, that God has indeed begun the process of delivering her and bringing her back to wholeness. In fact, He may have accomplished His work … I should not doubt that He has.
At first I was hesitant to engage in the prayers for deliverance directly, wondering what I might be getting myself into with that kind of direct address of the opposition.
All I can say is that God is good, God is great, and God is faithful.
Bless you all for your thoughts and prayers. He is mighty.
Nothing is impossible for God. Praying for continued blessings.