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I Am a Victim
I am a victim of a hate crime. And it came in the mail:
You see, despite the fact that I had a birthday this week, I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.
Meanwhile, I’m dealing with the hurt and anger over this act of insensitivity at the hands of AARP aggressors, and contemplating legal action.
Published in Culture
Yeah, yeah, I started getting them when I tunred 50 too. They’ll show up for the next two or three years, then they’ll stop. I haven’t received one in ages.
I can’t remember whether or not I sent them something back telling them to “Drop dead” . . .
Ha! Join us in our double-take on “who’s getting old, me?”
A couple of years ago I ordered a coffee at a McDonald’s and the server hollered out “Senior coffee!” I was tempted to ask the cashier if he’d like to run a race in the parking lot.
Keep in mind that AARP membership provides you with all sorts of discounts, so if that law suit doesn’t work out….
BUT . . . AARP is liberal, and they support many liberal causes, including I believe Obamacare. I stopped my subscription to Consumer Reports because they supported Obamacare.
I get lots of discounts from other sources: AAA, the NRA, etc. That, and there are some conservative AARP-like organizations out there now.
But, if anyone wants to koin AARP, it’s a free country!
So far, no one has asked me if I qualify for a senior discount. OTOH, they may be giving it to me without asking. Hmmmmm . . .
To heck with AARP. The Senior Coalition (which does the same thing) is more reliably conservative.
That’s even younger than Jack Benny.
Man up, dude. I’ve been getting those things for nearly 10 years. Just do what I do – tear up the paper, cut up the card and put everything in the trash. Not the recycle bin – the trash.
Seawriter
What’s the “C” stand for?
It’s a common surgical reassignment in Hollywood, I hear.
I seem to recall starting to get the mailers a few years before I turned 50. Yeah, after a couple of years, they stopped coming.
A little hint. I no longer celebrate birthdays. This Fall I’ll be celebrating the 27th Anniversary of my 29th birthday.
And the clowns from AARP managed to hit my mailbox EXACTLY the day I turned 50. I’ve been suffering Rob’s pain for a few years now.
Should we discuss class action?
I would delete the picture, and fast. Someone in China will soon be registering in your name. They might even be underage.
I just realized something . . .
I can identify myself as female, and get in free on ladies’ night.
I can identify myself as 66 years old and get full social security.
I can identify myself as 21 and get one hell of a deal on life insurance.
I can identify myself as black, and get an athletic scholarship at UNC. Oops, maybe not . . .
I can identify myself as an illegal alien, and get in-state tuition in several states, as well as free health care.
And finally:
I can identify myself as a registered Democrat, and vote several times in several states in the next election.
“MBF
What’s the “C” stand for?”
*****
In his avatar, you mean? CONTRIBUTOR.
Why do I see hanging chad? Were you actually removing the card? For shame, sir!
Stad
Rob Long: I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.
I just realized something . . .
I can identify myself as female, and get in free on ladies’ night.
I can identify myself as 66 years old and get full social security.
I can identify myself as 21 and get one hell of a deal on life insurance.
I can identify myself as black, and get an athletic scholarship at UNC. Oops, maybe not . . .
I can identify myself as an illegal alien, and get in-state tuition in several states, as well as free health care.
And finally:
I can identify myself as a registered Democrat, and vote several times in several states in the next election.”
*****
Not sure you’re thinking big enough here. Find a dead man’s SSN and you’ll be amazed at the world of opportunities that opens up before you.
Just say no .
AARP is a curse on our nation. The 800 lb lliberal gorilla lobbying machine.
Give these guys your business AMAC ( when you finally accept your decrepitude)
Maybe I can apply some old man makeup and become the President of the AARP?
I got one of these invitations when I was in my very late 30’s/early 40’s, which delighted the woman I was living with. As payback, at the next Christmas I bought us a matching set of shuffleboard equipment.
I was offered ‘Senior Coffee” at Braum’s a number of years ago (I was about 52, I think) by a very young female type counter attendant. Instead of being insulted, I was happy to get the discount. We all look ancient to the very young.
What’s mail? Oh wait… I remember my grandpa telling me about that.
Or, if you’re feeling particularly onery and they have a postpaid return envelope (Heh, Heh, Heh), round up lots of scrap paper, stuff the envelope and send it back at their expense. Just sayin’.
We joined AMAC to support conservative values and also switched to their road service from AAA.
If it makes you feel any better Rob, I’m in my early 30’s and I’ve gotten them twice in the mail this year. I’m starting to think they aren’t good with math.
I have nine more days of 49 and then I’ll be hiding from these AARP people as well.
So, I like the idea of identifying as younger but is there some type of transition, other than Joan Rivers levels of plastic surgery?
Identifying as a 30 to 37 year-old might not help either. I received invitations from AARP around my 35th birthday. After a while I became irritated and wrote them a letter explaining that I was in my thirties and they support policies detrimental to me and my generation (social security, Obamacare, etc.) so I didn’t want to hear from them. That worked until I moved and my new address was sold to them.
Progressive Playbook:
The default age of Conservatives is old.
It’s not hate if it’s deserved.
I have always been galled at how the AARP claims to represent um, experienced Americans, when they do no such thing. They certainly do not represent me. But then again, I got my first senior discount when I was about 45. I was quite insulted and was about to say something when I looked more closely at the receipt and decided I would rather pocket the $2.
Perhaps if we make a lot of noise about those mailers being a micro aggression we can make them stop?
Who’s retired by age 50, anyway? Besides maybe anonymous. If I’m reading his Wikipedia entry correctly. And if it was written correctly – with Wikipedia, you never know.
I had an ethical dilemma last summer: I could claim the senior citizen discount at the municipal pool, even though I don’t identify as an oldster. Well, of course I could simply decline the option; I guess what bothered me was that it was pegged to age, not decrepitude. (Or – has anyone thought of this? – number of children raised, which I think would be a sound and unambiguous indicator of seniority.) Even excluding the lifeguard who smoked, and the ones with tattoos (is there anything that communicates “over the hill before you even climbed it” like a tattoo?), I looked at least as buff as these guys a third my age. They’re all great kids but seriously, who’s the true young buck here? Anyway, a technicality came to my rescue: buying a 30-swim ticket at the standard price afforded me the same per-swim discount.
When did those things turn red? They used to be light blue. At least they were a dozen years ago. I just throw their stuff right into the shredder now.
That was my approach (I do it for the LA Times too).
But now my AARP mailings no longer have postage paid envelopes. They require stamps. They must be on to me.
I’m getting those too. The first one is a shock to the system.
Speaking of, I’ll never forget the first time I heard The Clash on KRTH 101.
The song was Train in Vain. It was the same week O.J. did his thing. I was driving my Sears Repair van down Montana in Santa Monica. Maybe it was the June Gloom that morning, but it felt like someone had just stepped on my grave.
My sister got one of these no less than two weeks after making a random AARP joke. Watch what you say — hey are listening, people!