The Age Double Standard, and Why It Makes Sense

 

My beloved sent this to me this morning. Color me surprised. Madonna is at it again. Being at least partially naked somewhere, talking about how sexy she is, trying to get more likes.

I get it. At 63, it’s probably difficult for even an “icon” like her to get the attention she was used to back in the ’80s and ’90s. She’s had a great run. But when we see pictures of her now, she’s either so made up as to be unrecognizable or else she’s haggard and awful-looking. Now, I’m pretty lackluster when it comes to my makeup and fashion sense. I will never win any awards. However, I’m also not in the public eye.

The article goes on to talk about the harshness of the double standard and how Mick Jagger was talked about (recently!) in terms of his sexiness and appeal, how the Sexiest Man Alive is 52 (Paul Rudd is Benjamin Buttoning his life), and how Sean Connery was regularly held as a sex symbol well through his 60s and 70s.

I thought about it and how unfair it is (and it truly is) but then also came to another realization: These men are not having plastic surgery. These men are not changing their appearances so much in the name of youth that they have become gross parodies of their former selves. When they do, men are similarly slighted.

Let us look at the examples of men with plastic surgery or suspected of having “work done”:

Barry Manilow. Clearly in the one shot, he’s doing a show and has his full face of makeup on. But you can see by the way the lines around his eyes are pulling that it’s not natural aging.

Burt Reynolds. Yeah. Just … yeah.Burt Reynolds Plastic Surgery Before and After Facelift ...

Blogging news around world..: Burt Reynolds Plastic ...Kenny Rogers. Oof.

Wayne Newton? I won’t even bother with the picture of Mickey Rourke.

Ultimately, when women or men use extreme procedures to look younger, society takes note. Most of the time, men are more ridiculed than women because they’re supposed to age normally and get sexier with every wrinkle. Women are looked upon as tragic aging creatures compelled to reverse time to maintain their jobs. While it isn’t incorrect (women over 30 in Hollywood become the “moms” in the movies), it can be really, really offensive to the eye. Subtle changes over time are better tolerated by society since it is just “upkeep.”

I think the real concern here is that there’s a general affront to trying to reverse time as opposed to just stalling it or “living healthy” in order to “maintain one’s appearance.” A little Botox can be explained away as a great facial, lighting, or even a new vegetarian diet. A little liposuction? A new workout regimen. But a facelift, nose job, or extreme surgery cannot be explained away quite so easily and appears to be desperate.

This is true for both men and women.

Yes, it is harder for women, and there is a double standard that women continue to look as young as possible as long as possible. But let’s look at some people without work done who are choosing to age gracefully (and are still getting jobs).

Dame Helen Mirren, for one:

HELEN MIRREN at HBO Golden Globes Awards After-party 01/05 ...

Andie MacDowell embraces her naturally grey hair at Cannes ...

Andie MacDowell, rocking the gray hair and still looking amazing …

Pierce (“I have a normal wife”) Brosnan: Pierce Brosnan Talks About His Exit from James Bond ...

Then we can look at the other side. When men in the public eye get work done, people notice. Hollywood gossip mavens recently ridiculed Tom Cruise for looking so different (and probably having had work done), so even Cruise isn’t exempt. Even with the power of Scientology behind him.

Tom Cruise pictured for the first time in a month since ...

In the end, yes, there’s a double standard. Yes, women have it harder (overall) with the pressure to maintain shape, to stay svelte, sexy, desirable, and wrinkle-free for their lives. It is true. But do not think that when men take aging to task that they’re exempt from public ridicule and scrutiny. Sure, there’s more of a chance of a man over the age of 40 being on the Sexiest Man Alive issue. But there’s also more of a chance that you’ll see more Instagram posts of starlets past their prime trying to show off their new work and become relevant again.

Whenever you see these things and think about the double standard, think about why, think about how, and try to remember that plastic surgery is only getting cheaper. Girls just past 18 are getting “baby Botox” to prevent wrinkles from ever forming. Teenagers are getting boob jobs. Just remember that Hollywood isn’t real life; but it does inform real life, and it does influence the next generation. If we do not start to really examine these trends and make commentary about aging, there’s a good chance that there will be a generation of youngsters that are horrified by aging. The men will expect the women to be frozen in appearance from their 20s while their fertility wanes (because actual biology always catches up). Women will continue to forgive men their aging and treat them like fine wines to be cherished … the ones that do not find ways to prevent their own aging. Society will become even more lopsided in favor of the haves, as we will be able to tell one’s wealth immediately: It will be written across their smooth, baby-soft face.

If you thought the double standard was bad now, there’s so much more opportunity for it to get worse.

And just think: With technological advances, we can look forward to many more Instagram posts from a scantily clad Madonna for the next 10-20 years!

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  1. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    Jason Rudert (View Comment):

    I’ve been hoping we would do R>ate My Face. I think I’m aging gracefully.

    You’re definitely a brute, I mean beaut, Man!

    • #31
  2. Chris O Coolidge
    Chris O
    @ChrisO

    Sorry, but this is the image that should be used at all times for Kenny Loggins.

     

    • #32
  3. Jason Rudert Inactive
    Jason Rudert
    @JasonRudert

    Also, who holds their kid’s hand like that? 

    • #33
  4. sawatdeeka Member
    sawatdeeka
    @sawatdeeka

    gross parodies of their former selves

    Apt description! 

    • #34
  5. sawatdeeka Member
    sawatdeeka
    @sawatdeeka

    Amy Schley, Longcat Shrinker (View Comment):

    I’d also add that if any older man, work done or not, were to pose the way Madonna did in that photoshoot, they’d be mocked. Paul Rudd isn’t lying on a bed in very tight briefs, nipples exposed, with a “come and screw me” expression. Her picture make Burt Reynolds’ bearskin rug picture look dignified. Madonna’s photo reads “desperate to convince you she’s still 25,” and that just isn’t sexy.

    Take a woman in her fifties or sixties, put her in a draped translucent nightgown with a flirty smile leaning on the post of a poster bed, and she’d get a very different reaction. Dignity and confidence is far more sexy than displaying oneself as a slab of meat, not that anything in Madonna’s history suggests she understands the value of subtlety and leaving something to the imagination.

    Well said, Amy! 

    • #35
  6. Henry Castaigne Member
    Henry Castaigne
    @HenryCastaigne

    I know this is tangential to the post but I can’t help ask, why are thirty year old porn stars so much better than 20 years old porn stars?

    • #36
  7. TheRightNurse Member
    TheRightNurse
    @TheRightNurse

    Chris O (View Comment):

    Sorry, but this is the image that should be used at all times for Kenny Loggins.

     

    Jesus, is that you?!?

    • #37
  8. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    TheRightNurse: The men will expect the women to be frozen in appearance from their 20’s while their fertility wanes (because actual biology always catches up).  Women will continue to forgive men their aging and treat them like fine wines to be cherished…the ones that do not find ways to prevent their own aging. 

    Haven’t read the comments yet.  Men at their peak Sexual Market Value (SMV) are shopping (using the market anaolgy — the buyer sets the price for the leading goods) for women at their peak SMV.  Men don’t expect women to “appear in their twenties” — men expect them to BE in their twenties.  Men value different things in women for the publicly-acknowledged, societally-welded potential bearers and nurturers of children than women value in the similarly situated potential providers for and protectors of children — and of the woman.

    Women try to look young, fertile, and chaste because it moves their image toward their peak SMV.  Men try to look rich, strong, and influential because it moves their image toward their own SMV.

    None of this is to gainsay a healthy and long-lasting relationship.  My own wife, slightly north of 29, is irreplaceable in my life.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  But Hollywood is all image, and when image is your coin, market value is your standard.  Same with “real” people at first glance — the first thing you notice when you see somebody is whatever you see.  That’s image.

    So I am the opposite of concerned about some “double standard” about aging between men and women.  Men and women value different things in each other, and long may it wave.  HUZZAH!  How often do you hear about a female’s “net worth”? 

    Zackly.

    • #38
  9. BDB Inactive
    BDB
    @BDB

    TheRightNurse (View Comment):
    given how crazy muscular/thin her body was, she had to have had something added to create curves (or sex appeal).

    Or she got off the death diet she was on.  No clue either way, of course.

    • #39
  10. Steven Seward Member
    Steven Seward
    @StevenSeward

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    I know this is tangential to the post but I can’t help ask, why are thirty year old porn stars so much better than 20 years old porn stars?

    Better at what?

    • #40
  11. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    What I don’t get at all is why people get fillers. I just do not get it. Some day people will look back on  these years and wonder what they were thinking.

    • #41
  12. JustmeinAZ Member
    JustmeinAZ
    @JustmeinAZ

    TheRightNurse: I won’t even bother with the picture of Mickey Rourke.

    Thank you, thank you.

    • #42
  13. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    My wife and I have been married 42 years.  I still like to feel her ass and she still likes me to do it.  I guess that’s all that matters.

    • #43
  14. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    I’d say the picture in an improvement in one respect.  Last time I saw a picture of Madonna, her chest was strapped down so tight it looked like she had four boobs.

    • #44
  15. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse: I won’t even bother with the picture of Mickey Rourke.

    Thank you, thank you.

    To be fair, wasn’t Mickey Rourke in a bad accident ?

    I have two friends that had to have plastic surgery due to accidents. They were young then and aren’t now, and plastic surgery doesn’t age well (just like my pathetic Irish complexion …)

    • #45
  16. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Annefy (View Comment):

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse: I won’t even bother with the picture of Mickey Rourke.

    Thank you, thank you.

    To be fair, wasn’t Mickey Rourke in a bad accident ?

    I have two friends that had to have plastic surgery due to accidents. They were young then and aren’t now, and plastic surgery doesn’t age well (just like my pathetic Irish complexion …)

    I think it was mostly his boxing career.

    • #46
  17. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Steven Seward (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

     

    Just a little eye candy for some.

    A skirt? Wow! I dinnit know that Sean was one of those pansy boys!

    Sean?  I thought that was Arahant.

    • #47
  18. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    TheRightNurse (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):

    You started off your story about Madonna but no picture? You are right about all of it. We’re youth-obsessed, creams, potions, lip injections, intravenous vitamins, tattooed eyebrows, liposuction, hormone therapy. Like the COVID vaccine, it’s all temporary and there are side effects, sometimes serious, especially with hormone therapy. I have never been a fan of Madonna, and she keeps getting worse. She married Guy Ritchie in a Scottish castle but never lived the rest of the fairy tale. The best makeup is a content and peaceful soul.

    To quote my dear departed mother, who could be shallow and deep at the same time:

    You have GOT to get a handle on your stress. It’s going to kill you … and your looks

    Steven Seward (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Steven Seward (View Comment):
    A skirt? Wow! I dinnit know that Sean was one of those pansy boys!

    Oh, dear. Now you’ve done it, Sigeweard!

    Well, I was trying to decide which picture of JY to post as evidence of men improving with age … you guys made the choice easy.

     

    More proud men in skirts. Is this a conservative website or what?!

    Kilts, you fool!

    Other men aging well in kilts:

    Sam Heughan ('Outlander') vuelve a ponerse la falda escocesa

    Famous Men in Kilts Quiz - By ihadfuntoday

    Celebrities In Kilts | Kilts, Rod Stewart and Pennies | Rod stewart,Celebrities, Kilt

    So there’s not a single Stewart tartan?

    • #48
  19. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    Flicker (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):

    You started off your story about Madonna but no picture? You are right about all of it. We’re youth-obsessed, creams, potions, lip injections, intravenous vitamins, tattooed eyebrows, liposuction, hormone therapy. Like the COVID vaccine, it’s all temporary and there are side effects, sometimes serious, especially with hormone therapy. I have never been a fan of Madonna, and she keeps getting worse. She married Guy Ritchie in a Scottish castle but never lived the rest of the fairy tale. The best makeup is a content and peaceful soul.

    To quote my dear departed mother, who could be shallow and deep at the same time:

    You have GOT to get a handle on your stress. It’s going to kill you … and your looks

    Steven Seward (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Steven Seward (View Comment):
    A skirt? Wow! I dinnit know that Sean was one of those pansy boys!

    Oh, dear. Now you’ve done it, Sigeweard!

    Well, I was trying to decide which picture of JY to post as evidence of men improving with age … you guys made the choice easy.

     

    More proud men in skirts. Is this a conservative website or what?!

    Kilts, you fool!

    Other men aging well in kilts:

    Sam Heughan ('Outlander') vuelve a ponerse la falda escocesa

    Famous Men in Kilts Quiz - By ihadfuntoday

    Celebrities In Kilts | Kilts, Rod Stewart and Pennies | Rod stewart,Celebrities, Kilt

    So there’s not a single Stewart tartan?

    There’s naught the Scots can’t complicate. They could cause a panic in an empty house. 

    There are 31 Stewart tartans  

     

    • #49
  20. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):

    You started off your story about Madonna but no picture? You are right about all of it. We’re youth-obsessed, creams, potions, lip injections, intravenous vitamins, tattooed eyebrows, liposuction, hormone therapy. Like the COVID vaccine, it’s all temporary and there are side effects, sometimes serious, especially with hormone therapy. I have never been a fan of Madonna, and she keeps getting worse. She married Guy Ritchie in a Scottish castle but never lived the rest of the fairy tale. The best makeup is a content and peaceful soul.

    To quote my dear departed mother, who could be shallow and deep at the same time:

    You have GOT to get a handle on your stress. It’s going to kill you … and your looks

    Steven Seward (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Steven Seward (View Comment):
    A skirt? Wow! I dinnit know that Sean was one of those pansy boys!

    Oh, dear. Now you’ve done it, Sigeweard!

    Well, I was trying to decide which picture of JY to post as evidence of men improving with age … you guys made the choice easy.

     

    More proud men in skirts. Is this a conservative website or what?!

    Kilts, you fool!

    Other men aging well in kilts:

    Sam Heughan ('Outlander') vuelve a ponerse la falda escocesa

    Famous Men in Kilts Quiz - By ihadfuntoday

    Celebrities In Kilts | Kilts, Rod Stewart and Pennies | Rod stewart,Celebrities, Kilt

    So there’s not a single Stewart tartan?

    There’s naught the Scots can’t complicate. They could cause a panic in an empty house.

    There are 31 Stewart tartans

    It that so.  Are they different clans then?

    • #50
  21. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Flicker (View Comment):
    Sean?  I thought that was Arahant.

    I have much more hair on top.

    • #51
  22. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    I know this is tangential to the post but I can’t help ask, why are thirty year old porn stars so much better than 20 years old porn stars?

    I bet you could start your own conversation about that.

    • #52
  23. Annefy Member
    Annefy
    @Annefy

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):

    You started off your story about Madonna but no picture? You are right about all of it. We’re youth-obsessed, creams, potions, lip injections, intravenous vitamins, tattooed eyebrows, liposuction, hormone therapy. Like the COVID vaccine, it’s all temporary and there are side effects, sometimes serious, especially with hormone therapy. I have never been a fan of Madonna, and she keeps getting worse. She married Guy Ritchie in a Scottish castle but never lived the rest of the fairy tale. The best makeup is a content and peaceful soul.

    To quote my dear departed mother, who could be shallow and deep at the same time:

    You have GOT to get a handle on your stress. It’s going to kill you … and your looks

    Steven Seward (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Steven Seward (View Comment):
    A skirt? Wow! I dinnit know that Sean was one of those pansy boys!

    Oh, dear. Now you’ve done it, Sigeweard!

    Well, I was trying to decide which picture of JY to post as evidence of men improving with age … you guys made the choice easy.

     

    More proud men in skirts. Is this a conservative website or what?!

    Kilts, you fool!

    Other men aging well in kilts:

    Sam Heughan ('Outlander') vuelve a ponerse la falda escocesa

    Famous Men in Kilts Quiz - By ihadfuntoday

    Celebrities In Kilts | Kilts, Rod Stewart and Pennies | Rod stewart,Celebrities, Kilt

    So there’s not a single Stewart tartan?

    There’s naught the Scots can’t complicate. They could cause a panic in an empty house.

    There are 31 Stewart tartans

    It that so. Are they different clans then?

    I don’t think so. More like modern dress, Ancient dress. Modern, weathered, hunting. All in a variety of colours. Must have been hell telling who the hell was who on the battlefield …

    • #53
  24. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    It that so. Are they different clans then?

    I don’t think so. More like modern dress, Ancient dress. Modern, weathered, hunting. All in a variety of colours. Must have been hell telling who the hell was who on the battlefield …

    We do have many branches, though. Besides the Royal Stewarts, there are also the Stewarts of Appin, Atholl, and Balquhidder, along with several more wee branches.

    • #54
  25. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Annefy (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    It that so. Are they different clans then?

    I don’t think so. More like modern dress, Ancient dress. Modern, weathered, hunting. All in a variety of colours. Must have been hell telling who the hell was who on the battlefield …

    We do have many branches, though. Besides the Royal Stewarts, there are also the Stewarts of Appin, Atholl, and Balquhidder, along with several more wee branches.

    Kilts are particularly convenient for them.

    • #55
  26. thelonious Member
    thelonious
    @thelonious

    Henry Castaigne (View Comment):

    I know this is tangential to the post but I can’t help ask, why are thirty year old porn stars so much better than 20 years old porn stars?

    Experience. It’s why a 30 year old NBA player is generally better than a 20 year old NBA player. They know all the ins and outs of the game and all the best angles to take.

    • #56
  27. She Member
    She
    @She

    Speaking as a Woman from Mars (in the sense of “what would a ‘Man from Mars,’ representing a detached and neutral observer, think of a particular cultural phenomenon)–one who’s never (I don’t think) purposefully listened to a moment of Madonna’s oeuvre, and who, if someone hadn’t told me, wouldn’t have known who that was in the photograph in question, I’ll just say this:

    How sad.  Here is this (I suppose) very, very rich woman who could certainly afford a sumptuous background for her money shot, lying in what looks like an iron bedstead in a hospital room in a country where they don’t do hospital rooms very well or very cleanly; with a tiny window with a creased blind; electric cords draped (also pretty nakedly) across the wall; a box of Kleenex, an old-fashioned office telephone, and an empty coffee cup on the grubby and chipped nightstand which has what looks like a bare floor beneath it.  In an effort to glam things up, she seems to have filched the pillows from all the other beds in the ward and surrounded herself with them, but the overall effect is still dirty, cheap, and unpleasant.  And that’s before you look at what’s on the bed.

    I suppose she’s trying to make some sort of point, but I’m pretty sure I’m not picking up what she’s putting down.  And I doubt that most normal men and women are fooled either.

    A much loved song from my childhood:

    LOL.  Virtue is its own reward, etc.

     

    • #57
  28. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    My wife and I have been married 42 years. I still like to feel her ass and she still likes me to do it. I guess that’s all that matters.

    So many thoughts cross my mind that are better left unsaid.

    • #58
  29. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Amy Schley, Longcat Shrinker (View Comment):

    I’d also add that if any older man, work done or not, were to pose the way Madonna did in that photoshoot, they’d be mocked. Paul Rudd isn’t lying on a bed in very tight briefs, nipples exposed, with a “come and screw me” expression. Her picture make Burt Reynolds’ bearskin rug picture look dignified. Madonna’s photo reads “desperate to convince you she’s still 25,” and that just isn’t sexy.

    Take a woman in her fifties or sixties, put her in a draped translucent nightgown with a flirty smile leaning on the post of a poster bed, and she’d get a very different reaction. Dignity and confidence is far more sexy than displaying oneself as a slab of meat, not that anything in Madonna’s history suggests she understands the value of subtlety and leaving something to the imagination.

    I haven’t looked at the recent Madonna photos, but I trust that Amy is 100% correct.  You would think that by now Madonna would realize that trashy does not automatically translate to sexy.

    • #59
  30. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Chris O (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    TheRightNurse: And just think: with technological advances, we can look forward to many more Instagram posts from a scantily clad Madonna for the next 10-20 years!

    Eek!

    Precisely the reply I had in mind. And, by the way, we’ll be sexist/age-ist (sage-ist?) if we don’t like those posts.

    It’s all scrubbed. I didn’t know you could alter photos with filters to take out wrinkles and bags, add eyeliner etc. until Thanksgiving weekend when my sister sent me some pictures…….funny!

    • #60
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