We Are All Entitled Jerks
Another day, another complaint about those dang young people.
I’m not talking about Jonah Goldberg’s recent interview, in which he made the fairly ho-hum point that young people are, in general, ignorant. I’m talking about the woman in line next to me at the grocery store, talking into her cell phone. “You know these kids,” she was saying. “They think they should just be able to get out of college and step right into a job.”
I don’t know the backstory, of course. Maybe the “kid” in question was refusing to wear a tie for an important interview. Maybe he got C’s in college and then thought he deserved a six-figure salary just for graduating. Still, it seems like I’ve been hearing this sort of complaint a lot lately, and it gets me to thinking. I can understand heaping scorn on the young when they demand handouts. But jobs? Would better-bred young people cheerfully accept that it’s normal to spend several months living out of their parents’ basements and scrounging for interviews while delivering papers and flipping burgers in order to keep on top of their college loans?
No one needs to lecture me on the aggravating features of the young. I teach undergraduate courses, so I see twenty-year-olds at their most insecure. Actually, non-tenured academics get to experience the young in a particularly degrading way, because we, for professional reasons, need them to give us good teaching evaluations. We actually have to make the little tyrants like us, if we care about staying employed. So we know all about their ignorance, and their hunger for affirmation, and their – to use the favorite buzz-word –entitlement.
Ah, entitlement. It’s a funny word, really. What does it mean? It has something to do with the perception that one deserves something. When it is used pejoratively, presumably that implies that a person’s sense of entitlement is ill-founded; he doesn’t really deserve the things he thinks he should get. This plunges us into some very thorny questions about justice and fairness and the like. Rather than sort through these, I would like to make a simple observation: all of us expect a great many things out of life that we have not earned.
This is particularly obvious to those of us who care for young children. Children are regular black holes of neediness. They want, and want, and go on wanting long after your resources are exhausted; babies in particular have no sense whatsoever of there being reasonable boundaries on their demands. What is more, children experience every denial as a personal injury. Talk about entitlement! What has my 2-year-old done to deserve another playground trip, another story, or even another nutritious meal? His contributions to the household are minimal, to say the least. And yet, I would rightly feel guilty if I never gave him these good things. His expectations are based on his needs, and on his perception of what is required to make his life worthwhile. And even though his individual demands are often unreasonable, the underlying premises are moderately sound. As a human being, he does have moral worth, and he ought to live a worthwhile life. As one who bears significant responsibility for his existence, I ought to be interested in seeing that he does.
Some might hasten to remind me that twenty-year-olds are not toddlers; if there is a strong resemblance between the two, that may be part of the problem. It seems to me, though, that all of us are like toddlers to a considerable extent. We set our expectations and lay our plans based on what we see around us. When the rules change on us mid-stream, we get frustrated, upset and angry. Many complain about the entitlement of the Millennials, but as a thirty-something (so, old enough to have been paying my own bills for a good while, but young enough to be confident that I’m not getting Social Security) it sometimes seems to me that the Boomers are awfully entitled, demanding benefits that they haven’t adequately funded and thinking the difference should be made up by a too-small generation that many of them couldn’t be bothered to help raise. Such is the way of the world, however. We form expectations based on the world we see around us. We feel entitled, and when the world doesn’t give us what we regard as our fair share, we think we’ve been cheated. We are all, to put it bluntly, entitled jerks.
I diagnose the problems of the rising generation thusly. They were raised in a time of peace and prosperity. Their parents and teachers effectively promised them that they could enjoy the same if they worked hard and kept their noses clean and stayed in school. It seemed like a good trade. Unfortunately, the deal was mostly illusory. Their college degrees were much more expensive than their parents’, and are much less marketable. The job market has turned bleak at precisely the time when the national debt is spiraling out of control. At precisely the time when they most desperately want support, their elders start grumbling about how entitled they are. Twenty-somethings are always so easy to criticize, but personally, I find it hard to blame them for being angry and confused. With the mirage of their parents’ comfortable lifestyle dissipating, they literally do not know what sort of lives they can expect to live. Somehow they’re supposed to pay their own debts and the nation’s debt, and raise families at the same time, all despite the fact that nobody wants to hire them. The math doesn’t quite add up.
I’ve occasionally been accused of inciting intergenerational warfare, but it seems to me that I’m not so much inciting as observing that intergenerational conflict is imminent, and will only be averted if we can find ways to adapt, together, to a changing world. The truth is that we all probably feel entitled to things we’re not going to be able to have, whether that be a comfortable retirement or an interesting job or a three-bedroom house with a yard. We’ll adapt. It’s what people do. But if indeed older Americans are so replete with wisdom and experience, perhaps they should take this opportunity to show it by being the bigger people. Stop blaming the young for problems they didn’t create.
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Comments:
Nov '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I teach radiology residents. I've been meaning to write for a while about how much I love "my" young people, how utterly amazing they are, and how completely they don't fit the stereotype of this generation.
It seems to me that a lot of the negative stereotype comes from older adults who think they're supporting modern young people. We get lectures on "emerging adulthood", and how you can no longer treat people up to age 27 as adults, and how they have a different, more entitled and less respectful approach to medical education. Huh. And then I go and meet our next class of residents, who are 27, mostly married, many with kids, have finished medical school and are dealing with crushing student loan debt, crazy resident hours, family responsibilities, and still reading, doing research, and writing academic papers. They are really smart, pleasant, hard-working, and just delightful to be around.
We do get a few entitled ones. Unfortunately, as an East Coast native, I have to admit that they are mostly from the northeast. But in my experience, they are far from the rule.
Dec '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
There is a lot to what you say, especially about the entitled boomer generation. They were sold a bill of goods from the government, and now they expect everyone after them to pay up. I can understand younger people having some resentment over being treated like an entitlement vending machine.
Feb '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Thank you, thank you, thank you. And amen.
I've often felt most of my frustration with the baby boomer generation could be resolved if the people who lied to me (not intentionally) about how education is *the* way to get a good job, and that student loans are always worth it, etc. ad nasuem would just say John Belushi's line in Animal House.
"I'm sorry. You [expletive] up. You trusted us."
Apr '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Back in my day, when you had to walk 10 miles each way to school in the frigid cold of Minnesota (ok, so the bus picked us up at home) the general observation was "kids are getting smarter". I haven't heard anyone say that in awhile.
Jan '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Thank you for this post, Rachel. I'm 25 and looking for work, so I'm probably biased, but you've captured many of my own thoughts. Of course there's some truth to the stereotype about "the youth" or it wouldn't exist, but it does drive me nuts when people make general statements implying, for example, that any twenty-something still living at home must be a lazy slob. Would you prefer that my parents help me out while I apply for jobs or should I sign up for government programs?
May '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
A million times thank you. As a young person with a troubled work-history (due to circumstances far beyond my control), it is gratifying to see someone who gets it.
I appreciate the critique of the Baby Boomers, too, sorely lacking from most of these discussions. Where I live, Boomers have organized to get access to property tax exemptions, mostly because they object to having to fund public education since their kids are out of school. I feel like Updike's Rabbit Angstrom is an apt representation of the worst of the Baby Boomers - forever taking from society, and forever running from their responsibilities while blaming others.
May '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I am a baby boomer, but have little patience with those who denigrate the generation of newly-minted adults. My two twenty-something sons and their friends are as ambitious as any of my peers were in the seventies. I held jobs more than either of my sons did while in college, but they probably worked harder at college.
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Furthermore, as a 30-year secondary teacher, I have a pretty clear idea of the work ethic and ambition of today's young people. I have to say that the top third of them probably work as hard in school as my peers or I did.
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Their experience in the world of work is, however, another story. My peers and I started as young teenagers in the agricultural fields and worked every summer into adulthood. But those under thirty now have been sheltered from that by their far wealthier parents. I'm afraid that the future is going to force a lot of people to take jobs that they once thought were clearly beneath them. A lot of college degrees are going to have very little bearing on the careers of those holding them.
Dec '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
The way the economy has been handled and the unsustainable growth of dependence on government, there will be a rediscovery of the extended family as a time-honored survival strategy. Whether the implosion of the nuclear family model will lead to greater or less inter-generational tolerance remains to be seen.
Sep '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
When most younger people discover, as some already have, that the old folks are trying to suck them dry in Social Security and Medicare taxes, they'll rebel en mass. And rightly so. As Herbert Stein observed, if something can't go on forever, it will stop.
The sense of entitlement knows no generational bounds. It is an unavoidable consequence of rising expectations. In some sense, this may not be entirely a bad thing. Things have been getting better over the long term, which results in the expectation that they will continue to do so. Consider the alternative: a society which is stagnant or going down the tubes. In such a world, no one would feel entitled.
What may be missing is gratitude. As Mr. Prager points out in this short video, gratitude is a key ingredient of a happy life. This realization comes to people later in life, if ever.
Jan '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
It's much more a frustration with a culture that over-glorifies youth (precisely because they're ripe for manipulation). The second half of the adults' complaining is left off: "... they're young, so why are we basing everything on them?"
Movies, TV, and all popular culture are oriented to youth. Politicians, especially Democrats, pander to youth, and it influences elections. As it turns out, I don't have any particular grudge against youth (of course, I suppose most offenders don't think they're offenders), but I do have a very deep objection to basing a culture on them.
Our culture doesn't promote or examine the virtues of human life, drawn from any wisdom or experience. How boring is that? So we assure kids that they're perfect. Culture promotes slackers and snarkers, and gives them the laughs.
We're told that gay marriage is OK, not because of its merits (which is an honest conversation), but because young people don't have a problem with it. That's backwards. Instead of trying to persuade youth based on argument, we're basing our argument on what young people think now. That's culturally insane.
Oct '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I appreciate the critique of Boomers, too. The Boomers demanded more benefits and less taxes. For the most part, the government obliged. In the future, I will pay higher taxes, and get fewer benefits.
Thanks a lot.
Jun '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Intergenerational warfare?
I am reminded of a book by P. J. O'Rourke titled "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut"
As for "The Entitlement Mentality...treasure it in your book of memories, because soon it will be gone. Gone for the simple reason we (as a society) can't afford it any more. Walter Russell Mead talks about this on his Via Meadia Blog.
Jun '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Let's see if younger folks wise up and help vote out the folks who've held the economy down. Now that our Dear Leader has exposed himself as a second-rate, standard-issue pol I have my hopes.If they vote for Obama in the same numbers as.in 2008... well, then they all can get off my lawn.
May '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
We are Boomers who raised 4 kids on a single income. We've tried for 30 years to get people around us to see what a con game Social Security was and is and to get the thing fixed. It's still not too late but every year the reforms needed will be harder to implement and will cause more pain to Boomers, their kids and grandkids. The alternative is to just let the system implode which will also place a heavy burden on our kids/grandkids as they will have to find a way to support us without a government check coming in...or let us flounder on our own. It's time to ignore the Statists who are addicted to our money and implement private savings plans of some variety. That's the only way to ensure a bright future for those of you under 50...it's too late for us Boomers.
May '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
On the college/job front; a degree doesn't guarantee a good job, it never has and never will. What it does do is open doors that would otherwise be closed. Then the applicant can compete for available jobs, possibly starting lower on the totem pole than desired and working up the ladder. That's nothing new.
I read that a lot of degrees are simply useless in the job market, bearing no relation to the needs of employers. This may be partly the fault of counselors and other elders telling students to pursue their interests without regard to what is marketable. However, we each must take responsibility for our own decisions (I've made plenty of bad ones) and work to get from where we are now to where we want to be. That may include taking a job that seems less desirable that we had hoped for and working up from there.
Dec '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
This is a beautifully written post, Rachel. Thank you.
I'm at the tail-end of the Boomer generation, so unfortunately, I've got the proctologist's view of the world. However, as I read your post I kept having this "but wait" reaction. Perhaps we all agree it's too easy to generalize a generation of people?
Mr. Chauvinist started his career over thirty years ago with no expectation of receiving Social Security (did I mention he's very smart?). Is he now to be blamed for a national policy enacted by Franklin Roosevelt, and defined as the third rail of politics since then?
He and I feel incredibly lucky to have been born at the apex of America's history. We know we've had it good. But, we're not voting in a way to place the burden of our future existence on our kids. How many people do you know who have purchased long-term care insurance at age 50?
If intergenerational warfare breaks out, it will be despite people like us and because of Obama voters. We want involuntary wealth-transfers of all kinds to stop. There are too many forgotten men.
Aug '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
The problem with making observations about entire generations is that there are so many exceptions to the general observation. All us Boomers know kids today we think are great. (Have you met mine?) And a lot of us Boomers have known for a long time that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. The trouble was - we had no choice but to participate. (I've been wanting to opt for 3o years. Now it's too late.)
It's not the entire Boomer generation that messed things up. It's a particular subset - the ones who think government is the solution to all problems. And those folks have infected every generation for a very long time.
The truth is, "Every generation blames the one before." ("The Living Years," sung by Mike and the Mechanics) And it pains me to think about what sort of world we are leaving to my grandchildren (who are pretty spectacular kids, btw).
Maybe together this November, we can scrounge up enough voters from several generations to stop the the insane growth of government, which is the primary cause of the misery of the past eight decades.
It's not a generational thing.
Jun '12
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
Two points.
One of the thing my mother drilled into my head was "The world does not owe you a living.
&
A Flight Chief I had in Korea would say when something bad would happen, "Life is full of disappointments, this is one of them...deal with it."
Words to live by.
Sep '10
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
A couple of thoughts from a 40-something.
I tell my wife all the time that parents are the problem with kids. The holds true even as kids turn into young adults. We sold the youth on the idyllic view that a college degree is the secret to a long and happy life with full employment, and that's bull-manure. It always has been. Hard work, persistence, honesty, diligence, patience, etc. - those are the secrets to a happy life. Full employment is a fleeting dream for any age group.
Second, which twenty-somethings do we see on TV? The hygiene-challenged Occupy-types, mostly. The rabblerowsers. But they are such a small percentage, it's not fair to use these jackwagons to color an entire age group. I know some young folks that are working hard to find their place in life, struggling to make it on their own, and not looking for handouts from anyone.
Nov '11
Re: We Are All Entitled Jerks
I would love it if I had a 25 year old living with us. They would be required to take over the housework and cooking and the bookshelves would finally be dusted. Also they could run errands- no one told me that life is mostly running errands.