I Was Assaulted by Bipartisan Operatives Because of My Conservative Politics

 

In the very early hours yesterday morning, I was walking through a residential area of Casper, WY, in search of a discarded Bernie Sanders yard sign. From out of nowhere I was tackled from behind by two men in fleece vests and pastel polo shirts with extra starch. They knocked me to the ground shouting “An independent voice for Utah!” The phrase carried no meaning for me at the time but I’ve subsequently learned that it’s the slogan of Evan McMullin’s campaign for the US Senate.

I believe the attack was motivated by my outspoken support for Utah Senator Mike Lee.

Startled and with the wind knocked out of me, I observed that the two men quickly became winded themselves as they lamely attempted to strike me with Lincoln Project fly swatters ($10). Needless to say, as a conservative I take my physical fitness very seriously and easily overcame the two paunchy attackers by removing their loafers and beating them repeatedly about the face as they shouted “Save the USPS!” and “Stop! I’m David Frum!”

Satisfied that the men no longer proved a threat, I detained them by removing their khakis and shaking loose from the pockets two Blackberry phones and several green room credentials for CNN, MSNBC, and Al Jazeera. I ascertained that the two men represented the No Labels organization, the militant wing of the Lincoln Project. One of the men then confessed that they were “merely attempting to combat partisan dysfunction in politics and build a bipartisan governing coalition.”

It is hard to believe that in America in 2021, a principled conservative can’t walk the streets of Wyoming without risk of being assaulted by Deep State-adjacent, third-way political operatives.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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  1. Victor Tango Kilo Member
    Victor Tango Kilo
    @VtheK

    “This is McMuffin Country!” 

    • #1
  2. MiMac Thatcher
    MiMac
    @MiMac

    saying they were bipartisan Lincoln Project people isn’t helpful in identifying them- apparently many in the Lincoln Project are Bi, or non-cis or youth attracted or something……..

    • #2
  3. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    Be glad you weren’t attacked by Liz Cheney.  That might have been rougher.

    • #3
  4. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    MiMac (View Comment):

    saying they were bipartisan Lincoln Project people isn’t helpful in identifying them- apparently many in the Lincoln Project are Bi, or non-cis or youth attracted or something……..

    But hey, enough about Kirsten Sinema… ;)

    • #4
  5. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    I had to go to the link about the flyswatter to see if it was real. People really buy these things? Good grief. 

    • #5
  6. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    This is Mitt Country!

    • #6
  7. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I had to go to the link about the flyswatter to see if it was real. People really buy these things? Good grief.

    Percival (View Comment):

    This is Mitt Country!

    I thought about that!
    .

    • #7
  8. MiMac Thatcher
    MiMac
    @MiMac

    Evan McMullin? Isn’t he a third rate imitation of Harold Stassen? No disrespect meant for Harold.

    Addednum- the only thing worse than a career in politics, is a career in running for office….

    • #8
  9. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I had to go to the link about the flyswatter to see if it was real. People really buy these things? Good grief.

    Think of the minds that hawk Kamala Harris “I’m speaking” face masks or  make a mission out of saving the United States Postal Service.

    • #9
  10. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    David Deeble (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I had to go to the link about the flyswatter to see if it was real. People really buy these things? Good grief.

    Think of the minds that hawk Kamala Harris “I’m speaking” face masks or make a mission out of saving the United States Postal Service.

    Yep. I don’t get nearly as mad at the misguided, gullible, naive democrats as I do these people who used to consider themselves Republicans. Trump really did expose a lot of people for who they are and always have been. For that, I am truly grateful. I am also grateful to you, David, for making a joke out of them. They do make it almost too easy, though. 

    • #10
  11. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Made me LOL for real.

    • #11
  12. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Percival (View Comment):

    This is Mitt Country!

    As in oven mitt? I loved the line about beating them with their own loafers….

    • #12
  13. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    This is Mitt Country!

    As in oven mitt? I loved the line about beating them with their own loafers….

    Romney oven Mitts! Don’t give them

    ideas…

    • #13
  14. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    David Deeble: From out of nowhere I was tackled from behind by two men in fleece vests and pastel polo shirts with extra starch. They knocked me to the ground shouting “An independent voice for Utah!” The phrase carried no meaning for me at the time but I’ve subsequently learned that it’s the slogan of Evan McMullin’s campaign for the U.S. Senate.

    Were you carrying a Subway sandwich?

    • #14
  15. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    Did they tell you which indigenous tribe used to own this land? If not, they’re frauds.

    • #15
  16. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    When is the Don Lemon interview?

    • #16
  17. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I had to go to the link about the flyswatter to see if it was real. People really buy these things? Good grief.

    The stuff they emit tends to attract a lot of flies, so it creates a demand for the product. 

    • #17
  18. David Deeble Member
    David Deeble
    @DavidDeeble

    Hoyacon (View Comment):

    When is the Don Lemon interview?

    Tucker Carlson more like it!

    • #18
  19. Dbroussa Coolidge
    Dbroussa
    @Dbroussa

    David Deeble: I ascertained that the two men represented the No Labels organization, the militant wing of the Lincoln Project.

    It’s a good think you weren’t a young boy…then they really would have been dangerous to you.

    • #19
  20. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    David Deeble: Startled and with the wind knocked out of me, I observed that the two men quickly became winded themselves as they lamely attempted to strike me with Lincoln Project fly swatters ($10).

    Mwahahahaaa! I wonder how many $10 “lie” swatters they’ve sold? This year’s hot seller for stocking stuffers in all the NT households. 

    • #20
  21. kedavis Member
    kedavis
    @kedavis

    Western Chauvinist (View Comment):

    David Deeble: Startled and with the wind knocked out of me, I observed that the two men quickly became winded themselves as they lamely attempted to strike me with Lincoln Project fly swatters ($10).

    Mwahahahaaa! I wonder how many $10 “lie” swatters they’ve sold? This year’s hot seller for stocking stuffers in all the NT households.

    Thing is, they probably get a lot more “hits” from this post, than anything else.

    • #21
  22. CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill Coolidge
    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill
    @CarolJoy

    David Deeble (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I had to go to the link about the flyswatter to see if it was real. People really buy these things? Good grief.

    Think of the minds that hawk Kamala Harris “I’m speaking” face masks or make a mission out of saving the United States Postal Service.

    If the Left was ever even just a bit truthful, the masks would read “I’m cackling away like the Wicked Witch that I really am” Kamala Harris

    Also, no one knows how to pronounce her name as she has pronounced it as both “Camel-a” and as “Kah-mah-la.” 

    So I guess if her cackling doesn’t confuse the public enough, having to figure  out when to say “Camel-a” and when to say  “Kah-mah-la” might be the final deal breaker. (The straw to break the “Camel-a”s back.) Plus almost no one liked her anyhow. Even Jill Biden saw to it she was made VP only  as insurance that Joe won’t be booted out by the 25th Amendment, or smothered in his sleep.

    • #22
  23. Gazpacho Grande' Coolidge
    Gazpacho Grande'
    @ChrisCampion

    I assume you’ve already called Mark Geragos.

    • #23
  24. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    CarolJoy, Not So Easy To Kill (View Comment):
    So I guess if her cackling kackling doesn’t confuse the public enough, having to figure  out when to say “Camel-a” and when to say  “Kah-mah-la” might be the final deal breaker. (The straw to break the “Camel-a”s back.) Plus almost no one liked her anyhow. Even Jill Biden saw to it she was made VP only  as insurance that Joe won’t be booted out by the 25th Amendment, or smothered in his sleep.

    Fixed your typo. . .

    • #24
  25. GlennAmurgis Coolidge
    GlennAmurgis
    @GlennAmurgis

    I am surprised they didn’t torture you with articles from “The Bulwark” 

    • #25
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