Why We Need a Third Place Where Everyone Knows Our Name

 

Bars count. Coffee shops count. A gun range counts. Even a park bench counts. Each of these places is a “third place.” A third place is a location other than home or work. It is a spot where you congregate with others who have similar interests, cares, or passions. Ray Oldenburg made the phrase “third place” commonplace in his book The Great Good Place.

Oh, and for all my church-going friends, churches are not a third place. Deep, personal conversations are had around books and brews – which has actually become the name of one such third place. It’s like me going to a jazz club: I want to be with people who enjoy jazz as much as I do. There, we have camaraderie amongst friends because we have the same interests.

I was reminded of the importance of place when I read Elizabeth C. Corey’s article “Breakfast at Kim’s” in First Things journal, linked in this Truth in Two. Corey was interviewing folks for her research on the importance of a local hangout at an eatery called Kim’s in Waco, Texas. Asked why he had been coming to Kim’s for over 50 years, a patron named Max, found the question too hard to answer. But after he had thought a while, Max paused, then said the main draw to his third place was being known. Everyone from the waitresses to the busboys to the owner is a friend.

I have talked about this article to many of my friends. People want to be known. They want to feel human. Folks want connection, they want incarnation, they want someone like them sitting on the stool next to them. If this sounds vaguely biblical, you’re right. Jesus came to “make the Father known” according to the apostle John. And for us, Paul’s words ring true: “We are letters, known and read of all men.” So hit me up if you want to hear some good jazz. We’ll enjoy a third place together.

For Truth in Two, this is Dr. Mark Eckel, president of the Comenius Institute, personally seeking truth wherever it’s found.

.

Published in General
This post was promoted to the Main Feed by a Ricochet Editor at the recommendation of Ricochet members. Like this post? Want to comment? Join Ricochet’s community of conservatives and be part of the conversation. Join Ricochet for Free.

There are 36 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. DrewInWisconsin, Oaf Member
    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Gazpacho Grande' (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    Vance Richards (View Comment):
    I also think, for men, it is good to have a third place where men can be men. Work is coed, home should be coed, but there is nothing wrong with having some men’s only places (and women’s only).

    Such places are rapidly disappearing.

    The urinal troughs at Fenway Pahk seem to be men only. Great place to start up a casual conversation with your fellow Sox fans, too.

    Good grief. I can’t stand it when people talk to me while I’m peeing. Do they think it’s the ladies’ room?!

    • #31
  2. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    Gazpacho Grande’ (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    Vance Richards (View Comment):
    I also think, for men, it is good to have a third place where men can be men. Work is coed, home should be coed, but there is nothing wrong with having some men’s only places (and women’s only).

    Such places are rapidly disappearing.

    The urinal troughs at Fenway Pahk seem to be men only. Great place to start up a casual conversation with your fellow Sox fans, too.

    Good grief. I can’t stand it when people talk to me while I’m peeing. Do they think it’s the ladies’ room?!

    Red Sox fans. Enough said.

    • #32
  3. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    Vance Richards (View Comment):
    I also think, for men, it is good to have a third place where men can be men. Work is coed, home should be coed, but there is nothing wrong with having some men’s only places (and women’s only).

    Such places are rapidly disappearing being systematically destroyed.

     

     

    • #33
  4. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Mark Eckel (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):

    I suspect that many in the modern Black Power movement would use your argument to support their move away from a diverse melting pot and a move back towards segregation. Separate dorms and all that.

    I suppose that is a possible interpretation, though not my intention at all. I was thinking “integration” rather than “segregation,” finding camaraderie and sustenance in unity.

    Unity is preferred, but it occurs to me that some members of minorities might not feel that they can be their authentic selves around majorities. And vice versa. 

    • #34
  5. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Fenmir (View Comment):

    Jim McConnell (View Comment):

    DrewInWisconsin, Oaf (View Comment):

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    I have not watched the video, but Church used to be such a place for many people.

    I, too, am puzzled by why church wouldn’t count as a “third place.”

    I have some thoughts on that, . . . I suspect one aspect is that when people go to church, there’s a performative aspect to it. You put on filters. You try to present the best version of yourself.

    Which is to say, at church people are not really being their authentic selves. But at other “third places,” you’re more comfortable revealing your true self.

    That’s a shame, but I suspect it’s real.

    I think you really “hit it on the head,” as we used to say with your comment. At the “third place,” there aren’t many masks (before covid, of course).

    I have to disagree with that. Do I try to present my best self at church? Yup. But certainly no more so than I do at work. I’m baffled by the assertion that church is categorically not a third place, and I wish he had given some explanation. Does he just mean that Sunday morning service and Sunday school are not? Ok, I can buy into that assertion. But why is Wednesday evening bell practice so fundamentally different from the jazz club? Why is is a third place when his book club gathers over a beer but not when my small group gathers over coffee and cookies on Saturday afternoon.

    Perhaps instead of categorically not, ‘much less likely to be’ would be more accurate? It is worth noting that not just any jazz club would do, even for the jazziest among us. It would have to have the right vibe and ethos. 

    • #35
  6. Mikescapes Inactive
    Mikescapes
    @Mikescapes

    Captain French (View Comment):

    My wife’s third place is the gym.

    Workouts are strenuous. Enjoyable yes, rewarding yes, relaxing not quite. It’s the bar you go to after the gym that’s the Third Place.

     

    • #36
Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.