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How Much Repenting Do I Need to Do? — Tabula Rasa
I need theological advice.
Today started calmly enough. I work at home and was quietly surfing Ricochet when Mrs. T informs me that the garbage disposal isn’t working. So I hit the reset button. No dice. I then tried to unfreeze it with the Allen wrench. Won’t move. I remove the old disposal and some pretty despicable water gets on me, to which I respond with some mild cursing.
Off to Home Depot I go, and after shelling out $100 (plus tax) I have a new garbage disposal. That’s when the problems started.
First error: I believe instructions exist solely to correct installation errors after they have been made. I had some wiring issues that I didn’t anticipate. The issues were more complicated than I thought they’d be, so I uttered a few more unseemly words. To summarize the rest of the story, I hit a few more bumps in the road and said a few more words that I should have kept to myself.
Mrs. T usually leaves the premises when I engage in any kind of plumbing, but she was around to hear me cursing; so I was in trouble with her a while. That trouble has dissipated somewhat now that I have successfully replaced the disposal and no leaking has been seen (yet).
So here are the questions? Is it really a sin to engage in a bit of mild profanity while engaging in a home plumbing job? I’ve always felt there should be a home repair exemption, especially for plumbing jobs (especially if it requires the complete removal of a toilet). Can you help me out? How much repenting do I need to do?
Published in General
True on all counts. If I may go third person, the real Tabula Rasa has little hair, is not buff, and was damp.
When a person seeks some theological advice, Pseudo will always come through. I’m operating on the belief that my sins, and sins they were, were venial. If my analysis is wrong, I’ll find out soon enough.
I believe profanity should be proportionate to the ickyness of the household item.
Garbage disposals and toilets: Let ’em have it! No holds barred.
Microwaves and wall heaters: Muffled, moderate cursing permitted.
Chinaware and lace curtains: You’d better wash your mouth out with soap, young man!
Don’t you miss the days when fixing a TV meant hitting it?
This is a very reasonable approach—one that I can abide by. But my wife vis-a-vis the chinaware? Hide the kids.
Years ago My Brother was thumbing through the classifieds and saw an ad that read:
“SAVE OVER 50% on Home Improvement! Send $3.00 and a SASE to XYZ, America.”
He did and that self addressed stamped envelope returned with a hand written note that simply read:
“Do it Yerself.”
Years ago my wife and I moved to a new house before selling the old one. The new to us house did not have a disposal. Our old house was on the market for a year and the disposal rusted out from just sitting. We spent a Sunday putting a new one in. We did everything wrong a couple of times and cursed a whole lot, but we got it working. We were now experts. She suggested the following weekend that we put one in the new house. Off we went and bought the same one we had just installed. We hooked up the plumbing in no time and had it connected to the sink lickety- split. I was still under the sink getting my tools together and told her to run the water so I could check for leaks. There were no leaks. So I told her to turn it on. Silence. I repeated my request. More silence. I yelled flip the dam switch. She yelled back there is no f—–g switch.
We had both forgotten that this was a new installation not a replacement. We had to call a electrician. We cursed our stupidity. We cursed the disposal. We really cursed the bill from the electrician.
Oh no, my garbage disposal broke this week too…
As the Rabbi in Fiddler on the Roof said, “There is a blessing for everything. May God bless and keep this toaster – far away.”
There is no spoon.
Dude, I put in a new Badger two weeks ago. First off, I bought the primo model but the plug attachment wasn’t included. Swear, swear, swear. Return to the Depot. Then, since I don’t read instructions, I forgot to knock out the plastic thingy and water sprayed everywhere running the dishwasher. Swear, swear. Anyway, I’m feeling you baby.
Repent until you are no longer a sinner. If you are unsure of what counts as a sin, consider the greatest commandment.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
If you think you keep that commandment, I refer you to John:
1 John 1:8
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
Here are my thoughts. Any DIY project that is plumbing related is a penance, itself. God almighty gave you a gift of placing a checkmark on the positive side of the ledger of your life. You chose to use this gift to offset your loose lip. So I guess your even.
Keep Mrs. T away from the software lab.
Profanity is the one language in which all programmers are fluent.
…and don’t get me started on the @&$*#ing function generator!
“Which one of you *#$&@s used this last?”
Is the Badger like a mini wood chipper? Is this how your clandestinely can kept in practice until the real deal is required? Just thinking out loud.
I haven’t got time to read through all the comments, because I have to pull some weeds, but in my house, anyone who does home repairs has bought him or herself a temporary indulgence.
Slate – imho, The sin for which you must repent in this tale is not cursing. In fact, cursing is a requisite part of doing one’s own plumbing work. If you had taken the time to carefully read the instructions with the disposal, you would have, no doubt, seen “Curse here” somewhere around step 3B, and right before “Congratulations! You have just successfully installed your new $%#!$ disposal!”
No. The real sin committed here was pride. You assumed you could fix the the %$#%! disposal yourself. Silly you. Didn’t you know that the Good Lord Himself created home plumbing problems for the express purpose of teaching men humility?
Blasphemy is the sin. And blasphemy includes commanding God to bless something or someone as well as commanding him to curse or damn something or someone.
Much of our “curse” words reflect Victorian standards of prudery.
Vulgarity is simply that, vulgar, i.e. common or cheap. In bad taste but not sinful.
If the Authorized version uses the word “pisseth,” it seems to me that we can get past our Victorian squeamishness when required to do so. And home repairs cannot be completed without some degree of vulgarity.
I consider myself a complete failure if I bring in an “expert” for anything but ladder work (poor expected value) or drudgery like whole house painting. I can do anything.
Perhaps I should be in the market for a foreskin graft?
That would be extreme. But keep this information to yourself, or people might suspect you’re a Karaite.
My wife wants everyone to know that, in the event of a foreskin graft, I would indeed use an expert.
DIY Rules:
1) Instructions are like lines on the highway, just there as an indication of where you might want to go. You don’t really need them.
2) Keep bandages handy.
3) There will always be a part or 10 left over.
4) You will always need a tool that you don’t already own.
4a) You won’t know what it is until you have already been to the “Depot” twice.
5) When you’re done, there is still something you forgot.
5a) You might not know what for a year when the darn thing quits…again.
6) Keep more bandages handy.
7) You will break something you needed to fix whatever you’re working on.
7a) Power tools exponentially decrease the time it takes to get to the point where you’ve broken something.
8) Did I mention bandages?
9) If you are working on your car, you will end up with a major fluid spill.
10) The cost of a professional to come in and fix your “repair” is always triple the original price he would have charged.
10a) You’ll pay it.
What bugs me is that it is the exact moment you curse that it finally works. My wife curses worse than me even when frustrated though she is a good church lady, but she came from a navy family.
It’s axiomatic that all home plumbing repair requires at least 3 trips to the hardware. Sounds like you got off easy.
Merde.
Do you normally blaspheme the Holy Spirit when the wrench slips and you skin your knuckles?
If not, I suspect that this has not slipped from venal to mortal.
If you’re neither committing blasphemy nor intentionally trying to offend, you’re (probably) not sinning.
Of course, that’s referring to God. Your wife is another matter.
Crawl into the pipe?
Also it has to do with identity politics in post-Norman England. Because the French speaking Normans were the elite, it was considered crude to speak English in polite company. Hence why the Anglo-Saxon “sh-t” is considered a naughty word but the Latin “feces” is not.