Sorry AOC, You Can’t Have Me

 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC): “If Republicans are mad they can’t date me they can just say that …” Hmmm. Don’t run into this situation very often. How do I let her down gently?

I guess honesty is the best approach …

Miss Cortez,

Even if I weren’t 62 years old and happily married, I would not be interested.

If I were single?  Nope.

I’ll level with you, Miss Cortez. Speaking as one who identifies as a straight guy, I will admit that you’re very pretty.  But brains matter and you don’t have any.

If you took half of your beauty and converted it into brains, you would end up with average amounts of both.

So, I will stay happily married to my current wife who has beauty and brains.

You should look elsewhere for your prospects.  The Democrats have a lot of guys that could match your intellect, and unimportant things like marital status don’t matter to them.

You’ll be happier there, as I am out of your league.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you left me no choice.

I sincerely hope that you can move on and find someone who will make you happy.

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  1. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    She should lower her sights and try for Libertarians.

    • #1
  2. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    I thought about asking her out, but I don’t accept charity and there is no reason to think she would either. 

    • #2
  3. She Member
    She
    @She

    I have heard a man go down a similar path when criticism from a woman hit home.

    I’ve never heard a woman rant that the only reason men are criticizing her is that they’re sexually frustrated that she’s unavailable to them.

    What narcissistic loons, all of them.

    Mad props to AOC for elevating Congressional rhetoric to the level of junior high school, though.

    • #3
  4. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Nope.

    As the saying goes don’t dip your wick into crazy.

    AOC is a new moon bat level of crazy.  Wouldn’t mind meeting her boyfriend.  Just curious to see what mixture of brave and stupid it takes to date her or even find her attractive.

    • #4
  5. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    I think sex with her would be pleasant but I would never like to talk to her. It reminds me of when I was in highschool I was quite fascinated by the beauty of the female form but they were so dumb that I hated to even listen to them talk. 

    • #5
  6. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Is this some weird game where she says, ‘you all want me,’ so that when we explain in specific terms why we don’t, she can claim that Republicans are unwashed and unwoke brutes who discriminate against democrats with horse teeth and pretensions of relevance in our choices of sexual partners? 

    She is about the cutest thing in all of congress and that’s a little like being homecoming queen in a mining camp. 

    • #6
  7. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    TBA (View Comment):

    Is this some weird game where she says, ‘you all want me,’ so that when we explain in specific terms why we don’t, she can claim that Republicans are unwashed and unwoke brutes who discriminate against democrats with horse teeth and pretensions of relevance in our choices of sexual partners?

    She is about the cutest thing in all of congress and that’s a little like being homecoming queen in a mining camp.

    Dad would say “tallest midget in the circus.”

    • #7
  8. Vance Richards Inactive
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    I imagine Hillary is sitting somewhere thinking, “So that’s why they don’t like me.”

    • #8
  9. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    I think sex with her would be pleasant but I would never like to talk to her. It reminds me of when I was in highschool I was quite fascinated by the beauty of the female form but they were so dumb that I hated to even listen to them talk.

    I have not found that, on average, women are dumber than men. They are quite different, and though I seldom agree with them, it’s sometimes interesting to see how the distaff side feels. 

    • #9
  10. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    Percival (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):

    Is this some weird game where she says, ‘you all want me,’ so that when we explain in specific terms why we don’t, she can claim that Republicans are unwashed and unwoke brutes who discriminate against democrats with horse teeth and pretensions of relevance in our choices of sexual partners?

    She is about the cutest thing in all of congress and that’s a little like being homecoming queen in a mining camp.

    Dad would say “tallest midget in the circus.”

    Dan Crenshaw seems pretty good looking. Also, I think he would be good at pillow talk. 

     

    • #10
  11. MiMac Thatcher
    MiMac
    @MiMac

    Time to consult the Hot Crazy Matrix

     

     

    the part about men is funnier…

    • #11
  12. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive.  But I may be in the minority.

    • #12
  13. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    Nope.

    As the saying goes don’t dip your wick into crazy.

    AOC is a new moon bat level of crazy. Wouldn’t mind meeting her boyfriend. Just curious to see what mixture of brave and stupid it takes to date her or even find her attractive.

    LOL!

    • #13
  14. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    I wouldn’t normally talk about someone’s physical appearance, but she opened herself up to be fair game.

    Cute figure is undeniable.  However she has a butter face.  She is gap toothed, buck toothed, bug eyed crazy.  I wouldn’t touch her with someone else’s ten foot pole.  You don’t need to be attractive to be in politics, it’s not normally expected, so I forgive New Yorkers for electing a gap toothed, buck toothed, bug eyed woman.  But I can’t forgive them for electing a crazy woman.

    • #14
  15. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    Manny (View Comment):

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive. But I may be in the minority.

    Not at all in a minority.

    • #15
  16. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    Skyler (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive. But I may be in the minority.

    Not at all in a minority.

    In your opinion, is AOC hot? from polls

    Indeed.

    • #16
  17. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Skyler (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive. But I may be in the minority.

    Not at all in a minority.

    Indeed.

    William Shatner Shatner 1o I'd do me!

    • #17
  18. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Skyler (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive. But I may be in the minority.

    Not at all in a minority.

    Indeed.

    William Shatner Shatner 1o I'd do me!

    • #18
  19. Manny Coolidge
    Manny
    @Manny

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    Skyler (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive. But I may be in the minority.

    Not at all in a minority.

    Indeed.

    As of now the poll stands :

    30  26.8%  Yes

    47  42.0%  No

    35  31.3%  Kinda

    • #19
  20. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    Manny (View Comment):

    Hahaha, I don’t even find her attractive. But I may be in the minority.

    You are not in the minority.  I think she is a bony stick-figure who has no womanly curves, like she never reached puberty.  I would worry about getting cuts and bruises if I bumped into her.

    • #20
  21. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    MiMac (View Comment):

    Time to consult the Hot Crazy Matrix

     

     

    the part about men is funnier…

    I saw that video more than two years ago. The guy is brilliant!

    • #21
  22. kedavis Coolidge
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Skyler (View Comment):

    I wouldn’t normally talk about someone’s physical appearance, but she opened herself up to be fair game.

    Cute figure is undeniable. However she has a butter face. She is gap toothed, buck toothed, bug eyed crazy. I wouldn’t touch her with someone else’s ten foot pole. You don’t need to be attractive to be in politics, it’s not normally expected, so I forgive New Yorkers for electing a gap toothed, buck toothed, bug eyed woman. But I can’t forgive them for electing a crazy woman.

    Rush used to say that politics is Hollywood for ugly people.

    • #22
  23. David Carroll Thatcher
    David Carroll
    @DavidCarroll

    The Mothers of Invention (Frank Zappa) described her best in their song, “What’s the Ugliest Part of Your Body?”

    What’s the ugliest part of your body?

    What’s the ugliest part of your body?

    Some say your nose,

    Some say your toes,

    But I think it’s your mind.

    Every time I see her image, I hear that song in my head.

     

     

    • #23
  24. She Member
    She
    @She

    So far, the funniest take on this I have seen is that between Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens on last night’s Tucker. I don’t know if it’s online somewhere, but it was nice to see two sane and confident people yukking it up at the expense of this narcissistic child-woman. Sad that she’s in the corridors of power.

    I do not find her particularly attractive (and no, I am not jonesing for a night in bed with her).  I don’t care much about her physical appearance, one way or the other, other than observing that—no matter how attractive some may think her now—if she doesn’t get that boulder off her shoulder, and quit stoking the fires of envy and class hatred, after 35 years in Congress she’ll have a face like Nancy Pelosi’s. Because sooner or later all that poison has to find its way out. It always does. 

    • #24
  25. Rodin Member
    Rodin
    @Rodin

    BastiatJunior:

    I sincerely hope that you can move on and find someone who will make you happy.

    Preferably in a bar, in Queens. 

    • #25
  26. TGA Inactive
    TGA
    @TGA

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    Nope.

    As the saying goes don’t dip your wick into crazy.

    AOC is a new moon bat level of crazy. Wouldn’t mind meeting her boyfriend. Just curious to see what mixture of brave and stupid it takes to date her or even find her attractive.

    A hockey coach from my youth had the perfect statement for it – there’s a thin line between guts and nuts.

    • #26
  27. jonb60173 Member
    jonb60173
    @jonb60173

    Wow, not that there was ever any doubt, but now I know she’s lost touch with reality

    • #27
  28. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    BastiatJunior: If I were single?  Nope.

    I would.  But she’s not the type I’d bring home to meet my parents.  Uh-uh.

    One night stand, Baby, and she’d have to live the rest of her life begging for Stad!

    No ego here . . .

    • #28
  29. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    She (View Comment):

    So far, the funniest take on this I have seen is that between Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens on last night’s Tucker. I don’t know if it’s online somewhere, but it was nice to see two sane and confident people yukking it up at the expense of this narcissistic child-woman. Sad that she’s in the corridors of power.

    I do not find her particularly attractive (and no, I am not jonesing for a night in bed with her). I don’t care much about her physical appearance, one way or the other, other than observing that—no matter how attractive some may think her now—if she doesn’t get that boulder off her shoulder, and quit stoking the fires of envy and class hatred, after 35 years in Congress she’ll have a face like Nancy Pelosi’s. Because sooner or later all that poison has to find its way out. It always does.

    Rosa DeLauro, my representative until I defected from the Democratic Peoples Republic of Connecticut.

    • #29
  30. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    I’d post an image of Rosa, but I don’t want to spoil anyone’s breakfast.

    • #30
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