XXI: 21 Years of Sobriety

 

On May 4, 1993, my wife of seven years left me. I crashed and burned. After a week and a half, I remember standing in front of the elevator at my office with the phrase from Star Trek ringing in my ears, “Your life, as you have known it, is over.” I entered “Cottonwood de Tucson,” an In-Patient Treatment Center for issues of Co-Dependency. They also had a significant program for alcohol and substance addiction. Needless to say, I didn’t drink while I was there, and I picked up my 30-day AA chip.

After Treatment, the recommendation is to attend 30 meetings in 30 days and 90 meetings in 90 days. I did that, going primarily to Co-Dependents Anonymous, but also Alcoholics Anonymous. The same higher power that can lead me to sanity in relationships also leads alcoholics to sanity concerning alcohol.

I remarried. In 1996, my second wife and I had a deck put in at our home. I thought, “Who the heck can not drink alcohol if they have a brand new redwood deck?” I am embarrassed to say that I preferred a “girl drink” of Bartles & Jaymes Peach Wine Coolers.

I have taken anti-depressants since 1993. My doctor pointed out to me that the value of the medication was cut in half if I had alcohol in my system. So, what. I wasn’t ready to stop drinking.

On January 4, 2001, I had my last drink of alcohol with my second wife. Our marriage was on the rocks. I remember not only the restaurant we were eating at, but the exact table we were sitting at, and what directions we were facing.

I decided to follow my doctor’s advice. I could see the direction I was going in and didn’t like what I saw. The next day, January 5, 2001, was my first day of sobriety. Wednesday, I picked up my 21st Anniversary Chip.

I have been binge-watching “The West Wing.” Leo McGarry was the Chief of Staff, and he relapsed over a glass of Johnny Walker Blue, a 60-year-old scotch. He points out that while lots of friends will embrace you if you go to treatment, if you relapse, they will not be so forgiving. (See Season 3, Episode 10, “Bartlet for America.”) When I picked up my 21-year chip, I noted that what makes us different is that unlike other groups, at AA, we don’t shoot our wounded. Instead, we welcome them home and embrace them. Someone who comes back to sobriety is welcomed with open arms, and we say that that person is the most important person in the room.

It is traditional to serve cake at an AA birthday. I bought a carrot cake and emblazoned on it was the roman numeral for 21, “XXI.”

I was planning on sharing the 12 steps of AA in this post, but I am going to quote something different, the 12 Promises of AA. This is read while they pass the basket for our meeting expenses:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

  1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
  2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
  3. We will comprehend the word serenity.
  4. We will know peace.
  5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
  6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
  7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
  8. Self-seeking will slip away.
  9. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
  10. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
  11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
  12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

AA is one of my families of choice. Ricochet is another.

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  1. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    Yikes!  I screwed up.  While trying to improve this post, I pressed the wrong button and sent it to “Draft.”  The problem is that I do not know how to get this out of “Draft.”  I drove to my office where I had the copy on my computer.  Thank you very much for the eight kind and lovely comments that you made, but I don’t know how to retrieve them!

    • #1
  2. KentForrester Coolidge
    KentForrester
    @KentForrester

    Gary, congratulations. 

    Your post was especially meaningful because I come from a family of heavy drinkers.  They continued drinking heavily to the end. 

    • #2
  3. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    KentForrester (View Comment):

    Gary, congratulations.

    Your post was especially meaningful because I come from a family of heavy drinkers. They continued drinking heavily to the end.

    I am so sorry to hear that.  I hope that you have healed from that.  

    • #3
  4. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    I know how hard this road is watching it. Congr1 atulations on 2 decades  plus 1 year. 

    • #4
  5. MDHahn Coolidge
    MDHahn
    @MDHahn

    Congratulations, Gary!

    • #5
  6. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Congratulations.

    • #6
  7. OmegaPaladin Moderator
    OmegaPaladin
    @OmegaPaladin

    Congratulations, Gary.

    Please do not consider Ricochet your family, that is not healthy.   We are a group of people who talk online.  Even people I have met in person I would not consider family.  I had the deepest respect for the late Boss Mongo but he was not family.    Co-worker ,  friend, or even role model but not family.

    I have fairly frequent political arguments with my real family, and that is way more stressful than anything I do here.  My parents are ending family reunions because my aunt & uncle have different politics.  You would probably cheer them on, but family goes deeper than that, way more than a place for political sermonizing and axe grinding

    • #7
  8. hoowitts Coolidge
    hoowitts
    @hoowitts

    Gary,

    Every path in life is filled with extraordinary pains and pleasures; pitfalls and accomplishments. It is the nature of existence and simply unavoidable. It is the underpinnings of the Judeo-Christian faith: life will inevitably pile upon us something beyond our measure yet the faith and trust in an all loving, knowing and gracious G-d is unfathomably empowering and effective. No philosophy, psychology or social theory comes close to accurately describing the plight of man, nor provides the cumulative life-changing success stories.

    Your achievement is inspiring, as is the courage to share such a personal and intimate struggle. I pray those suffering similarly under the conditions of alcoholism, or many other afflictions, will find hope in your accomplishment and the strength from knowing there is a pathway to health.

    A hearty congratulations and may you pick up many more of these chips!

    • #8
  9. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Congratulations!

    • #9
  10. John Park Member
    John Park
    @jpark

    Well done, Gary!

    • #10
  11. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    OmegaPaladin (View Comment):

    Congratulations, Gary.

    Please do not consider Ricochet your family, that is not healthy. We are a group of people who talk online. Even people I have met in person I would not consider family. I had the deepest respect for the late Boss Mongo but he was not family. Co-worker , friend, or even role model but not family.

    I have fairly frequent political arguments with my real family, and that is way more stressful than anything I do here. My parents are ending family reunions because my aunt & uncle have different politics. You would probably cheer them on, but family goes deeper than that, way more than a place for political sermonizing and axe grinding

    You have a good point.  I have heard that “family is where they have to take you back.”  Under that definition Ricochet is not family.  However, AA would qualify as family.  If you have someone who has a history of frequent relapses come to an AA meeting, they will be warmly welcomed.  If they are under the influence, they are welcomed, provided that they listen and don’t disrupt.

    I have a story that has stayed with me.  A woman (call her Nancy) at a Flagstaff meeting said that she had moved to Juneau and had gone to an AA meeting and picked up a phone list.  While Nancy was unpacking a few days later, she came upon a gift box of booze.  She wavered for a moment.  Nancy  then took the phone list and started calling all of the women on that list.  After several misses, a woman answered the phone.  She was hosting a dinner party.  The dinner party host put her food on simmer, and immediately drove to pick up Nancy who she had no relationship with other than membership in AA.  The party host put out an additional place setting, and the asked Nancy to stay the night in the host’s guest room. The next day they went back and poured out the booze.

    When someone comes to their first AA meeting, a copy of the big book is passed around.  Everyone who is the same sex as the newcomer writes their name and phone number in the book.  I have done this many, many times.  If I got a call at any time 24/7, I would leave and meet the newcomer and go out for coffee.  I have told clients who have alcohol issues to call me before they drink, telling them that I will take them out for coffee.  I have taken clients to AA meetings and will get them a “sponsor.”

    We are always there for anyone who is willing to stop drinking.  No matter what.  We don’t shoot our wounded.  The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking.  AA is family.

    • #11
  12. Bigfoot - Human Impersonator Inactive
    Bigfoot - Human Impersonator
    @Bigfoot

    Blessings!!

    • #12
  13. DHMorgan Inactive
    DHMorgan
    @DHMorgan

    Congratulations on another year of sobriety.

    Keep the faith!

    • #13
  14. James Salerno Inactive
    James Salerno
    @JamesSalerno

    I’ll get banned for this, but what the hell, it’s January 6 and I’m in the spirit of the season…

    You are not family. You constantly disrespect every person here by not engaging in conversation, taking your ball and going home, then posting a picture of a puppy the next day like nothing happened. I don’t fall for this garbage.

    I wish you nothing but good health and prosperity, but I also think of you every time I need to refill my insulin prescriptions and they cost 3 times what they did last year for 1/3 the amount. I think of you when overhead costs are through the roof, forcing my friends to shut down their restaurants. I think of you when people are banned from the public square for exercising their 1st amendment rights.

    No, you made the choice to make everyone here’s lives harder. And you have never once given a rational response to why you made your decision when questioned. So many have made honest attempts to engage, and you just can’t take it. You quit. So no, you are not my family. You don’t get to post some fluffy nonsense and claim respect for your family when you so obviously have no respect at all.

    • #14
  15. Zafar Member
    Zafar
    @Zafar

    Congratulations Garry.  Many happy returns.

    • #15
  16. Hans Gruber Pfizer President Inactive
    Hans Gruber Pfizer President
    @Pseudodionysius

    I belong to Pseudonymous Pseudodionysius Anonymous Snuffleupagus.

    • #16
  17. Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patriot) Member
    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patriot)
    @ArizonaPatriot

    Good going, Gary.

    • #17
  18. BastiatJunior Member
    BastiatJunior
    @BastiatJunior

    Congratulations Gary!!

    Argue with you later,

    BJ

    • #18
  19. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    BastiatJunior (View Comment):

    Congratulations Gary!!

    Argue with you later,

    BJ

    This drew a laugh out of me.  Thanks.

    • #19
  20. OmegaPaladin Moderator
    OmegaPaladin
    @OmegaPaladin

    Gary Robbins (View Comment):

    OmegaPaladin (View Comment):

    Congratulations, Gary.

    Please do not consider Ricochet your family, that is not healthy. We are a group of people who talk online. Even people I have met in person I would not consider family. I had the deepest respect for the late Boss Mongo but he was not family. Co-worker , friend, or even role model but not family.

    I have fairly frequent political arguments with my real family, and that is way more stressful than anything I do here. My parents are ending family reunions because my aunt & uncle have different politics. You would probably cheer them on, but family goes deeper than that, way more than a place for political sermonizing and axe grinding

    You have a good point. I have heard that “family is where they have to take you back.” Under that definition Ricochet is not family. However, AA would qualify as family. If you have someone who has a history of frequent relapses come to an AA meeting, they will be warmly welcomed. If they are under the influence, they are welcomed, provided that they listen and don’t disrupt.

    We are always there for anyone who is willing to stop drinking. No matter what. We don’t shoot our wounded. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. AA is family.

    AA does good work.  One of the tragedies of Australia’s response to COVID-19 was disrupting AA meetings, putting vulnerable people at risk when they are under strain. 

    • #20
  21. Gary Robbins Member
    Gary Robbins
    @GaryRobbins

    OmegaPaladin (View Comment):

    Gary Robbins (View Comment):

    OmegaPaladin (View Comment):

    Congratulations, Gary.

    Please do not consider Ricochet your family, that is not healthy. We are a group of people who talk online. Even people I have met in person I would not consider family. I had the deepest respect for the late Boss Mongo but he was not family. Co-worker , friend, or even role model but not family.

    I have fairly frequent political arguments with my real family, and that is way more stressful than anything I do here. My parents are ending family reunions because my aunt & uncle have different politics. You would probably cheer them on, but family goes deeper than that, way more than a place for political sermonizing and axe grinding

    You have a good point. I have heard that “family is where they have to take you back.” Under that definition Ricochet is not family. However, AA would qualify as family. If you have someone who has a history of frequent relapses come to an AA meeting, they will be warmly welcomed. If they are under the influence, they are welcomed, provided that they listen and don’t disrupt.

    We are always there for anyone who is willing to stop drinking. No matter what. We don’t shoot our wounded. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. AA is family.

    AA does good work. One of the tragedies of Australia’s response to COVID-19 was disrupting AA meetings, putting vulnerable people at risk when they are under strain.

    In the first meeting, everyone had to wear masks, and there were only 7 people compared to the usual 20-25.  In the second meeting, we did not have to wear masks, and there were 19 people instead of the usual 30.

    • #21
  22. Doug Kimball Thatcher
    Doug Kimball
    @DougKimball

    Glad you were able to slay that dragon.  Good for you.  My mother was an alcoholic who died at 67 (my age) of pancreatic cancer.  I’m convinced it was related to her drinking.  Her mother was addicted to opiates and died of an overdose in her early 60s.  My mother had many siblings and half siblings, but those with whom she shared her mother’s genes, two men, all died in their early 60s of issues related to addiction.  There is alcoholism in my father’s family as well, but my father had no tolerance for liquor and was spared.  I have high tolerance and know that I could have easily slipped down the path of addiction, but I realized this in time and luckily, I’ve been able to keep this tendency in check.  It’s still there, but at bay. I’m glad you persevered.  Now, if only you could cure yourself of TDS.  Perhaps we should start a group?

    • #22
  23. Jim George Member
    Jim George
    @JimGeorge

    James Salerno (View Comment):

    I’ll get banned for this, but what the hell, it’s January 6 and I’m in the spirit of the season…

    You are not family. You constantly disrespect every person here by not engaging in conversation, taking your ball and going home, then posting a picture of a puppy the next day like nothing happened. I don’t fall for this garbage.

    I wish you nothing but good health and prosperity, but I also think of you every time I need to refill my insulin prescriptions and they cost 3 times what they did last year for 1/3 the amount. I think of you when overhead costs are through the roof, forcing my friends to shut down their restaurants. I think of you when people are banned from the public square for exercising their 1st amendment rights.

    No, you made the choice to make everyone here’s lives harder. And you have never once given a rational response to why you made your decision when questioned. So many have made honest attempts to engage, and you just can’t take it. You quit. So no, you are not my family. You don’t get to post some fluffy nonsense and claim respect for your family when you so obviously have no respect at all.

    @jamessalerno, I adopt as my own every single word you have written here. I note I told this member before that I was not a member of his family and that I would henceforth decline to even attempt to engage in any kind of substantive dialogue with him after several unsuccessful attempts to do so. 

    Lest there be any doubt as to my bona fides when it comes to knowing what it takes to obtain – and hold- a Medallion such as that in this member’s post, be assured that I have very personal reasons for knowing, and deeply respecting, the true grit and determination it takes to get there– and stay there.  

    It seems you and I are kindred spirits in that we are on record telling this member what we really think of him. As a matter of fact, I was – quelle horreur— “redacted” for publishing what I really thought of him as a fellow member of the Bar! Over a career extending  many decades with many briefs filed, many arguments made, many transcripts generated of all kind of speech, mostly – I hope- respectful but some a little sharp edged, and I had to join this “free speech” site to be “redacted” for the first time in a rather long life! 

    Of course, congratulations are due anyone who gets the XXI Medallion, as are due one who receives the X Medallion. One is a member of my family; the other most decidedly is not. 

    Thank you for this comment. Perhaps we will be banned together! Oh, the humanity! 

    Sincerely, Jim

     

    • #23
  24. Zafar Member
    Zafar
    @Zafar

    You could just choose not to comment. 

    • #24
  25. Jim George Member
    Jim George
    @JimGeorge

    Zafar (View Comment):

    You could just choose not to comment.

    Why? 

    • #25
  26. MDHahn Coolidge
    MDHahn
    @MDHahn

    Jim George (View Comment):

    Zafar (View Comment):

    You could just choose not to comment.

    Why?

    To not be a jerk about someone’s accomplishment? It’s not that hard guys.

    • #26
  27. Jim George Member
    Jim George
    @JimGeorge

    MDHahn (View Comment):

    Jim George (View Comment):

    Zafar (View Comment):

    You could just choose not to comment.

    Why?

    To not be a jerk about someone’s accomplishment? It’s not that hard guys.

    Word to the wise: be careful who you call “a jerk”– you might be — gasp — redacted! 

    If you can show me one thing “jerk” about what I wrote, I will refrain from reporting you  to the thought police. 

    Your play. 

    • #27
  28. MDHahn Coolidge
    MDHahn
    @MDHahn

     

    Jim George (View Comment):

    MDHahn (View Comment):

    Jim George (View Comment):

    Zafar (View Comment):

    You could just choose not to comment.

    Why?

    To not be a jerk about someone’s accomplishment? It’s not that hard guys.

    Word to the wise: be careful who you call “a jerk”– you might be — gasp — redacted!

    If you can show me one thing “jerk” about what I wrote, I will refrain from reporting you to the thought police.

    Your play.

    Am I supposed to be scared that you’ll report me? Instead of simply congratulating a fellow Ricochet member on an impressive milestone, you couldn’t resist knocking him for irrelevant disagreements. You mocked him for referring to Ricochet as a family. That’s a seems to fit the bill. 

    • #28
  29. Franco Member
    Franco
    @Franco

    Zafar (View Comment):

    You could just choose not to comment.

    I chose not to comment. Until now.

    On another thread Gary bragged in the comments that he got a few hundred views for his screed featuring Liz Cheney. Even though views by themselves are irrelevant – as though he has never heard the term “clickbait” or been accused by diverse members of trolling.

    The post had 5 likes. I pointed this out to him since he was bragging ( like Trump does?) about his many views.

    Then Gary put up this post celebrating his anniversary. By the way, if I recall, this is not the first time Gary has posted a celebration of his sober anniversary. If all goes well, we can look forward to reading about his 22nd anniversary next year – not forgetting the whole One Day at a Time thing…

    His response to that comment, on the Liz Cheney thread was to cite this posts 26 (at the time) likes.

    So if Gary is going to live and die by views and likes – even citing this very personal and apparently heartfelt post for it’s ‘likes’ I’m going to take that as the defense “opening the door” for the prosecution metaphorically speaking.

    You can’t make this stuff up…

    I’d like to note that Ricochet is primarily a political site and we discuss politics here. Our common bonds are in conservatism and we develop over time friends and opponents. There is indeed some camaraderie  and often people will discuss their personal lives, although it’s usually in a political context or there’s some political point. Ricochet is not a site whereby people post their accomplishments and anniversaries. It’s not a sobriety support site. I’m sure there are several of those Gary can log into for free should he so choose. I have attended AA meetings myself years ago. That’s a great place to get support and attention. 

    It’s not as though Gary posts here sporadically. I have had him derail several of my posts years ago with comment after comment on the first page. Because the owners of this website get $500 per year from him, it could be construed they are reluctant to chastise him – although they have. I also been told by  moderators he causes them much consternation and work.

    My assessment is that Gary enjoys sticking a finger in his adversaries eyes (ever so politely) and then tries to hide behind his ‘humanity’, and then plays the victim, exposing his “mean” opponents.

    But that said…. congratulations Gary!

    • #29
  30. Jim George Member
    Jim George
    @JimGeorge

    MDHahn (View Comment):
    Am I supposed to be scared that you’ll report me? Instead of simply congratulating a fellow Ricochet member on an impressive milestone, you couldn’t resist knocking him for irrelevant disagreements. You mocked him for referring to Ricochet as a family. That’s a seems to fit the bill. 

    Note to Administrators/Editors

    From Member Jim George, a/k/a “The Jerk”

    I respectfully request that we be provided with a convenient mechanism by which we can easily convey to other members that we are writing parody or sarcasm, possibly in the form of a bright red and white sign, large enough so that it won’t be missed, in order to assure, to the extent possible, that those of us who try, ever so clumsily, to make light of a subject will not cause other members to be “scared” of our hurtful little words. This request is based on the fact that the dreaded philosophy of “language being violence” seems to have started taking root here at Ricochet and must be stopped ASAP before the company is required to install “healing rooms” with Hot Chocolate and Teddy Bears. 

    Most Respectfully Submitted, 

    Jim, The Jerk 

    • #30
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