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A sullen Nancy Pelosi is demoralized about the increased public focus on Covid outcomes rather than Covid case rates. Dr. Anthony Fauci enters and attempts to rally her and the political consultants seated around her.
Fauci: Hey!!! What’s this maskless B.S.?
Pelosi: War’s over, man, Pfizer-Moderna dropped the Big One.
Fauci: Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until I decide it is! Was it over when Biden launched Operation Warp Speed? Hell no!!!
Rochelle Walensky: Biden?
Scott Gottlieb, M.D.: Forget it, he’s rolling.
Fauci: And it ain’t over now! Because when we reach herd immunity… (pause)… herd immunity gets pushed back! Who’s with me? (Donning second mask) Vax up and mask up! Let’s!!! Go!!!!
What the hell happened to the Delta variant I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? This could represent the greatest expansion of federal government in a generation but instead you’re just gonna let them attend weddings without regard to the vaccination status of the groom. (Mock sniveling) Ooh, we’ve done everything you’ve asked of us, Fauci, and nothing has changed. WELL, KISS MY MASK FROM NOW ON!!! Not me! I’m not gonna take this! Trump? He’s a dead man! DeSantis? Dead! Raaaand Paaaaul?!?!?!?!?!?!
Pelosi: (Interjecting) Dead! Fauci’s right. A fascist, but absolutely right. We gotta lockdown these bastards. Now, we could impose mask mandates or bans on singing in church, but that that would cost us those icky purple districts we need to hold our majority in the House. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires a really lawless and politically stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.
Fauci: And I’m just the guy to do it. Let’s. Go!!!Published in