I Am a Victim

 

I am a victim of a hate crime.  And it came in the mail:

You see, despite the fact that I had a birthday this week, I identify as a much younger person.  In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.

Meanwhile, I’m dealing with the hurt and anger over this act of insensitivity at the hands of AARP aggressors, and contemplating legal action.

 

Published in Culture
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  1. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Yeah, yeah, I started getting them when I tunred 50 too.  They’ll show up for the next two or three years, then they’ll stop.  I haven’t received one in ages.

    I can’t remember whether or not I sent them something back telling them to “Drop dead” . . .

    • #1
  2. user_521942 Member
    user_521942
    @ChrisWilliamson

    Ha! Join us in our double-take on “who’s getting old, me?”

    A couple of years ago I ordered a coffee at a McDonald’s and the server hollered out “Senior coffee!” I was tempted to ask the cashier if he’d like to run a race in the parking lot.

    Keep in mind that AARP membership provides you with all sorts of discounts, so if that law suit doesn’t work out….

    • #2
  3. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Chris Williamson:Ha! Join us in our double-take on “who’s getting old, me?”

    A couple of years ago I ordered a coffee at a McDonald’s and the server hollered out “Senior coffee!” I was tempted to ask the cashier if he’d like to run a race in the parking lot.

    Keep in mind that AARP membership provides you with all sorts of discounts, so if that law suit doesn’t work out….

    BUT . . . AARP is liberal, and they support many liberal causes, including I believe Obamacare.  I stopped my subscription to Consumer Reports because they supported Obamacare.

    I get lots of discounts from other sources:  AAA, the NRA, etc.  That, and there are some conservative AARP-like organizations out there now.

    But, if anyone wants to koin AARP, it’s a free country!

    So far, no one has asked me if I qualify for a senior discount.  OTOH, they may be giving it to me without asking.  Hmmmmm . . .

    • #3
  4. kennail Inactive
    kennail
    @kennail

    To heck with AARP.  The Senior Coalition (which does the same thing) is more reliably conservative.

    • #4
  5. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    You see, despite the fact that I had a birthday this week, I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.

    That’s even younger than Jack Benny.

    • #5
  6. Seawriter Contributor
    Seawriter
    @Seawriter

    Man up, dude.  I’ve been getting those things for nearly 10 years. Just do what I do – tear up the paper, cut up the card and put everything in the trash.  Not the recycle bin – the trash.

    Seawriter

    • #6
  7. Mark Belling Fan Inactive
    Mark Belling Fan
    @MBF

    What’s the “C” stand for?

    • #7
  8. Jason Rudert Inactive
    Jason Rudert
    @JasonRudert

    It’s a common surgical reassignment in Hollywood, I hear.

    • #8
  9. Full Size Tabby Member
    Full Size Tabby
    @FullSizeTabby

    Stad:Yeah, yeah, I started getting them when I tunred 50 too. They’ll show up for the next two or three years, then they’ll stop. I haven’t received one in ages.

    I can’t remember whether or not I sent them something back telling them to “Drop dead” . . .

    I seem to recall starting to get the mailers a few years before I turned 50. Yeah, after a couple of years, they stopped coming.

    • #9
  10. The Great Adventure! Inactive
    The Great Adventure!
    @TheGreatAdventure

    A little hint. I no longer celebrate birthdays. This Fall I’ll be celebrating the 27th Anniversary of my 29th birthday.

    And the clowns from AARP managed to hit my mailbox EXACTLY the day I turned 50. I’ve been suffering Rob’s pain for a few years now.

    Should we discuss class action?

    • #10
  11. Hoyacon Member
    Hoyacon
    @Hoyacon

    I would delete the picture, and fast. Someone in China will soon be registering in your name. They might even be underage.

    • #11
  12. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Rob Long: I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.

    I just realized something . . .

    I can identify myself as female, and get in free on ladies’ night.

    I can identify myself as 66 years old and get full social security.

    I can identify myself as 21 and get one hell of a deal on life insurance.

    I can identify myself as black, and get an athletic scholarship at UNC.  Oops, maybe not . . .

    I can identify myself as an illegal alien, and get in-state tuition in several states, as well as free health care.

    And finally:

    I can identify myself as a registered Democrat, and vote several times in several states in the next election.

    • #12
  13. Jason Rudert Inactive
    Jason Rudert
    @JasonRudert

    “MBF
    What’s the “C” stand for?”

    *****

    In his avatar, you mean? CONTRIBUTOR.

    • #13
  14. user_2967 Inactive
    user_2967
    @MatthewGilley

    Why do I see hanging chad?  Were you actually removing the card?  For shame, sir!

    • #14
  15. Jason Rudert Inactive
    Jason Rudert
    @JasonRudert

    Stad
    Rob Long: I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.

    I just realized something . . .

    I can identify myself as female, and get in free on ladies’ night.

    I can identify myself as 66 years old and get full social security.

    I can identify myself as 21 and get one hell of a deal on life insurance.

    I can identify myself as black, and get an athletic scholarship at UNC. Oops, maybe not . . .

    I can identify myself as an illegal alien, and get in-state tuition in several states, as well as free health care.

    And finally:

    I can identify myself as a registered Democrat, and vote several times in several states in the next election.”

    *****

    Not sure you’re thinking big enough here. Find a dead man’s SSN and you’ll be amazed at the world of opportunities that opens up before you.

    • #15
  16. Kozak Member
    Kozak
    @Kozak

    Just say no .

    AARP is a curse on our nation. The 800 lb lliberal gorilla lobbying machine.

    Give these guys your business AMAC ( when you finally accept your decrepitude)

    • #16
  17. user_199279 Coolidge
    user_199279
    @ChrisCampion

    Maybe I can apply some old man makeup and become the President of the AARP?

    I got one of these invitations when I was in my very late 30’s/early 40’s, which delighted the woman I was living with.  As payback, at the next Christmas I bought us a matching set of shuffleboard equipment.

    shuffleboard2

    • #17
  18. OkieSailor Member
    OkieSailor
    @OkieSailor

    Chris Williamson:Ha! Join us in our double-take on “who’s getting old, me?”

    A couple of years ago I ordered a coffee at a McDonald’s and the server hollered out “Senior coffee!” I was tempted to ask the cashier if he’d like to run a race in the parking lot.

    Keep in mind that AARP membership provides you with all sorts of discounts, so if that law suit doesn’t work out….

    I was offered ‘Senior Coffee” at Braum’s a number of years ago (I was about 52, I think) by a very young female type counter attendant.  Instead of being insulted, I was happy to get the discount. We all look ancient to the very young.

    • #18
  19. Casey Inactive
    Casey
    @Casey

    What’s mail? Oh wait… I remember my grandpa telling me about that.

    • #19
  20. OkieSailor Member
    OkieSailor
    @OkieSailor

    Seawriter:Man up, dude. I’ve been getting those things for nearly 10 years. Just do what I do – tear up the paper, cut up the card and put everything in the trash. Not the recycle bin – the trash.

    Seawriter

    Or, if you’re feeling particularly onery and they have a postpaid return envelope (Heh, Heh, Heh), round up lots of scrap paper, stuff the envelope and send it back at their expense. Just sayin’.

    We joined AMAC to support conservative values and also switched to their road service from AAA.

    • #20
  21. lesserson Member
    lesserson
    @LesserSonofBarsham

    If it makes you feel any better Rob, I’m in my early 30’s and I’ve gotten them twice in the mail this year. I’m starting to think they aren’t good with math.

    • #21
  22. Vance Richards Inactive
    Vance Richards
    @VanceRichards

    Rob Long: You see, despite the fact that I had a birthday this week, I identify as a much younger person. In fact, I identify as a person between 30 and 37, and I really have to insist that you all go along with that.

    I have nine more days of 49 and then I’ll be hiding from these AARP people as well.

    So, I like the idea of identifying as younger but is there some type of transition, other than Joan Rivers levels of plastic surgery?

    • #22
  23. Bishop Wash Member
    Bishop Wash
    @BishopWash

    Identifying as a 30 to 37 year-old might not help either. I received invitations from AARP around my 35th birthday. After a while I became irritated and wrote them a letter explaining that I was in my thirties and they support policies detrimental to me and my generation (social security, Obamacare, etc.) so I didn’t want to hear from them. That worked until I moved and my new address was sold to them.

    • #23
  24. Severely Ltd. Inactive
    Severely Ltd.
    @SeverelyLtd

    Progressive Playbook:

    The default age of Conservatives is old.

    It’s not hate if it’s deserved.

    • #24
  25. Steve in Richmond Member
    Steve in Richmond
    @SteveinRichmond

    I have always been galled at how the AARP claims to represent um, experienced Americans, when they do no such thing.  They certainly do not represent me.  But then again, I got my first senior discount when I was about 45.  I was quite insulted and was about to say something when I looked more closely at the receipt and decided I would rather pocket the $2.

    Perhaps if we make a lot of noise about those mailers being a micro aggression we can make them stop?

    • #25
  26. John H. Member
    John H.
    @JohnH

    Who’s retired by age 50, anyway? Besides maybe anonymous. If I’m reading his Wikipedia entry correctly. And if it was written correctly – with Wikipedia, you never know.

    I had an ethical dilemma last summer: I could claim the senior citizen discount at the municipal pool,  even though I don’t identify as an oldster. Well, of course I could simply  decline the option; I guess what bothered me was that it was pegged to age, not decrepitude. (Or – has anyone thought of this? – number of children raised, which I think would be a sound and unambiguous indicator of seniority.) Even excluding the lifeguard who smoked, and the ones with tattoos (is there anything that communicates “over the hill before you even climbed it” like a tattoo?), I looked at least as buff as these guys a third my age. They’re all great kids but seriously, who’s the true young buck here? Anyway, a technicality came to my rescue: buying a 30-swim ticket at the standard price afforded me the same per-swim discount.

    • #26
  27. mezzrow Member
    mezzrow
    @mezzrow

    When did those things turn red?  They used to be light blue.  At least they were a dozen years ago.  I just throw their stuff right into the shredder now.

    • #27
  28. Clavius Thatcher
    Clavius
    @Clavius

    OkieSailor:

    Or, if you’re feeling particularly onery and they have a postpaid return envelope (Heh, Heh, Heh), round up lots of scrap paper, stuff the envelope and send it back at their expense. Just sayin’.

    That was my approach (I do it for the LA Times too).

    But now my AARP mailings no longer have postage paid envelopes.  They require stamps.  They must be on to me.

    • #28
  29. Louie Mungaray (Squishy Blue RINO) Inactive
    Louie Mungaray (Squishy Blue RINO)
    @SquishyBlueRINO

    I’m getting those too. The first one is a shock to the system.

    Speaking of, I’ll never forget the first time I heard The Clash on KRTH 101.

    The song was Train in Vain. It was the same week O.J. did his thing. I was driving my Sears Repair van down Montana in Santa Monica. Maybe it was the June Gloom that morning, but it felt like someone had just stepped on my grave.

    • #29
  30. I. raptus Member
    I. raptus
    @Iraptus

    My sister got one of these no less than two weeks after making a random AARP joke.  Watch what you say — hey are listening, people!

    • #30
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