Would you raise your kid in the city?
Any Calvin and Hobbes fans around? Try to imagine what Calvin would have been like with no woods in sight, with only brick and concrete to explore. Or how about the Taxi Driver types, looking with disgust at the neon-lit trash and boarded-up storefronts around them - could such attitudes survive a drive down Anne Shirley's White Way of Delight?
Look, I know that these things shouldn't matter, that what matters is on the inside, not the outside, etc, etc. I got plenty of pushback in a prior post arguing in favor of more grown up clothing (hey, at least Peggy Noonan agrees with me about the 'mooks' [update: PJ O'Rourke does, too!]), and I'm sure many will raise similar objections: God no more cares about our landscaping than our laundry, and the divine truths of the world are just as accessible in the projects as in the prairie. Granted, granted. But, generally speaking, I am speaking generally. The good will find goodness, the evildoers evil, no matter the setting. That leaves the rest of us, for whom circumstances matter. And I think that, no matter what you American Beauty fans say, it is easier to lift one's soul with a view of the woods at sunset, and thoughts of their creator, than by contemplating a discarded plastic bag, and its supermarket logo.
I'm biased, I admit it: I grew up just like Calvin or Anne or Christopher Robin, exploring the woods with only my faithful dog and my imagination by my side (returning as an adult, I was shocked by how small that forest was; just fifteen years ago, it had been my whole world). I live in the city now, and, spending time in the 'underserved urban communities,' I just don't understand how people can raise their kids surrounded by liquor stores and graffiti. Yes, I believe the breakdown of the family is the single most influential factor in our current state of affairs, but couldn't a single mom at the least raise her innocent, curious babe somewhere in the vicinity of shrubbery? The government can mail welfare checks to the countryside, too, can't it?
I'm not talking just about the hopelessly poor; my apartment building is full of young professional couples skilled at squeezing strollers into packed elevators. Raising my child in an apartment, with carpeted hallways instead of hills, stairwells and parking garages instead of squirrels and sparrows, I don't know, I don't think I could do it. Well, actually, no squirrels would've been nice, I hate those tulip-eating jerks.
So what do you guys think?
(As for the election season political angle, well, I bet you can just about guess my thoughts on the Obama administration's latest attack on child farmers...)
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Comments:
Jun '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I was lucky enough to be raised in a small town (population: 350). When I didn't have chores, Mom would tell me to go play. We roamed the town and the hills outside it at will.
We raised our kids in the SLC suburbs on a quiet street with lots of kids. We felt very comfortable letting the kids roam at will. They didn't have the freedom of a rural area, but none of the kids on that street had parents hovering over them.
Suburbia gets an undeserved bad rap. People choose to raise their families there so that their kids have room to roam.
Edited on April 25, 2012 at 11:43pmJul '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
Never a big one. Forget about it.
Edited on April 26, 2012 at 2:14amJan '12
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I agree with tabula rasa about suburbia. I struggle to understand things I've read criticizing the suburbs because the picture such critiques usually paint looks nothing like my experience. I spent my entire childhood in the suburbs and loved it. I know my parents like it there too. They have the advantages of being close to a city without many of the downsides of actually living in a city.Now if we are leaving the suburbs out of it, if I were raising a family I think I would prefer a more rural area to the city, but I think suburbs offer a great compromise.
Nov '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I agree with tabula rasa about the suburbs, too!
Nov '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
Well, it's usually the miscontents who end up with the microphone, the happy people are too busy being happy and living their lives to retort.
May '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I've never lived in a city, though I was born in NYC, where many of my cousins live now. I wouldn't object to raising the family there if two things: 1) I could find a great church and school within easy walking distance, and 2) we could afford a home in the country for summers and other breaks.
Suburbia I don't like anymore. I don't like that you have to get in a car to see anyone or do anything. Unless you know and trust your neighbors, you worry about your kids.
We lived for three years in the woods of NH. It was beautiful and peaceful and safe. There was wholesome outdoor work to be done. We had donkeys and chickens and bees, which I loved. But good schools were far away. We ended up with three of our kids in boarding schools in three different states. To get to church or grocery store was a half hour drive.
When we searched for a new place to live, being able to get places without getting in a car was a high priority.
Mar '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I raise my two children in a downtown condominium. The experience is wonderful. They have every festival and event outside their front door. Museums, theaters, parks, ballparks, and concert halls within walking distance. And every day they see people of all stripes. All of which stimulates and challenges the mind.
Small towns and rural life have appeal to me. But suburbs? Forget it. They deaden the soul.
My primary motivation for living in the city? 5 minutes after I leave work I'm with my children. I wouldn't trade that for all the traffic in the world.
Oct '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I grew up in the countryside and played in the woods. And I was homeschooled, so I spent all my time in the woods.
May '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
Now we live in a walkable town less than an hour from downtown Philly, where we have membership at the art museum and the opera.
Here are things I can walk to from my house:
Church, public library, post office, bank, hospital, hospice unit (where I volunteer), dentist, historical society (where I vote), innumerable restaurants and boutiques, drug store, hairdresser, an italian grocery featuring fabulous cheeses, produce, gelato, bakery, etc., chocolate shop, olive oil shop, music shop, my sons' piano teacher, a old fashioned pool hall, at least 3 ice cream shops, golf course and tennis courts (not that we use them) various cozy pubs, the meeting point for my husband's cycling club, the YMCA, the eye doctor, park, the kids' bus stops...
Here are the downsides: We have a lovely enclosed garden, but not a big yard, so the kids have to play in the alley or go to the park; the traffic noise can be pretty bad at times--I mean rap music rattling the windows at 3 a.m. bad--and I don't know enough of my neighbors. There aren't as many kids for my kids to play with as I wish there were...
Nov '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I went to high school in the woods of NH, it's as beautiful as it gets!
katievs:
We lived for three years in the woods of NH. It was beautiful and peaceful and safe.
May '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
But on the whole, it's the best place we've lived in, and we've moved a lot.
In April the whole town becomes a garden.
May '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
Adrian: I went to high school in the woods of NH, it's as beautiful as it gets!
katievs:
We lived for three years in the woods of NH. It was beautiful and peaceful and safe.
3 minutes ago
Yes, but the winters are long. Then there's black fly season. And you do begin to feel cut off from culture. At least I did.
But I'm a restless type. We still have our place, though, and escape there in summers, when Philly gets too hot and humid.
A funny thing about moving a lot is that you begin to miss things about everywhere and never feel quite at home in one place.
Nov '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
My uncle always used to say that the reason the suburbs get such a bad rap is that everyone wants to live there, because it's the nicest place to live. If you don't have a chance to live in the suburbs, you have to figure out some reason why your misfortune isn't really so bad.
I admit that I prefer some suburbs to others. I like the ones where there are sidewalks and small commercial centers so that kids can walk somewhere interesting and develop independence as they get older.
Nov '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
katievs: Now we live in a walkable town less than an hour from downtown Philly, where we have membership at the art museum and the opera.
Here are things I can walk to from my house:
Church, public library, post office, bank, hospital, hospice unit (where I volunteer), dentist, historical society (where I vote), innumerable restaurants and boutiques, drug store, hairdresser, an italian grocery featuring fabulous cheeses, produce, gelato, bakery, etc., chocolate shop, olive oil shop, music shop, my sons' piano teacher, a old fashioned pool hall, at least 3 ice cream shops, golf course and tennis courts (not that we use them) various cozy pubs, the meeting point for my husband's cycling club, the YMCA, the eye doctor, park, the kids' bus stops...
Philly has some wonderful suburbs like that. I was lucky enough to live in Narberth not once but twice, and it was wonderful. I wish there were communities like that around here.
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I grew up in rural California and exurban/rural Colorado and I would absolutely love to be raising my children in the country or even just anywhere out West. But we can't find jobs in the country or in the West and so we're raising them in the city. Worse -- we're raising them on the East Coast!
We're 1 mile from our church and their parochial school, right near metros, and I let them explore even at a young age.
Again, not my ideal but in the grand scheme of things, we are most blessed.
Dec '10
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
Grew up in a town of about 12K in the Canadian Rockies, and it was pretty cool as a kid being able to jump on our bikes and make a day trip to 3 different lakes. When I was in HS, a friend bagged a 6 point bull elk less than a mile from my home.
But if given the chance to move back to such a setting, I wouldn't even consider it. I've grown too accustomed to the benefits of living near a city. Anything I want is within 30 minutes driving.
On the other extreme, I wouldn't have wanted to raise my kids in a completely urban city for many of the reasons laid out by Adrian. No, put me in the suburb camp. We live in a cul de sac, and when my son was still in HS, we did a count of the kids living here - there were 23 of them under the age of 17. Nice evenings will find neighbors sitting with their lawn chairs in someone's driveway. We have 3 or 4 "cul de Q's" a year, where we drag the barbies, chairs, tables, etc. out. It's awesome!
May '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
Raised two daughters in downtown Tokyo, while running a liquor shop.
They are very good girls, but I will say they are certainly city girls, but they learn the more country ways fairly quick.
Jan '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
The sad part is that these days, what with video games, air conditioning, and facebook ... growing up is much the same experience in the suburbs as in the city. It isn't the external world that's the problem these days, is it?
My dad grew up on 50th street in West Philadelphia, which was as urban an experience as you can get ... but he played baseball all the time as a kid, they swam at the local pool, etc. I often wonder how his experience was all that much different than mine. We lived in the suburbs, but I could get to where my dad grew up in about 15 minutes. I lived in a row house until I was 6, and grew up in a parish where most of the people lived in row houses.
I'm not sure there's really that all that much difference anymore. A truly rural environment is a lot different, but I doubt there's a big difference between suburb and city.
Jan '12
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
You make a good point here. Not all suburbs are created equal. While some definitely fit the stereotype in that you can't get anywhere without driving, others have plenty of sidewalks and their own unique downtown area.
May '11
Re: Would you raise your kid in the city?
I have just moved from urban S. Florida to rural New Mexico. The feeling of elbow room is wonderful. Being able to see the stars at night from my back patio is awesome. I grew up in a small town in TN. I am reminded again of what I had been missing since leaving. The song of a Meadow Lark and the breeze rustling the grasses and NO thump boxes, loud tailpipes, sirens all night long or neighbors screaming at each other...yet again. The peace and quiet is what most people want when they move away from the city.
A friend said he wants to retire to a town that is too small to have a traffic helicopter. Sounds good to me.