The Age Double Standard, and Why It Makes Sense

 

My beloved sent this to me this morning. Color me surprised. Madonna is at it again. Being at least partially naked somewhere, talking about how sexy she is, trying to get more likes.

I get it. At 63, it’s probably difficult for even an “icon” like her to get the attention she was used to back in the ’80s and ’90s. She’s had a great run. But when we see pictures of her now, she’s either so made up as to be unrecognizable or else she’s haggard and awful-looking. Now, I’m pretty lackluster when it comes to my makeup and fashion sense. I will never win any awards. However, I’m also not in the public eye.

The article goes on to talk about the harshness of the double standard and how Mick Jagger was talked about (recently!) in terms of his sexiness and appeal, how the Sexiest Man Alive is 52 (Paul Rudd is Benjamin Buttoning his life), and how Sean Connery was regularly held as a sex symbol well through his 60s and 70s.

I thought about it and how unfair it is (and it truly is) but then also came to another realization: These men are not having plastic surgery. These men are not changing their appearances so much in the name of youth that they have become gross parodies of their former selves. When they do, men are similarly slighted.

Let us look at the examples of men with plastic surgery or suspected of having “work done”:

Barry Manilow. Clearly in the one shot, he’s doing a show and has his full face of makeup on. But you can see by the way the lines around his eyes are pulling that it’s not natural aging.

Burt Reynolds. Yeah. Just … yeah.Burt Reynolds Plastic Surgery Before and After Facelift ...

Blogging news around world..: Burt Reynolds Plastic ...Kenny Rogers. Oof.

Wayne Newton? I won’t even bother with the picture of Mickey Rourke.

Ultimately, when women or men use extreme procedures to look younger, society takes note. Most of the time, men are more ridiculed than women because they’re supposed to age normally and get sexier with every wrinkle. Women are looked upon as tragic aging creatures compelled to reverse time to maintain their jobs. While it isn’t incorrect (women over 30 in Hollywood become the “moms” in the movies), it can be really, really offensive to the eye. Subtle changes over time are better tolerated by society since it is just “upkeep.”

I think the real concern here is that there’s a general affront to trying to reverse time as opposed to just stalling it or “living healthy” in order to “maintain one’s appearance.” A little Botox can be explained away as a great facial, lighting, or even a new vegetarian diet. A little liposuction? A new workout regimen. But a facelift, nose job, or extreme surgery cannot be explained away quite so easily and appears to be desperate.

This is true for both men and women.

Yes, it is harder for women, and there is a double standard that women continue to look as young as possible as long as possible. But let’s look at some people without work done who are choosing to age gracefully (and are still getting jobs).

Dame Helen Mirren, for one:

HELEN MIRREN at HBO Golden Globes Awards After-party 01/05 ...

Andie MacDowell embraces her naturally grey hair at Cannes ...

Andie MacDowell, rocking the gray hair and still looking amazing …

Pierce (“I have a normal wife”) Brosnan: Pierce Brosnan Talks About His Exit from James Bond ...

Then we can look at the other side. When men in the public eye get work done, people notice. Hollywood gossip mavens recently ridiculed Tom Cruise for looking so different (and probably having had work done), so even Cruise isn’t exempt. Even with the power of Scientology behind him.

Tom Cruise pictured for the first time in a month since ...

In the end, yes, there’s a double standard. Yes, women have it harder (overall) with the pressure to maintain shape, to stay svelte, sexy, desirable, and wrinkle-free for their lives. It is true. But do not think that when men take aging to task that they’re exempt from public ridicule and scrutiny. Sure, there’s more of a chance of a man over the age of 40 being on the Sexiest Man Alive issue. But there’s also more of a chance that you’ll see more Instagram posts of starlets past their prime trying to show off their new work and become relevant again.

Whenever you see these things and think about the double standard, think about why, think about how, and try to remember that plastic surgery is only getting cheaper. Girls just past 18 are getting “baby Botox” to prevent wrinkles from ever forming. Teenagers are getting boob jobs. Just remember that Hollywood isn’t real life; but it does inform real life, and it does influence the next generation. If we do not start to really examine these trends and make commentary about aging, there’s a good chance that there will be a generation of youngsters that are horrified by aging. The men will expect the women to be frozen in appearance from their 20s while their fertility wanes (because actual biology always catches up). Women will continue to forgive men their aging and treat them like fine wines to be cherished … the ones that do not find ways to prevent their own aging. Society will become even more lopsided in favor of the haves, as we will be able to tell one’s wealth immediately: It will be written across their smooth, baby-soft face.

If you thought the double standard was bad now, there’s so much more opportunity for it to get worse.

And just think: With technological advances, we can look forward to many more Instagram posts from a scantily clad Madonna for the next 10-20 years!

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  1. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Jason Rudert (View Comment):

    I’ve been hoping we would do R>ate My Face. I think I’m aging gracefully.

    Just comb your hair and smile next time!

    • #61
  2. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    What I want to know is why do Scotsmen wear those sporrans right dead center over their private parts.  Is there something we’re not supposed to see?  Or are they simply calling attention to it?

    • #62
  3. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Jason Rudert (View Comment):

    I’ve been hoping we would do R>ate My Face. I think I’m aging gracefully.

    Me way back in high school:

     

    Me now:

    • #63
  4. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    Stad (View Comment):

    Me way back in high school:

     

    Me now:

    Ah, I see the difference.  You cut your hair.  Kind of a Rod Stewart look you’ve got going there.

    • #64
  5. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):
    You would think that by now Madonna would realize that trashy does not automatically translate to sexy.

    When would’ve she learned that lesson?

    • #65
  6. Kelly B Inactive
    Kelly B
    @KellyB

    Steven Seward (View Comment):

    What I want to know is why do Scotsmen wear those sporrans right dead center over their private parts. Is there something we’re not supposed to see? Or are they simply calling attention to it?

    Assuming they’re True Scotsmen, they probably have a vested interest in avoiding the Marilyn Monroe on the vent moments, and the sporran would weigh things down in a strategic location. 

    • #66
  7. Laura Gadbery Coolidge
    Laura Gadbery
    @LauraGadbery

    That was… Tom Cruise? 

    • #67
  8. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    My wife and I have been married 42 years. I still like to feel her ass and she still likes me to do it. I guess that’s all that matters.

    We are at 27 and plan to be that way at 42 years too.

     

    • #68
  9. Suspira Member
    Suspira
    @Suspira

    Not in the same universe as too much plastic surgery, but I am always puzzled by famous women who keep the hairstyle they had when they hit the big time. It starts to look weird, IMO.

    • #69
  10. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Suspira (View Comment):

    Not in the same universe as too much plastic surgery, but I am always puzzled by famous women who keep the hairstyle they had when they hit the big time. It starts to look weird, IMO.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Saw one of those the other day.

    An Interview With Soap Alum Lee Grant - Soaps In Depth

    Lee Grant and the fallout of the blacklist - CBS News

     

    • #70
  11. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    BDB (View Comment):
    None of this is to gainsay a healthy and long-lasting relationship.  My own wife, slightly north of 29, is irreplaceable in my life.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  But Hollywood is all image, and when image is your coin, market value is your standard.  Same with “real” people at first glance — the first thing you notice when you see somebody is whatever you see.  That’s image.

    Indeed, and if the image I see is an older woman trying to be and be perceived as something she is not, then I don’t take that woman very seriously. Same with older men, actually. A man 60+ who has more than his top button unbuttoned; prominent chains or bracelets; excessive plastic surgery; bad hair coloring or toupee; ostentatious display of modern expensive toys obviously to impress young women.  

    I’m not so sure about the double standard being the problem. The problem is our personal standards. Why do some 60+ women want to be perceived as sexy in the same way they may have been when they were 30? Perhaps the answer to that is that men are interested in sex nearly from cradle to grave, and the women still want to have relationships with men (any man). Then either they need to have been in a committed relationship since they were much younger, or they need to do what they can to make themselves appear to be what is attractive to men. Except that there are limits, Sophia Loren and a few rare exceptions notwithstanding.  Why is attraction the primary variable? Because sex is a primary variable for men, young and old. Not  the only variable, but a/the primary one.

    Do men face similar circumstances? Yes, but not nearly as much or as significantly. Men in their 50+ range want to be perceived as attractive because they want sex frequently. Their options are similar to a woman’s options: they need to have been in a committed relationship since they were much younger, or they need to do what they can to make themselves appear to be what is attractive to the women they would want to bed. The limits are different, but there are still limits and they get crossed, naturally gifted men like Sean Connery notwithstanding. Marlon Brando might serve as the counter. 

    So the optimal (certainly not only) answer in both cases is to enter a long term relationship earlier rather than later when it’s too late. That optimal answer might also include a built in age gap between men (older) and women (younger) when that relationship is formed, but that isn’t necessary.

    • #71
  12. Phil Turmel Inactive
    Phil Turmel
    @PhilTurmel

    Jason Rudert (View Comment):
    I think I’m aging gracefully.

    Well, no gray yet, at least.

    • #72
  13. Stina Inactive
    Stina
    @CM

    I have no issues with the double standard because when things get hairy and a bit less certain, the double standard will keep the world moving.

    And I care less about individual people’s vanity and sense of worth than I do that things keep going.

    • #73
  14. DrewInWisconsin, Oaf Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf
    @DrewInWisconsin

    TheRightNurse: If we do not start to really examine these trends and make commentary about aging, there’s a good chance that there will be a generation of youngsters that are horrified by aging.

    I think we’re already there.

    • #74
  15. Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patriot) Member
    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patriot)
    @ArizonaPatriot

    I question the conceptualization of different views of male and female attractiveness as a “double standard.”

    I don’t really think that someone is deciding on some standard of beauty or attractiveness.  My impression is that this is a natural thing.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it is related to the biological facts about male and female fertility, combined with social factors relating to wealth and wisdom among older men.

    • #75
  16. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    In 1979, at the age of 78, Marlene Dietrich made one final film appearance in the David Bowie flick, Just a Gigolo. Still stunning, she retreated to her Paris apartment after that and was never seen in public again.

    Her fellow German actor and co-star in Judgment at Nuremberg, Maximilian Schell, wanted to produce a documentary on her life in the 1980s and she would only participate in sound – no pictures – because she wanted to be remembered for what she was, not what she had become.

    • #76
  17. Locke On Member
    Locke On
    @LockeOn

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse: If we do not start to really examine these trends and make commentary about aging, there’s a good chance that there will be a generation of youngsters that are horrified by aging.

    I think we’re already there.

    They’ll grow out of it.

    • #77
  18. DrewInWisconsin, Oaf Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Locke On (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse: If we do not start to really examine these trends and make commentary about aging, there’s a good chance that there will be a generation of youngsters that are horrified by aging.

    I think we’re already there.

    They’ll grow out of it.

    Or they’ll be so unable to cope with aging they’ll choose a Swiss Suicide Pod.

    • #78
  19. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    Locke On (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse: If we do not start to really examine these trends and make commentary about aging, there’s a good chance that there will be a generation of youngsters that are horrified by aging.

    I think we’re already there.

    They’ll grow out of it.

    Or they’ll be so unable to cope with aging they’ll choose a Swiss Suicide Pod.

    Swiss Suicide Pod?  I just had to go look that up.  How bizarre!

    • #79
  20. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Ed G.: Why is attraction the primary variable? Because sex is a primary variable for men, young and old. Not  the only variable, but a/the primary one.

    Personally, I think that the secret is to be in a long term committed relationship. Then, as your eyesight fades with age, your partner always looks as good as the day you married them.

    • #80
  21. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Ed G.: Why is attraction the primary variable? Because sex is a primary variable for men, young and old. Not the only variable, but a/the primary one.

    Personally, I think that the secret is to be in a long term committed relationship. Then, as your eyesight fades with age, your partner always looks as good as the day you married them.

    Hm.  I only married one.

    • #81
  22. Django Member
    Django
    @Django

    Mad Gerald (View Comment):

    Hmm. I remember when Madonna published a book entitled Sex in 1992. It made a big splash. The local book seller was selling it for $35.00. It came in a plain, sealed plastic wrapper so I never saw the contents. It occurred to me that I might buy the book, keep it unopened, and sell at a profit in the future. But $35 was far more than I could then afford for something so speculative. Plus, trying to flog such an item before the internet would have involved embarrassing personal interactions.

    So, just now I looked at the prices for this book on Amazon. Many are opened and prices start at $142 for a “Good” used copy. The cheapest unopened copy is $250. Prices go as high as $799. I guess I missed my chance.

    By the way, the first internet search I did for Madonna+book had an amazing number of other hits. Who knew she was a prolific author?

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    The kicker is that Sex can now be viewed online for free, apparently uncensored or abridged. It’s the ultimate in cheap Sex, I guess.

    I remember a reviewer saying that Madonna’s book on sex would do more to promote chastity than all of the “Just Say No” speeches combined. Never looked at it myself.

    • #82
  23. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. Stephens
    @BryanGStephens

    There is also a trend to take an old shot that was made up and posed, then compare it to a still or a quick shot of someone going about their day. 

    Not at all reasonable. 

    • #83
  24. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Ed G.: Why is attraction the primary variable? Because sex is a primary variable for men, young and old. Not the only variable, but a/the primary one.

    Personally, I think that the secret is to be in a long term committed relationship. Then, as your eyesight fades with age, your partner always looks as good as the day you married them.

    Hm. I only married one.

    Buy one get one free.

    • #84
  25. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    EJHill (View Comment):

    In 1979, at the age of 78, Marlene Dietrich made one final film appearance in the David Bowie flick, Just a Gigolo. Still stunning, she retreated to her Paris apartment after that and was never seen in public again.

    Her fellow German actor and co-star in Judgment at Nuremberg, Maximilian Schell, wanted to produce a documentary on her life in the 1980s and she would only participate in sound – no pictures – because she wanted to be remembered for what she was, not what she had become.

    When a woman has been beautiful in her youth, it gets very hard to face a mirror. My mother went through that. I’ve wondered if that’s perhaps what may have pushed Carrie Fisher over the edge. Maggie Smith has said she never watches the movies or episodes of Downton Abbey she was in. 

    To us, these women looked beautiful. But to them, it was hard adjust to the changes. 

    I’ve always loved Jenny Joseph’s poem “Warning“: 

    When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
    With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
    I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
    And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
    And learn to spit.

    You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
    And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
    Or only bread and pickle for a week
    And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

    But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
    And pay our rent and not swear in the street
    And set a good example for the children.
    We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

    But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
    So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
    When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

    The other trend, an opposite one to accepting the battle scars of a life well lived, has been to take care of the outer self much better than past generations of women have been able to do. I think that’s a good thing. In general, my mom’s generation would have said that men aged much better than women. Getting another ten years of looking and feeling good was an ambition for my mom’s generation that I think their daughters and granddaughters actually achieved to some extent. Good nutrition, good healthcare, and lots of exercise. Fifty is the new forty, forty is the new thirty, thirty is the new twenty. 

    • #85
  26. Ed G. Member
    Ed G.
    @EdG

    It is weird, though. As a kid I remember old ladies and old men all over the place. Gray or white hair; moving slower and stiffer; glasses; no or less makeup. Turns out those people were 55+. Nowadays there’s nary a gray hair around unless a person is 80+. So much hair coloring; so much “dressing younger” instead of old dudes in short sleeved button downs with reading glasses and a pen in the front pocket and instead of old women with sensible shoes a shawl and a babushka. 

    I doubt anything changed about biology or even psychology; people have been dealing with human urges and human nature since Adam and Eve. Must be cultural that now old people are so invested in being perceived as sexually attractive that they go to greater lengths further into their aging. Are the penalties for the fake foolery less than they used to be? Are the rewards for aging gracefully with dignity less than they used to be?

    • #86
  27. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    I’ve always been curmudgeonly.  I’m growing into it.  Some day, you will all see… SOMEDAY!

    Meanwhile, I tell my son that growing old doesn’t just happen by accident — you have to WORK at it, and to respect my struggle.  It takes DECADES of hard work, and I WILL NOT BE DENIED.

    Harrumph.

    • #87
  28. MarciN Member
    MarciN
    @MarciN

    Ed G. (View Comment):

    It is weird, though. As a kid I remember old ladies and old men all over the place. Gray or white hair; moving slower and stiffer; glasses; no or less makeup. Turns out those people were 55+. Nowadays there’s nary a gray hair around unless a person is 80+. So much hair coloring; so much “dressing younger” instead of old dudes in short sleeved button downs with reading glasses and a pen in the front pocket and instead of old women with sensible shoes a shawl and a babushka.

    I doubt anything changed about biology or even psychology; people have been dealing with human urges and human nature since Adam and Eve. Must be cultural that now old people are so invested in being perceived as sexually attractive that they go to greater lengths further into their aging. Are the penalties for the fake foolery less than they used to be? Are the rewards for aging gracefully with dignity less than they used to be?

    Beauty is a constant. And we see beauty in the mass media constantly. We know what it is. Women simply want to look as pretty as they can when they look at themselves in mirror. :-) I think that’s all it is.

    It’s their own relationship with themselves. I don’t know how else to say that. :-)

    • #88
  29. Amy Schley, Longcat Shrinker Coolidge
    Amy Schley, Longcat Shrinker
    @AmySchley

    Ed G. (View Comment):
    Are the penalties for the fake foolery less than they used to be?

    Well, the fake foolery has gotten a lot less foolish looking. Hair dyes have improved enormously. Various anti-aging serums and creams have become more effective, not to mention that plastic surgery can be quite subtle should the patient want it. (I’m sure Helen Mirren and Gates McFadden have had work done.) The plastic surgery trying to make an older woman look like a beautiful older woman is quite different (and more effective) than the particular surgery trying to make an older woman look like a younger woman. 

    • #89
  30. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    BDB (View Comment):

    I’ve always been curmudgeonly. I’m growing into it. Some day, you will all see… SOMEDAY!

    Meanwhile, I tell my son that growing old doesn’t just happen by accident — you have to WORK at it, and to respect my struggle. It takes DECADES of hard work, and I WILL NOT BE DENIED.

    Harrumph.

    And get off my lawn!

    • #90
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