Less than 24 hours after the New Jersey and Virginia gubernatorial elections, we on the right are continuing our long tradition of jumping to unsupported conclusions in regard to election results.
Everyone knows why we lost in Virginia. And everyone has a different explanation. Each person’s theory coincidentally matches up nicely with what they believed before the election. Before noon today, I learned that Cuccinelli lost because he is a tea party candidate in a purple state. Later, I learned that the RNC was outspent by labor unions, let alone the DNC. Still later, I found out that this entire election was blown by the Republican position against abortion. All of this contradicting my previous opinion that it is difficult to win an election when the incumbent is of your party and wracked by scandal.
Immigration, government shutdown, reptilian alien infiltrators: every possible explanation is being bandied about with supreme confidence by different factions on the right.
If you haven’t been engaging in amateur punditry (the only form of punditry), let me offer some advice as to how to get into the game.
1) Narratives trump evidence
Christie the squishy moderate won in a landslide. Cuccinelli the stalwart conservative lost. See how easy that is to understand? No data or charts required. No need to learn the background of both races to see that the Democrats failed to mount a serious challenge to Christie, and the Republicans failed to offer Cuccinelli any real support. That kind of information is just noise.
2) Don’t worry about conflicting evidence
So what if Chris Christie is against abortion and caused multiple Planned Parenthood offices to shutter their doors by cutting their funding? What are the odds that people reading your post actually know that? Just assert confidently that Cuccinelli lost because of his anti-abortion stance. Few will notice the discrepancy.
3) Don’t wait for a more thorough analysis to be published before weighing in
Punditry isn’t about being right. It’s about convincing other people that you are right. Waiting for better data and information means that people who disagree with you are out there convincing others while you sit on the sidelines.
4) Go heavy on the “I told you so” rhetoric
You knew this was going to happen! Now is the time to rub it into the faces of your ideological allies. How else will they learn to heed your warnings in the future if they aren’t made to understand how right you were now?
5) Apply your rushed conclusions to the next presidential election
If the next Republican candidate does not shift more to the [Right, Left], they have no hope in 2016. If only they would alter their position on [Immigration, Abortion, Gay Marriage, Doritos Locos Tacos], the Republicans would never lose another national election.
Have at it.