Why I’m Not Sending Out Christmas Cards This Year

 

During the 45 years we’ve been married, we’ve been religious (pun intended) about sending out Christmas cards. We didn’t have a large number of friends, and family members didn’t expect cards (except perhaps for a couple of families on my husband’s side). We even sent Christmas letters instead for a couple of years, because rather than the humdrum stories of the past year, we could share our international adventures.

But we’ve changed our minds this year. We’ve been approaching this decision for quite a while, but neither of us was prepared to stop the tradition (better defined as an obligation). I guess you could call us Mr. and Mrs. Scrooge (although I don’t know if that’s appropriate for a Jewish woman), but sending cards has lost its brightness.

Don’t misunderstand! We love this time of year. My husband is dedicated to putting up lights on the street with a few other men, and I love the final results. We even put up our own home-made menorah. We have a “Lighting Party” on the night we formally turn on the neighborhood lights, where we bring desserts and appetizers and have a white elephant gift exchange. I even enjoy, but don’t expect, cards from some friends who seem to enjoy sending them.

But I don’t.

In part, I’m writing this post to help me figure out why we’ve decided not to mail cards. In some ways, you could say there’s no point in over-thinking the decision; just don’t do it. On the other hand, we both are puzzled, especially that we’ve decided to stop the commitment at the same time.

For those people who might wonder about not receiving a card from us, we will write a brief email explanation (which I’m still figuring out). Our stopping is no reflection on those of you who do feel strongly about sending out cards. I know that Ricochet even has a card exchange.

I do have a couple of ideas about our reasons for stopping this ritual. First, it’s not my holiday (and my husband isn’t religious). Some Jewish people send out holiday cards or Chanukah cards, but it’s not an expected activity for many. I think, for me, I love the idea of Christmas because it is a time for letting loved ones know you care about them and they are an important part of your life. I try to do that ongoingly anyway. And I love the Christmas music and decorating, too. But it is more a playful occasion for us; it’s not a sacred ritual.

So, this year I say, Bah, humbug!

The card will not be in the mail.

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There are 14 comments.

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  1. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Susan, the obvious answer to not sending out Christmas cards is that you are Jewish! 

    More seriously, I have a rule on rituals. Rituals exist to serve us. When we find we are serving the ritual, it is time to stop it. 

    • #1
  2. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    The one thing I can’t stand is having to sign and address all the darned things.  My handwriting is terrible, and I have carpal-tunnel.  Over the years, I’ve weaned us off cards to only a select few, and send out a family newsletter via e-mail . . .

    • #2
  3. RushBabe49 Thatcher
    RushBabe49
    @RushBabe49

    I respect your decision, but your way is not my way.  I am Jewish, Ray is not.  I have always liked choosing and sending cards, especially now that we participate in the Ricochet card exchange.  This year it is especially important to connect with friends and family, because we are going through very uncomfortable times.  We need concrete demonstrations of love and celebration, and little reminders that, though we are under fire, we are not afraid, and we have each other.  The cards we receive are pinned to a door, and they act as tiny bits of beauty all year long.

    • #3
  4. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    For years (decades actually) we sent out seasonal cards several times a year to a small circle of family/friends. The cards were designed by Mrs Rodin and we would do a small run on an inkjet printer with archival inks (long lasting color). 

    Our flight from California disrupted the pattern. The printer was damaged in the move. Getting the household sorted took a great deal of time. Our aging sapped energy that made a “good accomplishment” day with far less to show for it than when we were younger. 

    Mrs Rodin was eager to get back to physical paints and canvas. Our California house was much smaller (even smaller when her mother moved in) and computer paintings had dominated her artistic output for some time. 

    All of this disrupted a rhythm that we had not known was there. Skipping the 2020 Christmas card was justifiable given the timing of the move. Missing Easter 2021 was excusable given the broken printer. It was replaced and then there was the learning curve that made 4th of July impractical. You see where this is going…

    And of course each computer and software update makes our knowledge more obsolete. And where are all those previously created image files that could be used if Mrs Rodin isn’t producing new computer art?

    It just goes to show that so much of gift exchange, extended family meals and gatherings, card exchange, is a function of  the rhythm of one’s life. Within the household everyone contributes to and adjusts with rhythm changes. But outside the household is a different world with which one easily gets out of sync. 

    And so it goes…..

    • #4
  5. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    That’s okay.  You can just send an e-mail Christmas card.

    • #5
  6. Vance Richards Inactive
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    As long as I get a gift, I don’t really care about the card . . . 

    My wife is big on sending cards, but she still sends occasional letters to people as well. For some friends and more distant family members it is the only time we hear from each other. Less and less people bother anymore, and that’s okay. We already received one the other day. It was just a photo of a dog with fake reindeer antlers and said Merry Christmas from the Jones. No idea who that was, but my wife is pretty sure that is one of her old college friends who just got married a few years ago (thus the last name I didn’t know).

    • #6
  7. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Doesn’t anyone just send out belated cards to anyone who sends you a card?  It seems like that’s how it works at my house, but I’m not sure.

    • #7
  8. Charlotte Member
    Charlotte
    @Charlotte

    If you’ve officially decided no cards this year, that’s all there is to it. No need to feel guilty in the least! I usually manage cards about one out of every three years, and this year isn’t looking like it’s the one. :-) It’s perfectly appropriate to send an email to everyone letting them know you’re taking a year or two off (or retiring) from card-sending but that you still send your best wishes etc. Any normal human would completely understand.

    • #8
  9. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Charlotte (View Comment):

    If you’ve officially decided no cards this year, that’s all there is to it. No need to feel guilty in the least! I usually manage cards about one out of every three years, and this year isn’t looking like it’s the one. :-) It’s perfectly appropriate to send an email to everyone letting them know you’re taking a year or two off (or retiring) from card-sending but that you still send your best wishes etc. Any normal human would completely understand.

    I like the tone of the email you suggest. Short and sweet.

    • #9
  10. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    If anyone is wondering, the photo of the chanukiah (menorah with 9 candles) is the one we made. We keep having people ask us if we’ll make them one!

    • #10
  11. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    During the last presidential election, old friend of mine from Massachusetts  vulgarly insulted me through a text when I  stated that I think Trump will win (she hated him).  Yet the only thing she commented to a mutual friend after our fallout was “This was the first time in 20 years I didn’t receive a Christmas card from her.”  I was stunned. We have very gingerly made up, but not really.  I’ll send her a card.

    Our mutual Ricochet friend and member @she sent out the most beautiful card last year 2021, in the Ricochet card exchange. I saved it – I loved it. I tucked it into a book that I’m now reading and just discovered it.

    I opted out of the Rico card exchange this year – too much trouble.  Then I thought what? I opted back in…….

    I thought about the expense of cards, and what things are costing this year. The postage, the time it takes to write a personal note, then the post office trip. It’s sometimes the only time – once a year – when our friends, acquaintances and family hear from us.  Sometimes a card in the mail – mixed with bills and junk, brightens for a long time. I have cards that I’ve saved from people that have passed. That signature and personal note is the last I’ll see.

    A Christmas email won’t have the same effect.  Although I do get one of those fun, glittery musical ones from an old co-worker that I enjoy.  People don’t want to hear about your year or travels. They just want to know you are there, and ok, and care about them.

    • #11
  12. The Cloaked Gaijin Member
    The Cloaked Gaijin
    @TheCloakedGaijin

    Send out Kwanzaa cards or something else sufficiently weird with appropriate photoshopped photos and see if anyone notices a difference.  I don’t know what other holidays are around this time.  Wright Brothers Day is December 17.  Photoshop some photos of Susan flying or jumping out of airplane perhaps?

    • #12
  13. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    The Cloaked Gaijin (View Comment):

    Send out Kwanzaa cards or something else sufficiently weird with appropriate photoshopped photos and see if anyone notices a difference. I don’t know what other holidays are around this time. Wright Brothers Day is December 17. Photoshop some photos of Susan flying or jumping out of airplane perhaps?

    Now there’s a thought! Very creative, TCG! Glad you didn’t suggest I jump out in real life!

    • #13
  14. The Cloaked Gaijin Member
    The Cloaked Gaijin
    @TheCloakedGaijin

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    The Cloaked Gaijin (View Comment):

    Send out Kwanzaa cards or something else sufficiently weird with appropriate photoshopped photos and see if anyone notices a difference. I don’t know what other holidays are around this time. Wright Brothers Day is December 17. Photoshop some photos of Susan flying or jumping out of airplane perhaps?

    Now there’s a thought! Very creative, TCG! Glad you didn’t suggest I jump out in real life!

    I dare you to send out something fun and memorable to your friends and family.

    Maybe just humorous cards.

    Besides everyone needs a laugh.

    • #14
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