Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Washington Post columnist Jay Mathews argues that since far more people went to high school than college, we should reference that part of their history when talking to them. My parents graduated from high school in 1964. When any of their peers asked where they went to school, they didn't mean where my parents went to college, grad school or seminary, they meant high school. And in Denver, abbreviations ruled the day. My Dad went to "TJ" -- Thomas Jefferson. My Mom went to "GW" -- George Washington. In many ways, this explained much of what you needed to know about someone's adolescence and background. Mathews writes:
High school defines us. It is an educational experience we nearly all share. Useful abilities, such as reading, writing, math and our own peculiar talents for the most part take root in high school, or don’t, to our sorrow. High school offers lessons in love, social dynamics, news and what we are most likely to enjoy in our adult lives, at work and play. Hillsdale High School in San Mateo, Calif., gave me more than my colleges, Occidental and Harvard.
High school dramas are staples of television and cinema. Far more people attend high school sporting events than those at colleges. High school teachers are far more likely to have an impact on the lives of students than college professors.
Yet we don’t act as if any of that high school stuff is important. In a lifetime of social gatherings, I cannot remember ever being asked where I went to high school. The college experiences, on the other hand, are frequently discussed.
I think he may be on to something. I have barely any relationship with the University of Colorado, which granted me my economics degree. In many ways, I think Douglas County High School in Castle Rock, Colorado, defined me more. It was an excellent school with high-performing peers. We had many from our class go on to become doctors, scientists and academics. One of them even won a MacArthur Grant in her young 30s. Another is an Academy Award nominated actress. My best friends from that period of time remain my best friends. I didn't make lasting friendships in college, possibly due to the fact that I worked full time to pay for my schooling.
I don't have particularly fond memories of high school, except for the fact that I made some of my most enduring friendships during that time. I didn't make lasting friendships in college, possibly due to the fact that I worked full time to pay for my schooling. I've been thinking about this as I decide whether to attend my -- gasp -- 20th high school reunion this summer.
Anyway, I'm curious if any of you attended high schools that significantly influenced you.
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Comments:
Jun '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I've heard, that for urban Catholics of a few decades ago, you were identified mostly by your parish, which also indicated the general neighborhood or ethnic group you were from.
Dec '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I'm with you Mollie. Yes, I'm a rabid Duck fan, but my relationships from college barely reach the level of superficial. Let's see, one of the fraternity brothers arranged a reunion dinner in Portland 3 years ago which I attended - it was the first time I had seen almost all of them since leaving the UofO in 1982.
Many of my high school friends, on the other hand, remain dear to me. I graduated from Mt. Baker HS in Cranbrook, British Columbia. I've attended all of the reunions to date and plan on attending the 35th this summer. I have close HS friends who now live in Calgary (a bunch of them), Vancouver BC, Kelowna BC, Prince George BC and Toronto.
I was born in Portland, moved to BC when I was 6 and graduated from high school there before heading down to the UO. That 12 year period, however, remains a very profound influence on my life. I still consider myself partly Canadian, even though I never did actually have citizenship.
Apr '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Since it was in high school, and in fact in a summer program run by my sophomore biology teacher, that I figured out what career I should pursue, based upon my aptitudes and inclinations, I have to answer Yes, high school significantly influenced me.
I doubt, however, that anyone would say of me "Oh, he's a 'Gonzaga man' all right."
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
For me, high school was not good. I went to a big public school in Connecticut and never felt like I belonged there. Never felt part of it. Never felt I could quite be myself. College I loved. Found my husband there; got rooted and established in my faith, discovered my philosophical vocation, and made countless life-long friends. My Facebook friends are practically all FUS alumni.
Jul '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
High school was harder on me for various reasons. San Diego for college was a dream and I suppose I think of those days as more defining.
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
During the Christmas break of my sophomore year in high school, my father was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus. By November of the following year he was gone.
The remainder of my school years were filled with financial worries. Seventeen-year-old boys usually worry about date nights, not mortgages. But sometimes life just sucks.
I look back at both HS and college as years of deprivation and too much peanut butter. The very smell of it makes me gag.
Therefore my life was re-defined the day I met my future wife. These are the best days. Not the easiest, mind you. Four kids and a mortgage of my own means I ain't swimming in dough. But they're still the best.
Aug '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I am only (and just barely) in touch with one friend from high school. I have no idea where most of those people are. But most of my lasting friendships were made in college. Over twenty years later, there are still a group of us who get together every year with our spouses and families for a weekend of catching up.
Aug '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
For me College was the more defining experience. Granted, I went to two different high schools, but I met my wife, best man, and turned my life around as an undergraduate in college.
I had spent a four-year long semester off after my first year in college. During that time I was drove Valet and was a 21/Craps dealer in Reno. I lived at home with my parents, and a lot of life was the same as it had been my Junior and Senior year. My mom was spiraling in her heroin addiction. My father was verbally abusive to me, and physically abusive to my mom. My life was terrible and depressing.
Then came Sunday September 13...the day I met my wife as she walked by the common room of a dorm where I was visiting a friend I met during my "first try." I was watching football while I waited for him to come down. I asked her if she'd like to watch the game, and she said yes.
That is the moment that defined my life. I went back to college, married this lovely young woman, and have been living an Austen novel since.
Jun '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I grew up in rural Utah and went to a tiny high school. Then I went to the city for undergraduate and law school. My wife (also from rural Utah) and I raised our family in urban areas (SLC and Denver). While the imprint of high school remains on me, my university education was the better preparation (both intellectually and socially) for the rest of my life--I think it had the greater imprint on me.
Mollie: When we lived in Highlands Ranch in the mid-1990s, my older kids went to Highlands Ranch High School, so we played Douglas County, and all our home football games were at Douglas County Stadium. Your picture of the entrance to the school brought back an intense burst of great memories (including the streaker on a very chilly November evening).
Edited on April 30, 2012 at 5:35pmRe: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
tabula rasa:
Mollie: When we lived in Highlands Ranch in the mid-1990s, my older kids went to Highlands Ranch High School, so we played Douglas County, and all our home football games were at Douglas County Stadium. Your picture of the entrance to the school brought back an intense burst of great memories (including the streaker on a very chilly November evening). · 2 minutes ago
At this moment, I am so proud of my old school. I never knew we had a streaker. I also love that we used to be neighbors! Small world ...
Dec '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
My first reaction was high school ... sports, cruising the drive-in restaurants in our corvettes, drinking "6%" beer ... but, like DocJay, college was the real world for me. Getting together with high school friends is fun but mostly superficial chit-chat about the good old days. College is where I made my first adult friends, both other students and people I worked with.
For my generation, neither high school nor college was the defining experience ... the real defining experience and the one that had the most influence on our lives was the Vietnam War. A very large percentage of males were either drafted or volunteered for military duty. Instead of which high school you went to, the questions were which branch of the military were you in and what part of Vietnam. The war was easily the defining experience for my generation.
Mar '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I did not enjoy high school much, and I was very glad to see the end of it. I never look back - no reunions, no donations, nothing. I considered it a granola, self-important place, full of foolish kneejerk liberals. And it was in Oregon - but I repeat myself.
I am defined very much by college. I became a man - and a gentleman - there. I still go back to visit. I donate considerable time, and other energies to my alma mater.
In my experience, people who define themselves by their high school experience tend to be in a state of arrested adolescent development.
Jan '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Different ways to interpret the question.
Oct '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Neither high school nor college is defining for me. I could care less (there's an idiom for you, Peter!). I became conservative after college, when I was living in the real world. That's what defines me; real world experience.
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I feel both high school and college define me but in different ways. My high school is where I came from while my college is where I want to go. I would much rather be defined by my higher education.
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Nathaniel, thanks for sharing this. I can never get enough of real life courtship stories.
May '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Where you find your spouse has a lot to do with it. Met mine in high school public speaking class in 1973 and we have never really been apart since. So HS is more memorable for me. Would have been better if I wasn't such a jerk back then, though.
Apr '12
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
Your high school tells a lot about where you came from, but then so does your father's job, your street address or your kindergarten. Your college says more (not everything, to be sure) about your individual trajectory, which is why it is more often asked. Also, if you end up settling far away from where you went to high school, nobody will have heard of it.
High school was fun, but college is where I came of age intellectually.
May '10
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
High school is mostly a bad, dim, memory now (35th reunion coming up!). Being a teenager is awful - I wouldn't go back to that for anything. So much anxiety and uncertainty and drama. It's so much better being an adult!
College was better, and grad school better still.
I read somewhere that what really shapes you is what was going on in your early twenties. For me that was the dark days of Jimmy Carter and casting my first Presidential vote for Ronald Reagan.
Mar '11
Re: Which Defines You More, High School Or College?
I think High School does more to define one's perceptions of the world and of the self simply because it is the time of life when one feels most intently. College begins the process of challenging/overcoming those perceptions.
Both experiences are highly overrated.