Vote With Your Gut
As Mollie highlighted earlier this week, the Washington Post came out with a poll recently on the presidential candidates that devolved into idiotic hypotheticals, such as "Who would you rather invite to dinner at your home?" The paper's own resident hip, young, well-educated humor editorialist Alexandra Petri made me laugh this morning with her treatment of it. She asks a series of similarly hard-hitting questions to determine the most capable leader:
●You’re a private eye, working out of a cheap office on nothing but a drawer full of bourbon. One day, trouble blows through the door. A brunette, as usual. Which candidate’s otherwise promising career as a writer has she blighted with her salacious lifestyle?
●Instead of cursing, you have to shout one of the candidate’s names whenever you’re angry. Whose do you choose?
●You’re on your honeymoon, and the car breaks down. Your husband leaves to get help, leaving you locked in the car. You hear a horrible scraping sound on the outside of the car and see one of the candidates running towards you, mouthing something you cannot understand and looking terrified. Is it Barack Obama or Mitt Romney?
●Would you rather live with Mitt Romney in a world where all the other people are spiders, or live with Barack Obama in a world where you are a spider?
Considering this poll and the Pew Political Party Quiz that tells you if you are red or blue based on how strongly you agree with statements like "I never doubt the existence of God," I say we need to bring the candidates in on these psycho-political surveys. At the debates they should have to discuss "The Lady, or the Tiger?"
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Comments:
Nov '10
Re: Vote With Your Gut
Have to go with Romney on this one. The beauty of swears is that they are short, almost all one sylable. In a contest of both first and last names, Romney's are shorter.
Nov '11
Re: Vote With Your Gut
Since Romney was recently talking about Snooki, I think discussing "The Lady, or the Tiger?" would be a step up.
What I want to know is, Van Damme or Seagal?
Nov '11
Re: Vote With Your Gut
There's also Obama talking about Nicki Minaj. Competing for the votes of the Honey Boo Boos, I suppose.
Apr '12
Re: Vote With Your Gut
TheRoyalFamily
Have to go with Romney on this one. The beauty of swears is that they are short, almost all one sylable. In a contest of both first and last names, Romney's are shorter. · 27 minutes ago
Maybe if you say "Barack" so it sounds like "Frak!" B'rack!
...Isn't that Klingon for "Bureaucrat"?
Aug '12
Re: Vote With Your Gut
You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down...
Aug '10
Re: Vote With Your Gut
Whichever candidate can see the sailboat, wins.
"You dumb bastard, it's not a sailboat, it's a schooner!"
Jul '12
Re: Vote With Your Gut
I like the old reliable "who would you rather take a cross-country car trip with" question. I've updated it (for precision) to "for each candidate, at which rest stop on 1-10 do you finally go behind the restrooms and blow your brains out?"
[edited to eliminate redundancy]
Edited on September 15, 2012 at 9:25pmJul '12
Re: Vote With Your Gut
For the passing Star Trek generation: Kirk, Spock, Obama, and Romney beam down to a mysterious planet. Who returns?
[This joke has a long history, I think. I'm pretty sure one version embeds an unintended dog-whistle in the current context. Comedy historian dogs beware.]
Nov '10
Re: Vote With Your Gut
LOL
Jul '12
Re: Vote With Your Gut
Truly sorry, but I find I'm liking hypothetical decision-making way too much.
You're sitting on the curb sailing your toy boat in the gutter after a good rain. Two cars pull up (Romney in a Lincoln, O in a Volt). Both men offer you candy. Which car do you get in? If Romney offers you a brisk spanking in addition and O promises to at least think about it, does this affect your decision? Why?
Though very tired and 4-sheets to the wind, you are doing your regular civic duty with the body politic in a secluded romantic polling booth. You want to call out a name at the height of passion that you're pretty damned certain is just not right. What name is that?
Done. Contemplating act of contrition.
Sep '10
Re: Vote With Your Gut
Doesn't it go without saying that anything connected with the Pew organization is bunk?
Apr '11
Re: Vote With Your Gut
drlorentz
Doesn't it go without saying that anything connected with the Pew organization is bunk? · 1 hour ago
I chatted with one of their religious freedom guys for a while last year. He seemed like a good man doing good work. fwiw.
Sep '10
Re: Vote With Your Gut
James Of England
I chatted with one of their religious freedom guys for a while last year. He seemed like a good man doing good work. fwiw.
Perhaps the exception that proves the rule. Undoubtedly, there are some good people there. For the most part, the research seems either to be of poor quality or to come with an agenda. I'll leave it to you to deduce the nature of their agenda.