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A few years ago, the Yale College Dean’s Office sponsored a campus talk by a Manhattan “polyamory” activist. This woman proceeded to tell us of the joys of open marriages, citing, for example, her own long term relationship with a married man, which she said went on with his wife’s blessing.
Ah, New York.
The speaker let us know how unnatural monogamy is, and just how much happier we could be if we freed our minds a bit on the issue of, you know, having sex with various people other than our spouses or with various people who had spouses — as long as we were honest and open about it.
I don’t know why the Yale Dean’s Office wanted to promote polyamory, but I do remember wondering to myself at the time how children fit into these relationships.
Christmas time in Polyamory Land must be a hell of an occasion. Does Daddy spend time with his “other special lady” during the holidays, or does the special lady come over to share the joys of Christmas morning, say, along with Mommy and maybe her other man too?
When these kids open presents marked “from Daddy” — it’s an experience suffused with mystery and intrigue!
A recent Dear Prudence column at Slate brought all these questions back to mind:
Q. Paternity: My wife and I have a female-led relationship. Before we got married, I agreed that she could “take other lovers,” while I would remain faithful to her alone. She said that she might not ever see anyone else, but she liked that I knew she could. Well, now she’s pregnant, and I’m wondering the obvious. We do have intercourse, but not often…
Not often, you say?
Gee, I would never have guessed that…
It’s amazing how selfish and entitled our sexual culture is becoming. People act as though their sexual urges are far more important than the lives of their children — if they are thinking of their children at all.
The idea that our sexual urges must be harnessed and restrained for the well being of others we love is totally foreign to the progressive good-timers who form these so very modern relationships.
“What will make me happy right now?” is as deep as the reasoning goes. Just, you know, so long as you are “open” and “honest” about it.
When every pregnancy test feels like a game of genetic roulette, you know that relationships, “female-led” or otherwise, are being formed by adults who have ceased to prioritize the welfare of the children they produce.