Inane and Illogical Quotes From Our Era (Puns and Jokes Allowed)

 

The following discussion is not meant in any way, shape, or form to detract from the insight or wisdom offered by either past or present contributors of Quote of the Day discussions.

Instead, it is meant to reflect, however briefly, on those quotes that make little sense or are funny when taken within or without the full context.

Please offer up your own contributions, as often as you care to.

I will start with this classic: “My grandpa always said: ‘Whenever one door closes, another door opens.'” Great guy — horrible cabinet maker.

Or this one: “Let sleeping dogs lie.” In my household, we forbid our dogs to fib. Plus, if a dog is asleep, how can he tell a lie?

********************

Oxymorons are also encouraged (as long as they do not come from classified “military intelligence”).

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  1. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    “If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.”  (Attributed, perhaps falsely, to Dan Quayle) 

    • #1
  2. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    “Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.”

    • #2
  3. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    “Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.”

    Reminds me of the rockabilly guitarist who said of Keith Richards, “I spent a week one afternoon trying to teach him that lick.”

    • #3
  4. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    Favorite oxymoron? Congressional ethics.

    • #4
  5. JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery Thatcher
    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery
    @JosePluma

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    • #5
  6. aardo vozz Member
    aardo vozz
    @aardovozz

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    Unless we shouldn’t be doing today, what we weren’t doing yesterday, tomorrow…🤯

    • #6
  7. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    Is that quote from “Calvin and Hobbes”?

    • #7
  8. aardo vozz Member
    aardo vozz
    @aardovozz

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    Is that quote from “Calvin and Hobbes”?

    From our Vice President. But your attribution to “Calvin and Hobbes “ is understandable 😎

    • #8
  9. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    Is that quote from “Calvin and Hobbes”?

    • #9
  10. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    Percival (View Comment):

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    Is that quote from “Calvin and Hobbes”?

    It is like the speech from the movie The Candidate. Robert Redford had fun doing the meaningless stump speech, thinking it a great gag. After the movie he was horrified at the number of people who came up to him and told him it was the best and most meaningful political speech they had ever heard. And they weren’t joking. They meant it.

    • #10
  11. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    aardo vozz (View Comment):

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    Is that quote from “Calvin and Hobbes”?

    From our Vice President. But your attribution to “Calvin and Hobbes “ is understandable 😎

    One sad thing is that the current VeePee employs and uses speech writers to help her come up with these statements!

    • #11
  12. Mark Alexander Coolidge
    Mark Alexander
    @MarkAlexander

    “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

    “Nobody comes here anymore; its too crowded”

    “Never answer an anonymous letter.”

    Yogi Berra

    • #12
  13. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Mark Alexander (View Comment):

    “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

    “Nobody comes here anymore; its too crowded”

    “Never answer an anonymous letter.”

    ― Yogi Berra

    Player: “What time is it, Yogi?”

    Yogi: “You mean now?

    • #13
  14. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    I had many years that I was not so successful as a ballplayer, as it is a game of skill. And then I was no doubt discharged by baseball in which I had to go back to the minor leagues as a manager, and after being in the minor leagues as a manager, I became a major league manager in several cities and was discharged, we call it “discharged,” because there is no question I had to leave.

    — Casey Stengel, testimony before the Senate Anti-Trust and Monopoly Subcommittee, July 8, 1958.

    • #14
  15. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    My views are just about the same as Casey’s.

    — Mickey Mantle, same hearing.

    • #15
  16. Terry Mott Member
    Terry Mott
    @TerryMott

    Mark Alexander (View Comment):

    “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

    “Nobody comes here anymore; its too crowded”

    “Never answer an anonymous letter.”

    ― Yogi Berra

    “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

    • #16
  17. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    Percival (View Comment):

    My views are just about the same as Casey’s.

    — Mickey Mantle, same hearing.

    Baseball player’s quote from  the future, when all of the players  attended school between 2017 and 2025:

    “It was one, two, three strikes you’re out,” but that was so racist. Math is white privilege, right?”

     

     

    • #17
  18. aardo vozz Member
    aardo vozz
    @aardovozz

    “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”— Groucho Marx

    • #18
  19. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    — Groucho Marx.

    • #19
  20. TGA Coolidge
    TGA
    @TGA

    H/T to Demotivators.

    • #20
  21. Jim McConnell Member
    Jim McConnell
    @JimMcConnell

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    JosePluma, Local Man of Mystery (View Comment):

    Inane and illogical?

    “It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

    I win.

    Is that quote from “Calvin and Hobbes”?

    From our current Vice president a couple of days ago, but she may have cribbed it from Pogo.

    • #21
  22. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    “Never dry fire a loaded gun.” — Flicker’s Life Suggestions #12

    • #22
  23. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist …” Last words of General John Sedgewick

    • #23
  24. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs.

    • #24
  25. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    Seawriter (View Comment):

    If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs.

    “You can hear everything around here except the truth and the sound of bacon frying.” I was told that my crazy great-aunt Ruth said that sometime around 1930. 

    • #25
  26. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    Everybody brings a measure of joy into this office -Some when they enter, some when they leave.

    • #26
  27. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    It ain’t no fun sitting in the sun all by yourself in the moonlight.

    • #27
  28. Doctor Robert Member
    Doctor Robert
    @DoctorRobert

    Flicker (View Comment):

    “Never dry fire a loaded gun.” — Flicker’s Life Suggestions #12

    Send it to Alec Baldwin.

    • #28
  29. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    Django (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):

    If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs.

    “You can hear everything around here except the truth and the sound of bacon frying.” I was told that my crazy great-aunt Ruth said that sometime around 1930.

    If nobody ever fried bacon near her, no wonder the poor woman  went crazy…

    • #29
  30. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):

    Django (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):

    If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs if we had some eggs.

    “You can hear everything around here except the truth and the sound of bacon frying.” I was told that my crazy great-aunt Ruth said that sometime around 1930.

    If nobody ever fried bacon near her, no wonder the poor woman went crazy…

    In that part of Kentucky the motto was, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”

    • #30
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