What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
In his Morning Jolt, Jim Geraghty links to an old David Brooks column about delayed gratification. We learn about Walter Mischel's classic experiment where he took a bunch of 4-year-olds and ran a test where they were left alone in a room. They were told they could eat a marshmallow if they rang a bell. If they didn't ring the bell and waited for the instructor to come back into the room, they could have two.
The children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores. They got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years on and were more likely to have drug problems at age 32.
The Mischel experiments are worth noting because people in the policy world spend a lot of time thinking about how to improve education, how to reduce poverty, how to make the most of the nation's human capital. But when policy makers address these problems, they come up with structural remedies: reduce class sizes, create more charter schools, increase teacher pay, mandate universal day care, try vouchers.
The results of these structural reforms are almost always disappointingly modest. And yet policy makers rarely ever probe deeper into problems and ask the core questions, such as how do we get people to master the sort of self-control that leads to success?
Brooks mentions this study in the context of talking about public policy. He argues that teaching self-control is necessary to keep society from breaking down and that a lot of our current problems are linked to this breakdown.
My childhood included much discipline that led to good skills in self-control. So I thank my mother and father. I've certainly noticed how a failure to instill discipline in children can have horrific results.
I'm less interested in what the state can do regarding self-control failures and more interested in what individual families and communities can do to help. Is there only a limited time to instill discipline in a person and, if that window of opportunity passes, nothing much can be done? Has anyone here successfully taught himself self-control?
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Aug '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Wow. That's a reminder that David Brooks can write a really good column when he sets his mind to it.
Sep '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
This study is discussed in some detail by Sam Wang in his Teaching Company course on The Neuroscience of Ordinary Life. While most people are aware that neuroplasticity means that many aspects of our brains can be rewired, even late in life, I think many would be surprised to learn that you can begin remolding your will power, even if you didn't do so when you were younger.
He goes into a fair amount of detail that may seem superfluous, but when you understand some of the dopamine trigger responses and effects of synaptic pruning, you will find it easier to break common bad habits (constant checking of email and social media) and why its so easy to slip back into bad habits.
Dec '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
For the last three weeks I've been eating healthier and working out (except for yesterday, of course.) I have no idea why I have the will power now when I've spent my entire life not doing it, but the results so far are very encouraging. It is almost like a switch was thrown in my head and now I have a desire that was previously absent.
Oct '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
In the Uncommon Knowledge with Mitch McConnell, the senator used a metaphor for the Senate attributed to Washington that may fit into the policy aspect of the post. He called the Senate the saucer plate for hot tea; what spilled over the edges from populism or over from the House had time to cool down and be critically evaluated by the Senate. There may be an argument to be made that the direct election of senators changed this dynamic.
Apr '12
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Texas Cowboy
Great and timely example. Basic to good living. I'm wrestling teaching and applying the adverse consequences of instant gratification in my local community group, Sunday School class and professional trade group. The teenage and adult marshmallows are so much bigger!
As a traditional Baptist Bible believer, Like M. Luther, I am persuaded that self-control is a basic part of conversion, growth and necessary profession of faith at all ages.
With my decades of experiences and the evidences that surround us, self-control is an on-going choice with visible consequences. The nurture of good and diligent parents is obvious and perhaps easier in some ways. However, whatever the age, there is no substitute for identified standards, relevant teaching with such great examples as the marshmallows and four year olds and exhortations to overcome evil with good.
Thanks Mollie
Nov '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
I've never eaten a marshmallow.
Nov '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Adults continually struggle with self-teaching delayed gratification and, more generally, self-control. I am 53 years old and still fighting with myself on such issues. I agree the study hits a critical point but on the face of it one should not be rushing too quickly to decide what is cause and what is effect.
For the sake of simplification let us assume that there is an arrow between taking the marshmallow early and propensity toward bullying behaviour. Which direction should the arrow point? Does propensity toward bullying lead to early-marshmallow eating or does the ingrained habit of grabbing the marshmallow lead to bullying? Does the arrow point both ways? Or neither -- perhaps the correlation is explained by an arrow pointing from something else, such as a glandular anomaly, that predisposes toward both behaviours?
My point is that, while I agree with the policy recommendations one might draw from this observation (we should work to instill self-control in children, and refrain from continually indulging the urge to immediate gratification) I do not see that the experiment, or even a hundred such experiments, provides much direct validation of such policy. What if there is no causal relationship here?
Jan '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
I read Sam Harris' book a few weeks ago on Free Will, in which he claims that free will is an illusion. (It's not much of a read; less than 100 pages.)
Harris argues that free will is an illusion because we make decisions subconsciously, usually long before the conscious mind is ever aware of the dilemma. I disagree with Harris, but he's no dummy. He has correctly latched onto a key element of decision-making ... i.e., most of it is subconscious.
But Harris treats the subconscious as a murky, impenetrable abyss from which nothing can be learned or changed. I disagree. If you're looking for an instant answer, you won't succeed; but morality, religion, and a true education isn't a one-shot, instant process. It takes training, and most of all, it takes reinforcement.
That's why teachers aren't explainers - they're trainers. Day in, day out. While you're teaching, you can explain, but that's mostly to pass the time while you're repeating the training over and over again.
Reinforcement is crucial. That means that while you must reward success ... but you must also punish.
Mar '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Well when you're ready, you'll get two.
Edited on April 9, 2012 at 8:35pmApr '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
I have mixed feelings about this. As a parent of two teen boys, I deeply appreciate and encourage self-discipline, but every major success I've experienced in my own life has come about based upon an impulsive, some might say bold, decision or action.
I could predict how both of my son's would react to this experiment. My oldest would, no doubt, gobble up the marshmallow immediately. Carpe diem, baby. My youngest would wait for the second one. He is my more rule-bound, compliant child. He's easier to parent. But, but, but my oldest is very appealing to his peers. They find him exciting and charismatic.
There must be some type of rule of diminishing returns when it comes to self-discipline. It's important and relevant to some degree but becomes less useful after a specific point. I think some highly cultured individuals over-estimate its value. I'm reminded of this when I visit our local bike park and see tons of middle-aged people running and biking themselves into a lather. Yes, I know they enjoy it, but do they enjoy the knee, hip, and joint damage as well?
Dec '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
I just heard the end of Dennis Prager's interview of Mark Levin on his new book Ameritopia. They agreed that conservative western world-view is directly related to delayed gratification. Conservative Jews and Christians await a Messianic Age believing God is the means by which Utopia is achieved, while liberals insist that they will create heaven on Earth through public policy. Brooks is onto something fundamental here.
Dennis also interviewed Roy Baumeister, who co-authored the book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, which directly addresses your question, Mollie. I bought the book for Mr. Chauvinist, but haven't read it myself yet ('cause, you know, I have no issues with self-control. -- Phwaah!) But, from what I remember of the interview, the answer is, "yes," it is possible to develop your willpower, beginning with small daily exercises and building up. It's like I tell my kids, you only get good at something with practice, practice, practice.
Apr '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
i have come to the conclusion that anyone who opposes the idea of a citizen who already needs a photo ID card to do just about anything and everything else is either a left wing ideologue protecting the democrat party franchise on dead voters and illegal aliens etc....or is a nincompoop...or very dishonest....i can think of few things more straight forward and obviously necessary than a citizen showing proof of who he is before voting!If one needs a photo ID to pick up tickets at the box office of a show,asking one to show the same to vote shouldnt be much of a problem
Sep '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Wonderful post and so many insightful comments.
My somewhat trivial observation: When it was too late, I realized one of the many flaws in my child-rearing, common to many boomers, I think. When my children tried to interrupt a conversation I was having with an adult, I usually followed the course of least resistance and excused myself to the adult and attended to the child instead of requiring the child to learn to wait his turn. In retrospect it seems so obvious that this was wrong and did my children a disservice.
Sep '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
You haven't missed much. Unless we're talking about the chocolate- covered marshmallow eggs from Regannes Candy in Lititz, PA.
Mar '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
I believe anyone can learn self control, at almost any age.
My children learned initial self control within a week or being born - we only hold them when they are quiet, and put them down when they cry. You'd be amazed how quickly they figure it out. And if you think about it, almost everyone else does it backward: pick up a crying baby, and put them down once they are silent.
I lost 55+ pounds a few years back, and have kept 45 of them off ever since - simply through willpower. I needed to do it for my own self respect.
Feb '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
iWc: I believe anyone can learn self control, at almost any age.
My children learned initial self control within a week or being born - we only hold them when they are quiet, and put them down when they cry. You'd be amazed how quickly they figure it out. And if you think about it, almost everyone else does it backward: pick up a crying baby, and put them down once they are silent.
I lost 55+ pounds a few years back, and have kept 45 of them off ever since - simply through willpower. I needed to do it for my own self respect. · 1 minute ago
Have you, by any chance, read the Mike and Debbie Pearl books?
Mar '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Mama Toad
Have you, by any chance, read the Mike and Debbie Pearl books? · 6 minutes ago
No. I am an odd duck. On the one hand, I believe I can learn to do almost anything, and I believe profoundly in the power of study and accumulated human wisdom.
But I recoil, instinctively, from almost all parenting advice. I see bad parenting all around me, and I have nothing but contempt for its practitioners. Raising good pre-teens is almost laughably simple, but one needs to apply a modicum of rational thought.
Once kids are teens, all bets are off. But nobody has ironclad answers for teenagers. Love them, and roll with them, never accept chutzpah, push them, and pray.
Apr '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Nyconservative, I think you might be on the wrong thread.
Apr '11
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
The fine Sisters at my parochial school insisted on self control. Feet flat on the floor and hands folded on the desk at all times. I was an adult before I realized what the point of that particular rule was all about. If they could teach us not to slouch and squirm in our seats, they could teach us anything! And the root of it was controlling ourselves.
Jul '10
Re: What We Lose When We Lose Self-Control
Could this be the reason that parochial school kids are more successful? When I was a student, we were given grades (A through D) on traits like 'obedience' and 'self-control.' They took up half- the report card while academic subjects filled the other half. And the report card had to be signed by a parent and returned to the teacher. Such is surely not allowed in today's politically correct (= dishonest) federal schools.