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TO: Martha’s Vineyard Humanitarian Crisis Committee
From: Chad Vorhees IV
Re: Those new people from Florida
I did some calculations and while I don’t want to let down the side, I think we need to understand how we may be hoist on our own petard with the whole welcome-we-are-super-tolerant thing we let the activist types promulgate. If you recall, I spoke out against this kind of open-ended signaling stuff and said we should stick to issues like whales or polar bears or starving African kids where we could write some modest checks and be done with it.
Here is what some wag may throw in our faces:
There have been a reported 2,000,000 illegal migrants in the recent surges (total illegals here already is certainly a multiple of that but let’s go with the most recent Biden-induced numbers).
Martha’s Vineyard has a population of 15,000.
The USA population is 332,000,000
The Vineyard’s share of new illegals is therefore 90.34.
People may point out that if the richest community in the US cannot handle a little over half of its share of illegals (50), what can the rest of them be expected to do? Blah, blah. Throw in the 26 homeless that comprise our allotted share of the national homeless population if it comes to that. Are we ready to spend to build a compound for 116 people who–let’s be honest–are not our sort at all?
If we are ultimately stuck with “our share” there should also be a modest clothing allowance so none of them are seen wearing white after Labor Day (God forbid someone has to say something to one of them!), maybe some used tennis rackets to carry so as to make them look reassuringly indigenous to visitors who likely can’t tell the difference. Donate some sweaters and have them tie the sleeves around the shoulders. And toss in a collection of last year’s boating wear.
Seriously now, if we really had to do it, how hard could it be? Let Muffy and Babs run a committee or something, they love projects like that and they can find and hire the people who do this sort of thing–so we don’t have to.Published in