We Are All Entitled Jerks
Another day, another complaint about those dang young people.
I’m not talking about Jonah Goldberg’s recent interview, in which he made the fairly ho-hum point that young people are, in general, ignorant. I’m talking about the woman in line next to me at the grocery store, talking into her cell phone. “You know these kids,” she was saying. “They think they should just be able to get out of college and step right into a job.”
I don’t know the backstory, of course. Maybe the “kid” in question was refusing to wear a tie for an important interview. Maybe he got C’s in college and then thought he deserved a six-figure salary just for graduating. Still, it seems like I’ve been hearing this sort of complaint a lot lately, and it gets me to thinking. I can understand heaping scorn on the young when they demand handouts. But jobs? Would better-bred young people cheerfully accept that it’s normal to spend several months living out of their parents’ basements and scrounging for interviews while delivering papers and flipping burgers in order to keep on top of their college loans?
No one needs to lecture me on the aggravating features of the young. I teach undergraduate courses, so I see twenty-year-olds at their most insecure. Actually, non-tenured academics get to experience the young in a particularly degrading way, because we, for professional reasons, need them to give us good teaching evaluations. We actually have to make the little tyrants like us, if we care about staying employed. So we know all about their ignorance, and their hunger for affirmation, and their – to use the favorite buzz-word –entitlement.
Ah, entitlement. It’s a funny word, really. What does it mean? It has something to do with the perception that one deserves something. When it is used pejoratively, presumably that implies that a person’s sense of entitlement is ill-founded; he doesn’t really deserve the things he thinks he should get. This plunges us into some very thorny questions about justice and fairness and the like. Rather than sort through these, I would like to make a simple observation: all of us expect a great many things out of life that we have not earned.
This is particularly obvious to those of us who care for young children. Children are regular black holes of neediness. They want, and want, and go on wanting long after your resources are exhausted; babies in particular have no sense whatsoever of there being reasonable boundaries on their demands. What is more, children experience every denial as a personal injury. Talk about entitlement! What has my 2-year-old done to deserve another playground trip, another story, or even another nutritious meal? His contributions to the household are minimal, to say the least. And yet, I would rightly feel guilty if I never gave him these good things. His expectations are based on his needs, and on his perception of what is required to make his life worthwhile. And even though his individual demands are often unreasonable, the underlying premises are moderately sound. As a human being, he does have moral worth, and he ought to live a worthwhile life. As one who bears significant responsibility for his existence, I ought to be interested in seeing that he does.
Some might hasten to remind me that twenty-year-olds are not toddlers; if there is a strong resemblance between the two, that may be part of the problem. It seems to me, though, that all of us are like toddlers to a considerable extent. We set our expectations and lay our plans based on what we see around us. When the rules change on us mid-stream, we get frustrated, upset and angry. Many complain about the entitlement of the Millennials, but as a thirty-something (so, old enough to have been paying my own bills for a good while, but young enough to be confident that I’m not getting Social Security) it sometimes seems to me that the Boomers are awfully entitled, demanding benefits that they haven’t adequately funded and thinking the difference should be made up by a too-small generation that many of them couldn’t be bothered to help raise. Such is the way of the world, however. We form expectations based on the world we see around us. We feel entitled, and when the world doesn’t give us what we regard as our fair share, we think we’ve been cheated. We are all, to put it bluntly, entitled jerks.
I diagnose the problems of the rising generation thusly. They were raised in a time of peace and prosperity. Their parents and teachers effectively promised them that they could enjoy the same if they worked hard and kept their noses clean and stayed in school. It seemed like a good trade. Unfortunately, the deal was mostly illusory. Their college degrees were much more expensive than their parents’, and are much less marketable. The job market has turned bleak at precisely the time when the national debt is spiraling out of control. At precisely the time when they most desperately want support, their elders start grumbling about how entitled they are. Twenty-somethings are always so easy to criticize, but personally, I find it hard to blame them for being angry and confused. With the mirage of their parents’ comfortable lifestyle dissipating, they literally do not know what sort of lives they can expect to live. Somehow they’re supposed to pay their own debts and the nation’s debt, and raise families at the same time, all despite the fact that nobody wants to hire them. The math doesn’t quite add up.
I’ve occasionally been accused of inciting intergenerational warfare, but it seems to me that I’m not so much inciting as observing that intergenerational conflict is imminent, and will only be averted if we can find ways to adapt, together, to a changing world. The truth is that we all probably feel entitled to things we’re not going to be able to have, whether that be a comfortable retirement or an interesting job or a three-bedroom house with a yard. We’ll adapt. It’s what people do. But if indeed older Americans are so replete with wisdom and experience, perhaps they should take this opportunity to show it by being the bigger people. Stop blaming the young for problems they didn’t create.
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Comments:
Apr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I have sometimes observed that the people who are most ruthless about demanding their retirement benefits are also the ones who have not raised children. The Boomers who raised me made many sacrifices to enable all five of us kids to get a good education without being buried in debt. But now they say that Social Security needs to be means-tested, even realizing that that this will probably mean that they are tested out, and even though they are nowhere near rich enough to shrug this off. If there is intergenerational conflict in the near future, it will not be the fault of people like my parents.
But see, they've had the experience of establishing themselves while providing for a family. They see their kids trying to do the same, and they understand the wrongness of bleeding young families in order to keep the elderly comfortable. (Or, worse, of preventing those families from coming into existence, by ensuring their would-be parents never feel financially secure.) People who haven't contributed any younger members to the workforce are also often the ones who have trouble looking past their own immediate interests to consider the needs of the nation.
Jan '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Funny you mention this. I am not sure who's happier to have me back at home--my mom or my younger siblings because I often get to some of the chores before Mom even has a chance to ask them.
Jul '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I blame parents, modern parenting, modern education for our young adult "entitled" attitude. We raised children in a world where no score is kept least we hurt feelings. Where awards are granted to all for dubious reasons. Where a college degree is portrayed as the Holy Grail instead of just one more step toward success. Where chores are done by hired help and not family members. Where food, clothes, iPhones, 70 in TVs, cars, computers, hot tubs are provided at no cost. Where their first introduction to work is often after high school or college. How could new adults not be surprised, upset, resentful that the world does not function as they have been taught for the previous 20+ years of their life?
Nov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Most of here agree that that SS is out of control. However young adults can better take care of themselves and the elderly often need help- not the other way around. Conservatives have many answers on how to give this help effectively. Young families have almost never felt financially secure, the difference being they never thought others were preventing it.For the younger members I would like to remind them that most of us have already paid a mint toward this stuff and dislike it more than you do. It is not theoretical for us. We personally will soon pay more in Capital Gains (defined as what we have earned and already taxed) than you may ever make. If this statement makes you feel bitter you may actually be a liberal. You are upset because you fear a future possibility, we are enraged as they divvy up our life's earnings. Younger people commenting here are obviously very intelligent and aware but the victim card is not part of conservatism. These are a result of an ideology and that is the fight, not with characterizations of generations (one of the oldest commentaries).
Sep '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Exactly.
I believe the 'youth vote' in 2008 was overwhelmingly for Mr Obama. You reap what you sow.
Edit: link added
Edited on June 3, 2012 at 6:19pmNov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
"The young" are the ones who gave us Obama:
But us geezers did rear and educate them, or reared and educated their parents, so we deserve perhaps greater blame.
I thank "the young" for supporting generous healthcare and retirement for my generation. I apologize that those systems will be bankrupt before it's their turn to receive benefits.
"The young" should begin their protests inside the offices of the tenured professors who, teaching 6 or 9 hours a week, earned $100K a year for filling "little tyrants'" heads with leftist mush while imparting little actual knowledge and no marketable skills.
Really, I don't blame "the young." I just say, "Welcome to the school of hard knocks."
Edited on June 3, 2012 at 6:36pmNov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
The young, being ignorant fools, have allowed themselves to be conned into supporting a social system that has too-much-favored the old and the non-working to the detriment of the young and the hard-working. The "silver ponytails" live quite nicely, while the twenty-somethings, even the hard-working ones, can't hardly afford a home and family.
The day is coming, not so far off, when the young will wake up and begin gently to suggest to grandma (and then not-so-gently to suggest to grandma) how noble it would be for her to go ahead and opt for the triple dose of the pain meds.
Sadly, I don't see much other way out of the current mess.
Old age is becoming a luxury society can no longer afford.
Jul '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
OkieSailor: On the college/job front; a degree doesn't guarantee a good job, it never has and never will. What it does do is open doors that would otherwise be closed. Then the applicant can compete for available jobs, possibly starting lower on the totem pole than desired and working up the ladder. That's nothing new.
I read that a lot of degrees are simply useless in the job market, bearing no relation to the needs of employers. This may be partly the fault of counselors and other elders telling students to pursue their interests without regard to what is marketable.
That may include taking a job that seems less desirable that we had hoped for and working up from there. ·
That's really the difference I see. I see kids expecting $50K year to start when all they bring to the table is limited Excel skills and an attitude of surprise when hiring managers are uninterested. They've been rewarded for too long, for too little, that the bulk of them don't know any better. But I have some advice for them:
Get a job. Get one. And go from there. And stop crying about it.
Nov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
drlorentz . . .I believe the 'youth vote' in 2008 was overwhelmingly for Mr Obama. You reap what you sow.
You just barely beat me to the Pew Poll reference, but I guess that's why they say:
Sep '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Astonishing
...
You just barely beat me to the Pew Poll reference
...
Normally, I don't have much respect for Pew polls (aka P-U polls). The questions are poorly phrased and agenda driven. But they can indicate big trends. If you scroll down the page, you'll come across this:
"Young voters differ most from older voters in their liberal views on the proper scope of government. Nearly seven-in-ten (69%) of voters ages 18-29 favor an expanded role for government, agreeing that it should do more to solve problems; fewer (27%) say the government is doing too many things better left to businesses and individuals."
I think that says it all.
Nov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
drlorentz
Astonishing
...
You just barely beat me to the Pew Poll reference
...
. . . If you scroll down the page, you'll come across this:
"Young voters differ most from older voters in their liberal views on the proper scope of government. Nearly seven-in-ten (69%) of voters ages 18-29 favor an expanded role for government, agreeing that it should do more to solve problems; . . . ."
I think that says it all.
When I find myself in disputes with youngsters about government spending, I just smile and say, "It's great that all you healthy youngsters want to keep paying out the nose for healthcare for us old geezers. It's just too bad that, by the time you're old enough to need it, the system will be bankrupt. You will have paid all those years, and won't get anything in return. So sorry. You will have paid so much in taxes that you won't have been able to afford to educate your own children or to save for your own retirement. But that's okay with me--just don't let those evil Republicans cut my SS or Medicare!"
May '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I live in an area that is majority under 30. A very bright ambitious group.
Is there an 'entitlement mentality' among that generation - in some cases yes. I used to be shocked to hear some of my younger friends approaching 30 openly talk about how their parents still have them on the parent's car insurance and the parents pick up the tab. Parents also make sure the 'kids' have a debit or credit card that the parents pay - 'in case of emergencies' (I have yet to see an 'emergency' whose only solution is a bar tab), or the height of support when the parents are paying the rent on the apartment.
It seems that the some of the 'adults' that complain about the 'entitlement mentality' are still picking up the tab for basic life skills.
I don't blame the younger generation for accepting this largess.
Apr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Perfectly true that the young are mostly foolish, and that electing Obama was a ridiculous thing for them to do. However, young people have always been emotional, and I sometimes wonder whether one reason why the young don't vote Republican is because the Republicans (even while protecting their interest) seem to dislike them so much! I certainly get that vibe when visiting conservative websites. I guess you could call it tough love, but, well, it's pretty hard to discern the love sometimes.
I personally am not that interested either in determining fault or in deciding which generation is (or will be) the most victimized. You could argue those questions forever, and why does it matter anyway? Part of the solution, obviously, is entitlement reform, as most people here will agree. But if they are indeed so much wiser and more experienced, I think it would be nice to see older Americans entering more sympathetically into the real soul-searching that young people are doing concerning the way they should live now. "Get a job" doesn't help much because most are trying. The problems of the young are not in their heads, and they need more than platitudes.
Apr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I might add that I think Walter Russell Mead is a good example of someone who recognizes how hard it is for the young to get a start in the world these days. He discusses these problems in a serious way, which I appreciate. So many other conservatives seem to feel that it would be a breach of honor to admit that the young have any significant problems that are not rooted in a lack of moral character.
Sep '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I sometimes wonder whether one reason why the young don't vote Republican is because the Republicans (even while protecting their interest) seem to dislike them so much! I certainly get that vibe when visiting conservative websites. I guess you could call it tough love, but, well, it's pretty hard to discern the love sometimes.
...
No one is more tired than I of hearing the hoary "what's the matter with kids today" refrain. This replays itself every generation. You're quite right that 'get a job' is hardly constructive. Younger adults need to be treated as adults in all respects. That includes not talking down, but also not treating them as dependents.
I agree we should concentrate on fixing the problem, not fixing the blame. But the 18-29s have to take ownership, as they say, of their part in this. About 70% of them favor more government and view it as part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Go out there and convince them otherwise. If that 70% stays put, we're all doomed.
Good luck. I'll help when I can.
Edited on June 4, 2012 at 12:47amApr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Actually, I'm not in the 18-29 age bracket. I'm youngish, but not young enough to be what news reporters mean when they talk about "the young." By most standards I think I qualify as a Gen-Xer.
But, I do teach young people, and I also have much-younger siblings who are struggling through the whole trying-t0-get-established gauntlet. Trust me, I try to be as persuasive to them as I can.
Dec '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
First of all, if you think you're an 'entitled jerk,' you're speaking for yourself, not me.
I agree with some criticisms of the "Boomers," but think the hundreds of thousands of dollars that I've paid into Social Security over four decades should adequately fund my retirement. The problem is, none of it's there for me. It's all gone gone to others: the disabled, the elderly or the just plain greedy.
It's bizarre to hear that people who think that we who don't have biological children (never mind why) shouldn't have rights to retirement benefits, and that they think we can't "look past our own immediate interest to consider the needs of the nation." We fund the system while you're on family leave, maternity leave, paternity leave, and while you're deciding whether to re-enter the workforce (or not).
I think that's great. We need families. And kids. And stay-at-home Moms. And Dads.
But not all of us who don't have children are selfish, greedy pigs. Those of you who think that might want to re-evaluate your prejudices.
Please start by looking in the mirror.
Edited on June 4, 2012 at 2:57amApr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I think we're all entitled jerks, She. And since my meaning in saying that was apparently not clear, allow me to rephrase. I think we all have a pretty strong sense of what we think we should get from life, and I think our ideas on that subject are only minimally influenced by rational calculations about what we have justly earned. Far more influential on us are our general observations of what sorts of lives people like us can expect to lead. Way lay plans and develop hopes and dreams based on what we see around us, and when those dreams are dashed on the rocks of changing circumstances, we feel cheated. And then we get cranky.
At present, our society has reached a somewhat unhappy juncture at which almost all of us (the young, the old, the not-so-young-but-not-so-old), have allowed ourselves to hope for and, yes, expect, things that the world probably cannot deliver. So, there's a lot of clawing, grasping and "where's my share" crankiness. Entitled jerk behavior.
I have to say that your comment decidedly did not persuade me that you are an exception to this trend.
Apr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
On the subject of childlessness, please note that I most definitely did not say 1) that childless people should not get retirement benefits, 2) that childless people are without exception selfish and greedy, or 3) that my moral assessment of childless people would disregard their particular motives and circumstances. In fact, I think those would all be ridiculous things to say (with the possible exception of (1), but I'm very unsure of what anyone deserves with respect to retirement benefits.)
I thought it would be fairly clear that I was speaking of trends. When I meet a childless person, do I think, "oh, this person is probably a selfish jerk"? Of course not. On the other hand, speaking in generalities, I do think that parenthood wears away at one's naturally selfish tendencies. Also that people who have raised members of the younger generation do, in general, have a more natural entry point into sympathizing with their struggles.
Finally: insufficient emphasis on family was indeed one of the general failings of the Boomers. That obviously doesn't mean every single individual is blameworthy, but if they'd had more children, the country would be in better shape today.
Nov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Rachel Lu: . . . the young don't vote Republican . . . because the Republicans (even while protecting their interest) seem to dislike them so much! . . . I guess you could call it tough love, but, well, it's pretty hard to discern the love sometimes.
. . . I think it would be nice to see older Americans entering more sympathetically into the real soul-searching that young people are doing concerning the way they should live now. . . . they need more than platitudes.
After you called them "little tyrants," Rachel, you mustn't fuss at your elders for not saying sweeter things about the darlings.
Complaining about the young, I fulfill the naturally destined duty of a geezer, codger, and coot, who observes, as did his father and his father's father before him, that "today's youth" are (as a group, but with many excellent exceptions) less disciplined and less thoughtful than were my generation and my child's. They can be disappointingly dull--unoriginal and uninterested. One might hypothesize that leftist education/indoctrination, popular culture, and electronic devices have diminished them.
Yes, the Obamanomic economy makes things even tougher on them, but that is what they voted for. Another platitude: Experience is an unforgiving teacher.