Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Washington Post columnist Jay Mathews argues that since far more people went to high school than college, we should reference that part of their history when talking to them. My parents graduated from high school in 1964. When any of their peers asked where they went to school, they didn't mean where my parents went to college, grad school or seminary, they meant high school. And in Denver, abbreviations ruled the day. My Dad went to "TJ" -- Thomas Jefferson. My Mom went to "GW" -- George Washington. In many ways, this explained much of what you needed to know about someone's adolescence and background. Mathews writes:
High school defines us. It is an educational experience we nearly all share. Useful abilities, such as reading, writing, math and our own peculiar talents for the most part take root in high school, or don’t, to our sorrow. High school offers lessons in love, social dynamics, news and what we are most likely to enjoy in our adult lives, at work and play. Hillsdale High School in San Mateo, Calif., gave me more than my colleges, Occidental and Harvard.
High school dramas are staples of television and cinema. Far more people attend high school sporting events than those at colleges. High school teachers are far more likely to have an impact on the lives of students than college professors.
Yet we don’t act as if any of that high school stuff is important. In a lifetime of social gatherings, I cannot remember ever being asked where I went to high school. The college experiences, on the other hand, are frequently discussed.
I think he may be on to something. I have barely any relationship with the University of Colorado, which granted me my economics degree. In many ways, I think Douglas County High School in Castle Rock, Colorado, defined me more. It was an excellent school with high-performing peers. We had many from our class go on to become doctors, scientists and academics. One of them even won a MacArthur Grant in her young 30s. Another is an Academy Award nominated actress. My best friends from that period of time remain my best friends. I didn't make lasting friendships in college, possibly due to the fact that I worked full time to pay for my schooling.
I don't have particularly fond memories of high school, except for the fact that I made some of my most enduring friendships during that time. I didn't make lasting friendships in college, possibly due to the fact that I worked full time to pay for my schooling. I've been thinking about this as I decide whether to attend my -- gasp -- 20th high school reunion this summer.
Anyway, I'm curious if any of you attended high schools that significantly influenced you.
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May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I went to a boarding school for high school, and as such it was an intense experience that fixed my values and principles. I now have the great pleasure to teach there! So I have great affection for it.
Because my college experience was mostly at the sister institution of my high school the experiences are somewhat blurred together. I met my first wife at the college...and my second wife was attending there at the same time but I did not know her then. You would think that would make me feel closer to the college, but that high school experience, and my memories in these same halls every day, are a part of my being.
My only regret is that I didn't get to know #2 before I fell for #1! Ah, but that's not the way the Creator works, is it? ;)
Edited on April 30, 2012 at 7:47pmApr '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Funny I think all my best friends I have are all from undergrad and graduate school. I haven't spoken to my high school friends in years. It seem like we are breaking into two camps..here.
I personally have a strong bias against high schools and the melodrama that people seem to ascribe to it. Nothing of lasting consequence I feel happened to me in high school.
Everyone goes to high school, but everyone goes to middle school and elementary school too. I have a lot of fond memories of fifth grade and Mrs. Skee my teacher. What I remember most was her constantly telling us "life is not fair, so don't complain saying something is not fair."
Nov '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I've never felt "defined" by either high school or college, and honestly don't understand why so many people do. I realize I'm an odd duck in this, but then I've never been much of a "joiner" and my self image is not dependent on any group.
I went to high school because I had to. I wasn't part of the in crowd, and don't remember those years fondly. They weren't horrible, just not great. I find it sad when someone spends their life pining for the glory days of high school. I remember a funeral of a childhood friend who died of cancer in his 40's. The service was largely a celebration of his high school athletic achievements. This was in some ways sadder than him being taken so young.
My college years were transactional -- I paid the university for an education and they provided it. I lived off-campus and worked my way through, never went to an athletic event, nor spent time socializing on campus. I expect I missed out on a lot, but don't regret it. My life was centered elsewhere.
Mar '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
My high school and college were in England. High school was a boy-only "Grammar School" (state-funded, with an entrance exam) and college was studying Physics with almost-only boys (both institutions are now mixed-sex, and much more balanced).
They both defined my ultimately successful career path (unusually, I still use what I learned at college in my work), but they left me mystified by girls. I was very hard-working, so my social life skills developed only over many years after college. Girls are still a mystery.
My whole education was state-funded, which for college doesn't happen anymore, even in England. So I feel very lucky to have been educated where and when I was.
Jun '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
But the question "where did you go to high school?" is only meaningful if you grew up in the same town, whereas I might actually know something about the college you attended.
For instance, you went to the University of Colorado, my dad got his MD there, they are in the Pac-12 now, I've seen the Buffaloes play against my Cal Bears. Whereas I've never heard of Douglas County High School.
If I met someone and found out they grew up Roseville I'd ask "oh really, which high school did you go to?" Otherwise I'd never ask because the answer would be meaningless.
Jul '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
The military defines me more than either high school or college. It's where I really learned stuff.
Aug '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I stay in touch with (only barely) one friend from high school. To this day, I work with and communicate with college friends on a regular basis.
Sep '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I hated high school so much that I skipped my senior year and never graduated...It was a small town public school where the only important thing was football and cheerleading. I was hassled for being too tall, too studious and too not Texan. I punched a football player in the jaw for grabbing my rear end, and thus never had any dates either.
Instead of going through that for my senior year, I started as a freshman at a small, Christian liberal arts college, from which I graduated in four years, and later attained my Master's. Like Katievs, that is where I really felt at home. I actually went back to my high school principal to see if he'd grant me my diploma after my freshman year. He said no.
So, I still don't have much fondness for that place, and it is fun to tell folks that I'm a high school dropout.
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
High school traumatized me; college merely disappointed me, so high school clearly wins!
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Both our daughters did that too. So, when our son graduates from high school in June, it will be a first for us. He has absolutely loved his quirky, all boys prep school experience.
Jun '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
tabula rasa:
Mollie: When we lived in Highlands Ranch in the mid-1990s, my older kids went to Highlands Ranch High School, so we played Douglas County, and all our home football games were at Douglas County Stadium. Your picture of the entrance to the school brought back an intense burst of great memories (including the streaker on a very chilly November evening). · 2 minutes ago
At this moment, I am so proud of my old school. I never knew we had a streaker. I also love that we used to be neighbors! Small world ... · 5 hours ago
He got caught and the cops made him got spread-eagle on a very cold parking lot. He was, sadly, a student of Highlands Ranch High.
Jun '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Joseph Stanko: But the question "where did you go to high school?" is only meaningful if you grew up in the same town, whereas I might actually know something about the college you attended.
For instance, you went to the University of Colorado, my dad got his MD there, they are in the Pac-12 now, I've seen the Buffaloes play against my Cal Bears.
Joseph: You are right about colleges. In fact, now that I've learned you're a Cal Bears fan I many not be able to speak to you. Two of my sons played rugby at BYU, only to lose in the national championship game to Cal (who are the perennial men's college rugby champs).
Feb '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Oddly, that's one of the few good things about Facebook I've seen -- reconnecting with friends who have scattered to all parts of the globe. High school was far more intimate than undergrad days in university. But then it's a matter of a few hundred people vs. thousands. As far as defining, depends on what you mean. I learned much in both. Had good teachers and some really wretched ones in both. Had good friends in both. I've kept in close contact with only a few. Going to a reunion though was one of the most depressing acts of my life. Took me several days to get over. I had this realization that seeing all these people I used to see every day and was good friends with and now they're complete strangers.
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Hard question. My high school experience at a private Christian school was by and large pretty blah. I focused on academic achievement, had very few friends, and as a result, a non-existent social life. BUT, it was there that I met my fiancé who not only attended that school, but then returned to be a teacher there (he's finishing his 11th year of teaching).
College was wonderful. And my alma mater really tries hard to inculcate all of its students with a deep love and pride for the place. From our first year trips into the wilderness onward, it's a pretty remarkable experience. It opened up a world of opportunity to me and supplied me with lifelong friends.
Dec '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Between the 2: High school. I took an ahem non-traditional route to where i am now, and by the time I got to college (for the second time) I was pretty much beyond the mini-community self-identification thing necessary for the college 'experience' to mean anything.
In high school I learned to really really really loathe people, in college (the first time) I learned that I needed to be somewhere else, the army helped me find who I was and come to terms with the world, and college the second time was for the ink on the resume.
Jun '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
tabula rasa
Joseph: You are right about colleges. In fact, now that I've learned you're a Cal Bears fan I many not be able to speak to you. Two of my sons played rugby at BYU, only to lose in the national championship game to Cal (who are the perennial men's college rugby champs). · 1 hour ago
Precisely my point, "where did you go to college" is a conversation starter. Colleges are part of our shared national culture, while high school is a purely regional affair.
And yes, we take great pride in our dominant rugby program. I went to see them play once, though not really grasping the rules of the game most of it was lost on me. We won though (naturally), so that was fun, and the team sang a rousing drinking song in celebration as they walked off the field.
Jul '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I was very much the outsider in both high school and college, high school was public and, in many ways, preposterous. Low level embassy kids, a couple of media kids, an awful lot of government service riff-raff, and enough pacifists, vegetarians, eco-freaks, and outright Marxists to populate any high school, anywhere.
College was a Catholic school, a denomination that piqued my curiosity and a school that actually provided scholarship in Western history and culture for the smart shopper, but also suffered from the most spectacular bores prancing out their moral vanity to teach nuclear disarmament in Theology courses. But the adult faculty was very candid, brilliant, kind, and accessible for the most part.
Never saw the point in year books and and class rings and whatnot.
The only person from school I am in regular contact with is Mrs. Sisyphus, and that is an odd story in and of itself.
Sep '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Which defines you more high school or college?
Neither. I disliked both experiences and never studied anything remotely interesting in either place as I futilely attempted to pursue utilitarian training instead of attempting what university was intended for. I've been making you all suffer for it here on Ricochet since 2010.
When either institution phones looking for an alumni get together I usually tell them I was eaten by squirrels in 2008.
Edited on May 1, 2012 at 1:04amApr '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I would say both are important to me.
In Hawaii, where I grew up, high school defines much more strongly than any other place I have lived. The isolation and large number of private schools with a great variety of cultures and styles contributes to this.
The first question one person from Hawaii asks another: "Where you went High School?"
But since I live in California now, that question has much less meaning over here.
Aug '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
For me, it's a toss-up between university and my first few jobs.
I hated high school. I did very well in my first year of university, and I enjoyed the rest (even if my grades weren't great). Plus I learned a lot about what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do.
Then after university I had a one-year civil service job that really cemented my conservatism.
Really, I'd say my most formative years were my 20s. Trying out lots of different jobs (a bit of film and video, civil service, PR and media relations, NGOs/think-tank, etc) to see where I fit in best. University was skills-development, while early career years was personal-development.
Edited on May 1, 2012 at 1:36am