Am I The Only Person Who Doesn’t Care About the Noah Movie? — Tabula Rasa

 

Some things are best left to one’s imagination. That’s how I feel about most biblical “epics.” 

That’s also why the new movie about Noah fails to engage my interest, even though I like its cast. My unwillingness to get excited about the movie is totally aside from the arguments that God is strangely left out, or that it is basically an environmental screed, or that its special effects are the main character. 

There are exceptions. Some fine movies have been made about the life of Christ. Perhaps that’s because his story is so personal and accessible, and because so many memorable events are recorded in the Gospels.

But the Old Testament seems to bring out Hollywood’s propensity to turn spiritual history into extravaganza, ideology, or both. To my mind, the original material is far better than Hollywood’s imagination of it. Given its weekend grosses, Noah obviously has appeal to a large audience. But not me.

Do I have it wrong? Is it worth $8 and three hours of my time?

There are 49 comments.

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  1. tabula rasa Inactive
    tabula rasa
    @tabularasa

    The Federalist  has a thoughtful, critical review of the movie by Michael Schuermann, a Lutheran pastor.  It’s excellent.  Here.

    • #31
  2. user_444739 Inactive
    user_444739
    @OmidMoghadam

    You are not alone, the amount of not caring here is off the charts.

    • #32
  3. Crabby Appleton Inactive
    Crabby Appleton
    @CrabbyAppleton

    I do not intend to see it because of the disclaimer (!) on the radio ads saying no artistic license was taken with the story.  In all the Bibles I own the story of Noah takes only a few pages.  How can you make an epic movie like this and NOT take some dramatic license ?

    • #33
  4. C. U. Douglas Thatcher
    C. U. Douglas
    @CUDouglas

    Omid Moghadam:
    You are not alone, the amount of not caring here is off the charts.

     There’s a lot of intense apathy here!

    • #34
  5. user_86050 Inactive
    user_86050
    @KCMulville

    Are you kidding!? A movie about the Bible with rock people?  Like in Galaxy Quest? That’s got to be hilarious.

    I’m not going to pay theater-money for it, you understand, but when it appears on cable, I’m definitely going to watch it. I might throw one of those parties where you watch the movie strictly to make rude comments about it … like Ricochet live-blogging during the GOP debates a couple years ago. Hey, this could be a Meet-Up!

    • #35
  6. Fake John Galt Coolidge
    Fake John Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Hollywood lacks so much originality that they have to steal stories from everywhere they can.  They do well with the comic books because it is how their mind works.  They will most likely screw up stories stolen from the bible since not one of them understand the source material or its purpose.  The only reason I am considering see this movie at all is because of Russel Crowe, but given how bad this movie has the potential to be I am opting on waiting till it gets to streaming.  That way if it is really as bad as it looks to be I can just shut it down without feeling like I a sucker that got robbed and should have seen it coming.

    • #36
  7. Sabrdance Member
    Sabrdance
    @Sabrdance

    C. U. Douglas:
    Actually, according to this article by Dr. Brian Mattson, the Noah story here has far more to do with Gnostic and Kabbalistic beliefs than environmental messaging.

     That was fascinating.  I especially liked the “no more seminary degrees until you read Against Heresies.”

    I’m more or less willing to give wide latitude for creative interpretations -if you want to interpret the Nephilim as giant rock monsters, whatevs -but the plot synopsis has me scratching my head as to why I’d want to watch the movie.  If Noah is so intent on wiping out humanity… why is he on the stupid boat?

    There’s an interesting story of Noah wondering if he’s worthy of being saved.  There’s an interesting story of Noah wondering if he will be saved.  There’s an interesting story of Noah wondering if he could have saved more.  I’m baffled as to what interesting story involves a man descending into mad-scientist destroy-the-world-me-included and then… not do it.

    • #37
  8. Max Knots Member
    Max Knots
    @MaxKnots

    Save yourselves.  It’s too late for me.  Like our biblical forbears Adam and Eve, I let my wife talk me into something that I knew was wrong.   The thesis was as I’d feared:  Mankind is evil and mean.  Nature is innocent and perfect.  The villains were (mothers cover your children’s eyes…) “Miners”!  Yes – they pillaged the earth searching for a magical mineral whose purpose is largely unexplained.  But they leave behind, smelly, evil, black (like volcanic ash) pits with water too poisonous to drink.  They built large machines – an industrial society – but have polluted themselves into starvation.  Oh yes – and they eat meat.  Sometimes raw. (See what I mean about “Evil”?) “The Creator” appears to Noah in dreams and funny herb-induced hallucinations.  Mankind has corrupted the Earth and must be cleansed from it.  Yes – the villains also have no regard for life; have a ruler who kills with pleasure and believes that our “Dominion over the Earth and its Creatures” is our birthright, and duty.  I guess he missed the part about being “caretakers”.  Just leave your money in your wallet and walk away from this absurd movie, while you still can…

    • #38
  9. Palaeologus Inactive
    Palaeologus
    @Palaeologus

    KC Mulville:
    Are you kidding!? A movie about the Bible with rock people? Like in Galaxy Quest? That’s got to be hilarious.
    I’m not going to pay theater-money for it, you understand, but when it appears on cable, I’m definitely going to watch it. I might throw one of those parties where you watch the movie strictly to make rude comments about it … like Ricochet live-blogging during the GOP debates a couple years ago. Hey, this could be a Meet-Up!

    Spoiler Alert:

     

    Al Michaels narrates a rousing final battle between the Thunderclasts (excuse me, rock people-angels) and Noah’s crew in upstate New York after Dick Cheney ices over the flood.

    You don’t wanna miss this.

    • #39
  10. Shoshanna Inactive
    Shoshanna
    @Shoshanna

    A good three-plus decades ago I was living in Jerusalem and attending yeshiva– when not getting into all sorts of interesting kinds of trouble– and can well recall the day the rabbi who was teaching one particular area of study entered the room, walked to the front of the class, stood there giving us all a long, thoughtful, searching look, and, satisfied that he had our complete attention, announced, with great deliberation, that “Noah was a drunken Gentile.” 

    And, with that, he turned and left the room.

    So it turns out, some thirty-odd years later, that really was all that needed to be said.

    • #40
  11. Richard O'Shea Coolidge
    Richard O'Shea
    @RichardOShea

    Someone must like the movie – it had a great opening weekend.

    I’ll stick it on the bottom of the Netflix Queue when it comes out.

    • #41
  12. Pony Convertible Inactive
    Pony Convertible
    @PonyConvertible

    I’m with you.  Not interested in the movie.  Already read the book.

    • #42
  13. Victor Grant 1865 Coolidge
    Victor Grant 1865
    @VictorGrant1865

    To quote “Noah” – “Are you not entertained!!?”…nope. I really like Russell Crowe in most of his movies, but seeing Hollywood’s interpretation of the Bible is one thing I won’t spend my money on, regardless of the star. I will wait for it to come out on Netflix or HBO and watch it there.

    • #43
  14. user_9474 Member
    user_9474
    @

    My interest in this movie was slight in the first place, then became non-existent when a friend whose movie sense I trust said it was the worst he ever saw.

    • #44
  15. Sisyphus Member
    Sisyphus
    @Sisyphus

    Finally! A live-action movie adaptation of the Gargoyles animated series! Brilliant! Went a little BC on the prequel, but that leaves lots of room for the sequels.

    But seriously, I have read nothing to suggest that there is a movie about the story of Noah in theaters. One review I read labeled the rock critters demons, not angels, and that actually had the potential appeal of showing how the fallen, acting from the worst of motives, unwittingly further God’s plan. But there is no indication that the rock critters (already an unnecessary and distracting departure from the traditional elements from biblical tradition) are delved any deeper than “we need some Ben Grimm clobbering time to put boys 10-16 in the seats.” And, of course, the typical Hollywood confoundment between Gaia and God is about worshiping the creation, not the creator. Responsible tending of the garden He has given us, yes. Idolatrous worship of that garden, not so much.If the Lord’s point was protecting the precious niches of nature, why the trillions of cubic miles of H2O drowning it all when a wicked influenza could have wiped those nasty industrialists out and saved the trees..

    • #45
  16. mikesixes Inactive
    mikesixes
    @mikesixes

    I was completely uninterested in the movie when I thought it was about the biblical story, but after reading the Mattson article, I might netflix it someday. Mattson didn’t like the movie at all, but his description of the gnostic elements made the movie sound interesting. Looking at the story with the idea of an evil creator and enlightened serpent in mind might make it more entertaining.

    • #46
  17. user_56871 Thatcher
    user_56871
    @TheScarecrow

    Russell Crowe should stop being Russell Crowe and just stay Jack Aubrey from M&C. One of the greatest characters in fiction played by a guy who brought him to life so satisfyingly that we just want him to really be him.  I wanted to leap into the movie and follow him – that doesn’t happen often in movies.

    This movie lost the Oscar to The Return of the King. What do you do with that? I feel like Davy Jones singing Look Out, Here Comes Tomorrow.

    • #47
  18. Mole-eye Inactive
    Mole-eye
    @Moleeye

    Thanks for the info –  I’ll give it a pass.  I was thinking of asking hubby to take me for my birthday but  we’ll go see a production of “Tartuffe” instead.

    It’s kind of sad, because I thoroughly enjoyed the 50’s Bible pictures and love disaster movies of all kinds.   I was also wondering what color son Ham would be,  how they’d handle the curse, and what the explanation would be for saving mosquitoes and parasites.   Oh well, maybe I’ll get my explanation when it arrives at video on demand.

    • #48
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