Perpetual Childhood, Narcissism, and Fear

 

Do you get the impression that the hysteria following the SCOTUS ruling regarding Roe v. Wade is over the top, more so than usual, from the radical Left? Do you assume the reasons are because of abortion’s inherent controversy? Have you wondered about the extremely radical reaction by pro-abortion people who live in blue states that have already written pro-abortion legislation?

You have every reason to be skeptical because it’s not just about abortion.

It is about every woman who is living an adolescent, narcissistic, and fearful life. And if we don’t deal with it, the hysteria will not only ramp up even further but show up in other parts of our culture.

In one way, these symptoms should be no surprise. The dominance of providing safe spaces and castrating free speech were early signs that we were in trouble. And as long as we focused on “protecting women’s bodies,” we didn’t have to face the true reasons for the fight against the pro-life lobby. But now the facts are staring us in the face, and they aren’t pretty.

First, we have encouraged women for years to be dependent on others: their families, their university professors, and the government. These conditions perpetuated their immaturity.

They also assumed that life was all about them: what pleased them, made them feel good, what made life easy.

Any situations that contradicted those experiences were terrifying and unacceptable.

What do these conditions have to do with pro-abortion advocates?

Suddenly they are seeing that a pro-abortion position is not just about women in general, but it’s about them. Women are realizing that they are the ones who could be faced with a potential pregnancy, which guarantees the unpredictability of the years ahead. In one story, a woman realized that she was going to face new responsibilities, and she was afraid of the prospect of pregnancy:

As it turns out, her friends often didn’t have time for themselves. Their kids, they said, came first. Sanders realized that sacrificing her own needs to fulfill her duty as a parent would be especially taxing for her. She grapples with anxiety and depression, and when those conditions flare up, even taking care of herself becomes challenging. The thought of raising children while still preserving her mental health seemed near impossible.

For others, they anticipated that they would not be supported by others, and also realized that they liked their lives just the way they were:

While Jordan Levey focused on law school and building her career, she assumed a ‘maternal instinct’ would eventually kick in. Once she found a partner, she figured, they’d settle down and perhaps decide to have kids.

Now that she’s 35 and has been married for four years, Levey says she and her husband have realized they prefer their current lifestyle. They own a condo and are loving parents to their dog. And though they both earn a comfortable living, they’d rather spend their money on the things they love.

Somehow “parenting” a dog is not quite the same.

You may have noticed that “perpetual childhood” and narcissism are closely linked. If women are determined to keep life simple and mostly predictable, then having children keeps them in a state of enduring adolescence. Life is only satisfactory when they have their own needs met, without strings attached or long-term demands.

Finally, it’s not unusual for women to be fearful about pregnancy. In fact, there is a psychological condition called tokophobia, usually (but not always) caused by having witnessed disturbing events around pregnancy and childbirth. Like many psychological conditions, however, there are treatments. Those treatments require, however, that women be willing to overcome the fear; for many, pursuing treatment might not eliminate the other many reasons why a woman prefers an abortion.


Although I don’t identify with most of the reasons for the choices these women made, I have my own reasons for not trying to have children. Put simply, I was afraid I would parent like my own mother (who had emotional issues), and I didn’t think I could “do it all,” since I was working. My husband had a child by his first marriage, and he felt the final decision should be mine. Underneath my excuses, though, were my own immaturity and narcissism that moved me to my final decision. The one mature outlook that I developed is that there is no point in trying to go back to that time we made the decision. I do have a lingering sadness, but I have been blessed with a loving husband and life has been good to us.

We’ve lived with our choices.


My main reason for writing this post is to point out that the arguments of the pro-abortion group are not altruistic; they come from a deeply selfish motivation (I believe) and they are prepared to influence others to move in the same direction. Without belaboring potential solutions for dealing with them, I think they can be summarized in three points: (1) turning down the volume, no matter how upset we become; (2) education, primarily focusing on ultrasounds rather than data, and (3) counseling.

Those strategies might get us started in the right direction.

Published in Domestic Policy
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There are 8 comments.

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  1. Red Herring Coolidge
    Red Herring
    @EHerring

    This is an excellent summary of what we have observed. Susan is fortunate to have a loving husband. What about the women who avoid marriage and live for today? Where will they be once they grow old?

    • #1
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    This is an excellent summary of what we have observed. Susan is fortunate to have a loving husband. What about the women who avoid marriage and live for today? Where will they be once they grow old?

    Thanks, RH. The facts are that one of us will likely die first, and the other will be alone. I’m not saying that a person should have kids so that they’ll take care of them in their old age (because some will not), but my stepdaughter is not in our lives, so one of us will be alone. I worry mostly whether we can count on care that will be healthy and ethical. 

    • #2
  3. Gossamer Cat Coolidge
    Gossamer Cat
    @GossamerCat

    I think you are spot on Susan.  These women parade around shouting their girl power slogans yet cry and yell “Save me” every time an obstacle is put in their way.  They have never had to find out that they are stronger than they know, as Rush used to say, and so they live in constant fear.   

    I am willing to entertain arguments of body autonomy in the abortion debate, but the narcissism now on display-it’s all about me-is deeply disturbing.  The self-esteem movement was one of the most destructive in human history (thanks again progressives).  

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Gossamer Cat (View Comment):

    I think you are spot on Susan. These women parade around shouting their girl power slogans yet cry and yell “Save me” every time an obstacle is put in their way. They have never had to find out that they are stronger than they know, as Rush used to say, and so they live in constant fear.

    I am willing to entertain arguments of body autonomy in the abortion debate, but the narcissism now on display-it’s all about me-is deeply disturbing. The self-esteem movement was one of the most destructive in human history (thanks again progressives).

    Thanks, GC. The tragedy is that these women have allowed themselves to be trapped in this state of mind–more reasons why the Left is so unhappy and dissatisfied. I agree about the self-esteem movement; we gain it by doing what is right and doing for others. Such a loss.

    • #4
  5. Red Herring Coolidge
    Red Herring
    @EHerring

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):

    This is an excellent summary of what we have observed. Susan is fortunate to have a loving husband. What about the women who avoid marriage and live for today? Where will they be once they grow old?

    Thanks, RH. The facts are that one of us will likely die first, and the other will be alone. I’m not saying that a person should have kids so that they’ll take care of them in their old age (because some will not), but my stepdaughter is not in our lives, so one of us will be alone. I worry mostly whether we can count on care that will be healthy and ethical.

    Susan, it used to amaze me when I would read about spouses who died soon after losing their loved one. I understand now after years of happiness. Fortunately, we have loving children and grandchildren to help but even they can’t replace a spouse. We have the promise of meeting again in heaven. What do atheists have?

    • #5
  6. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Red Herring (View Comment):
    What do atheists have?

    Their dogs? Bad joke, sorry….

    • #6
  7. 9thDistrictNeighbor Member
    9thDistrictNeighbor
    @9thDistrictNeighbor

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Red Herring (View Comment):
    What do atheists have?

    Their dogs? Bad joke, sorry….

    You know, the whole “pet parent” thing is ridiculous.   It seems to be a marketing ploy by corporations that also feeds into (and exploits) a sense of loss.

    As for atheists, they have their stuff…and a profound fear and sadness that this world is all there is. At least that was the perspective of the in-laws. 

    • #7
  8. CACrabtree Coolidge
    CACrabtree
    @CACrabtree

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Gossamer Cat (View Comment):

    I think you are spot on Susan. These women parade around shouting their girl power slogans yet cry and yell “Save me” every time an obstacle is put in their way. They have never had to find out that they are stronger than they know, as Rush used to say, and so they live in constant fear.

    I am willing to entertain arguments of body autonomy in the abortion debate, but the narcissism now on display-it’s all about me-is deeply disturbing. The self-esteem movement was one of the most destructive in human history (thanks again progressives).

    Thanks, GC. The tragedy is that these women have allowed themselves to be trapped in this state of mind–more reasons why the Left is so unhappy and dissatisfied. I agree about the self-esteem movement; we gain it by doing what is right and doing for others. Such a loss.

    It doesn’t help matters much that many potential husbands and heads of families are still living in their parents’ basements because of their own narcissism, lack of responsibility, and sheer laziness.

    • #8
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