Norm Macdonald’s Thanksgiving Speech


Norm Macdonald was a regular guest on Dennis Miller’s radio show back in 2010 or so. My Thanksgiving tradition is to listen to Macdonald’s speech about the many things he’s thankful for. Here’s my transcription; audio included below.

Firstly, I’m thankful for the fine ladies who live across this country and leave pies on their windowsills, so an old chunk of coal like me might have a meal from time to time.

I’m thankful for all of my five children, especially the one that I like.

I’m thankful for the simple things in life, like bread. Although I’ve never tried it myself, I hear it’s quite good.

I’m very thankful for the brave man who pulled me from a burning building last April and unfortunately perished in the process. I’ll never forget him. I don’t remember his name but I think he had a mustache.

Of course, I’m thankful for being able to do stand-up comedy for a living. You know, there’s nothing more gratifying than to step on a stage before a quiet crowd and, with my comedy, slowly turn them into an unruly mob.

I’m thankful for women — the greatest creatures on earth. Because without women, there would be no cookies.

I’m glad that this year the police finally solved the baffling murder of Margaux Hemingway.

And finally what I’m most thankful for, of course, is Friends. Yes, Friends. Especially that one where Joey buys Chandler a duck.

Miss you, Norm! Happy Thanksgiving, all!

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  1. Norm McDonald Bought The Farm Coolidge
    Norm McDonald Bought The Farm

    I’m thankful for redactions.

    • #1