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Biden Says Next Air Force One Pilot Will Be Black Woman
With calls from within his own party to reimagine the elite retinue of Air Force One pilots into one that “looks like America,” President Biden announced that the next pilot to fly Air Force One will be a black woman.
In his statements from the White House Rose Garden, Biden said that the next Air Force One pilot will be the “most-qualified, active-duty military pilot who isn’t Hispanic, Native American or of Indian, Arab, Irish, Asian, Scandinavian, or Mediterranean descent.” Biden added that “Black men also need not apply,” stating that a president’s safety is too important to be left to anyone other than the most qualified pilot available, provided that the pilot is “a black gal.”
According to anonymous sources within the White House, Biden initially expressed concerns to his aides that a president’s safety when flying is too important to be left to considerations of race and gender, saying “This is my life we’re talking about.” Biden came around, however, after two female staffers fainted and a third male staffer vowed to literally self-immolate then and there if he didn’t choose a black woman. (All of the staffers were white.)
When asked by reporters for a timetable for naming Air Force One’s newest pilot, Biden stated that the decision’s timing would be determined by “You know, the thing.”
At press time, Biden said would not rule out a Jewish pilot per se, provided she was “merely culturally or religiously so rather than a true-blue ethnic Jew.”
Published in Humor
Hilarious. As someone pointed out, when you confine yourself to choosing from only 7% of the available candidates, it’s statistically improbable that you’re going to get the best available one.
He can make the next POTUS a black woman with a single stoke of his pen. He just does not have the commitment too.
This is white-male thinking.
Math is racist. And don’t get me started about statistics.
Next time I need to fly, I want a lesbian Eskimo midget albino for a pilot. A left handed one.
Sarah Jane by the The Dead Milkmen
“Sarah Jane”
Now, I understand that some of you don’t know Sarah Jane, so I’ll tell you a little bit about her.
She’s a lesbian Eskimo midget albino. She went to college and she started the Lesbian midget Eskimo Albino Student Union, and four hundred people signed up. There they were hundreds of ’em, lesbian midget left-handed Eskimo albinos. Did I mention the fact that she’s left-handed? She’s left-handed, alright
Girl’s got some strange hobbies. One of her hobbies is lowering children into open manholes, which is kinda difficult ’cause a lot of the children are taller than her, her being a midget and everything… or her being a left-handed midget… or her being a left-handed lesbian midget… or her being a left-handed lesbian albino midget… or her being a lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo… life can be really difficult on that young lady
She bit me once, you know. Right here, ya see this? Left a mark. She was lowerin’ a friend of mine’s kid into the sewer, I run up, and tried to stop her. I said, “Listen there, you lesbian midget left-handed albino! And you stop right there!” Then she bit me. I’m afraid I’m gonna… I’m gonna turn into a lesbian left-handed midget albino when the moon is full
Oh my God, the moon is full tonight! I can feel myself shrinking! I can feel myself getting left-handed! I can feel myself getting the urge to build an igloo! I can feel my skin turning white and my eyes getting red! I can feel… I can feel the urge… to buy a Suzanne Vega album!
No! Noo! Noo!
Oh, I’m okay; it was just gas
Is this a line from Terminator?
It’s lyrics from the “song”.
Are you prejudiced against transwomen?
Also, you didn’t mention that you wanted a Muslim lesbian Eskimo midget albino transwoman, did you?
Statistics are Asian-supremacist.
It took me till the middle of the second paragraph to be sure this was a joke.
Excellent that you have foreseen this from tomorrow’s Babylon Bee.
This made me laugh.
This was just hilarious and I liked it so much I used it in the post I just put up “All Animals Are Equal..” and it made the perfect counterpoint for a conclusion to a discussion which really needed some brightness and humor! Thanks again for this wonderful post– a real winner!
Sincerely, Jim
Exactly. It’s getting harder and harder to tell every day.
E—mo is considered by some to be as offensive as the n-word.
Babylon bee headlines are closer to the facts than MSM.
You bet, Jim!
Every Asian I have known were Asian supremacist, it is built into their mindset
The pilot will be selected from a group of qualified women. Joe will approach her from behind, but his hands on her shoulders, and sniff her hair to confirm the winning candidate.
I want to say “could it be any worse?” but we all know it could be.
Happy to hear it, Jim!
I want it to be. I want them to ride this tiger right into the ground then stomp on it.
Well, why doesn’t Biden just come out and identify as a black woman? He can be the first the first black woman president. ;)
There were once some rumblings that Bill Clinton was “the first Black President.”
I remember that stuff. They kept trying to sell it because he was smooth with women and played a sax.
Stealing Obama’s thunder…