San Francisco Cracks Down On Maskless Shoplifting

 

In an effort to follow through on her promised transition from defunding to refunding the police, San Francisco Mayor London Breed announced that the city would take a zero-tolerance approach to maskless shoplifting, promising stiffer sentences for those who fail to properly mask up when relieving stores of hundreds of dollars in merchandise the proceeds from which are then fenced and laundered before you’re back from lunch.

“Additionally,” added the mayor, “proper masking makes it more difficult for us to identify you, if you know what I mean,” winking a press cameras.

The mayor also warned prospective maskless shoplifters that social distancing guidelines must also be adhered to, warning that failure to “keep distance” may result in a limit on the number of shoplifters permitted to gather at one place.

At press time time, Mayor Breed has turned herself in after vowing to track down those responsible for the city’s spike in crime.

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  1. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    David Deeble: San Francisco Mayor London Breed announced that the city would take a zero-tolerance approach to maskless shoplifting, promising stiffer sentences for those who fail to properly mask up when relieving stores of hundreds of dollars in merchandise the proceeds from which are then fenced and laundered before you’re back from lunch. 

    I hope she’s also going to crack down on maskless bank robberies, maskless murders, and maskless burglaries . . .

    • #1
  2. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    So now there’ll be an upsurge in masks being shoplifted.

    • #2
  3. Columbo Member
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    OMG!! Maskless! How dare they!

    • #3
  4. jonb60173 Member
    jonb60173
    @jonb60173

    Developing a more civic minded thief, how clever

    • #4
  5. Jim George Member
    Jim George
    @JimGeorge

    Stad (View Comment):
    I hope she’s also going to crack down on maskless bank robberies, maskless murders, and maskless burglaries . . .

    And maskless carjackings, especially when it’s a Congressperson’s car! 

    • #5
  6. Derek Tyburczyk Lincoln
    Derek Tyburczyk
    @Derek Tyburczyk

    I was thinking,  Babylon Bee?, good one!

    • #6
  7. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    I find it odd how forceful the government is about masking.  Not long ago it was illegal for an adult to wear a mask in public outside a few exceptions, now it illegal not to.

    • #7
  8. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    This is make believe. right?

    • #8
  9. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    I Walton (View Comment):

    This is make believe. right?

    Isn’t everything?  It is all just your truth and your reality.  

    • #9
  10. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    I find it odd how forceful the government is about masking. Not long ago it was illegal for an adult to wear a mask in public outside a few exceptions, now it illegal not to.

    To take care of some family business a few months ago we had to make several visits to a particular branch of my wife’s parents’ bank near Sacramento,  California. I always chuckled at the conflicting signs on the entrance door – the long-present permanent sign, “Remove hats, sunglasses, and other items that obscure your face” and the handwritten sign, “Masks covering your nose and mouth required. “

    • #10
  11. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    I find it odd how forceful the government is about masking. Not long ago it was illegal for an adult to wear a mask in public outside a few exceptions, now it illegal not to.

    To take care of some family business a few months ago we had to make several visits to a particular branch of my wife’s parents’ bank near Sacramento, California. I always chuckled at the conflicting signs on the entrance door – the long-present permanent sign, “Remove hats, sunglasses, and other items that obscure your face” and the handwritten sign, “Masks covering your nose and mouth required. “

    One of my little things is I am constantly asking people with masks to repeat themselves.  Tell them I have a hearing disability that makes it hard to hear people that muffle their voice (true) I want it to be painful for them, get them to yell at somebody with a hearing disability.  

    • #11
  12. tigerlily Member
    tigerlily
    @tigerlily

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Fake John/Jane Galt (View Comment):

    I find it odd how forceful the government is about masking. Not long ago it was illegal for an adult to wear a mask in public outside a few exceptions, now it illegal not to.

    To take care of some family business a few months ago we had to make several visits to a particular branch of my wife’s parents’ bank near Sacramento, California. I always chuckled at the conflicting signs on the entrance door – the long-present permanent sign, “Remove hats, sunglasses, and other items that obscure your face” and the handwritten sign, “Masks covering your nose and mouth required. “

    One of my little things is I am constantly asking people with masks to repeat themselves. Tell them I have a hearing disability that makes it hard to hear people that muffle their voice (true) I want it to be painful for them, get them to yell at somebody with a hearing disability.

    I do this every so often too.

    • #12
  13. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    I Walton (View Comment):

    This is make believe. right?

    These days, satire becomes truth.

    • #13
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