Needing All the Help I Can Get

 

Slowly I open one eye to check the digital clock. It still says 6:29 a.m., just like it did 30 seconds ago. The clock and I are in a power struggle. It wants me to stay in bed as long as I can since a good night’s sleep often evades me. Technically, I have no schedule to keep. But another part of me wants to greet the day and connect with G-d, so I open the other eye to make sure I can successfully make my way to my place of prayer; I arrive without incident.

*     *     *

Prior to my bout with breast cancer, I made time to pray for several months early in the morning in the kitchen. It is a large room, and although my prayers were my conduit to G-d, the tile floors and bright lights were not engaging. Once I had to go through cancer treatment, I was exhausted and didn’t feel invited back into the kitchen. At least that was my excuse, and my prayer practice went on hold.

But a couple of months ago, I felt the call to reengage and wanted to meet G-d in a different way. I wanted to continue to practice the Amidah, also known as the Shemoneh Esrei (originally a collection of 18 silent prayers). So I found a corner of my office, which was intimate and dark, except for a lamp poised in the corner. As I walked to the corner and turned on the light, I felt invited to step into that comforting space and begin to pray.

*     *     *

Over time I have learned to recite the prayers in Hebrew and am almost fully capable of understanding their meaning, parsing unfamiliar words in context. (In impatient moments I look at the English on the opposite page.) There are several prayers that move me deeply or speak to me on a personal level, based on life in its unfolding: speaking of G-d’s strength and might is especially comforting at times when life seems dark and chaotic; praying about G-d’s holiness especially touches me, since I know that He shares the opportunity to experience holiness with Him, and gives me the strength to aspire to goodness; being reminded that G-d heals is so reassuring, as I still struggle with efforts to achieve wellness, both physically and mentally; G-d’s battling heretics on my behalf means fighting against those who not only betray the faith of my practice, but the faith in my country; I’m reminded that no matter how dire circumstances seem, G-d is fighting the battle with all of us; expressing thanks for the myriad miracles, large and small, that bless my life every day, even when I’m at a loss for next steps–that understanding motivates me. And calling on G-d to give me the power to fight against the evil that I see all around me inspires me.

Finally, I pray for the rebuilding of the Temple, where I might one day serve Him with reverence, as Jews of old have practiced.

*     *     *

My practice as a Jew is like a moth-eaten blanket, barely recognizable, fragile but dearly loved. My prayers are out of context, prayed alone, probably mispronounced at least some of the time. But I have to hope with all my heart that G-d has a sense of quirkiness as He amusedly witnesses my prayer, and knows better than anyone for a multitude of reasons that I am sincere and engaged. My prayers may be a mishmash, not fitting into any accepted prayer process, but I truly believe that He hears me and hope that He appreciates my efforts. I will pray for His Presence and comfort for the years and months ahead.

For all of us.

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  1. Lawst N. Thawt Inactive
    Lawst N. Thawt
    @LawstNThawt

    (continued)

    We poor humans struggle so hard, mostly against ourselves although sometimes I think it is more that we struggle so hard against some who would claim to lead.  (Note this is a jab at professed leaders of old as well as some through the ages including today and perhaps why I wouldn’t want anyone to follow my lead.  Listen at your own risk. lol)

    Yes, the quoted Jewish definition is likely very accurate.  However, God has a way of doing things His way.  

    “And he believed in the LORD; and He counted it to him for righteousness.” (Genesis 15:6, JPS 1917)

    So while we will find a lot of talk in the NT about the power of belief and the grace of God, it was evident long before.   Righteousness, in its most basic form, is rightness or being right, being how we should be (I’m paraphrasing a little).  So what is the most basic form of being how we should be but believing and trusting God which two things are essentially the same thing?   It’s kind of hard to trust someone if you do not believe them and vice versa.  The thief and the tax collector believed.  And neither had the benefit of the cross.

    God listens to the righteous but not the sinner.  So now maybe ask, when was Abrahams’s belief counted as righteousness?   To be fair, maybe God liked Abraham more than He likes the rest of us, but if our belief is counted as righteousness, then how can a believer be a sinner?

    I told you it might be a bit too much.

    • #31
  2. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    Lawst N. Thawt (View Comment):

    It’s kind of hard to trust someone if you do not believe them and vice versa.  The thief and the tax collector believed.  And neither had the benefit of the cross.

    So righteousness by faith alone?  :)  Are you Protestant?  I’m pretty sure you are.  Let me ask you, if a pastor of a church cheats on his wife with another woman, is he in a state of righteousness?  It’s been known to happen.  And I take it the pastor still has faith.  Is justification synonymous with righteousness?  And are both synonymous with salvation?  What’s the difference between the three terms?  Why have three different terms if they all mean the same thing?

    God listens to the righteous but not the sinner.  So now maybe ask, when was Abrahams’s belief counted as righteousness?   To be fair, maybe God liked Abraham more than He likes the rest of us, but if our belief is counted as righteousness, then how can a believer be a sinner?

    But Abraham walked thousands of miles to the holy land at G-d’s command (Gen 12); Abraham attempted to sacrifice his son at G-d’s command (Gen 22).  He didn’t just have faith.  Walking thousands of miles must have took months if not years, and each step an act of obedience.  Tying his son to a makeshift altar and raising the knife was a work, not just faith.  It was an act of obedience.  He obeyed G-d’s commands, even willing to sacrifice his most precious.

    Jesus says in Matt 7:21 those who “do the will of My Father” will enter Heaven.  I agree that faith is the foundation of righteousness, but obedience is the state of righteousness.

    • #32
  3. Cassandro Coolidge
    Cassandro
    @Flicker

    Manny (View Comment):

    Lawst N. Thawt (View Comment):

    It’s kind of hard to trust someone if you do not believe them and vice versa. The thief and the tax collector believed. And neither had the benefit of the cross.

    So righteousness by faith alone? :) Are you Protestant? I’m pretty sure you are. Let me ask you, if a pastor of a church cheats on his wife with another woman, is he in a state of righteousness? It’s been known to happen. And I take it the pastor still has faith. Is justification synonymous with righteousness? And are both synonymous with salvation? What’s the difference between the three terms? Why have three different terms if they all mean the same thing?

    God listens to the righteous but not the sinner. So now maybe ask, when was Abrahams’s belief counted as righteousness? To be fair, maybe God liked Abraham more than He likes the rest of us, but if our belief is counted as righteousness, then how can a believer be a sinner?

    But Abraham walked thousands of miles to the holy land at G-d’s command (Gen 12); Abraham attempted to sacrifice his son at G-d’s command (Gen 22). He didn’t just have faith. Walking thousands of miles must have took months if not years, and each step an act of obedience. Tying his son to a makeshift altar and raising the knife was a work, not just faith. It was an act of obedience. He obeyed G-d’s commands, even willing to sacrifice his most precious.

    Jesus says in Matt 7:21 those who “do the will of My Father” will enter Heaven. I agree that faith is the foundation of righteousness, but obedience is the state of righteousness.

    And when they asked Jesus what doing the work was, He said: Believe on Him whom He has sent.

    • #33
  4. Lawst N. Thawt Inactive
    Lawst N. Thawt
    @LawstNThawt

    Manny (View Comment):

    Lawst N. Thawt (View Comment):

    It’s kind of hard to trust someone if you do not believe them and vice versa. The thief and the tax collector believed. And neither had the benefit of the cross.

    So righteousness by faith alone? :) Are you Protestant? I’m pretty sure you are. Let me ask you, if a pastor of a church cheats on his wife with another woman, is he in a state of righteousness? It’s been known to happen. And I take it the pastor still has faith. Is justification synonymous with righteousness? And are both synonymous with salvation? What’s the difference between the three terms? Why have three different terms if they all mean the same thing?

    God listens to the righteous but not the sinner. So now maybe ask, when was Abrahams’s belief counted as righteousness? To be fair, maybe God liked Abraham more than He likes the rest of us, but if our belief is counted as righteousness, then how can a believer be a sinner?

    But Abraham walked thousands of miles to the holy land at G-d’s command (Gen 12); Abraham attempted to sacrifice his son at G-d’s command (Gen 22). He didn’t just have faith. Walking thousands of miles must have took months if not years, and each step an act of obedience. Tying his son to a makeshift altar and raising the knife was a work, not just faith. It was an act of obedience. He obeyed G-d’s commands, even willing to sacrifice his most precious.

    Jesus says in Matt 7:21 those who “do the will of My Father” will enter Heaven. I agree that faith is the foundation of righteousness, but obedience is the state of righteousness.

    I’ve basically made a few observations, offered some additional information, and asked a few questions. And I think, though could be wrong, that you’re reading things I haven’t written or maybe just imagining where I may be “coming from.” 

    I also cautioned three times out of consideration for all.  If you’re looking for a better understanding, I am and I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t be, James recommends praying and Paul recommends reading scripture.

    Pray and read scripture.  Reading often leads back to prayer.  Hey, we’ve managed to come back to the topic.

    • #34
  5. colleenb Member
    colleenb
    @colleenb

    Manny (View Comment):

    I can tell you what my prayer requirements are as a Lay Dominican. [I wrote up a post on what is a Lay Dominican.] I’m supposed to do Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer of the Divine Office. In addition I’m supposed to pray a Rosary and go to daily Mass. But I do work, so I am excused from daily Mass, but the three main prayers, which take about fifteen minutes each, I squeeze in during the day, sometimes on the run. It’s such a beautiful moment when I can be by myself, relax, and just pray. In addition I tend to pry as I walk the dog, especially in the morning, or if I’m driving. I will say, that once prayer becomes integrated into your being, you let out or mumble to oneself prayers all the time as things happen or work or just live. The ultimate, which I haven’t quite reached yet, is to live in the constant presence of G-d, and to pray at all times without ceasing. May I reach that one day.

    Beautiful Manny. But don’t make your dog carry a torch while you’re walking ok? (Dominican joke.)

     

    • #35
  6. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    colleenb (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    I can tell you what my prayer requirements are as a Lay Dominican. [I wrote up a post on what is a Lay Dominican.] I’m supposed to do Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer of the Divine Office. In addition I’m supposed to pray a Rosary and go to daily Mass. But I do work, so I am excused from daily Mass, but the three main prayers, which take about fifteen minutes each, I squeeze in during the day, sometimes on the run. It’s such a beautiful moment when I can be by myself, relax, and just pray. In addition I tend to pry as I walk the dog, especially in the morning, or if I’m driving. I will say, that once prayer becomes integrated into your being, you let out or mumble to oneself prayers all the time as things happen or work or just live. The ultimate, which I haven’t quite reached yet, is to live in the constant presence of G-d, and to pray at all times without ceasing. May I reach that one day.

    Beautiful Manny. But don’t make your dog carry a torch while you’re walking ok? (Dominican joke.)

     

    Haha!  I won’t. ☺️

    • #36
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