Quote of the Day: Silence—A Curse and a Blessing

 

Well-timed silence is the most commanding expression.  –Mark Helprin

The cacophony of our existence is nearly impossible to avoid. Muzak streams through our supermarkets. Live concerts can be deafening and difficult to tolerate. We turn on the television to fill up the void of stillness. Talk radio romps through our waking hours. Even the car idling next to us blasts Latino music and rap tunes, as our cars bounce in rhythm to the noise. We no longer are accustomed to resting in silence, letting the natural sounds flow into our environment and soothe us. We are surrounded by an unceasing percussion of protests.

Why is silence both a curse and a blessing? It is a curse because we must have it in our lives in order to self-reflect and contemplate. But it is so difficult to find silence anywhere, and in some ways we have been reluctant to engage silence, anxious about what we might discover. It is inconvenient to make space for silence and honor it. On the other hand, it is a blessing because of the opportunities it provides us to be still, to reflect, and to restore our own wellbeing when we feel depleted and wounded. It also creates the space for connecting with others.

But an even greater violation of a peaceful experience is when we don’t know when to simply be silent in response to the sharing of another. We seem more and more uncomfortable taking in the silence that follows a plea for help or an expression of sadness. We feel compelled to comfort the other person in the awkwardness of their reaching out, grasping for a way to assuage the person’s pain or solve his or her problem. Sometimes, though, at least for a few moments, we can struggle with our own compulsion to do something to vanquish their distress, not realizing that our own discomfort is moving us to act.

Instead, we can welcome our reaction to the person as a reminder that, at least for that moment, we can simply be present. We can gaze into their eyes if we sense that kind of contact would be reassuring, or we can contemplate the empty, gentle space that emerges between us. We can open our hearts, breathe into their unease and let the silence surround us in a gentle embrace. We may be inspired finally to speak, but we also may decide just to be there with them.

In that moment, that may be all that is needed.

[[photo courtesy of unsplash.com]

           

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  1. DrewInWisconsin, Oik Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oik
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Do you know the source of that quote? I’ve read everything by Helprin, but I have no idea where that’s from.

    • #1
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Do you know the source of that quote? I’ve read everything by Helprin, but I have no idea where that’s from.

    I have just discovered him, Drew, and am fascinated. (I’m reading A Winter’s Tale.) I’m sorry I don’t know the origin; it was from one of the more popular quotation sites.

    • #2
  3. DrewInWisconsin, Oik Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oik
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Do you know the source of that quote? I’ve read everything by Helprin, but I have no idea where that’s from.

    I have just discovered him, Drew, and am fascinated. (I’m reading A Winter’s Tale.) I’m sorry I don’t know the origin; it was from one of the more popular quotation sites.

    My favorite novel! I would love to hear your thoughts about it.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Do you know the source of that quote? I’ve read everything by Helprin, but I have no idea where that’s from.

    I have just discovered him, Drew, and am fascinated. (I’m reading A Winter’s Tale.) I’m sorry I don’t know the origin; it was from one of the more popular quotation sites.

    My favorite novel! I would love to hear your thoughts about it.

    I’m about 3/4 through it and it’s mesmerizing. Since you know his writing so well, would you like to think of writing an OP about this book and invite people to discuss it? But give me time to finish it! 

    • #4
  5. Nohaaj Coolidge
    Nohaaj
    @Nohaaj

    Silence, blessings and curses.

    My son and I have been bow hunting in the woods behind our house, and one of his observations was about the what he thought was silence in the woods. Then he realized as he sat silently, his senses seemed to become more heightened, and he heard the chippy scampering, the leave falling, the flutter of a birds winds as it flew by, the wind whispering in the dry leaves.  Blessings.

    Mrs. Nohaaj gets quite frustrated with me, because I will listen to her and either not respond, or respond like 2-5 minutes later. I hear what she says. I internalize it, and I swear many times I did respond with an acknowledgment or word of understanding, but apparently, I do these internally, and totally silently, which does not help her sense of being listened to.  She claims I am autistic, who am I to argue with the good doctor’s diagnosis, but annoy and frustrate it still does! Curses. 

     

    • #5
  6. Lilly B Coolidge
    Lilly B
    @LillyB

    I loved In Sunlight and In Shadow. I lost momentum on A Winter’s Tale and need to return to it. 

    I was thinking earlier that I should try to go a week without listening to podcasts or audiobooks. But I do like having interesting books and conversations to accompany me on solo drives or walks. As for silence being a powerful expression, I should definitely use that option more often. 

    *****

    This post is part of the Quote of the Day (QOTD) Group Writing project on Ricochet. We welcome regular contributors and newbies who want to share a quote from the past or present and start a conversation! The October QOTD Signup Sheet is here.

     

    • #6
  7. Lilly B Coolidge
    Lilly B
    @LillyB

    Nohaaj (View Comment):

    Silence, blessings and curses.
    —— —-

    Mrs. Nohaaj gets quite frustrated with me, because I will listen to her and either not respond, or respond like 2-5 minutes later. I hear what she says. I internalize it, and I swear many times I did respond with an acknowledgment or word of understanding, but apparently, I do these internally, and totally silently, which does not help her sense of being listened to. She claims I am autistic, who am I to argue with the good doctor’s diagnosis, but annoy and frustrate it still does! Curses.

     

    Okay, so it’s not just my husband who does that? I can’t tell if he heard me and then he gets annoyed if I say it again. Apparently, another opportunity for me to practice silence.

    • #7
  8. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Nohaaj (View Comment):
    Mrs. Nohaaj gets quite frustrated with me, because I will listen to her and either not respond, or respond like 2-5 minutes later. I hear what she says. I internalize it, and I swear many times I did respond with an acknowledgment or word of understanding, but apparently, I do these internally, and totally silently, which does not help her sense of being listened to.  She claims I am autistic, who am I to argue with the good doctor’s diagnosis, but annoy and frustrate it still does! Curses. 

    We have a similar issue! My husband makes a decision, usually about minor things (doing a task, where to go for dinner) and he swears he told me about it! And I swear he didn’t! The fact that we both have hearing issues–he has hearing aids but isn’t always wearing them, and I can hear him but not make out the words–well, let’s just say, I get it, Nohaaj!

    I love your son’s discovery. Lovely.

    • #8
  9. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    What drives me bananas are gas pumps with a TV you cannot turn off!  They used to make them so you could at least mute the volume, but it’s becoming less common . . .

    • #9
  10. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Stad (View Comment):

    What drives me bananas are gas pumps with a TV you cannot turn off! They used to make them so you could at least mute the volume, but it’s becoming less common . . .

    I had a comforting moment of silence at a gas pump before they added those darn TVs. It was a couple of days after  9/11 and I was filling up my car. My husband was stuck in Washington state. I was numb and sad about the terrible tragedy. Suddenly a fellow who was also quietly filling up his car, called out gently–“Don’t worry; it’s going to be all right.” I have no idea if he was referring to 9/11, the expression on my face or all of the above. But his words and smile were such a comfort. I’ve never had that happen again.

    • #10
  11. DrewInWisconsin, Oik Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oik
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    I loved In Sunlight and In Shadow. I lost momentum on A Winter’s Tale and need to return to it.

    That’s interesting. I did a QOTD from In Sunlight and in Shadow once, but it remains my least-favorite Helprin novel.

     

    • #11
  12. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    Nohaaj (View Comment):
    Mrs. Nohaaj gets quite frustrated with me, because I will listen to her and either not respond, or respond like 2-5 minutes later. I hear what she says. I internalize it, and I swear many times I did respond with an acknowledgment or word of understanding, but apparently, I do these internally, and totally silently, which does not help her sense of being listened to.

    I’m trying this next.

    • #12
  13. Lilly B Coolidge
    Lilly B
    @LillyB

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    I loved In Sunlight and In Shadow. I lost momentum on A Winter’s Tale and need to return to it.

    That’s interesting. I did a QOTD from In Sunlight and in Shadow once, but it remains my least-favorite Helprin novel.

     

    I had lots of questions about the plot, but I think I just liked the way he wrote. With A Winter’s Tale, I’m sure I lost focus due to reading bedtime stories to my kids instead and then the movie came out. I didn’t like the movie, but again, I think that was a time in my life when it was very hard to focus on my own choice of entertainment. 

    • #13
  14. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Nohaaj (View Comment):
    Mrs. Nohaaj gets quite frustrated with me, because I will listen to her and either not respond, or respond like 2-5 minutes later. I hear what she says. I internalize it, and I swear many times I did respond with an acknowledgment or word of understanding, but apparently, I do these internally, and totally silently, which does not help her sense of being listened to. She claims I am autistic, who am I to argue with the good doctor’s diagnosis, but annoy and frustrate it still does! Curses.

    We have a similar issue! My husband makes a decision, usually about minor things (doing a task, where to go for dinner) and he swears he told me about it! And I swear he didn’t! The fact that we both have hearing issues–he has hearing aids but isn’t always wearing them, and I can hear him but not make out the words–well, let’s just say, I get it, Nohaaj!

    I love your son’s discovery. Lovely.

    Make him text. 

    • #14
  15. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Lilly B (View Comment):

    I loved In Sunlight and In Shadow. I lost momentum on A Winter’s Tale and need to return to it.

    That’s interesting. I did a QOTD from In Sunlight and in Shadow once, but it remains my least-favorite Helprin novel.

     

    I had lots of questions about the plot, but I think I just liked the way he wrote. With A Winter’s Tale, I’m sure I lost focus due to reading bedtime stories to my kids instead and then the movie came out. I didn’t like the movie, but again, I think that was a time in my life when it was very hard to focus on my own choice of entertainment.

    It is a fact that some books defy movie adaptation, and too many producers try to defy this fact. 

    • #15
  16. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    wrt to A Winter’s Tale, I have a lot to not say on the subject. 

    • #16
  17. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    Let your eyes rest on this comment. ….

     

    No, don’t move….Pause….Pause….

     

    Resume slowly. Not too fast. 

    Your welcome. 

    • #17
  18. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    Rodin (View Comment):

    Let your eyes rest on this comment. ….

     

    No, don’t move….Pause….Pause….

     

    Resume slowly. Not too fast.

    Your welcome.

    And yours too, my friend!

    • #18
  19. DaleGustafson Coolidge
    DaleGustafson
    @DaleGustafson

    Job’s friends were very comforting and encouraging until they started to talk.

    • #19
  20. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    DaleGustafson (View Comment):

    Job’s friends were very comforting and encouraging until they started to talk.

    Good one!

    • #20
  21. DrewInWisconsin, Oik Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oik
    @DrewInWisconsin

    From what I can tell, the Helprin quote comes from one of his columns in the Wall Street Journal. That’s all I know.

    • #21
  22. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    From what I can tell, the Helprin quote comes from one of his columns in the Wall Street Journal. That’s all I know.

    Could be! Making my way through his novel . . . 

    • #22
  23. RushBabe49 Thatcher
    RushBabe49
    @RushBabe49

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oik (View Comment):

    Do you know the source of that quote? I’ve read everything by Helprin, but I have no idea where that’s from.

    I have just discovered him, Drew, and am fascinated. (I’m reading A Winter’s Tale.) I’m sorry I don’t know the origin; it was from one of the more popular quotation sites.

    My favorite novel! I would love to hear your thoughts about it.

    Mine, too.  In fact, Winter’s Tale is my “desert island” book, the only one I would take with me if I could only have one.  Ray got me a pristine first edition, and it lives on my bedside table.  The movie was a total disaster.  Basically, it’s a paean to New York City.  My first husband was unable to read it at all, due to his inability to immediately go from “fantasy” to “reality”.  Ray loved it.

    • #23
  24. Old Bathos Member
    Old Bathos
    @OldBathos

    I think the initial attraction of bird-watching was listening to natural sounds without the noise of devices or kids.  I tried to get my kids (with limited success) to shut up on nature walks.  My grandchildren are better about that because (a) I am more patient (b) grandfathers have more gravitas and (c) my sound identification skills are vastly better.  I can usually tell them which bird is making that sound and sometimes why.  The wind before a rainstorm sounds and feels different in the woods.  And any talking should be at a volume that respects the needs of the forest to accommodate all the other communications going on.

    It is not so much about the purity of silence but about whether background sounds help or hurt a positive mental state.  The steady noise of waves hitting the shore and gulls hollering is OK.  Noisy people on a crowded boardwalk is not.  

    Many years ago while in Arizona, I would sometimes drive out to find a dirt road in the Sonora desert to find a place with zero non-natural noise.  The initial silence was wonderful but artificial.  It was as if bugs and birds and things that make movement sounds all froze and waited because of my intrusion.  The silence (defined as freedom from unwanted sounds) is better when they accept my presence and resume their sounds.  

    • #24
  25. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Old Bathos (View Comment):

    I think the initial attraction of bird-watching was listening to natural sounds without the noise of devices or kids. I tried to get my kids (with limited success) to shut up on nature walks. My grandchildren are better about that because (a) I am more patient (b) grandfathers have more gravitas and (c) my sound identification skills are vastly better. I can usually tell them which bird is making that sound and sometimes why. The wind before a rainstorm sounds and feels different in the woods. And any talking should be at a volume that respects the needs of the forest to accommodate all the other communications going on.

    It is not so much about the purity of silence but about whether background sounds help or hurt a positive mental state. The steady noise of waves hitting the shore and gulls hollering is OK. Noisy people on a crowded boardwalk is not.

    Many years ago while in Arizona, I would sometimes drive out to find a dirt road in the Sonora desert to find a place with zero non-natural noise. The initial silence was wonderful but artificial. It was as if bugs and birds and things that make movement sounds all froze and waited because of my intrusion. The silence (defined as freedom from unwanted sounds) is better when they accept my presence and resume their sounds.

    What a truly beautiful comment, OB. I especially loved your thoughts on sharing the silence with your grandchildren. And maybe the bugs did accept your presence and simply conpsired to make your experience even more satisfying!

    • #25
  26. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Old Bathos (View Comment):
    It is not so much about the purity of silence but about whether background sounds help or hurt a positive mental state.  The steady noise of waves hitting the shore and gulls hollering is OK.  Noisy people on a crowded boardwalk is not.  

    I’ve heard from several spokesmen from the seagull community that they don’t really mind all that much. 

    • #26
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