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You Miss Me Yet?
Apparently, you do!
Last week, I received a charming e-mail from Troy Senik—the secret to charm, my friends, is lavish flattery—telling me that I was much missed on Ricochet and asking if I might consider visiting now and again. Just by coincidence, the next e-mail in my spam folder (sorry, Troy, I’ve adjusted the filter now), was titled “WIN HIM BACK—EVEN IF HE’S ALREADY WITH SOMEONE ELSE.” Applying the wisdom from e-mail B to e-mail A, I prudently waited 48 hours to answer.
It worked! Troy was even keener on me than before. (My ex received a brisk memo explaining how much I now charge per word.)
The funny thing is that I’ve been thinking of you, too. I don’t know about you, but the latest round of violence in the Holy Land has rendered my social media universe almost uninhabitable. I’d rather seal myself in a meat locker with nothing but a Fechshrift on Discipline and Punish—published by the University of Minnesota Department of Communication Studies—than spend time on Facebook and Twitter these days. For those of you who are snuggled in some kind of social media cordon sanitaire and have missed this latest worldwide illiterate-hateful-ungrammatical-unreasoned-three-minute-hate (extended remix, on a repeat loop), consider this article, if only out of academic curiosity. (It’s not the article, but the comments below, that make it so special.)
So anyway, I was looking at that the other day and thinking, “You know, someone should really invent a social media site on which thoughtful people of good faith commit to discussing the events of the day politely, respectfully and grammatically; a site that’s strictly policed to ensure these high standards of etiquette are upheld.” Then I slapped my forehead, feeling much as I do when I take the clean clothes from the washer and then absentmindedly put them right back in the machine, pressing “Wash.”
Wait! I did that already!
Anyway, much has happened since last you and I spent time together. My cats and I have decamped from Istanbul. We’re now living in Paris, about half a mile from my father’s apartment, and it’s wonderful to have what’s left of the family in the same city. I have much to report from France (as usual everyone else has it all wrong), but that’s a subject for future posts. Longtime Claire Berlinski fans may, however, enjoy this account of one of my latest adventures, reproduced here, after going viral around the globe, in German, Italian, and Feminist:
So my cats knocked the handle off my bedroom door and I’m locked in my bedroom now. Nothing left to try but to Tweet this drama.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
To judge from the media firestorm to which it gave rise, getting locked in my bedroom by my cats was the most popular thing I’ve ever done. (Do note that the way the story was reported affirms my assertion that journalists always get everything wrong. Entertain yourself for a few minutes by spotting and counting the factual errors. Then think about these standards of accuracy applied to a real news story. It won’t seem so funny then.)
So for now, this thread is open to all who wish 1) to tell me just how much they missed me and how overjoyed they are to see my smiling face; b) talk about how journalists always get it wrong; and c) complain that the rest of the Internet is just a sewer.
Happy days are here again! Big kisses to you all! It’s good to be home!
Published in General
Claire!!! Welcome back!
You were, after all, the reason I joined Ricochet in the first place four years ago.
Damn! I am popping up in Istanbul on Tuesday and had hoped to look you up. Welcome back.
YAY! Claire!
So, so happy to ‘see’ you!
Welcome home, Claire!
Great main page update: I can put up with the carousel thing for a good while.
Claire, dear, I had thought those 48 hours I spent constantly hitting refresh, wondering if I had committed an inadvertent faux pas, and self-medicating with Ben & Jerry’s would remain private — and here you’ve aired the agony for the world. I wish I knew how to quit you.
About time! I’m hungry, my water bowl is empty, and I need you to scratch me under the chin right now.
I’m sorry… where are my manners?
You’re wearing black pants. Let me rub up against those.
Hi again Claire! How do you like what they’ve done with the place?
The quality of Ricochet 2.0 has just drastically improved with your renewed presence. You are simply that good. I am sorry you had to “flee Turkey” you will surely have to recount the adventure of your exodus.
I’ve heard that the furnishings and fixtures in all apartments inn France are really old because landlords hate to sink any money into them. So that would explain your flimsy doorknob. Please do a write-up on what it’s like to rent there. After your entrapment, are you worried that everything else will fall apart? Don’t leave anything plugged in, OK? We don’t want to lose you again.
Also, please tell me that if you’re on an upper floor, you have one of these on hand at all times:
I just activated the Pseudo-signal. Hopefully your favorite orange kitty will be along soon.
You’ve not been missed at all.
Not at all.
Welcome back! I still read your ‘How to Write a Good Post’ post often to remind me how to act like the most interesting person in the room. Hope your father is well and that Paris is treating you better, especially that rascally bedroom door handle.
Wait, we have something in the CoC about ’80s A/C radio fare, don’t we? Because, if not, we’re about to.
Welcome back, Claire. We missed you. Please catch us up on what’s really going on over there.
Welcome news indeed.
It has been far too long since we’ve had the good fortune to hear your perspective on world affairs.
The quality of your pastries just improved, but I bet Erdogan misses you.
Just wondering how many people suggested you should move ?
Your cats were angry with you. You brought them to Paris. There are too darned many dogs in Paris, and they’re treated as if they were the equal of cats!
Welcome back from a fan!
Uh-oh…
Thank goodness you’re now residing in the “City of Light.” The originals on this site have missed you terribly.
He’s only saying this to make his giraffe down in Nashville jealous.
Claire, I’ve sometimes felt like a moron for missing you so much: How can a person miss someone they’ve only chatted with occasionally online so badly? It just doesn’t make sense.
Your goddess-like charms are ineffable.
I’m too new a member to remember you. But I kicked myself for not meeting you at your Mom’s retirement fete in Seattle (hubby Ray and I are big SCMS supporters).
Kikyo the black cat sends meows to your kitties. Looking forward from more dispatches from Paris.
Hurrah! You’re back!
Claire, it took untold months of effort to reprogram my company’s micro sensors to control cat behavior. And don’t get me started on the logistics of getting them into your particular cats in time for our little demonstration–just when we thought we had it all arranged through a martial arts studio in Istanbul, you moved to Paris and we had to start over. But it worked: You are back at Ricochet where you belong.
I will now call off the cats….if I can just find the remote control. It must be here somewhere.
Troy, is this better?