Late-Night Traffic Stop

 

One late night, I pulled a young feller over for rolling though a stop sign. After checking his license, I told him:

Since no one else was around and you haven’t been drinking, I’m giving you a verbal warning. Just be careful, OK?

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Has your dad retired yet?

What? Uh, yeah, last year.

He make his bird?

No, just a light colonel.

How are your siblings doing?

Fine? They’re still in high school.

Your folks didn’t move back here, did they?

No, they’re still in Abilene.

Yeah, I wouldn’t think so. So I’d guess you’re staying with family while you’re going to UNM?

Yeah, my uncle and aunt. Do you know my parents?

Nope; I’ve never met them, as far as I know.

Wha … ? What’s going on?

Relax, kiddo. I knew a lot of that stuff before you said a word. When you started talking to me and I ran your license, that filled in the rest.

How? I’ve never even gotten a ticket.

True, but your social security number showed you were born in New Mexico.  

Yeah, I was born here, but …

You moved to Texas when you were a kid?

Yeah. How’d you know I was gonna say that?

You’re driving a car with Texas plates, you have a Texas driver’s license, and, most importantly, you’ve got an obvious Texan accent. You don’t pick that up unless you’ve been living there for years.

OK, yeah, that’s right.

Now, what do Albuquerque and Abilene have in common?

They both begin with the letter “A”?

True, but, more importantly, they both have U.S. Air Force bases. Of course, the Dyess AFB sticker is a big clue. All of that told me your dad was military. Since senior NCOs seldom drive Toyota 4Runners and pass them on to their kids, he must be an officer. And if his kid who was born while he was in the service here is old enough to go to college, he’s pretty close to his 20.

OK, but how did you know about my brother and sister and aunt and uncle?

You’re going to school here. Even out-of-state tuition in New Mexico is cheaper than in-state in Texas. That tells me your folks have other college costs they’re concerned about. They sent you here so your brother and sister can go to college too. It’s especially cheap if you have someplace you can stay and not have to pay rent. The UNM off-campus parking sticker is another clue.

Wow, you know all about me.

Nah, this is just a parlor trick. I really don’t know anything. I don’t even know your major.

Engineering.

Really? Good for you. Both of my brothers are engineers. I was the dumb one in the family and decided to do police work. Well, work hard, keep your nose clean, and stop at all those stop signs.

Yes, sir.

Published in Humor
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There are 12 comments.

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  1. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    I question which of the brothers is smartest. Could the engineers have deduced all that? We’re pretty good at seeing patterns, but I think you took that to a whole ‘nother level.

    • #1
  2. TGA Inactive
    TGA
    @TGA

    Nice!  Makes me want to go out and find some random stickers to put in my car window.  Maybe a PETA one right next to “Everybody Loves Bacon”.  BLM and NRA, side by side.  That kind of thing.

    But then I don’t get pulled over particularly often, so it’d probably be a waste of time.  ;-)

    • #2
  3. MWD B612 "Dawg" Member
    MWD B612 "Dawg"
    @danok1

    Western Chauvinist (View Comment):

    I question which of the brothers is smartest. Could the engineers have deduced all that? We’re pretty good at seeing patterns, but I think you took that to a whole ‘nother level.

    It’s probably experience/years on the street that gives @josepluma that ability. With some time/training/experience, engineers could likely do the same.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    I’d say that his responding “yes sir” was a giveaway for the military connection. Great post, Jose.

    • #4
  5. JoelB Member
    JoelB
    @JoelB

    Elementary, my dear Watson.

    • #5
  6. David Carroll Thatcher
    David Carroll
    @DavidCarroll

    No way, Jose!

    • #6
  7. Douglas Pratt Coolidge
    Douglas Pratt
    @DouglasPratt

    Dang! That was some serious Sherlocking there. Outstanding.

    • #7
  8. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I’d say that his responding “yes sir” was a giveaway for the military connection. Great post, Jose.

    Not necessarily. It’s also a very Texas thing. 

    • #8
  9. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I’d say that his responding “yes sir” was a giveaway for the military connection. Great post, Jose.

    Not necessarily. It’s also a very Texas thing.

    Or, really, any kid who’s had “the talk” with his parents about how to interact with the police.

    • #9
  10. Phil Turmel Inactive
    Phil Turmel
    @PhilTurmel

    TGA (View Comment):

    Nice! Makes me want to go out and find some random stickers to put in my car window. Maybe a PETA one right next to “Everybody Loves Bacon”. BLM and NRA, side by side. That kind of thing.

    But then I don’t get pulled over particularly often, so it’d probably be a waste of time. ;-)

    I don’t know.  The conflicting signals might make them suspicious–and then look for a reason to pull you over. ):

    • #10
  11. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Maybe I should ask my son’s friend for one of his Socialist Rifle Association stickers. 

    • #11
  12. Allie Hahn Coolidge
    Allie Hahn
    @AllieHahn

    You’re a regular Sherlock or Hercule Poirot! I wish I was more observant and perceptive, but we all have different strengths. 😅 That was fun to read, thanks!

    • #12
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