To Those Who are Alone on Thanksgiving Day

 

You may be a person who embraces solitude and quiet. But there are days that are intended to be spent with others. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always cooperate with our hopes and dreams. And you may have found yourself seemingly alone.

If you are not with others today, please know that you are not alone. At least Ricochet is one place, a community, that has room for everyone, on good days and bad; on ordinary days and special occasions. And no matter where we are physically, we are all united in spirit, in the belief that we can be there for each other, even if we are not present.

So please know that we are all joined in the belief that we are in a time and place where we are united in our gratitude for this country and for each other. Although we may know moments of heartbreak and desolation, there is one place we can visit where we are welcomed and appreciated. That place is Ricochet.

You are not alone.

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  1. Al French Moderator
    Al French
    @AlFrench

    Susan Quinn: So please know that we are all joined in the belief that we are in a time and place where we are united in our gratitude for this country and for each other. Although we may know moments of heartbreak and desolation, there is one place we can visit where we are welcomed and appreciated. That place is Ricochet.

    Another reason to be thankful today.

    You have to be the nicest person on Ricochet. And there is competition.

    I am not alone, but, other than about 4 hours in late afternoon / early evening, I will be spending time on Ricochet, if someone needs a shoulder to lean on.

    • #1
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Al French (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn: So please know that we are all joined in the belief that we are in a time and place where we are united in our gratitude for this country and for each other. Although we may know moments of heartbreak and desolation, there is one place we can visit where we are welcomed and appreciated. That place is Ricochet.

    Another reason to be thankful today.

    You have to be the nicest person on Ricochet. And there is competition.

    I am not alone, but, other than about 4 hours in late afternoon / early evening, I will be spending time on Ricochet, if someone needs a shoulder to lean on.

    I’d say you must be part of my “competition”! Thanks, Al. We will have guests for several hours, but I’ll be back, too.

    • #2
  3. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Thank you Susan for the reminder. I have not been around too much lately due to life circumstances. 

    I am indeed one who normally embraces solitude but am glad to be going to friends today. My dear husband died less than two weeks ago and I am not ready to spend this holiday alone. By Christmas I will be tired of sympathy and of being invited places so “you don’t have to be alone”. I have neighbors who want to come over and “set” with me and I try to refuse without being rude. 

    But I still have much to be thankful for, including my daughter, siblings, friends and Ricochet.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Thank you Susan for the reminder. I have not been around too much lately due to life circumstances.

    I am indeed one who normally embraces solitude but am glad to be going to friends today. My dear husband died less than two weeks ago and I am not ready to spend this holiday alone. By Christmas I will be tired of sympathy and of being invited places so “you don’t have to be alone”. I have neighbors who want to come over and “set” with me and I try to refuse without being rude.

    But I still have much to be thankful for, including my daughter, siblings, friends and Ricochet.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

    Oh, JustMe! I’m so very sorry to hear about your husband! I know he saw you through so many trying times. I’m so glad that you have people around you. I can’t imagine that kind of loss and I will hold you in my heart. 

    • #4
  5. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Thank you Susan for the reminder. I have not been around too much lately due to life circumstances.

    I am indeed one who normally embraces solitude but am glad to be going to friends today. My dear husband died less than two weeks ago and I am not ready to spend this holiday alone. By Christmas I will be tired of sympathy and of being invited places so “you don’t have to be alone”. I have neighbors who want to come over and “set” with me and I try to refuse without being rude.

    But I still have much to be thankful for, including my daughter, siblings, friends and Ricochet.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

    Oh, JustMe! I’m so very sorry to hear about your husband! I know he saw you through so many trying times. I’m so glad that you have people around you. I can’t imagine that kind of loss and I will hold you in my heart.

    Thank you, Susan. He did indeed see me through trying times. We were married less than a year when I started having symptoms later diagnosed as lupus. Not once did he ever imply that my symptoms were not real or in my head. He saw me through more than a year of diagnosis and treatment until it went into remission. Then just three years ago he helped me through chemo and surgery for breast cancer. If only I could have done the same for him with kidney failure – it hurt so much to watch him suffer. 

    • #5
  6. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Praying, JustMe. You’ll never be alone.

    • #6
  7. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Thank you Susan for the reminder. I have not been around too much lately due to life circumstances.

    I am indeed one who normally embraces solitude but am glad to be going to friends today. My dear husband died less than two weeks ago and I am not ready to spend this holiday alone. By Christmas I will be tired of sympathy and of being invited places so “you don’t have to be alone”. I have neighbors who want to come over and “set” with me and I try to refuse without being rude.

    But I still have much to be thankful for, including my daughter, siblings, friends and Ricochet.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

    Praying for you. I cannot imagine losing my Linda. Love from us both.

     

    • #7
  8. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Thank you Susan for the reminder. I have not been around too much lately due to life circumstances.

    I am indeed one who normally embraces solitude but am glad to be going to friends today. My dear husband died less than two weeks ago and I am not ready to spend this holiday alone. By Christmas I will be tired of sympathy and of being invited places so “you don’t have to be alone”. I have neighbors who want to come over and “set” with me and I try to refuse without being rude.

    But I still have much to be thankful for, including my daughter, siblings, friends and Ricochet.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

    Oh, I am so sorry to read this. You spoke of him often with so much love. 

    I shall join the chorus of prayers for you. 

    • #8
  9. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Excellent thoughts in the OP. Our close family has gotten smaller over the past two decades. Mrs Rodin and I took her mother to lunch at a fine restaurant today. Nice meal. We picked the place because while they offer traditional Thanksgiving turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce they also have other selections available. For me, Thanksgiving is turkey, etc. For Mrs Rodin and her mother, not so much. So everyone got what they wanted. 

    Had we wanted to celebrate with a larger group that was an option. And it is really nice that that was so. But there was a buzz in the restaurant around us with many others electing to forego buying, preparing, serving, and cleaning up a feast. Across from us was a party of 10! The servers got a nice payday in exchange for delaying their own celebration until tomorrow. We were thankful for the day, the service, and the connection of family. And we listened to Christmas music on the way home!

    • #9
  10. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Excellent thoughts in the OP. Our close family has gotten smaller over the past two decades. Mrs Rodin and I took her mother to lunch at a fine restaurant today. Nice meal. We picked the place because while they offer traditional Thanksgiving turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce they also have other selections available. For me, Thanksgiving is turkey, etc. For Mrs Rodin and her mother, not so much. So everyone got what they wanted.

    Had we wanted to celebrate with a larger group that was an option. And it is really nice that that was so. But there was a buzz in the restaurant around us with many others electing to forego buying, preparing, serving, and cleaning up a feast. Across from us was a party of 10! The servers got a nice payday in exchange for delaying their own celebration until tomorrow. We were thankful for the day, the service, and the connection of family. And we listened to Christmas music on the way home!

    Sounds like a perfect outing!

    • #10
  11. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Our son is away in another state with his girlfriend for the 1st time.

    • #11
  12. Painter Jean Moderator
    Painter Jean
    @PainterJean

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Thank you Susan for the reminder. I have not been around too much lately due to life circumstances.

    I am indeed one who normally embraces solitude but am glad to be going to friends today. My dear husband died less than two weeks ago and I am not ready to spend this holiday alone. By Christmas I will be tired of sympathy and of being invited places so “you don’t have to be alone”. I have neighbors who want to come over and “set” with me and I try to refuse without being rude.

    But I still have much to be thankful for, including my daughter, siblings, friends and Ricochet.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all.

    JustMe, that is such sad news. I lost my husband a little over a year ago, so unfortunately I know what you’re going through. Do you have any widow friends? I ask because friends of mine who had lost their spouses understood in a way that no one else could, no matter how sympathetic. That was so, so helpful. 

    • #12
  13. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Painter Jean (View Comment):
    JustMe, that is such sad news. I lost my husband a little over a year ago, so unfortunately I know what you’re going through. Do you have any widow friends? I ask because friends of mine who had lost their spouses understood in a way that no one else could, no matter how sympathetic. That was so, so helpful. 

    I do remember at least one post in which you spoke of your husband’s death. It made me flinch. Actually I have no widow friends – it just hasn’t happened to women I know. But I had an unexpectedly lovely time today. I was invited to his best friend’s (well they are my friends too) home for Thanksgiving dinner. They had assembled a small group who were also alone for the holiday. I don’t think it was intentional but two of the women present were widows, one within the last two years. She was very warm with condolences but I was just unable to speak of it yet. However I did sit next to my husband’s good friend and was able to speak to him about the almost daily instances of things that would suddenly rekindle the pain – but they were things that made me smile also. Everyone was just lovely and no one made me feel pitied and conversation was happy and spirited. I loved it.

    Thank you for your advice. I have been avoiding calls from the hospice grief counselor, although I know she means well. Maybe I wil talk to her later.

    • #13
  14. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):
    Thank you for your advice. I have been avoiding calls from the hospice grief counselor, although I know she means well. Maybe I wil talk to her later.

    I make bereavement calls for hospice, and remind people that bereavement counselors are available. Although they thank me for the offer, they say they’re not ready, maybe later. (I call 3-4 weeks after the relative’s death). Give yourself time. There’s no rush. If and when you think it would be helpful to speak to someone, then go ahead. There is no “correct schedule” for doing so.

    • #14
  15. Painter Jean Moderator
    Painter Jean
    @PainterJean

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    Painter Jean (View Comment):
    JustMe, that is such sad news. I lost my husband a little over a year ago, so unfortunately I know what you’re going through. Do you have any widow friends? I ask because friends of mine who had lost their spouses understood in a way that no one else could, no matter how sympathetic. That was so, so helpful.

    I do remember at least one post in which you spoke of your husband’s death. It made me flinch. Actually I have no widow friends – it just hasn’t happened to women I know. But I had an unexpectedly lovely time today. I was invited to his best friend’s (well they are my friends too) home for Thanksgiving dinner. They had assembled a small group who were also alone for the holiday. I don’t think it was intentional but two of the women present were widows, one within the last two years. She was very warm with condolences but I was just unable to speak of it yet. However I did sit next to my husband’s good friend and was able to speak to him about the almost daily instances of things that would suddenly rekindle the pain – but they were things that made me smile also. Everyone was just lovely and no one made me feel pitied and conversation was happy and spirited. I loved it.

    Thank you for your advice. I have been avoiding calls from the hospice grief counselor, although I know she means well. Maybe I wil talk to her later.

    I’m glad to hear you had a lovely Thanksgiving!

    I know what you mean about the countless things that bring up memories – those memories amplify the loss. We were married for over 35 years, very happily, and so there are so, so many memories. It has been a little over a year and I think I am getting to the point where sometimes the memories bring comfort, but certainly for the most part they bring pain. One of my closest friends lost her husband seven years ago, and she still has moments when grief hits her hard, when something out of the blue triggers it. Be aware that this is likely going to happen to you! Also, your friends just can’t understand how life-changing the loss of a spouse is, and they may expect or assume that time heals everything and that in X number of months, you’ll be OK. That’s not the case. At times it can be aggravating, but I try to keep in mind that they mean well and just can’t comprehend the enormity of the loss. An example: about four or five months after Dave died, some friends and I went out to lunch. When Dave died, we were in the middle of a fair number of home projects – new roof, new siding, etc. So naturally some of the conversation involved giving a progress report. One of my friends said, “I can tell you’re still grieving because you called it ‘our’ house.” It really took me aback, though she had no intention of doing so. I mentioned this to a friend of mine later that day who had lost his wife in the last year, and he said that he still calls his house “our house”, and suggested I go on saying it – it was our house. This friend, by the way, did go to a grief group and said that it was helpful for him. The Mayo hospice people (Dave was on in-home hospice care) gave me a lot of materials and also had groups available. I didn’t go to any, but that’s because I have so many widow/widower friends, in all cases, unfortunately, the result of dreadful diseases that took their spouses.

    Be kind to yourself. Don’t rush to get rid of your husband’s things. Don’t expect to “get over” your loss even if other people expect you to. I’ve had some people tell me, oh yes, I lost my Mom/brother/Dad/etc. Those are serious losses, to be sure, but usually they don’t change your life the way losing a spouse does. If your life feels like it’s over, well, it is – the life you knew is over and you will now have to build a new one. Take it slow. You’re welcome to PM me anytime!

    • #15
  16. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Painter Jean (View Comment):

     

    Be kind to yourself. Don’t rush to get rid of your husband’s things. Don’t expect to “get over” your loss even if other people expect you to. I’ve had some people tell me, oh yes, I lost my Mom/brother/Dad/etc. Those are serious losses, to be sure, but usually they don’t change your life the way losing a spouse does. If your life feels like it’s over, well, it is – the life you knew is over and you will now have to build a new one. Take it slow. You’re welcome to PM me anytime!

    Greif never ends. We don’t get to acceptance and stay there. It will still come up an grab us. 

    • #16
  17. Painter Jean Moderator
    Painter Jean
    @PainterJean

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Painter Jean (View Comment):

     

    Be kind to yourself. Don’t rush to get rid of your husband’s things. Don’t expect to “get over” your loss even if other people expect you to. I’ve had some people tell me, oh yes, I lost my Mom/brother/Dad/etc. Those are serious losses, to be sure, but usually they don’t change your life the way losing a spouse does. If your life feels like it’s over, well, it is – the life you knew is over and you will now have to build a new one. Take it slow. You’re welcome to PM me anytime!

    Greif never ends. We don’t get to acceptance and stay there. It will still come up an grab us.

    I agree completely. One of my widow friends describes it as a wave that can hit and overwhelm you at anytime. She said that with time, the waves come further apart and often aren’t as high, but they’re still able to hit us hard.

    • #17
  18. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Painter Jean (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    Painter Jean (View Comment):

     

    Be kind to yourself. Don’t rush to get rid of your husband’s things. Don’t expect to “get over” your loss even if other people expect you to. I’ve had some people tell me, oh yes, I lost my Mom/brother/Dad/etc. Those are serious losses, to be sure, but usually they don’t change your life the way losing a spouse does. If your life feels like it’s over, well, it is – the life you knew is over and you will now have to build a new one. Take it slow. You’re welcome to PM me anytime!

    Greif never ends. We don’t get to acceptance and stay there. It will still come up an grab us.

    I agree completely. One of my widow friends describes it as a wave that can hit and overwhelm you at anytime. She said that with time, the waves come further apart and often aren’t as high, but they’re still able to hit us hard.

    Good analogy. 

    • #18
  19. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    Painter Jean (View Comment):
    If your life feels like it’s over, well, it is – the life you knew is over and you will now have to build a new one. Take it slow. You’re welcome to PM me anytime!

    You are so Kind!

    • #19
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