I watched President Biden’s State of the Union Address. It wasn’t my fault; Ricochet made me. Just be thankful you didn’t have to. It was bad, needless to say. Joe Biden is, well, Joe Biden, so no one expected soaring rhetoric, achievable goals, or a political change. He is what he is.

He began talking about Ukraine, which was pretty good, graded on the steep Biden Oratorical Curve. There was a nice moment when he recognized Ukraine’s Ambassador to the US. The best part was his conclusion that “our forces are not engaged and will not engage in the conflict with Russian forces in Ukraine.” He also referred to Ukrainians as “Uranians” and “Iranians,” respectively.

Then came the standard SOTU laundry list. He bragged about how great the economy is, then addressed inflation, weakly:

With all the bright spots in our economy, record job growth, higher wages, too many families are struggling to keep up with their bills. Inflation is robbing them of the gains they thought otherwise they would be able to feel. I get it.

…We have a choice. One way to fight inflation is to drive down wages and make Americans poor. I think I have a better idea to fight inflation. Lower your costs. Not your wages.

I haven’t seen any Republicans demand we “drive down wages and make Americans poor.” Maybe we read different newspapers. But Biden isn’t afraid to take controversial stances: he wants lower prices. Take that, Rethuglicans.

Then came the best part of the night, the President calling on a 13-year-old boy in the gallery. He needs insulin and Biden wants to make that medication cheaper. Please note, insulin was cheaper 13 months ago before Biden ended a low-cost program Trump created. Anyway, he wished the kid a happy birthday and the nervous boy beamed. The electric energy and excitement of the kid was sweet. (That’s the only reason it was my favorite part.)

Biden promised to reduce the cost of healthcare and child care by agreeing to a global minimum tax rate. This Davos/Great Reset/World Economic Forum claptrap is a dead letter in Congress, thank the stars above, but it gave Biden the chance to hate on the Kulaks and Wreckers for subverting the glorious revolution.

Biden also blasted Trump for increasing the national debt even though Biden has increased it $1.5 trillion in the past year, and demanded government spend more for an endless list of pet projects. It was odd how much time Biden spent selling failed plans from last year, but the Democrats dutifully applauded and Republicans rolled their eyes.

You could have traded half this SOTU with a Biden 2020 stump speech and no one would have noticed.

The president signaled ever so slightly that we should move on from masks, but was vague on details. Then came one of several odd statements:

We won’t stop. We cannot build a wall high enough to keep out a vaccine — the vaccine can stop the spread of these diseases…. Let’s use this moment to reset.

I hadn’t heard of a Vaccine Wall. Guess we do read different newspapers.

The president’s energy throughout was cycling up and down at random; the Biden “mumble whisper SHOUT” speaking style gave America’s volume controls a workout.

He opposed calls to defund the police, lied about gun control, and gave a shout-out to Justice Breyer, who responded with a weird “namaste” gesture. Ketanji Brown Jackson, his Supreme Court nominee, also earned his praise.

Is this article boring you yet? I’ve got no sympathy. I had to watch it. You’re welcome.

Biden lied about the border, said we should protect women and LGBTQ+ and kids and veterans and addicts (didn’t mention Hunter). Finally came the Beau Biden Section. Every time the president speaks, he mentions his late son Beau and connects his death to whatever legislation he’s boosting at the time. This speech was no different. Joe is going to end cancer as we know it. Just like he did six years ago.

The only fireworks of the evening came from a shout by Rep. Lauren Boebert (R–CO). Biden said:

Our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan faced many dangers. One was stationed at bases and breathing in toxic smoke from ‘burn pits’ that incinerated wastes of war—medical and hazard material, jet fuel, and more. When they came home, many of the world’s fittest and best-trained warriors were never the same. Headaches. Numbness. Dizziness. A cancer that would put them in a flag-draped coffin.

Boebert interrupted with, “You put them in, 13 of them,” the evening’s only reference to Biden’s disastrous pullout from Kabul. Democrats booed her but at least someone mentioned President Biden’s most enduring legacy.

And that’s about it. I assume the SOTU ratings were low, there will be no movement in the polls, and no changes in the deadlocks on Capitol Hill. A dull, meaningless hour of theater delivered only because tradition required it.

You can stop reading now. I need a drink.