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The Gift of Imperfection
The issue of transgenderism is one that has deeply disturbed me since I first heard of it. We are losing thousands of young people to this horrific ideology that is determined to convince, especially young people, that there is something wrong with them and their bodies. Even more tragic is the radical insistence that they should reject their bodies, essentially reject who they are, and become the opposite sex. A recent article in The Federalist presented a compassionate way to identify the source of these victims’ self-hatred and to help them in less radical and destructive ways.
But I would like to suggest that this self-hatred is prevalent in other areas of our society that needs to be addressed as well. In this post, I would like to summarize what people have identified as a more reasonable and compassionate approach to people who want to change their identity. Then I’ll explore how the issue is a reflection of a greater issue within the current culture.
One of the most startling factors that have been happening in great numbers is not just the number of people who make the decision to transition, but those who have decided to “de-transition.” The people who transition are often pre-teen or teenage girls who already probably suffer from identity issues. With the pressures that come from teachers, friends, and the onslaught of transgender groups and videos on the internet, young girls are barraged with the idea that the only solution to their misery is changing their identity. By the time they tell their parents what they will be doing, it is often too late; parents have either assumed that the actions that their children take to identify with the other sex are a passing phase, or in many cases, they don’t tell their parents, rather than consult them with their confusion.
Lisa Littman conducted a study of people who experienced gender dysphoria, went through various changes, and ultimately de-transitioned to their original sex:
Although reasons for detransition varied, only 23 percent reported it was because they had experienced discrimination. Nearly half (49 percent) reported fears about complications from medical interventions as a reason, with 38 percent realizing their so-called dysphoria was actually the result of a particular trauma, abuse, or other mental health issues. Forty-two percent said the transition didn’t improve their mental health, with 36 percent saying it actually made their mental health worse.
A whopping 60 percent, however, detransitioned because they realized they were actually more comfortable living in their “natal sex.” In other words, the majority of detransitioners recognized that denying biological realities didn’t make them more content.
In the case of Walt Heyer, who identified as a woman for eight years, he detransitioned many years ago and has set up a website for those who want to pursue the same goal:
‘I do not know of one single case someone detransitioned because of bullying or discrimination,’ Heyer told The Federalist. In the past seven years, he’s compiled more than 10,000 emails regarding detransition and had more than 2 million visitors to his site. ‘The vast majority of people detransitioned because they realized the surgery never accomplished making them a woman and they just wanted ‘their old life back.’
The sad truth is that so-called transition and those who peddle it as a solution can’t deliver on their promises. According to the study, 71 percent of respondents reported that prior to transition, they ‘thought transitioning was my only option to feel better,’ and 65 percent said they ‘thought transitioning would eliminate my gender dysphoria.’ They later detransitioned when these beliefs were exposed as lies.
Heyer discovered that there is one primary way to help people: to listen—
. . . it’s becoming clearer that the compassionate case actually belongs to those who affirm biological reality. But that means we have a responsibility to make that case, and how we do it matters.
Heyer said the most effective way to help people, particularly youths, is by asking good questions. Rather than barking that they’ve got their facts wrong, he suggests getting them to open up with thought-provoking queries: Why do you want to erase that part of who you are? What caused you not to like who you are? Was it because of another person or people? Did something pique your interest on the internet, in the classroom, or in your friend group that made you think your life would be better if you ‘switched genders’?
“Everyone has a story we need to hear, and listening is the best way to help people,” Heyer said.
So how do we stop the brainwashing by teachers, counselors, and other school authorities? Transgenderism should be addressed with school boards, just as Critical Race Theory became a battlefield. If we are prepared to protest the teaching of CRT, shouldn’t we be fighting the transgender indoctrination? Shouldn’t we make sure that parents know what is happening to their children? Shouldn’t we be enlisting the medical authorities who have begun to see what an unethical and destructive transgender indoctrination is? Isn’t all of this a function of the dysfunction occurring in the larger society?
* * * *
I’ve begun to realize that the symptoms of self-hatred, confusion, and identity are not unique to the transgender community. These symptoms are rampant in the larger culture, and they manifest in a multitude of ways: violence, protests, rejection of traditional mores, immorality, and other misconduct. If I were to summarize these attitudes and emotions, I would call them a rejection of imperfection.
The most virulent and hateful messages in these times come from the Left, which rejects almost everything reflected in traditional society. I think their rejection of the country comes from projecting their rejection of their own imperfection: that they are not the smartest, the most beautiful, the most adept, most popular—you can name almost any characteristic that people clamor for, at least secretly, when they are young—and they want to be admired and acclaimed. But they were dealt a bad hand—an incomplete body, mind, and spirit. And they feel cheated and rejected—by whom is unclear to them, but that is the mindset. They feel rejected because something created them imperfectly, and they hate themselves, because they are entitled to live the perfect life. They have been cheated. It’s not fair. And they won’t tolerate it.
* * * *
The truth is that being born human equates to being imperfect. And life presents us with the incredible gift of imperfection that, if we are fortunate, we will recognize and embrace it.
We have the opportunity to improve, to grow, and to learn. But first, without indulging our imperfections, we must recognize and accept them.
For example, I am not perfect by a long stretch! I am short. I have a short torso. I’m getting brown spots all over my body. My nose is becoming more angular with age.
I also notice that I forget things more often—not enough to alarm me, but to annoy me. I have aches and pains. I am willing to take on only a limited number of challenges in my daily life. I am not nearly as smart as others I know, but I do all right, and in a pinch, I can come up with a clever remark or an insightful comment.
Some of my imperfections are permanent. I choose to see them as my “beauty spots”; they are a testament to my longevity and persistence. Some of my imperfections can be modified through my learning and taking on challenges.
But no matter how I describe my imperfections, they are uniquely mine. No one in the world has quite the collection that I have! And they are a gift to me and my life, because they remind me that there are always opportunities to improve.
G-d created me in His image. And He knows I’m not perfect. And I think He likes me that way. And I try to like me that way, too.
So when we see others trying to destroy our country, or destroy themselves, it’s helpful to keep in mind that they have choices. We may not be able to change their minds; in fact, I’ve decided not to seek out people who virulently disagree with me. We may not be able to convince them that their destructive nature hurts themselves as much as it hurts others. But for those who have not wandered too far down the path of destruction, we might, as Walt Heyer suggests, just listen a little more. Many people have self-destructed to a point where they may not be able to come back. But maybe they can.
Maybe they will.
[The photo is provided by unsplash.com]
Published in Culture
Wonderful, Susan! Conversation is how we confer value to others; it involves active, compassionate listening. It is how we keep the door open for them to make healthier choices.
But it can be very difficult, Jake, when the other feels like an adversary. That’s why I decided recently that in conflict situations, I will only have conversations with those genuinely interested in exchanging ideas. I realize that effort can also go off the rails, but if we agree at the beginning to genuinely try to listen and absorb, there may be hope. Thanks.
I have come to the conclusion that conversation over extended periods of time prove useful when an individual encounters the inevitable crisis that poor choices or belief systems lead to. I have never been successful at talking someone out of a strongly held belief–but have been able to be there for a few when the time of crisis leads them to a different conclusion.
Imperfection…as Leonard Cohen put it, “There is a crack in everything / That’s how the light gets in”
Or, less-poetically and more tangibly: I’ve reviewed Gennady Andreev-Khomiakov’s book ‘Bitter Waters’, about his time as Deputy Manager of a Stalin-era Soviet factory. This factory was a lumber mill, and it was was being strangled by inability to procure adequate supplies of raw lumber. Gennady, whose father had been in the lumber trade before the revolution, was contemptuous of the chaos into which the industry had been reduced by the Soviets:
“The free and “unplanned” and therefore ostensibly chaotic character of lumber production before the revolution in reality possessed a definite order. As the season approached, hundreds of thousands of forest workers gathered in small artels of loggers, rafters, and floaters, hired themselves out to entrepreneurs through their foremen, and got all the work done. The Bolsheviks, concerned with “putting order” into life and organizing it according to their single scheme, destroyed that order and introduced their own–and arrived at complete chaos in lumbering.”
As Gennady says:
“Such in the immutable law. The forceful subordination of life’s variety into a single mold will be avenged by that variety’s becoming nothing but chaos and disorder.”
There is a lot of wisdom in that statement.
This is a very important subject and I will probably come back to make other comments. But I’m going to start with this: Transgenderism is an extension of the normalization of homosexuality. When homosexuality is deemed as normal and an alternative, then the logical extension is to try to adjust what nature has gotten incorrect. Transgenderism would not be here without normalization of homosexuality plus the surgical ability to physically change the sex.
Indeed!
Excellent article, Susan.
I’ve always dismissed suicide, surgery and tattooing, because you can never go back.
I have considered branding in case I’m lost at sea or involved in a disfiguring accident. But I figure ID tags work just as well.
I don’t think it’s necessarily homosexuality but a disappointment with who you are, and a culture that encourages it.
Well, I am glad to hear that!
Thanks. :)
No I would say the desire to change one’s sex is more than an unhappiness. It’s a psychological disorder called gender dysphoria. The issue is whether actually changing the persons sex actually helps him or hurts him. The point in my first comment is that without the normalization of homosexuality, the transgender phenomena in society today would not have been possible. We have come to the normalization of all sexual disorders.
Another issue with transgender is how the left side of the public is squashing debate along the same lines it did with gay marriage. I remember discussing how Amazon stopped selling the premier contrasting voice on transgenderism, Ryan Anderson’ When Harry Became Sally. Here’s Anderson discussing what happened and why it should concern everyone, especially conservatives.
I may be wrong of course, but I don’t think it’s normalizing of homosexuality per se, but the abnormalizing of heterosexuality. I don’t think it actually has to do at all with pairing, the sex act, or choice of sexual partners.
Come to think of it, the abnormalizing of heterosexuality may also be the source of so-called gender dysphoria in the first place.
It seems to me that there is a link between homosexuality and deficient self-acceptance. Before anyone trots out the “you must not know any gays or lesbians” accusatory trope, I went to grad school at IU Bloomington, referred to by LGBT activists back in those years as “Faerietown”, which monicker applied especially to the English Department in those early days of Queer Studies just getting started at IU, and a cousin of mine was one of the first males to die of AIDS in Indiana not named Ryan White. So, yes, I have decades of observational experience on this matter.
Are we disagreeing?
When I say homosexual, I mean sexual attraction to the other sex. This is apart from they way they act in all other areas (though there are sometimes outward affectations). This would relate to transsexuals only as far as a girl turned boy is attracted to other girls, and boys turned girls are attracted to other boys. Do you think this is generally the only way transsexuals prefer sexual partners?
And as for acceptance, do you mean acceptance by parents, or family, or friends, or society in general, or self-acceptance? What homosexuals I’ve known were that way upon reaching puberty nd shortly thereafter, but not by choice. What I’ve read, which is sparse, is that children who are otherwise sexually latent are being, I suppose, guided into transsexuality, and young teens are choosing transsexuality as a persona and a lifestyle, perhaps like tattooing and piercings and unnaturally colored hair. And this could be why the majority of them transition back. (This is not saying that they don’t begin by being confused or troubled or have troubles relating to or being accepted by others.)
Are you saying that transsexuality is strictly a sexual attraction thing?
I will say one other thing from a Biblical perspective. In Sodom all the men of the town wanted to have sex with the angels.
I’m not being sarcastic. I find it hard to believe that 100% of the men in Sodom felt deficient self-acceptance. No, I think something else was going on, namely (if crudely defined) an abnormalization of human sexuality, by choice, probably very similar to what we are seeing today.
I have been ridiculed for saying this before. You see more of this because the government is stealing so many people’s agency. If we had done
every single thingmost things right in the face of automation and globalized labor, and if we had stopped screwing people with the value proposition of education and health insurance, we wouldn’t be in this place.This kookie collectivism gets momentum and it’s a way to feel special and included if you can’t get anything else going on. VDH has said that people with useless degrees live to be apparatchiks in the left system because they can’t get any money or power any other way. I think this is related. Then it’s a feedback loop of political power for the people above them.
Everything Moves Towards Communism All Of The Time™
The psychiatrist that goes on Dennis Prager regularly said that the number of people that actually have gender dysphoria is small, but they really suffer.
It’s not. In fact, transsexuals that convert as teens often have no sexual life with anyone. I think that Manny is saying that homosexuality was a first step in people identifying as the opposite sex, and laid the ground work for trans.
I don’t agree with the homosexual lifestyle, but there still seems to be a lot of evidence that homosexuality choices show up early for men, but women often seem to make this choice on other factors.
It’s possibly a factor, Rufus. It’s certainly a complex issue.
Interesting discussion which Susan Quinn gets going a lot. Most folks here say things that make sense and are not contradictory to each other. We are heading toward left wing totalitarianism that is clear enough, which is the only kind there is, but lots of other crazy stuff is going on which probably has no political content, except for it’s groupism, and is being encouraged by folks who may or may not know where we’re heading or the effect of what they’re doing. What do we know about sexual behavior in totalitarian places? Or prior to totalitarianism? There was a lot of strange behavior as pre Nazi Germany floundered. What about other places that descended into totalitarianism? Do we know much about pre Islamic Arabia or Iran? Biblical references seem to indicate that sexual confusion isn’t just a modern thing? Do we know?
Unless the mythology of Atlantis is true our civilization is unprecedented. Is there something in our DNA that brings out pathologies when we have the capability of having reasonably happy lives for so many?
This started with Woodrow Wilson. He started a destructive feedback loop.
Everybody has to be on board with the Judge Learned Hand spirit of liberty speech. Wilson, FDR, and LBJ put a gigantic monkey wrench into that. Social problems and a regressive economy. And then everybody votes communist, socialist, and populist before the government runs out of money.
I think, for one, this problem is an especially Western one. The Dalai Lama couldn’t figure out why those in the West were so unhappy. I don’t think that was always true. Ironically, maybe it’s because we are one of the most successful countries in the world, with too much affluence and accomplishment. When we look at the rest of the world, do we feel guilty? Do we think we haven’t earned what we have? Maybe that’s what the Progressives have been hoping all along: you shouldn’t appreciate what you have because “everyone else” is suffering? I don’t know. I’m too busy living in gratitude to be unhappy.
To be clear, I’m not saying that gender dysphoria is the same condition or disorder as homosexuality, though there may be a link somewhere. All I’m saying is that the normalization of sex change is based on the normalization of homosexuality. Transgenderism has been able to take a step in society because society has already normalized another sexual disorder, homosexuality. And the left in society has approached normalization of Transgenderism in much of the same way they normalized gay marriage.
I clarified what I meant to say. I’m not saying there’s a biological link between homosexuality and gender dysphoria, though there may be. I’m speaking to society’s endeavor to normalize sexual disorders. I hope you see the distinction.
You neglected to provide a link to the review, but we’ll forgive you. Nobody’s perfect.
I don’t agree that transgender ideology is a rejection of imperfection. I think it’s more basic than that — it’s a rejection of God, which is prevalent in all manner in our society. Particularly God as Creator and Lover.
I can’t remember where I heard it (might have been at our parish mission on Spiritual Warfare), but transgenderism is taking self-definition to the extreme. “I’m not who God made me — I’m who I decide I am” — rejecting the created self in defiance of nature (and nature’s God) itself.
Drew Klavan says a beautiful thing about true happiness, which he describes as becoming more and more the person God made you to be. Our atheistic culture is making people unhappy in every conceivable way — feminism (rejecting femininity and motherhood), homosexuality and SSM (rejecting the complementarity of men and women), and transgenderism (rejecting biology). But it goes beyond the sexual aspect to abortion (rejecting the preciousness of every God-created life), education (trying to force women into STEM when it’s not their natural interest), etc. If all things are possible with God, the atheistic society tells the Big Lie that all the impossible things are possible with Man. That’s where we are.
Bridget Phetasy did a Walk-Ins Welcome podcast with Helena, a woman who originally started to transition to male as a young girl, but changed her mind and de-transitioned back (Episode 146, no longer in the Ricochet Superfeed). It is a highly precautionary tale for anyone who doesn’t understand how the system (governments, schools, medical community, psychological community) railroads troubled young girls into what I see as a “trans pipeline.” In another interview, Megyn Kelly touches on female-to-male trans and Abigail Shrier’s book.
Frightening stuff . . .
And, btw, God makes tomboys and women inclined to STEM. I might even personally know one or two of those. But Man is going to make tomboys extinct. It’s tragic.