Welcome Home
A question for Ricochet's soldiers: How would you prefer to be welcomed home?
It's not just the thought that counts. Sometimes, expressions of love or gratitude are thoroughly annoying or poorly timed, due to differences in expectations and needs.
But it's impolite to complain about those expressions. So you keep silent and have to endure the same mistakes over and over again. Well, here's your chance to gently correct those of us who wish you well.
When you return from active duty, after months of adrenalin and anxiety, what do you hope for those first few hours, days, and weeks? Is the first or second day too soon for a party or gathering? Do you want to be social? Do you need activities, like sports, to help you wind down gradually? Or do you want to catch up on a month's sleep?
What irks you about everyday American life after weeks of struggles and horrors in a primitive hellhole? What small concessions might you ask of friends and family? Complain a little less about traffic and commercials? Be a little more active? Odds are, any changes made in gratitude will only last so long, but at least we can try to ease your transition back to the privileges of civilian life in the wealthiest nation on the planet.
Whine away. You earned it.
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Comments:
Dec '10
Re: Welcome Home
Glad you asked. I've always wondered this myself.
Were I in their shoes local welcoming parties, people at the airport, that sort of thing...I would probably find it intrusive and vaguely embarrassing. But I am also the type of person who wouldn't want visitors in the hospital, so I know I'm weird.
Re: Welcome Home
I love this question, and think it would be great if Ricochet's military members also shared their insiders' -view insights into the countries we talk about here.
Jun '12
Re: Welcome Home
Excellent and thoughtful question, Aaron. You'll probably get a different answer from every vet you ask. I will write something substantive in a bit. I can't presently.
Oct '10
Re: Welcome Home
Every single person is different. If you know someone who is coming home talk to them and ask what they want. In general, expect them to be nervous and hypervigilant, especially in out in public/ in crowds. Expect them to have trouble sleeping.
The people at the airport style welcoming party is actually pretty good because if the veteran doesn't want to talk to them he/she can just keep walking and not make eye contact. If they do want it then handshakes and thanks and hugs can be wonderful.
Personally, it's always special when a stranger walks up to me, shakes my hand and thanks me for my service. I know they aren't thanking just me, I'm a stand-in for them thanking every single person who wears a uniform. It is a reminder of all that is good in America.
Oct '10
Re: Welcome Home
As for what I wanted when I got home - to spend time with my very pregnant wife, sleep in everyday, and just relax!
PS: On Friday Oct 5 my daughter was born and she is the picture of perfect baby health :D Best part of not being in Afghanistan!
Re: Welcome Home
Robert McKay: As for what I wanted when I got home - to spend time with my very pregnant wife, sleep in everyday, and just relax!
PS: On Friday Oct 5 my daughter was born and she is the picture of perfect baby health :D Best part of not being in Afghanistan! · 5 minutes ago
Congratulations!
Jul '11
Re: Welcome Home
Robert McKay, congratulations and God Bless your wife and daughter! May she see you both grow old and happy.
Apr '11
Re: Welcome Home
Great question!
Clearly it's crucial that our soldiers know that we appreciate then, but the suggestion to just going up to random soldiers saying "thank you for your service" always struck me as awkward.
It's interesting. I once had a guy at a tire shop praise me as a "hero" for being a teacher, a comment I laughed off as kind of absurd. However, every once in a while, if I get bogged down in my job, that silly little gesture will actually pop up to remind me of the responsibility I'm charged with (even if it doesn't rise to the level of "hero").
The best answer I've heard came from Peter Robinson (I think...), who once suggested that if we see soldiers in a bar or restaurant to secretly pay their check and have the waiter/bartender tell them why.
Apr '11
Re: Welcome Home
Robert McKay:
Personally, it's always special when a stranger walks up to me, shakes my hand and thanks me for my service. I know they aren't thanking just me, I'm a stand-in for them thanking every single person who wears a uniform. It is a reminder of all that is good in America.
*Cutlass virtually walks up to Robert, shakes his hand, thanks him for his service and buys him a grande latte at the proverbial flagship Starbucks.*
May '10
Re: Welcome Home
Idea: gift a soldier a Ricochet membership as a way to thank them for their service.
Background:
Who knows, there may end up being a "Milblog" feed someday at the top of Ricochet?
Sep '12
Re: Welcome Home
"Courage after Fire" by Armstrong and "What It's Like To Go to War" by Marlantes are a great place to start to get some information on how to help your loved one returning from deployment.
Apr '11
Re: Welcome Home
Robert McKay:
Personally, it's always special when a stranger walks up to me, shakes my hand and thanks me for my service. I know they aren't thanking just me, I'm a stand-in for them thanking every single person who wears a uniform. It is a reminder of all that is good in America. · 56 minutes ago
I've actually managed this once. The problem is I always choke up and don't want to make the young man or woman have to take care of me.
I like to think my donations to the USO and the Wounded Warrior Project help make up for my lachrymose failures.
Oct '11
Re: Welcome Home
My war was a long time ago. I wanted to sleep for a month. I was hyper-vigilent and tense whenever in a car. There are an amazing number of ambush points along U.S. Highways. I couldn't sleep well without a weapon with me for most of a year. Loud noises or sounds that mimic incoming would cause reflexive reactions that happen without thinking. My dad, a WW II veteran of operation Torch and the North Africa Campaign, took me aside and advised me not to worry about it, he understood and that my odd actions would eventually fade, which they did in about six months. Just be supportive and understanding while your warrior decompresses and adjusts. It takes time.
Re: Welcome Home
The well wishes of people at airports warms the heart. The embrace of family and close friends is a dream come true. But afterward, I've found that a week or so at home, with no commitment to do anything other than rest and be with family, is absolutely essential.
As for approaching vets in public, I've been on the receiving and the giving end of these encounters, and they can be very rewarding and moving for all involved. I was stranded once at a hotel in Pittsburgh, where my truck had broken down. There was a young troop at the hotel restaurant, in uniform. I arranged with the waiter to pick up the tab without the troop knowing who had done it. I just wanted to thank him without a public fuss.
Re: Welcome Home
Robert McKay: As for what I wanted when I got home - to spend time with my very pregnant wife, sleep in everyday, and just relax!
PS: On Friday Oct 5 my daughter was born and she is the picture of perfect baby health :D Best part of not being in Afghanistan! · 1 hour ago
Congratulations, Pop!! And thank you so very much for your service, sir.
Jun '11
Re: Welcome Home
I must agree with the initial comment that it's different for each one of us. I'm always kind of sheepish since I feel like serving my country was an honor, a badge of 'dues paid' that I am allowed to wear forever. I would have been eternally disappointed had I NOT been activated for my year in the sand. As for how to deal with the occasionally awkward thank-you, I try hard to thank THEM for the support, and then to make sure they know that I served willingly & with pride and that a year of duty is a small price to pay for being blessed to grow up & raise my own six children in the greatest country on earth. As for the occasional numbskull who asks me what it feels like to have served as a tool of the oil oligarchs Bush & Cheney, I simply tell them I wish they appreciated my service as much as the free Iraqis I talked to every day. That's one group of people who think Bush was 'Numba one, good very good!'
Dec '10
Re: Welcome Home
Robert McKay: ...
PS: On Friday Oct 5 my daughter was born and she is the picture of perfect baby health :D Best part of not being in Afghanistan! · 1 hour ago
Congratulations there ole Dad ... just some father to father advice, have you thought about which model Mustang you're going to buy for her 16th birthday ... I know you think you've got couple of years before she's starts pointing out the colors she likes, but ... my advice, just go ahead and plan on the convertible
Sep '11
Re: Welcome Home
jetstream
Robert McKay: ...
PS: On Friday Oct 5 my daughter was born and she is the picture of perfect baby health :D Best part of not being in Afghanistan! · 1 hour ago
Congratulations there ole Dad ... just some father to father advice, have you thought about which model Mustang you're going to buy for her 16th birthday ... I know you think you've got couple of years before she's starts pointing out the colors she likes, but ... my advice, just go ahead and plan on the convertible
Fast cars, teenage boys? Trouble.
A pony? Responsibility.
She needs a pony.
(This is Goblin, my oldest daughter's first pony. We've kept him for almost twenty years, and back in February we shipped him to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma to be with Ellie and her husband. This is the platoon of Army daughters that greeted him upon his arrival.)
Sep '11
Re: Welcome Home
Not to take the thread off on a tangent--but today's military has far more family than ever before. So you have wives and children who are getting Daddy back--but have to adjust to having Daddy back, IYKWIM.
When a unit is returning there can also be heightened stress among the families--units have something called a Family Readiness Group (FRG) that ideally is a support community. In practice it can vary from a support group to a duplication of the unit's command structure, complete with inspections and performance reviews. Which is to say, the wife/mother/spouse may be under a pretty huge degree of stress even before the plane arrives.
Immediately after return the soldier has a mandatory down time--do whatever it takes to ensure that both people have as little distractions as possible. If you're her employer, give her the week off. (And if you dock her the vacation time, you're a cad.) If you're a family member, take the kids for the afternoon--and bring them back in a week.
If you're a neighbor, bring food, mow the lawn. Leave them alone.
Jul '11
Re: Welcome Home
John murdoch.....awwwww.