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The Slowly Bumping Saga of Harry Markle Grinds to a Halt
The most thoroughly-colonized royal ever is having a bad year this week. He has an autobiography due out soon, and my goodness, whatever will he have to say? I predict that it will be a pastiche of accusations and excuses, and the whole thing will be a dreary embarrassment. I’m not going to read it, of course, and now that the death of his dear gran The Queen has caught the not-royal couple off-guard while in-country (oopsy-daisy!), he has some decisions to make about what more to add, or leave out. What a mess.
Speaking of mess, Meghan Markle Full of Nothing was interviewed in some online thing I’d never heard of, because I am not sophisticated. You may have heard of her recent “I can say anything,” quote, which is reported as a clumsily-veiled threat — well, this is the interview being referenced, and it is a hoot. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I do recommend that you run right over there right now (link in quote below) and read the whole thing from top to bottom. Why? Well, Dear Reader, let me tell you! I was watching some Aussie Sky News 4 coverage of that specifically English low-key hyperventilating about royalty in the news this week, and while the enunciating heads spoke of the “threat” made by the rich white woman not to keep her trap shut in her palatial home, something on screen referred to the article as a “sarcastic 6,400-word piece” or similar, and I just had to look. You had me at “sarc”.
Finding a house to start their new life wasn’t easy, Meghan tells me. “We were looking in this area” — she’s referring to Montecito, the tony beachside hamlet north of Los Angeles — “and this house kept popping up online in searches.” At first, they’d resisted going to visit. “We didn’t have jobs, so we just were not going to come and see this house. It wasn’t possible. It’s like when I was younger and you’re window shopping — it’s like, I don’t want to go and look at all the things that I can’t afford. That doesn’t feel good.” How utterly humbled we all are when confronted with a depressingly aspirational Zillow hunt.
— Allison P. Davis in her article Meghan of Montecito in The CUT Magazine
So this online magazine The CUT is a frou-frou, New York, rich-people-and-their-nice-stuff photo and text thing. Perhaps less than a magazine, it seems to be a column or an imprint of New York Magazine, which I certainly have heard of. Still, I don’t read it. I’ve just seen one article and a bunch of teaser headlines and glamour shots along the sidebar. The writer, Allison P. Davis, seems to have been sacked following the supposedly negative reception to the article. I’m guessing that said negative reaction came mostly from one thoroughly displeased rich white woman with a rich white woman complex, who is also the variable-hued savior of whoever needs saving at the time. If you need to know the price of crossing Meghan, just look at her idiot husband — that guy has lost everything to appease her, and now lives in a rich white doghouse. What’s fascinating here is that this (presumably) s’posed-ta-be fawning article calls them out on it.
The day before, while Meghan was on the photo shoot for this issue, Harry had been left to his own devices, he tells me. “You were gone for, like, ten hours yesterday,” he marvels to his wife. “Tell her the first thing you said when you got back last night,” he says, turning to me. “She said, ‘I’m not a model.’ “I was like, ‘No, you are, of course you can be a model.’ And she’s like, ‘I’m a mom!’ And it’s like, ‘You can be both,’ ” Harry says, earning himself so many points.
— Allison P. Davis not putting up with it
As an absolutely lit (as the kids say now) Reddit comment thread has it:
A: This ain’t snark. This is high-quality snark. This is snarqé.
B: From the Mont de Snarqé region in France.
The article is footnoted (if you will) with all the usual advertorial comments about the Manolo Blahnik shoes and Bottega Veneta dress. The only time I have seen these terms before was in reference to some movie. I am way out of my element even reading this column on a site I’ve never visited before and will likely never see again, especially if it’s true that Miss Allison P. Davis was let go or placed in the witness protection program. It seems that the sarcasm flew under the radar for a good week or so, until the people who read this stuff on the regular (presumably) got a tap on the shoulder from people who actually know how to read, and were informed that it was not complimentary after all. Not flattering. Not fawning.
Apparently, the Harkles argued so long that Harry missed seeing the Queen before she passed. Although she may have been “on ice” as it were until things were official anyway, but at any rate, Harry was late. And then apparently (you can tell when I’m just gossiping) the nasty little thing from America (and his wife) were going to do their own “walk-about”, sniffing the flowers, waving at the poor people, until The Firm caught wind of it and shut that down real quick. Apparently, they were in town originally with Netflix cameras and crew to bulk out some upcoming production, and the royal family was having none of it. So William graciously extended an invitation to Harry for the former “fab four” to reunite for one last tour of the grounds. So graciously that even Markle The Destroyer couldn’t wriggle out of it. There’s an excellent clip running around of Kate giving Markle the nicest version of “the look” ever, and Markle fumbling, shaken, rebuffed. Haw-haw.
I’ve disliked Markle for as long as her Harry adventure has been a thing, and loudly so. I don’t know why she bothers me. I think it’s because I see (and many other see) something there, a primordial scheming, grasping, abusive, evil woman with a presumably good man in her coils. In the unflinchingly narrowed eyes of BabbaZee, I see you. The destruction is nearly complete, the predicted damage of Megxit having closed out the modern truth that idiot princes who marry shrewish, entitled, trashy women do not live happily ever after. That fool had it made but for a snake in his bed, a worm in his ear, and he let it all happen. He has forsaken his family, his country, his people. He is now a man who hates men, a Briton who hates Britain, and a white who hates whites — on account-a his rich white wife, see? Honest-to-God, I had to be told that Meghan was “black,” haw haw, that’s a good one. Rachel Dolezal has a more convincing blackface, and probably has a better claim on sweat equity being down wit the shchtruggggle.
She loves herself above all others, and he loathes himself. They’re perfect for each other until he pulls his head out. The first book I intend to read by him will be ten years after his inevitable divorce. Harry and Meghan are race-hustling merchants of ninth-wave feminist grievance; she through design, he through weakness. Seems like everybody is tired of their garbage now, and I’m glad to see it. This roast of an article is deftly positioned in the mainstream of hoity-toity, and it is having an impact. Bravo, Miss Davis! Meghan of Montecito was not “silenced” — she just had nothing to say, and at the top of her lungs.
King Charles gave a speech creating William Prince of Wales, and Kate Princess, and so forth, and then expressed his great love for Harry and Meghan, wishing them luck “as they build their lives overseas.”
That’s exile.
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Now this was a fun read!
The worst decision Harry made was to leave the Royal Army. (TBF, I’d bet the decision wasn’t his to make.) That’s where he belonged. And it eventually led to the 2nd worst decision of his life.
Wonderful.
The title to this piece is top shelf. Well done.
Does anyone have information about the racial background of Meghan, Duchess of Sussex?
I saw reports that her father is white, and I found a picture of her mother, who does look black. I found suggestions that her mother is of mixed race, but I don’t know. Is Meghan half black? A quarter?
I do find the application of the modern “one drop” rule to be strange. It used to be that even a small proportion of black ancestry gave rise to social disadvantage. Now, it seems that the same small proportion gives rise to an equal claim to the benefits of Black Privilege.
Don’t care, sick of it, sick of her, although I agree with your larger point. To me she’s just another spoiled white Hollywood trollop wearing black people as a condom. Ugh.
I’ll wait for the coloring book.
Damn. It appears my previous reportage on Markle was all over at Ratburger, which has been vaporized.
Life goes on.
Agree wholeheartedly. One of the best things I’ve read in quite some time!
Absolutely. Well done!
Editors gotta edit :-)
Thanks!
My favorite part! Henceforth I aspire to snarqé.
I thought about him this weekend. With the Queen’s death and 9/11, his interview in Afghanistan came to mind. He seemed to genuinely love the mission. In regards to your TBF, I think he lied or pulled strings to actually get to go to Afghanistan. Agree that leaving probably wasn’t his decision.
Back before his man card was revoked for dubious charges.
In case you have not done so yet, *please do* hop over to see the Davis piece:
https://www.thecut.com/article/meghan-markle-profile-interview.html
NY Mag is supposed to be a Big Deal, so I bet they do not engage in post-publication shenanigans, but perhaps it will go behind a paywall or some other less-nefarious memory-holing. Get it while it’s hot — spicy!
Ok–you got me to click. This is gold:
And, oh, dear God, please do make it stop:
Ok–so I’m a little on the slow side sometimes. Having read about the first 2,000 words of the article you linked to, I think I get it–this author is completely roasting Ms. Markle, highlighting her complete inanity and self-absorption. It’s hilariously devastating. And just subtle enough that the casual reader might not even quite get it.
Maybe that’s how it got past the author’s editor.
Yes, that’s how I see it. And was a screen crawl on an Aussie news thing that clued me in, vectored me to the article in the first place.
Very quickly scrolled through the comments at the article–I only noticed one person who picked up on the mockery made of Markle. The rest just argued whether she’s been mistreated by the press/the Royals/etc. or not. Wow.
Holy cow, I didn’t even see the comments section! Well-spotted sir!
“as they build their lives overseas.”
Takes a heart of stone not to laugh.
Oh, bravo. That was my first thought too. Not so much a bridge-builder, as a limb-sawyer.
Actually, it was my third thought.
My first thought was, “I have underestimated this man!”
My second thought recollected the Queen’s marvelous “recollections may vary” line, following the Oprah interview in which Meghan started to spill her prolific and offended guts about the family she’d married into. A masterpiece of understatement and subtlety, only to be compared to her “1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure,” following the bust-up of two of her children’s marriages and the almost-burning-down of one of her favorite castles, Fergie’s toe-sucking episode with American millionaire Steve Wyatt, the publication of several books, photos and tapes revealing sordid and intimate details in the lives of many of her birth, and married-into, family. Almost thirty years later, “Recollections may vary,” as a throwdown to the opposing side, one which most people of sense will interpret as “they’re, lying, of course, but I’m far too ladylike to say so,” is peerless.
Then–finally–I got to “I have underestimated this man!”
Readily available on the Internet. No mystery at all.
Markle’s father is white. Her mother is black. That’s pretty well advertised, and rather well known. Here’s her mother with the RF, shortly after the birth of Archie:
Frankly, I think the number of people who’ve been counting “drops” is infinitesimally small, and completely irrelevant.
You convinced me to go read something I wouldn’t have. Lots of gems, but I think I enjoyed this one the most, “(And since they have income now, in the form of a reported $25 million Spotify deal and a reported $100 million Netflix deal, it’s within their means.)”.
I’ve read that King Charlie wants to trim the fat from The Firm by cutting expenses and reducing the number of “working royals.” Perhaps Harry (or more likely Meghan) saw the writing on the wall and Megxit was intended as a preemptive “you can’t fire me, I quit” move?
I would have thought that Mark Twain put that to bed once and for all with Pudd’nhead Wilson.
This was a gem:
Not a chance. She thought she would get them over a barrel. Now she’s in one.
I will say Suits got better after Markle left. I finished that series recently and it was quite good at the end.
I didn’t know she started out as a Deal or No Deal suitcase girl. I need to go back and look closer at the meme of Meghan hearing what the Queen left her in her will. It’s a Deal suitcase with $5. Maybe it was even Meghan holding the case.
She’s fits the epithet Ace used for Megyn Kelly, Me-Again.