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“Imitation is the sincerest form of television,” said radio satirist Fred Allen. In that vein I am contemplating changing my handle so that I can get in on the cutting edge of media today. Introducing EJHill+.
What will be coming from EJHill+? Not much more or different, really. But I’ve got 1,300 posts in the can and hundreds of photoshops. “But all of that stuff is obsolete and dated,” you say. Of course it is, but we know that value is all in the presentation. To begin with, this obsolescence will never be referred to. No, no, no. This is the stuff from The Vault™. Everyone knows only valuables are kept in The Vault™. It has to be important. I mean, it’s both italicized and trademarked.
Next, everything in The Vault™ will come with a trigger warning:
This content includes negative depictions and/or mistreatment of liberals. These depictions were dead on the money then and are mostly vindicated now. Rather than remove this content, we want to acknowledge its harmful impact on Progressives and their causes, learn from it and spark conversation. EJHill+ is committed to creating content with inspirational and aspirational themes that reflect the rich diversity of the human experience around the globe. And screw you, you whiny little turd.
Ok, maybe it won’t carry that last line. Legal is still working on that. But this is to let you know that you’re walking a fine line just by showing up. By God, how could you read that paragraph and not feel you’re committing a subversive act from the get-go?! Why the article itself will be considered so hot you’ll want to order your own EJHill+ branded hazmat suit. (Merch!)
To be honest, Major Investors* are questioning this move. Ratings for the regular EJHill have been, well, stagnant, especially in “the coveted demo.” There has been talk about delaying the launch until The Board votes on it. (I swear the dog gave me her proxy! She’s a Wire Proxed Terrier!) But I believe I have set reasonable goals with reasonable expectations. All it has to do is last one day longer than CNN+.
*The wife.Published in