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The Gift of Imperfection
The issue of transgenderism is one that has deeply disturbed me since I first heard of it. We are losing thousands of young people to this horrific ideology that is determined to convince, especially young people, that there is something wrong with them and their bodies. Even more tragic is the radical insistence that they should reject their bodies, essentially reject who they are, and become the opposite sex. A recent article in The Federalist presented a compassionate way to identify the source of these victims’ self-hatred and to help them in less radical and destructive ways.
But I would like to suggest that this self-hatred is prevalent in other areas of our society that needs to be addressed as well. In this post, I would like to summarize what people have identified as a more reasonable and compassionate approach to people who want to change their identity. Then I’ll explore how the issue is a reflection of a greater issue within the current culture.
One of the most startling factors that have been happening in great numbers is not just the number of people who make the decision to transition, but those who have decided to “de-transition.” The people who transition are often pre-teen or teenage girls who already probably suffer from identity issues. With the pressures that come from teachers, friends, and the onslaught of transgender groups and videos on the internet, young girls are barraged with the idea that the only solution to their misery is changing their identity. By the time they tell their parents what they will be doing, it is often too late; parents have either assumed that the actions that their children take to identify with the other sex are a passing phase, or in many cases, they don’t tell their parents, rather than consult them with their confusion.
Lisa Littman conducted a study of people who experienced gender dysphoria, went through various changes, and ultimately de-transitioned to their original sex:
Although reasons for detransition varied, only 23 percent reported it was because they had experienced discrimination. Nearly half (49 percent) reported fears about complications from medical interventions as a reason, with 38 percent realizing their so-called dysphoria was actually the result of a particular trauma, abuse, or other mental health issues. Forty-two percent said the transition didn’t improve their mental health, with 36 percent saying it actually made their mental health worse.
A whopping 60 percent, however, detransitioned because they realized they were actually more comfortable living in their “natal sex.” In other words, the majority of detransitioners recognized that denying biological realities didn’t make them more content.
In the case of Walt Heyer, who identified as a woman for eight years, he detransitioned many years ago and has set up a website for those who want to pursue the same goal:
‘I do not know of one single case someone detransitioned because of bullying or discrimination,’ Heyer told The Federalist. In the past seven years, he’s compiled more than 10,000 emails regarding detransition and had more than 2 million visitors to his site. ‘The vast majority of people detransitioned because they realized the surgery never accomplished making them a woman and they just wanted ‘their old life back.’
The sad truth is that so-called transition and those who peddle it as a solution can’t deliver on their promises. According to the study, 71 percent of respondents reported that prior to transition, they ‘thought transitioning was my only option to feel better,’ and 65 percent said they ‘thought transitioning would eliminate my gender dysphoria.’ They later detransitioned when these beliefs were exposed as lies.
Heyer discovered that there is one primary way to help people: to listen—
. . . it’s becoming clearer that the compassionate case actually belongs to those who affirm biological reality. But that means we have a responsibility to make that case, and how we do it matters.
Heyer said the most effective way to help people, particularly youths, is by asking good questions. Rather than barking that they’ve got their facts wrong, he suggests getting them to open up with thought-provoking queries: Why do you want to erase that part of who you are? What caused you not to like who you are? Was it because of another person or people? Did something pique your interest on the internet, in the classroom, or in your friend group that made you think your life would be better if you ‘switched genders’?
“Everyone has a story we need to hear, and listening is the best way to help people,” Heyer said.
So how do we stop the brainwashing by teachers, counselors, and other school authorities? Transgenderism should be addressed with school boards, just as Critical Race Theory became a battlefield. If we are prepared to protest the teaching of CRT, shouldn’t we be fighting the transgender indoctrination? Shouldn’t we make sure that parents know what is happening to their children? Shouldn’t we be enlisting the medical authorities who have begun to see what an unethical and destructive transgender indoctrination is? Isn’t all of this a function of the dysfunction occurring in the larger society?
* * * *
I’ve begun to realize that the symptoms of self-hatred, confusion, and identity are not unique to the transgender community. These symptoms are rampant in the larger culture, and they manifest in a multitude of ways: violence, protests, rejection of traditional mores, immorality, and other misconduct. If I were to summarize these attitudes and emotions, I would call them a rejection of imperfection.
The most virulent and hateful messages in these times come from the Left, which rejects almost everything reflected in traditional society. I think their rejection of the country comes from projecting their rejection of their own imperfection: that they are not the smartest, the most beautiful, the most adept, most popular—you can name almost any characteristic that people clamor for, at least secretly, when they are young—and they want to be admired and acclaimed. But they were dealt a bad hand—an incomplete body, mind, and spirit. And they feel cheated and rejected—by whom is unclear to them, but that is the mindset. They feel rejected because something created them imperfectly, and they hate themselves, because they are entitled to live the perfect life. They have been cheated. It’s not fair. And they won’t tolerate it.
* * * *
The truth is that being born human equates to being imperfect. And life presents us with the incredible gift of imperfection that, if we are fortunate, we will recognize and embrace it.
We have the opportunity to improve, to grow, and to learn. But first, without indulging our imperfections, we must recognize and accept them.
For example, I am not perfect by a long stretch! I am short. I have a short torso. I’m getting brown spots all over my body. My nose is becoming more angular with age.
I also notice that I forget things more often—not enough to alarm me, but to annoy me. I have aches and pains. I am willing to take on only a limited number of challenges in my daily life. I am not nearly as smart as others I know, but I do all right, and in a pinch, I can come up with a clever remark or an insightful comment.
Some of my imperfections are permanent. I choose to see them as my “beauty spots”; they are a testament to my longevity and persistence. Some of my imperfections can be modified through my learning and taking on challenges.
But no matter how I describe my imperfections, they are uniquely mine. No one in the world has quite the collection that I have! And they are a gift to me and my life, because they remind me that there are always opportunities to improve.
G-d created me in His image. And He knows I’m not perfect. And I think He likes me that way. And I try to like me that way, too.
So when we see others trying to destroy our country, or destroy themselves, it’s helpful to keep in mind that they have choices. We may not be able to change their minds; in fact, I’ve decided not to seek out people who virulently disagree with me. We may not be able to convince them that their destructive nature hurts themselves as much as it hurts others. But for those who have not wandered too far down the path of destruction, we might, as Walt Heyer suggests, just listen a little more. Many people have self-destructed to a point where they may not be able to come back. But maybe they can.
Maybe they will.
[The photo is provided by unsplash.com]
Published in Culture
Is it a choice? I take it at their word, it’s a psychological disorder, gender dysphoria, of which they had no choice. What society has done is open a Pandora’s Box by offering this crazy solution of altering a person’s body. Instead of trying to correct the disorder, they feed into it. How many people would go on living normally if they didn’t realize there was a sex change option? Perhaps the solution should involve G-d but I don’t think they are consciously choosing to have gender dysphoria. Still I wonder what the statistics are on people who have this gender dysphoria? It is my impression they are mostly on the left, but I could be wrong. Are there religious people who suffer from gender dysphoria? And I don’t mean the ones that go through with a sex change. Demographics on this would be interesting.
…and spend our time here on earth trying to overcome it.
For some people, that kind of arrogance may be a factor–“I’m who I decide I am”–but from the many people that Abigail Shrier interviewed, I didn’t detect that kind of arrogance. I saw suffering about who they were, particularly among the teen-age girls. The claims of transgenderism among those women is exploding. Those who are recruiting may have that kind of arrogance, and their lack of appreciation for G-d’s creation may have factored in, but I don’t think it was relevant to the degree you suggest, WC.
Manny, only a tiny percentage of people suffer from gender dysphoria, and they usually know it early on. Most of those who embrace transgenderism are fooling themselves.
Before this became so trendy, I think that was generally everybody’s story in this situation. That is the way I remember it.
All of this stuff is so overwhelming, news-wise, I had completely forgotten that.
Yes, but of those people who suffer, is there a bias or is it cross spectrum of society?
Manny, I don’t understand your question. I can say that from Shrier’s work (which is extremely thorough though painful to read), young BOYS were the ones who experienced it, and many of them outgrew it over time. The huge numbers among girls is new, and usually pre-teen or teen-agers.
I wasn’t speaking of gender dysphoria, which I believe to be as real as same-sex attraction. I was speaking of transgender ideology. It’s the ideology that has lead to this tremendous increase in cases of “transgenderism.” It’s everywhere now (my neighbor’s kid, my co-workers kid). And yes, these are godless lefties, although I’m sure it happens in conservative families, too.
When Christian people suffering s-s-attraction try to tell me “God made me this way,” I can’t help think of my little girl born with neurofibromatosis which caused a brain tumor as she entered adolescence. These people mistake God’s Sovereign will for His permissive will. He allowed them to suffer same-sex attraction for some greater good. But, He didn’t intend it to be a good in itself. Everyone carries a cross. The question is, do you carry it in cooperation with God’s will, or your own?
When I went searching for the demographics, I found this:
That’s in percent, so move the decimal places two to the left. Holy smoke that is small. In a country of 300,000,000 and using .00005 as the rate, that’s 15,000 in the whole country. You would get an impression from the news media that every family has at least one.
So true. That’s why I think parents need to protest to the school boards, because they are permitting so many of the schools’ staff to not only change over, but anyone who protests their changing is a bigot. And they don’t tell the parents either. Teachers, counselors and other staff are committing evil, and it should be stopped.
We’re in agreement about the ideology. It is evil. Whether G-d is responsible for creating people with opposite sexual preferences is not clear to me.
I didn’t mean to suggest arrogance. I meant that godlessness is the water they’re swimming in. And, the ideology coming out of that is telling them to self-define to the point of denying their very biology.
Again, I’m not speaking of true gender dysphoria and I have compassion whether their transgenderism is psychological or ideological. People’s lives are being ruined. Our whole society is being ruined. The Left ruins everything.
Your clarification is very helpful, WC. And I fully agree.
The communists might need to pick a new vector. lol
I think you misunderstood my comment. God created my child with NF and he creates people naturally inclined to s-s-attraction (although I would argue more women become lesbians because they were abused or raped and have bad relationships with men). But, God doesn’t make junk, so these precious people suffering with their afflictions are allowed to suffer for a reason. If they try to make it not an affliction, but a good in itself, that’s where they (and we) get into trouble.
Oh yes, the ideology is godless. Agree.
Ah, but the question I’m exploring is whether G-d causes our afflictions, or do they arise as a distortion of nature after the soul and fetus are implanted. (I’m asking my go-to person on the Jewish perspective.) ;-)
Yes, agree. At least in a Catholic worldview G-d does not make imperfections, but occur because of a broken world, and they are allowed to happen. I was gong to comment on your comment earlier that of G-d making tomboys. Are tomboys a natural variation and so will by G-d or are they an imperfection? I can’t make up my mind. ;)
I think I just responded to WC on that from a Catholic worldview. I didn’t see your question.
What I was asking was, is there a trend in say a person’s race (are more white people inflicted), religion (atheists), Californians (geographical), Democrats (political culture), and so on? That would be very interesting to see. If there were no such bias, then it would be purely genetic. If not there could be an environmental factor involved.
All living things need purpose and interaction. The worst behaved horses are the ones put in a pasture and never worked. The worst behaved dogs are the ones who are trapped inside all day and never get to tire themselves out. Is it any surprise that the worst behaved humans are those who spend all their time in front of their computer or phones?
The rat utopia experiments are often used as proof that when population gets too dense, the society collapses. But if you look at the experiments, the problem is less sheer crowding than that the rats never had to work for any of their food. They never had to defend their colony. When nesting spaces were limited, females stopped having pups or killed the ones they conceived. They also became highly aggressive. Males, with no prospects of mating, began forming groups where they obsessed over their personal appearance.
Stop me when this sounds familiar …
I don’t think there is data on that–at least not that I’ve seen.
You could have stopped here, Amy, but the descriptions are spot on. Thanks.
My theory: this is less about young women wanting to be men than young women not wanting to be women. With “feminist” ideology that treats women as eternal victims, declares that all traditionally feminine desires are internalized misogyny, and demands that women act just like the worst stereotypes of men, I don’t blame young women for being confused. Then add in a changing body that attracts predatory attention and is often enthralled to hormones, and I can’t blame anyone for taking one round on the menstruation carousel and wanting to yell “I’m not doing this for the next fifty years! I want off!”
To be a woman is to be vulnerable, physically as compared to men and to one’s own biology. That goes against everything young people are taught to value. (I think part of the growing interest in BDSM a la “50 Shades of Grey” is that the role-playing involved gives women the permission to be vulnerable with their partner in a way that they don’t feel like they are allowed to be in normal intimacy.)
I don’t believe so-called gender dysphoria is a “disorder” as such, and I don’t think it’s related to homosexuality. When I was a young teen I wanted blue eyes, blonde hair and rock star good looks. In those days nobody said to me, “Good! Yes, you can have that!” And today plastic surgeons will turn you into a Ken doll or a Barbie doll or a lion or a devil. And society will tell every boy and girl who thinks it would be wonderful life to live as the other sex that this is right, natural and doable.
I think today so-called transgenderism is a sponsored event, in which normal children are encouraged to believe that their natural desires to be better, to be different, to be desirable, and to be eye-catching are reasonable, acceptable, are doable, and should be pursued. We’re talking about people who are going through a hormonal transition to adulthood, and exploring changing bodies and social roles, whose brains are not anywhere near fully developed, and who are being misled.
I tend to agree with you, Flicker. They are not only being misled, but ultimately their lives may very well be ruined. It’s a travesty.
This is an excellent discussion.
This is all 100% dead-on.
When it comes to children I agree with you. It’s more likely from suggestion or confusion. But when a mature adult decides that he is the opposite sex after years of such feelings, I think it’s something psychological.