Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Tonight's MegaMillions jackpot is $330 million. I plan to win. And when I win, I'm going to take the all-cash option, which is about $208 million, and I'm going to make some major changes, you can bet on that.
Don't come knocking on my door, suckers. I'll be circling the skies in my G5, planning my moves. Probably, at some point, I'll become a mysterious crime solver. But before that, a vagabond -- one of those slighty scruffy guys you see bounding all over the world, and every few weeks or so, after some hard travel, I'll check into a swank hotel and clean up.
Yes, I know: statistically, I have about the same chance of winning the lottery whether I buy a ticket or not. But when the number gets this high, I throw my rationality away, scramble my brains, and take a chance.
But I like to think about what I'd do with the money. For one thing, it's a guilty pleasure. For another, after the guilty pleasures are over, you still have some left over (hypothetically) to give away to causes, people, places that you care about. And at $208 million, there's even more left over to go back to the guilty pleasures you couldn't bring yourself to daydream about.
And then there's this: a lot of the things I'd like to do -- things I think mega money will enable -- aren't really about money. They're about choices. If I was really being honest, I'd say that about a third of the things I think I'd "do" with the money -- travel more, write more, read more, finish my novel, write the non-fiction book I've been outlining for years -- I could probably pull off, with some belt-tightening, without winning. Without even buying a ticket.
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May '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Rob Long
But before that, a vagabond -- one of those slighty scruffy guys you see bounding all over the world, and every few weeks or so, after some hard travel, I'll check into a swank hotel and clean up.
Umm. And how exactly is this different from the life you lead today?
May '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
And if you win, somehow, DNA tests will prove that because you are the father of Ricochet that means that you are the father of all of us. Be prepared to pony up, "Father."
Jul '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Sorry, chump, but that prize is mine.
First thing I'm gonna do is buy Peter Robinson a Camaro. Canary yellow. With racing stripes. And a spoiler.
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Trace Urdan
Rob Long
But before that, a vagabond -- one of those slighty scruffy guys you see bounding all over the world, and every few weeks or so, after some hard travel, I'll check into a swank hotel and clean up.
Umm. And how exactly is this different from the life you lead today? · Jan 4 at 10:17am
I can't afford to do it forever, that's how.
Aug '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
My lottery dream is to:
Oct '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Rob Long
I'll be circling the skies in my G5, planning my moves. Probably, at some point, I'll become a mysterious crime solver.
Rob Long is...Remington Steele?
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Misthiocracy: My lottery dream is to: · Jan 4 at 11:10am
I like everything in this list, except #5.
Oct '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Rob,
I hate to bring you back to earth but, according to Arthur Brooks, the "win the lottery" thing is not all it's cracked up to be. According to Brooks, winning the lottery is counter productive in the pursuit of happiness. Stick to what you are doing now, you social entreprenuer you!.
Aug '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
I forgot to mention:
6. Launch ricochet.ca.
Jun '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Rob, this may hurt, but the best definition of a lottery is "voluntary taxation by the mathematically impaired."
Hope it works out for you.
Jun '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
I decided long ago that I would never buy a lottery ticket. Though it is certainly tantalizing to think about winning, I find it to be distracting. If you frequently think about "winning it all", then you lose focus on more constructive activities that have a higher probability of success. Plus, if you want "out" that badly, maybe you're not "in" the right thing now.
I'm reminded of this concept every time I'm waiting behind someone at a mini market who wants to peruse every possible lottery game, discuss all factors with the cashier, reinvest their paltry winnings on the next great thing, etc., when all I want to do is buy a Coke with exact change.
Okay, party pooper is leaving the building...
Oct '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Hate to burst your bubble, Rob, but I'm pretty sure that $208 million cash option is, um, before taxes. Inasmuch as your domicile is, what, California?, I'm guessing you'll be lucky to walk away with $115 million (from, ostensibly, a $330 million jackpot). And we all know $115 million doesn't go as far as it used to.
Just ask Meg Whitman.
Aug '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
That's why I buy an annual subscription for Canada's Lotto-649. I send the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation a cheque once a year and then I don't have to worry about it. Otherwise, I might forget to buy a ticket one month, which would GUARANTEE that my numbers win. This way, I can be SURE that my numbers will never come up.
Heh heh heh...
Oct '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Rob Long
Yes, I know: statistically, I have about the same chance of winning the lottery whether I buy a ticket or not. But when the number gets this high, I throw my rationality away, scramble my brains, and take a chance.
That's my philosophy too. I don't mess around with piddling jackpots and wanna-be lotteries. I only pay attention when they get to $100 million, and then have fun throwing my money away.
May '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Your odds are further reduced by the fact that Jerry Brown bought 100 lottery tickets.
Aug '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Trace Urdan
Rob Long
But before that, a vagabond -- one of those slighty scruffy guys you see bounding all over the world, and every few weeks or so, after some hard travel, I'll check into a swank hotel and clean up.
Umm. And how exactly is this different from the life you lead today? · Jan 4 at 10:17am
Ever see the movie Into The Wild?
It sorta illustrates why you shouldn't voluntarily become a vagabond UNLESS you have a good nest egg to fall back on.
I mean really, when you think about the truly great vagabonds of popular legend, how many of them weren't secretly pretty well-off, or at least gainfully-employed? Robin Hood was pretty well-financed, for example. Thoreau went home on weekends. Hemingway was the son of a physician, and supported his adventures by working as a newspaper reporter. And what was the line about how it took millions of dollars to keep Gandhi in the poverty to which he had become accustomed?
The Romantic Vagabond needs money. Otherwise, he'll inevitably end up dead or in jail.
Oct '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
tabula rasa: Rob, this may hurt, but the best definition of a lottery is "voluntary taxation by the mathematically impaired."
Hope it works out for you. · Jan 4 at 12:51pm
How is buying a lottery ticket any different from playing the ponies or going to the movies or a ball game or buying a magazine or subscribing to cable or etc.? It's not. It's entertainment. When people buy lottery tickets with the expectation of winning, then perhaps it's "voluntary taxation by the mathematically impaired." But I suspect most (if not all) Ricochet patrons understand the reality behind buying these kinds of lottery tickets.
Hence, Rob's comment that he only plays when the jackpot gets into the stratosphere - e.g. for entertainment, not to fund his kids' college educations or his own retirement account.
Oct '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
For the mega-jackpots I always buy 2 tickets with the same set of numbers on them. That way if there are multiple winners with that set of numbers, I get 2 pieces of the pie, not just one!
Edited on Jan 4, 2011 at 1:13pmAug '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
GENIUS!!!
Aug '10
Re: Tonight, I'll Win $330 Million. And You Can't Have Any.
Ooh ooh ooh, I just thought of another one:
7) Become a conservative magazine cruise gadfly. Hopping from the National Review cruise to the Reason.com cruise to the Weekly Standard Cruise to the American Spectator cruise, etc, until finally ending with the Ricochet.com cruise (drifting down a Minnesota river on a bunch of lashed-together innertubes, with James Lileks picking lazily on a banjo...)