The Anecdotal Yokel Wonders About Cliched TV/Movie Writing

 

Just a couple here, because I don’t watch that many things. Would love to hear what you’ve seen.

1. If an important character is in the hospital, they will tear out the tubes and leave early.

2. If an important character is being chased in a car, they will suddenly become a world-class driver, in an effort to escape.

3. If there’s family strife, stress, discord, someone in the family will roll a joint and everything is okay as they all smoke together.

4. The minister will be a bad guy.

5. Usually, if the characters have takeout, it’s Chinese. And they eat with chopsticks EVEN IF THERE ARE NO CHINESE PEOPLE THERE TO WATCH THEM.

What else?

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  1. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    If there is an incredibly smart, noble, and sensitive person, that person will be gay or some variant thereof.

    • #1
  2. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    Dotorimuk: 2. If an important character is being chased in a car, they will suddenly become a world-class driver, in an effort to escape.

    When engaged in high-speed driving on the freeway, cars will be perfectly spaced to allow the vehicle to dodge back and forth without ever coming upon two cars running side by side and blocking the way.

    • #2
  3. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    The anti-gay character will turn out to be gay.

    • #3
  4. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

     

    • #4
  5. Juliana Member
    Juliana
    @Juliana

    There is always a parking spot right in front of where the characters need to be.

    If someone orders a beer – they only take one sip and leave the rest.

    • #5
  6. Juliana Member
    Juliana
    @Juliana

    The F word abounds. Regardless of situation, character, or historical accuracy. I’m pretty sure that if I watch a show on Ancient Greeks they will be using the F word. Pure laziness.

    • #6
  7. Gary McVey Contributor
    Gary McVey
    @GaryMcVey

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

     

    You’re right as far as movie cliches go. But speaking as a charter member of the Nerdy Chick Appreciation Society, she doesn’t even have to remove her glasses. 

    • #7
  8. The Scarecrow Thatcher
    The Scarecrow
    @TheScarecrow

    If anybody is shaving and they’re interrupted, they always just rinse off the rest of their face and they’re fine, totally clean-shaven.

    • #8
  9. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Gary McVey (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

     

    You’re right as far as movie cliches go. But speaking as a charter member of the Nerdy Chick Appreciation Society, she doesn’t even have to remove her glasses.

    Pity about that exotropia.

    • #9
  10. The Scarecrow Thatcher
    The Scarecrow
    @TheScarecrow

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Dotorimuk: 2. If an important character is being chased in a car, they will suddenly become a world-class driver, in an effort to escape.

    When engaged in high-speed driving on the freeway, cars will be perfectly spaced to allow the vehicle to dodge back and forth without never coming upon two cars running side by side and blocking the way.

    Yeah, I was just thinking about this one today. We had to shoot down to Florida quick for work, and I was looking at the oncoming traffic in all that between Philadelphia and south of DC.  I thought, since I’m in my now seventh traffic slowdown, what if I just bumped over the median and headed up against that oncoming traffic?

    I wouldn’t get fifteen feet. The first two cars I met would finish me.

    • #10
  11. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Never be:

    • The black guy in a horror film
    • The security guy if the boss is coming
    • A cop or soldier with one more X until retirement

    Each of these is a one-way ticket to Destination F.

    • #11
  12. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    Gary McVey (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

     

    You’re right as far as movie cliches go. But speaking as a charter member of the Nerdy Chick Appreciation Society, she doesn’t even have to remove her glasses.

    Hear, hear! I second that.

    • #12
  13. Gary McVey Contributor
    Gary McVey
    @GaryMcVey

    Every apartment in Paris has a view of the Eiffel Tower. 

    Every apartment in Manhattan has a view of the east side skyline. 

    When police business is urgent, convenient parking spots mysteriously appear in front of key landmarks and government buildings. (To this day, NYPD officers call these “Kojak spots”). 

    Two people who don’t like each other are thrown into a situation where they have to work together. “How do I know I can trust you?” “You can’t.”

    When it’s a soon-to-retire cop’s last shift, or a Vietnam short timer’s last patrol, don’t sell that man a life insurance policy. (A gag made better in Hot Shots

    A six-foot-five guy is fighting a five-foot-four woman. Does she (A) kill him, or (B) merely eviscerate him? 

    • #13
  14. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Gary McVey (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

     

    You’re right as far as movie cliches go. But speaking as a charter member of the Nerdy Chick Appreciation Society, she doesn’t even have to remove her glasses.

     

    Member Here, too, but unfortunately She always ends up attracting the leading hunk of the show….

    I’m a mere unaccredited extra in a sea of wannabes. 

    • #14
  15. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    The Scarecrow (View Comment):

    If anybody is shaving and they’re interrupted, they always just rinse off the rest of their face and they’re fine, totally clean-shaven.

    Great observation.

    Cracked Me up.

    • #15
  16. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    You can outrun an explosion.

    Any vehicle that gets in an accident worse than a slight fender-bender will burst into a ball of flame (especially if it goes down a hill/over a cliff.  And if over a cliff, it may even burst into flames in mid-air before it hits the ground).

    Cars can make jumps twenty feet through the air into the ground, and drive away undamaged.

    • #16
  17. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    Motor stops — airplane careens out of control.

    • #17
  18. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Any car can be hot-wired in a minute or less.  You just have to pull two wires out from the steering column and rub them together.

    A cool person can open any lock with a paper clip or two.

    • #18
  19. DrewInWisconsin, Oik Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oik
    @DrewInWisconsin

    The Scarecrow (View Comment):

    If anybody is shaving and they’re interrupted, they always just rinse off the rest of their face and they’re fine, totally clean-shaven.

    Or, if a man is standing over a sink shaving or washing his face, the mirror will be fogged up, and he will swipe one hand across the mirror, then stare meaningfully at his own face.

    • #19
  20. D.A. Venters Inactive
    D.A. Venters
    @DAVenters

    The reluctant judge will  allow it – but it better be good. 

    • #20
  21. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    Cars can make jumps twenty feet through the air into the ground, and drive away undamaged.

    That was maybe the stupidest part of Dukes of Hazzard:  they’d jump over something in the car and you’d see the front end get all bent, and in the next cut everything is fine.

     

    • #21
  22. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    Gary McVey (View Comment):

    Every apartment in Paris has a view of the Eiffel Tower.

    Every apartment in Manhattan has a view of the east side skyline.

    When police business is urgent, convenient parking spots mysteriously appear in front of key landmarks and government buildings. (To this day, NYPD officers call these “Kojak spots”).

    Two people who don’t like each other are thrown into a situation where they have to work together. “How do I know I can trust you?” “You can’t.”

    When it’s a soon-to-retire cop’s last shift, or a Vietnam short timer’s last patrol, don’t sell that man a life insurance policy. (A gag made better in Hot Shots)

    A six-foot-five guy is fighting a five-foot-four woman. Does she (A) kill him, or (B) merely eviscerate him?

    I think when there are night scenes outside, it’s usually a full moon.

    • #22
  23. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    The Scarecrow (View Comment):

    If anybody is shaving and they’re interrupted, they always just rinse off the rest of their face and they’re fine, totally clean-shaven.

    Or, if a man is standing over a sink shaving or washing his face, the mirror will be fogged up, and he will swipe one hand across the mirror, then stare meaningfully at his own face.

    Or stare meaningfully at the killer standing behind Him.

    • #23
  24. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    People go to the store and there’s actually stuff on the shelves.

    • #24
  25. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    BDB (View Comment):

    People go to the store and there’s actually stuff on the shelves.

    Historical Fiction.

    • #25
  26. Dotorimuk Coolidge
    Dotorimuk
    @Dotorimuk

    In Korean dramas, the couple that ends up together, usually finds out that they had met 20 or so years earlier when they were children and had some profound experience together, yet forgot each other until they fell in love as adults

    • #26
  27. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Dotorimuk (View Comment):

    In Korean dramas, the couple that ends up together, usually finds out that they had met 20 or so years earlier when they were children and had some profound experience together, yet forgot each other until they fell in love as adults

    Okay that brings to the obligatory dance scenes in Indian (dot, not feather) productions.

    • #27
  28. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    • #28
  29. James Lileks Contributor
    James Lileks
    @jameslileks

    Gary McVey (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

    You’re right as far as movie cliches go. But speaking as a charter member of the Nerdy Chick Appreciation Society, she doesn’t even have to remove her glasses.

    “That blonde girl,” of course, was Peg.

    Eddie and Peg were together for many years, but she left him in 1963 because he’d turned into a sullen beat. She married Kevin Buchanan III in 1964.

     

    Eddie and Genevieve were together for a few years, but seemed to move away from the counter-culture after his exposure to her world.

    Then Eddie and Peg met at a war protest:

    They got married, but it’s strongly suggest that Peg was fooling around by 1970.

    All this is canon, of course.

    • #29
  30. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    James Lileks (View Comment):

    Gary McVey (View Comment):

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    The nerdy chick always gets the guy after She removes Her glasses and lets Her hair down.

    You’re right as far as movie cliches go. But speaking as a charter member of the Nerdy Chick Appreciation Society, she doesn’t even have to remove her glasses.

    “That blonde girl,” of course, was Peg.

    Eddie and Peg were together for many years, but she left him in 1963 because he’d turned into a sullen beat. She married Kevin Buchanan III in 1964.

     

    Eddie and Genevieve were together for a few years, but seemed to move away from the counter-culture after his exposure to her world.

    Then Eddie and Peg met at a war protest:

    They got married, but it’s strongly suggest that Peg was fooling around by 1970.

    All this is canon, of course.

     

    Do I detect a “Cruisin'” page at lileks.com?  :-)

    • #30
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