A Fortune Can be Made!

 

I am new to the publishing scene, and I have a blockbuster idea that can make millions for those investors who like challenges and creative opportunities. My name is Dumma Zarock, and I invite you to join me on this journey of establishing genres that go beyond the usual, mundane definitions. More will be publicized later, but let me introduce you to this exciting new venture!

These newly defined genres appear under familiar titles, but pack a punch for the reader who has difficulty following the politics of the time, but wants to be well-informed. Here in a nutshell are our plans going forward:

Science Fiction: We are bombarded with the science from the Biden Administration. They rely on “experts” and agencies who obfuscate to keep us informed about the latest nuances of the COVID virus, such as wearing a mask, not wearing a mask, wearing masks indoors, wearing masks outdoors, not wearing masks indoors, not wearing masks outdoors, wearing masks as the latest fashion statement, wearing masks in the shower. You get the idea. The stories will project into the future that we will conquer this disease by admitting that it will be endemic. It will become the greatest science fiction tale of all time!

Self-Help: Readers are going to love this one: how to infuse your life with fear for a lifetime! You will only need to wear double masks, wherever you go. You will be able to avoid shunning as long as you obey the powers-that-be and pay attention to the angry Karens who will show up everywhere. Readers will learn that they can stop worrying about their obesity, diabetes, and heart conditions, as long as they are vaccinated four times—that’s right, only four times! Everyone will be put on an annual quarterly schedule, whether you ask for it or not. A new healthy America will be just around the corner!

Religion: For those who feel lost or abandoned, they will be introduced to the new and improved Marxism. Classes will be available everywhere: online, at every Elk’s Hall and Masonic Temple. Competition for jobs and positions will disappear, as everyone will be given a fair opportunity for employment and salary. Marxist Halls will eventually be built, so that every community will have several locations for people to come together and commune on the tenets of fairness and equity.

Biography: This genre will feature the stars of the 21st century: Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Adam Schiff, to name a few. The relics of the past who clutter up the shelves of libraries will be removed; you won’t have to wade through the biographies of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or James Madison. Only the compassionate, powerful, and unfairly maligned will be featured in this series.

Business: Readers will be able to indulge in the stories of the leaders of the great corporations that are now leading this country: Pfizer, Chase Bank, Blackrock, Facebook, and other elite institutions. Companies and organizations will be featured that are making powerful strides in regard to the dangers of free speech, the importance of censorship, and blacklisting. You won’t find business books anywhere that take this unique approach.

Romance: This series will feature the great love affairs that can be found in the House of Representatives. Clearly, there has been a sweeping wave of narcissism, the likes of which have never been seen before. New efforts to invest in this lovefest are made every day, as representatives together continue to promote their desire to make miracles and ignore the Constitution. It is a sight to behold, and these books will highlight them in gripping detail.

*     *     *     *

These will be the genres that will be exploited, but we have many more we plan to invest in. We are excited about our “Mystery/Thriller” series that will keep the reader in suspense about just how much more havoc and fear we can create. A bonus will be the secret about their knowing your whereabouts at every waking moment. And even when you’re asleep!

The possibilities are endless! Join us on this new and unique journey!

[Photo courtesy of Unsplash.com]

Published in Culture
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  1. kylez Member
    kylez
    @kylez

    Dumma Zarock

    That took me a minute.

    • #1
  2. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    kylez (View Comment):

    Dumma Zarock

    That took me a minute.

    That’s great! I thought it would be too obvious. I rarely write satire, so this was all a gamble. Thanks for that feedback, kylez!

    • #2
  3. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Abandoning that fuddy-duddy History classification. It’s kind of necessary to do so, really.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Percival (View Comment):

    Abandoning that fuddy-duddy History classification. It’s kind of necessary to do so, really.

    Ah, I considered adding History–it would have been so much fun! But I had to draw the limit somewhere. I would have said something like–

    We will promote the true History of the United States, which began with the institution of slavery. Our history has been perverted with heroes that were slaveholders and denigration of the black people of those times. Now we can include our take on the 1619 Project, including our critique of the 1776 Project, which was written to defend white supermacy and undermine the despicable origins of our country.

    Something like that . . . 

    • #4
  5. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    If anyone wants to add more genre and your descriptions, have at it! I’m looking at you, too, @percival!

    • #5
  6. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Abandoning that fuddy-duddy History classification. It’s kind of necessary to do so, really.

    Ah, I considered adding History–it would have been so much fun! But I had to draw the limit somewhere. I would have said something like–

    We will promote the true History of the United States, which began with the institution of slavery. Our history has been perverted with heroes that were slaveholders and denigration of the black people of those times. Now we can include our take on the 1619 Project, including our critique of the 1776 Project, which was written to defend white supermacy and undermine the despicable origins of our country.

    Something like that . . .

    Perfect!

    • #6
  7. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    Romance: This series will feature the great love affairs that can be found in the House of Representatives. Clearly, there has been a sweeping wave of narcissism, the likes of which have never been seen before.”  

    I would not be surprised if Congress replaced all the statues in the Capitol’s Statuary Hall with mirrors.  It would be a politically correct move.  

     

    • #7
  8. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    DaveSchmidt (View Comment):

    Romance: This series will feature the great love affairs that can be found in the House of Representatives. Clearly, there has been a sweeping wave of narcissism, the likes of which have never been seen before.”

    I would not be surprised if Congress replaced all the statues in the Capitol’s Statuary Hall with mirrors. It would be a politically correct move.

     

    Fun house mirrors. For accuracy.

    • #8
  9. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    How about How To books.  I’ve written a couple on how to break out of prison and how to get fabulously rich in solitary (for entertainment purposes only) but I never published them as the time never seemed ripe.  Now it seems I’ve missed the peak.  My target audience is just being told to leave, go home, digest a little.

    I’m writing one now on How Close to Get to a Police Officer’s Nose Without Going to Jail and Other Fun Debating Facts.

    • #9
  10. KevinKrisher Coolidge
    KevinKrisher
    @KevinKrisher

    Percival (View Comment):

    Abandoning that fuddy-duddy History classification. It’s kind of necessary to do so, really.

    History books would be published in three-ring binders to allow for frequent revision. Much like the Great Soviet Encyclopedia in which, after Lavrenti Beria was purged, the article about him was replaced by one about the Bering Sea.

    • #10
  11. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Flicker (View Comment):

    How about How To books. I’ve written a couple on how to break out of prison and how to get fabulously rich in solitary (for entertainment purposes only) but I never published them as the time never seemed ripe. Now it seems I’ve missed the peak. My target audience is just being told to leave, go home, digest a little.

    I’m writing one now on How Close to Get to a Police Officer’s Nose Without Going to Jail and Other Fun Debating Facts.

    Now that’s the spirit, Flicker! Well done!

    • #11
  12. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    KevinKrisher (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Abandoning that fuddy-duddy History classification. It’s kind of necessary to do so, really.

    History books would be published in three-ring binders to allow for frequent revision. Much like the Great Soviet Encyclopedia in which, after Lavrenti Beria was purged, the article about him was replaced by one about the Bering Sea.

    Excellent suggestion, Kevin!

    • #12
  13. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    If not true that wold be really funny.  Well, it was funny anyway. 

    • #13
  14. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    KevinKrisher (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    Abandoning that fuddy-duddy History classification. It’s kind of necessary to do so, really.

    History books would be published in three-ring binders to allow for frequent revision. Much like the Great Soviet Encyclopedia in which, after Lavrenti Beria was purged, the article about him was replaced by one about the Bering Sea.

    In college we compared entries in the Encyclopedia Britannica with those in the Soviet encyclopedia.  Today the 1619 Project folks would probably use the USSR version to “correct” existing scholarship.  

    • #14