Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Today is my 5th wedding anniversary. I'm blessed to be married to a wonderful man I adore. We have two beautiful children. We are immeasurably blessed. I'm not saying our marriage has been perfect. In fact, it's been downright hard at times. And while I pray it will always be blissful, I'm sure we will have many struggles in the years to come.
If it gets too hard, however, there's good news. I can bail. Check it out:
Pat Robertson advised a viewer of yesterday's 700 Club to avoid putting a "guilt trip" on those who want to divorce a spouse with Alzheimer's. During the show's advice segment, a viewer asked Robertson how she should address a friend who was dating another woman "because his wife as he knows her is gone." Robertson said he would not fault anyone for doing this. He then went further by saying it would be understandable to divorce a spouse with the disease.
"That is a terribly hard thing," Robertson said. "I hate Alzheimer's. It is one of the most awful things because here is a loved one—this is the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years. And suddenly that person is gone. They're gone. They are gone. So, what he says basically is correct. But I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again. But to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her." ...
Robertson said that the viewer's friend could obey this vow of "death till you part" because the disease was a "kind of death."
And here I thought that the Christian view of marriage was about sacrifice and submission to a greater good. For what it's worth, Christianity Today has published a piece repudiating the views of Robertson.
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Feb '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
So, Pat Robertson, if the person is "gone," why not just kill off her husk? Why the worry over custodial care and somebody to look after her?
His answer to this problem of disease and marriage is incredibly stupid and wrong.
Feb '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
And Happy Anniversary to you and Mr. Mollie!
May '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
I had to read this post twice to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong. What Pat Robertson said is the most stunningly appaling thing I think I have read, especially from someone who is suppose to be a Christian minister.
Apr '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Pat Robertson, though popular, is not a typical orthodox Christian.
His view of Christianity is more of the "prosperity gospel" style that many orthodox Christians refudiate.
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/americas-ugly-exported-gospel
Dec '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
So who defines the threshold? What "kinds of death" qualify?
Aug '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
I'd be somewhat sympathetic towards a spouse in this situation who chose to engage in an extra-marital affair (anybody here see the movie Away From Her? It's pretty heart-breaking), but outright divorce?! That's pretty cold, man.
Edited on Sep 15, 2011 at 3:23pmMay '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Hey, cool! You are only 33 years behind us!
Jun '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
The Law permitted us to divorce because our hearts were hard. Unfortunately, if you take advantage of that loophole you better be prepared to adhere to the rest of it.
Good luck with that!
May '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Why feel guilty at all? Let's combine this post with Rob's post on the Gen Xers and let's really dissect the problem.
May '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
I've taken two vows in my life and they both boil down to Always Faithful. I think that is a pretty decent way to go. When things get hard, that's when you love your spouse more not less.
Oct '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
What part of “in sickness and health, until death do us part” do you not comprehend, Mr. Robertson? (I reserve “reverend” for those I revere.)
Where exactly does “kind of death” appear in scripture?
May '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
I'm really put off by this. I have to say that Pat Robertson is prone to saying some pretty wacky things that are not (always) representative of Christians in general.
Jun '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Pat Robertson represents Pat Robertson. That's both the advantage and the disadvantage of Protestantism and its thousands of denominations. You're free to start your own denomination, or start a new branch of an old denomination, and go wherever the Holy Spirit takes you, but also, there's no recognized referee to tell you that you've stepped out of bounds. Every new megachurch comes with its own new "pope." You can say that Holy Scripture is the referee, but if everyone read it the same way there wouldn't be thousands of denominations now.
Sep '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
What is honored in a country will be cultivated there." Plato.
May '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
O.k. This initially bothered me, the more I thought about it the madder I got. Really, sickness renders the marriage vows invalid. This is your spouse. I remember the till death do we part of my wedding. I meant it in the very core of my being. You take a vow and then break it. Isn't that bearing false witness? Isn't that a top ten Biblical no no. I'm not a absolutists on the issue of divorce in that I believe there are very real reasons for couples to part, but my wife got sick. Really Pat. You better hope you don't start forgetting where the car keys are.
Dec '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Pat Robertson has always been a (CoC violation).
I recall leaving grad school because my Mom was just worn out, tending to Dad 24 hours a day. Somebody had to be awake at all hours.
Did I mention that Pat Robertson is a (CoC violation)?
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Duane Oyen
Hey, cool! You are only 33 years behind us! · Sep 15 at 1:47pm
We will catch up in no time!
Feb '11
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
This brings to mind the movie "The Notebook" based on Nicolas Spark's novel, just about every woman I know (including myself) was in tears seeing the level of love and devotion shown by lead character towards his wife. It was the sacrificial and selfless love shown despite his wife not remember the love of her life. He never stopped being at her side. I hope this atrocious statement spells the end of this man's presence among the Christian community.
Oct '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
In for a penny, in for a pound, as the saying goes.
A freind has been married some 35 years and is helping her husband through cancer and will see it out, whatever the outcome.
Appears folks have become more readily and justifiably disposable today in some eyes.
Edited on Sep 15, 2011 at 3:49pmOct '10
Re: Why Feel Guilty About Abandoning Your Spouse During Illness?
Thank you Rosie... that was going to be my post, and not only women are overtaken by the beauty of the faithful marriage. We have seen friends and acquaintances struggle with Altzheimers and dementia, and their struggle is one to admire.
Robertson has long ago ceased to be a voice to the Christian community at large.
Wonder why?