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D.C. McAllister asked yesterday, “What Author Do You Wish You Could Write Like?”.
A few months ago, I discovered an online writing style analyzer. (http://iwl.me/) You enter some text and it compares the sentence structure, grammar and other writing characteristics against its database, and – voila! – it tells you which author’s style it most closely resembles.
This is gonna be great, I tell myself. I’m gonna find out that I possess the pen of Virgil!
So I pull a few of my blog posts out of mothballs and get ready to cut and paste.
First up, an old post in which I defend the Millenials.
Select All. Copy. Paste. Analyze. Wait.
“You write like Dan Brown.”
Dan Brown? The Da Vinci Code guy? Seriously? Certainly I write better than some pop-culture novelist! I shouldn’t be so disappointed though. It’s better than being told I write like John Grisham.
No worries, I say to myself, I have plenty more material to draw from.
So I pull another post, this time about an early morning visit from some missionaries. It’s a masterpiece!
Copy. Paste. Analyze. Wait.
Dan Brown again. What’s the problem…a conspiratorial tone?!?
This can’t continue.
Next up is something about exercising one’s faith in the public square.
“You write like H.P. Lovecraft.”
Hey, I read this guy in high school. He wrote creepy stories, a modern-day Edgar Allan Poe. But what does that say about me?!?
Not many posts left. I’m starting to sweat. I’m not even close to Virgil.
I select a reflection about the difference a year makes.
Ctrl-C. Ctrl-V. Analyze. Wait.
“You write like James Joyce.”
James Joyce was someone I was supposed to have read in high school but didn’t. That’s progress! But was he a poet or a novelist? I can’t remember. Regardless, there’s something profoundly philosophical about a drunken Irishman. Any drunken Irishman.
Last one…I’m going all in. A reflection of a day-trip to London.
You know all the points and clicks by now.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
I’m cashin’ in and goin’ home.
“You write like Kurt Vonnegut.”