Quote of the Day: Eat Fast, Drink Slow

 

No that is not from some wisecracking character in a mobster movie.  Nor from a femme fatale in a hardboiled detective novel.  Nor did it come from an internet list of sayings roguishly attributed to some military hero who fought in three world wars.  It’s not even out of a beer commercial where a bearded guru offers sage sounding but meaningless advice.

It can’t quite be attributed to my wife.

I had finished breakfast and was sipping my coffee at the kitchen table while reading the newspaper.  I was semi-aware of my wife walking back and forth several times.  I was focused on the news, deliberate in my sips, weighty in my meditations as I read.

All of a sudden my wife stops and facing me with her hands on her hips impatiently says, “When are you getting up?  Why do you eat fast and drink slow?”

I was taken aback.  Obviously she wanted to get me out of the kitchen.  Perhaps she needed the entire kitchen table.  Perhaps she wanted the newspaper herself.

I folded the newspaper, got up slowly with the cup of coffee in my hand, and said, “Here.”  I let her have the table, and as I walked out of the kitchen I said, “I drink slow because I want to savor the flavor.”

Which got me thinking.  It’s true.  I eat fast.  It’s been a point of discussion numerous times over our thirty-year marriage.  She says it’s not healthy to eat fast.  She says it will catch up with me.  She says it will lead to heartburn, bloated intestines, a freaked-out nervous system, constipation, maybe even cancer or a heart attack.  In thirty years it hasn’t happened.  Well, sometimes I do get heartburn.

But why is it I eat fast?  I can understand drinking slow.  As I said drinking slow allows one to relish in the liquid’s essence; it lets the bouquet caress the palate.  A wonderful cup of coffee in the morning.  A glass of cabernet at dinner time.  A whiskey in the evening.  Man was made to contemplate fine liquids.

Was he made to contemplate fine vittles?  I don’t know.  Perhaps eating brings out the inner wolf in me? I can be a ravenous beast swallowing an entire plate in one gulp.  Perhaps I just prefer food hot?  Eating fast gets it across the tongue before it gets tepid.  Or perhaps eating fast is a psychosomatic reflex of a fast-paced day where the momentum of rapid daily activities carries over to the dinner table?  I don’t know.

Or perhaps I don’t eat fast at all.  “Where is the data that I eat fast?” I ought to ask my wife.  (I won’t because if I do she’ll find a way to twist it against me.)  Perhaps it’s she that eats slow.  And she does.  I’m finished and waiting, trying not to be rude to get up, and she’s still not even halfway.  Maybe she eats slow because she’s overly concerned with getting heartburn, or bloated intestines, or a freaked-out nervous system, or constipation.  Here I am finished and sipping something while she nibbles slowly.  All the while I’m hearing Brett Baier and some talking head on FoxNews discussing the demise of the country.  I need to get over and watch.  And she’s nibbling away slower than a church mouse.

And so, this is not her quote.  No.  The quote may not be all that profound—it has all the calories of a head of lettuce—but it’s my quote.  Eat fast and drink slow, my friends.

Published in Marriage
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  1. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Rich people eat slow.  Starving people eat so slow they put food in their pockets.  Maybe people who have grown up hungry, and who have grown accustomed to having food, eat fast.

    I have found that I eat fast.  But if I give thanks with an intention of gratitude, I slow down, even if I have forgotten that I’ve said grace.  But I’m sure that it’s very idiosyncratic.

    • #1
  2. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Did you grow up with elder brothers?

    • #2
  3. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Did you grow up with elder brothers?

    Yes.  :)

    • #3
  4. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Did you grow up with elder brothers?

    Yes. :)

    That’s how to learn to eat quickly. . .or starve.

    • #4
  5. BDB Coolidge
    BDB
    @BDB

    You guys have already asked the two questions I had.  Carry on then.

    • #5
  6. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Did you grow up with elder brothers?

    No.  I’m the eldest.  

    • #6
  7. Some Call Me ...Tim Coolidge
    Some Call Me ...Tim
    @SomeCallMeTim

    I was the 5th of 6 boys, so I learned to eat quickly. It was exacerbated by the Marine Corps, which most often served duck – duck in and then duck out. 

    • #7
  8. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    I used to eat fast. I love to eat my food hot, but I wasn’t always eating hot food. I finally realized that I wasn’t really savoring my food. And I always finished and had to wait for my husband (who eats at a reasonable rate). So I have slowed down to savor all the flavors and textures; that way I’m also less inclined to have seconds (if I made extra). And I do love to savor a good, hot cup of coffee!

    • #8
  9. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Did you grow up with elder brothers?

    Yes. :)

    That’s how to learn to eat quickly. . .or starve.

    And to cut an irregularly shaped piece of food exactly in half.  I’ve noticed this in others as well.

    • #9
  10. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I used to eat fast. I love to eat my food hot, but I wasn’t always eating hot food. I finally realized that I wasn’t really savoring my food. And I always finished and had to wait for my husband (who eats at a reasonable rate). So I have slowed down to savor all the flavors and textures; that way I’m also less inclined to have seconds (if I made extra). And I do love to savor a good, hot cup of coffee!

    So you had a similar experience with your husband, only the genders were reversed. I would have guessed in a marriage it’s the man who would be the faster eater. Perhaps that’s a bad assumption. 

    • #10
  11. Some Call Me ...Tim Coolidge
    Some Call Me ...Tim
    @SomeCallMeTim

    Manny (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I used to eat fast. I love to eat my food hot, but I wasn’t always eating hot food. I finally realized that I wasn’t really savoring my food. And I always finished and had to wait for my husband (who eats at a reasonable rate). So I have slowed down to savor all the flavors and textures; that way I’m also less inclined to have seconds (if I made extra). And I do love to savor a good, hot cup of coffee!

    So you had a similar experience with your husband, only the genders were reversed. I would have guessed in a marriage it’s the man who would be the faster eater. Perhaps that’s a bad assumption.

    Mrs. Tim eats just as fast as me, but without the slurping noises and burping. 

    • #11
  12. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    Some Call Me …Tim (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I used to eat fast. I love to eat my food hot, but I wasn’t always eating hot food. I finally realized that I wasn’t really savoring my food. And I always finished and had to wait for my husband (who eats at a reasonable rate). So I have slowed down to savor all the flavors and textures; that way I’m also less inclined to have seconds (if I made extra). And I do love to savor a good, hot cup of coffee!

    So you had a similar experience with your husband, only the genders were reversed. I would have guessed in a marriage it’s the man who would be the faster eater. Perhaps that’s a bad assumption.

    Mrs. Tim eats just as fast as me, but without the slurping noises and burping.

    LOL!  Yes, my wife also mentions my eating noises.  

    • #12
  13. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    I hope people found it funny.  I had fun writing it.  Apologies to my wife.  Though everything in the piece is true, I did take poetic license for the sake of humor in the way I characterized her.

    • #13
  14. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Some Call Me …Tim (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I used to eat fast. I love to eat my food hot, but I wasn’t always eating hot food. I finally realized that I wasn’t really savoring my food. And I always finished and had to wait for my husband (who eats at a reasonable rate). So I have slowed down to savor all the flavors and textures; that way I’m also less inclined to have seconds (if I made extra). And I do love to savor a good, hot cup of coffee!

    So you had a similar experience with your husband, only the genders were reversed. I would have guessed in a marriage it’s the man who would be the faster eater. Perhaps that’s a bad assumption.

    Mrs. Tim eats just as fast as me, but without the slurping noises and burping.

    Lightweights.

    • #14
  15. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    Manny (View Comment):

    Some Call Me …Tim (View Comment):

    Manny (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I used to eat fast. I love to eat my food hot, but I wasn’t always eating hot food. I finally realized that I wasn’t really savoring my food. And I always finished and had to wait for my husband (who eats at a reasonable rate). So I have slowed down to savor all the flavors and textures; that way I’m also less inclined to have seconds (if I made extra). And I do love to savor a good, hot cup of coffee!

    So you had a similar experience with your husband, only the genders were reversed. I would have guessed in a marriage it’s the man who would be the faster eater. Perhaps that’s a bad assumption.

    Mrs. Tim eats just as fast as me, but without the slurping noises and burping.

    LOL! Yes, my wife also mentions my eating noises.

    You mean the growling and cracking of bones?

    • #15
  16. DaveSchmidt Coolidge
    DaveSchmidt
    @DaveSchmidt

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Did you grow up with elder brothers?

    No, but I have 6 younger brothers. Eating at a rapid clip is a survival tactic. 

    • #16
  17. Southern Pessimist Member
    Southern Pessimist
    @SouthernPessimist

    As a very young child, I went through the cafeteria line at school just to buy a small carton of milk to go along with the sandwich and banana my mom had packed for me. I think it cost four cents which tells you how long ago it was. As I asked for the milk, I noticed that they had something called buttermilk. I didn’t know what that was but what could be better than a combination of butter and milk? So I bought that new form of milk and my teacher, Miss Ratchet, made me drink the whole carton. Very slowly, I will tell you.

    • #17
  18. jorge espinha Lincoln
    jorge espinha
    @jorgeespinha

    I think I eat fast, I blame my high-school “cantina”, the food was horrible. They served these “pizzas” that were hard as plywood, with a smear of tomato sauce and canned tuna. So, we ate fast. I take my time when the food is really good. I try to enjoy my coffee at leisure, I buy the good stuff freshly roasted and I grind it at home. I take my time. I also take my time with wine. 

    • #18
  19. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    jorge espinha (View Comment):
    I think I eat fast, I blame my high-school “cantina”, the food was horrible. They served these “pizzas” that were hard as plywood, with a smear of tomato sauce and canned tuna.

    Sounds familiar (other than maybe dry pepperoni instead of tuna), like every school cafeteria.

    • #19
  20. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    The other night my son got up from the dinner table with”Boy I ate that fast.”  His mother gave us a look. :-)

    • #20
  21. Juliana Member
    Juliana
    @Juliana

    I eat fast, my husband cuts everything into minute pieces so he takes twice as long just to get started. I like hot food hot and cold food cold. Also, as the mom of five, I was always the last to sit down so I always had to eat quick and move on to other things.

    My mother hadn’t had a hot meal for herself in 15 years.

    • #21
  22. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Arahant (View Comment):

    jorge espinha (View Comment):
    I think I eat fast, I blame my high-school “cantina”, the food was horrible. They served these “pizzas” that were hard as plywood, with a smear of tomato sauce and canned tuna.

    Sounds familiar (other than maybe dry pepperoni instead of tuna), like every school cafeteria.

    I have to admit that Jorge’s school pizza sounds worse than my school pizza which was soft and tasty if only by comparison. 

    • #22
  23. jorge espinha Lincoln
    jorge espinha
    @jorgeespinha

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Rich people eat slow. Starving people eat so slow they put food in their pockets. Maybe people who have grown up hungry, and who have grown accustomed to having food, eat fast.

    I have found that I eat fast. But if I give thanks with an intention of gratitude, I slow down, even if I have forgotten that I’ve said grace. But I’m sure that it’s very idiosyncratic.

    Do you know what Flicker means in Dutch? 

    • #23
  24. Flicker Coolidge
    Flicker
    @Flicker

    jorge espinha (View Comment):

    Flicker (View Comment):

    Rich people eat slow. Starving people eat so slow they put food in their pockets. Maybe people who have grown up hungry, and who have grown accustomed to having food, eat fast.

    I have found that I eat fast. But if I give thanks with an intention of gratitude, I slow down, even if I have forgotten that I’ve said grace. But I’m sure that it’s very idiosyncratic.

    Do you know what Flicker means in Dutch?

    No, what does it mean?

    • #24
  25. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    My brother probably eats at a normal pace now but when he was in his teens he could really eat fast.  He wouldn’t necessarily take the time to wash his hands before eating, even though he had just been doing some grimy work on a car or truck.  It was amusing to see him take a few bites and set his sandwich down.  You could see the dirty fingerprints on the bread.

    • #25