Why I Am A Sexist
I am a sexist. I believe men and women are inherently different and that it’s therefore appropriate to treat them differently. I continue to open doors for women, curb my occasionally profane tongue around them and stand when they leave the table. Feminists have occasionally berated me for this, believing such manners display a patriarchal and protective attitude toward them. They’re right: a protective patriarch is exactly the kind of patriarch I am. Compare our Muslim friends. In his book What Went Wrong, Bernard Lewis reports that a Turkish visitor to Vienna in 1665 was flabbergasted by the “extraordinary spectacle” of the emperor tipping his hat to a lady. He speculated this bizarre behavior might derive from Christian respect for the Virgin Mary. Maybe so. It's certainly true that the local rules of politeness bear within them the deepest attitudes of the culture. Which is something to consider in light of the imminent stoning of Sakineh Mohammadie Ashtiani in Iran, an Islamic horror story which inspires in me the very impolite desire to slug somebody, preferably with a clawhammer. I can’t help thinking that when feminists attack gentlemanly manners (and the Christianity behind them) they are threatening the very wellspring of their most basic rights.
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May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I'm reminded of the quote, CS Lewis, I think, "Arguing against God is arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all." And certainly the feminists who argue against gentlemanly manners, were they transported to Iran, would discover the same thing.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
None of my feminist friends in college ever gave me grief for holding a door for them or helping carry a load. Sometimes, a woman rejects my offer to carry her luggage, and that's fine. But even the most athletic women I've known generally appreciate the help, even if they don't need it.
Feminists don't realize or accept that roles are not just about ability.
My nominally Catholic university assigned the same teacher as head of theology and head of women's studies (i.e., feminism). It takes an especially nimble mind to work that out.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I had read somewhere hat tipping derived from the medieval custom of knights raising their visors to acknowledge their opponent before a jousting match. Or maybe I'm thinking of the military salute. I'm really disappointed in the deafening silence of feminists concerning gender equality in the developing world. If a woman condemned to death by stoning is this modern age isn't just cause to burn your bra in protest, I don't know what is. I'm all for both sexes extending more courtesy and respect to each other, but as in the case in Iran, I'm also up for cracking some skulls when appropriate.
Jun '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Feminism's biggest crime is the devaluation of fatherhood. On this point I will yield to no one as I have seen the results teaching in a public charter where half the boys have no father in their lives.
I will state further that the very worst sort of child abuse outside of outright molestation is for one partner or another to jump the gender fence mid-marriage and start playing for the other team. The psychological damage to the children left behind, especially to the boys, is nothing short of savage.
A pox on feminism.
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I've honestly met very few women -- none, in fact, come to mind -- who objected to gentlemanly manners. I've met many who object to their absence. The feminist who can't bear the insult of having a door held open for her is something of a straw man (so to speak). There just aren't that many of them. Certainly not enough that we need feel indignant about their pernicious cultural influence. Most women like it very much when a man is chivalrous.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I agree Claire. I suspect Drew might be channeling an old episode of Maude ;-)
Jun '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
There's another less chivalrous reason that men treat women with deference and respect. Women tend to have fathers, husbands, brothers, or adult sons, and those fathers, husbands, brothers, or adult sons, might be muscle-bound hot-heads. You never know. Not all men are polite for the right reasons, but hey, whatever works.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Claire, I agree with you in one sense, and that is, in specific, there are few women who turn down or object to gentlemanly manners. However, I do believe that there is certainly an attack in our culture on Biblical definition of what it is to be a man and a woman and how the two relate to one another. This attack is not limited to feminism, but feminists would side against Christianity on this one. While most feminists would not reject the kindness of the door holder, they would reject any policy to promote Andrew's patriarchal protectiveness. I think this is a detriment to society.
Jul '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I'm called "sexist" by "feminists," and yet called a gentleman by ladies.... go figure.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I'll be happy enough when people stop saying "genders" when they mean "sexes". It's gotten so bad that even physicians misuse the term.
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I must defend my honor here - against Claire and her straw women - and most especially against the charge of having anything to do with the television show Maude. Although it has tapered off of late, there was a time when I and many other men would regularly get verbally attacked by feminists for acting chivalrously. To say most feminists were not that way is like saying most mobsters aren't hit-men or most Islamic fundamentalists aren't terrorists. If the majority dither about or rationalize away the actions of the intimidating few, they are essentially legitimizing the intimidation. Feminists did this for many years, allowing their bullies to operate at will, then falling back on a murmured, "Well, perhaps they go too far." If you think men are less chivalrous now than they were ten years ago - and they are - that's why. Maude indeed!
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I have found few subjects illuminate the differences between academia and "the real world" as much as sexism. I knew several feminist professors in college who would berate freshmen (oops, first years!) who dared to hold open the door as they entered a building.
Aside from the straw man argument, I had a heated argument in law school about the existence of separate men's and women's sports teams. The (male) professor argued that having separate teams was akin to the Jim Crow South. I argued that, while the Jim Crow laws were premised on racism, having a separate men's and women's basketball team is justified because of the physiological differences between men and women (muscle density, growth potential, etc.). Further, having different teams was not a relic of masculine oppression. I only overcame the professor's denial that men and women are, well, built differently (and his thinly veiled assertion that I was a Neanderthal) when the former WNBA player in my class vehemently came to my defense.
The setting for the discussion has a power influence over what constitutes "sexist." I'm with you Andrew.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I like your game Drew!
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Wonderful posting, Drew, with which I heartily agree! One thing I've noticed is that as gentlemanly regard for ladies has waned over the years, so too has the number of ladies one might think of as deserving such deference. I know that's generalizing, but surely it is true that one tends to act according to how one is treated (think Pygmalion), and according to expectations. Funny how "equality" so frequently produces specimens (or results) of the lowest common denominator; I'm afraid that is where we are (or are headed) with respect to male/female relations. Get ready for "equality" to bring our health care down to a sufficiently low level that everyone can have it-- for free! Hey, it worked well with public education, right?
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Though there aren't many horse-and-buggy rigs splashing mud these days, I still try to stay on the street side when walking with a woman. As for elevators, I try to allow the women to exit first, but it's often not practical. In those cases, I exit first, but hold my arm in the beam until the women have left.
None of this, however, is remotely connected to any notion that women need--or even want--my protection. These are signs of respect, and they appear to be hard-wired within me.
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I have an almost impossible time allowing a woman to buy me a meal or a drink. It's just deeply ingrained in me. Also: I like to do the driving.
And I have to say: I've had women roll their eyes a bit, maybe even pretend to be miffed ("Seriously? You won't let me pay?") but never convincingly. Feminism seems to me to have been something invented by chunky, dateless Smith undergraduates in peasant smocks and wooden jewelry. Every other woman I know -- irrespective of their education, children at home, or corporate rank -- still wants the dude to change the tire.
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
I guess I am also a sexist. Sounds like I have good company, though!
May '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Rob, I understand what you say about the buying meals and drinks and such and appreciate your kind of chivalrous generosity. It is very sweet. Alternately, I have a terrible time letting a man cook me a meal. And never, never, NEVER in my kitchen. Fair trade, maybe?
I also prefer my husband do the driving. Always. By the way, I know how to change a tire, pump gas, change spark plugs, change oil, pump up tires...and haven't done any of them since I met him (not that I want to do any of it either). Great guy. Opens doors for me, too. We have a pretty 1950s style relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and appreciation for each others' differences. And it works very, very nicely.
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Chivalry is not the same as sexism, and chivalry and feminism are not mutually exclusive. And when it come to the feminist straw woman, I'm with Claire -- the belligerent feminist of the '70s is a phantom.
Jun '10
Re: Why I Am A Sexist
Let's see if I have this correct. The first Ricochet Convention will see Caryn doing the cooking, Rob providing the drinks, and Andrew as doorman. Sounds righteous to me. I will suggest Santa Fe, New Mexico as the rally point. Nighttime temperatures here dip into the 50's even during the summer. Booyah!